“Any suggestion on how I might become the good guy to those two?”
“I think you need to sit down and talk to them. Show them the letters you have from Rebecca. Let them know you didn’t just desert them. That you stayed in touch.”
“I hate to have to destroy their image of their mother.”
“Steven, you can point out that although their mother’s judgment wasn’t the best in the world, she did love and care for them. But the bottom line is, their mother’s gone and you’re here. You’re all they’ve got now. They have to forgive you and get on with their lives.” Calvin turned to his friend. “I don’t envy you this job, but you’ve got to talk to them.”
“I know I do. Emily gave me the same advice. I also talked to Tom Kirkland about it. He has agreed to sit down with me and the boys and be a mediator. After what you’ve told me, I guess I shouldn’t put it off any longer. I know how Daniel must have felt before he was thrown into the lions’ den.”
“You can handle it,” Calvin said. “I’ve seen you weather tougher storms.”
CHAPTER 9
Steven drifted in and out of a restless sleep, thinking about the upcoming talk with Matt and Mark. But what really kept him awake was the thought of courting Emily. When morning finally came, he wandered into the kitchen. Breakfast smelled especially good this morning, and Emily looked especially nice. Steven was sure she probably looked this way every morning, but he had just been too blind to notice. Well, maybe he could throw a little courting in on the side while he arranged to have his talk.
“Good morning, Emily. Breakfast smells almost as good as you look,” Steven announced as he took a cup from the cupboard and poured himself some coffee.
“Thank you,” Emily said softly.
Steven gave her a big smile as he sat down at the head of the table.
Emily couldn’t help but smile as she did her morning chores. She even found herself humming a joyous tune. She was amazed at how the slightest attention from Steven made her mood brighter.
“Emily, you sure are in a good mood,” Sarah noted as she threw the chickens another handful of corn. “Did you get some good news or something?”
“No. I’m just in a good mood today. It’s such a lovely day, it makes me want to sing.”
Brother Tom was away from home when Steven dropped by the parsonage, so he left a message with Rosemary. Since Steven could do nothing about his boys today, he decided to try a little more courting. Stopping at the general store, he got Wilma Jenkins, the storekeeper, to pick out the notions Emily would need to make a dress with the material he chose. He would surprise Emily this evening after the children had gone to bed.
As Steven approached the corner of the house, he realized that he looked forward to seeing Emily sitting on the porch swing. In the early days he had been somewhat uncomfortable when he found her sitting there. But he had to admit that he could have ended his evening strolls elsewhere if he’d been that uncomfortable.
That evening, instead of sitting down on the edge of the porch, Steven went into the house. In a few moments, he reappeared with a small bundle in his hand.
He handed the package to Emily. “This is just a little something to thank you for everything you’ve done since we got here. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say thanks.”
Emily slowly reached out for the package. “Steven, you shouldn’t have, but thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever received a gift when it wasn’t a special occasion.” Her trembling fingers struggled to untie the string.
She ran her fingers lightly over the soft material. The moon was bright, but she couldn’t distinguish the color. Smiling, she said, “I’m sure it’s lovely, but I’ll have to go in to the light to see the color.”
“It’s lavender, with little white flowers,” Steven informed her as he sat down on the edge of the porch. “I realized you hadn’t asked for anything since we got here. I thought you might like a new dress.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you. I can hardly wait to get it made. I hope I can finish it before Sunday.” Steven could hear the excitement in her voice as she spoke.
“I’ve been very thoughtless toward you. If you need anything for yourself you can charge it at Jenkins’s store. If they don’t have what you need or want, then we can go into Tyler to get it. If you ever need money, don’t be afraid to ask. Actually, I’ve been thinking, why don’t you keep the money from the sale of the eggs? That way you’ll have a little cash you can call your own, to do with as you please.”
“That’s very generous of you, but it’s not necessary. I make do okay.”
“I know it’s not necessary, but I insist. I don’t want you to do without things.” Steven chuckled as he added, “I’m a successful farmer and my wife shouldn’t have to make do. She should have whatever she wants.”
“My, all this wealth could go to my head,” Emily chuckled.
Looking at her he said, “Seriously. I’m sorry for not being more sensitive to your needs. And I’m eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for me and my family. You’ve also taken more than your share of abuse not only from me but my kids as well.”
By the time Steven finished, Emily was in tears, but they were happy tears this time. They sat in silence for a while, neither knowing just what to say.
After a moment, Steven said, “Emily, I never did ask you, but did you spend your own money on the material for the curtains in the living room and Sarah’s Easter dress? If you did, I want to pay you for them. I know I should’ve asked sooner, but it didn’t really dawn on me until today, when I was looking for that material for you.”
Emily shook her head. “There’s a big trunk in my bedroom full of material. Sarah showed it to me when I told her I would make her a dress. I asked Sarah about it, and she said that someone had sent it all to her mother, but Sarah didn’t know who it was.”
Steven was quiet for a short time. “I thought it looked familiar. I sent a lot of material home through the years. Stuff to make Becky and Sarah dresses and the boys shirts, you know, for their birthdays and Christmas and such. I even sent a few pieces for curtains and slipcovers to brighten the place up. I guess Becky didn’t like my taste in fabric.”
“You have excellent taste. But you either sent an awful lot of material or Rebecca made up very little of it.”
“Well, before I take all the credit for the selection, I should tell you that Mable Truman, the dressmaker in Abilene, helped me pick out most of it. I had thought Becky would make it up into things for the kids and then she could truthfully tell them that their daddy hadn’t forgotten them on their special days.”
Not knowing what else to say, Emily finally asked, “Steven, have you thought anymore about having a talk with Matt and Mark?”
“I talked to Tom about it last Sunday, when he and Rosemary came by. I went to see him today to set up a time to talk to them, but he wasn’t home. Calvin told me yesterday that the boys had been to see him, both of them mad as hornets. From what he said, I need to talk to them as soon as possible.”
They talked a little longer, neither of them in a hurry to go inside. They both agreed that he couldn’t put off his talk with his sons any longer.
The family was seated at the breakfast table the next morning when they heard a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” Steven said.
Opening the front door, he saw Tom Kirkland standing on the porch. “Rosemary told me you stopped by yesterday. I figured it was about the boys, so I wanted to get here as soon as I could,” Tom told him.
“Thanks for coming so quickly. I’ve got a pretty urgent situation on my hands,” Steven explained.
As the two sat down on the porch, Steven began to explain what Calvin had told him. “So the boys think you’ve come back for the money and are going to run off with everything they’ve worked so hard for?” Tom observed.
“Yeah, I guess so. Plus, they think I completely deserted them.”
“Well, let’s see if we can straighten any
of this mess out.” Brother Tom squared his shoulders.
The men went into the kitchen and found the family just finishing breakfast. Emily poured coffee for the two men as they seated themselves at the table.
As Matt and Mark rose to leave, Brother Tom stopped them. “Would you boys mind staying a few minutes? Your father and I would like to talk to you.”
Hesitantly, the boys sat back down. Emily took the three younger children with her outside to do the morning chores, keeping them occupied while the others talked.
Steven had no idea how to begin, so he was grateful when Tom broke the ice. “Boys, your father spoke with me the other day. He’s very concerned about the relationship—or I should say the lack of a relationship—between the three of you. It seems since his return you three have not been able to come to terms with your feelings. So this morning we’re gonna try to get everything out in the open so we can deal with it.” Tom paused and looked at the Barnes men before going on.
“I know you boys are angry,” Tom continued, “and that’s only natural, but keeping that anger inside doesn’t do anyone any good. Least of all you. Matt, you start. I want you to tell your father just how you feel about him and this whole situation.”
There was silence. Finally Matt began; once the feelings started to surface, the words rolled out like water flowing over a dam. “I’m mad, real mad. You walked out on all of us. You didn’t care what happened. We worked hard to save this farm and to have a place to live. All boys my age have to help out around their places, but I didn’t just have to help out—I had to run the place. I had to do your job. Momma told me I was man of the house and I had to take over for you, so I did.”
Matt caught his breath and continued. “You left without so much as a good-bye. I just woke up one morning and you were gone. Momma said she didn’t know why or where you went. She said she guessed you went to find work. But we never heard from you again.”
Steven listened as his son vented his anger and hatred. His heart broke to think that Rebecca had been so bitter as to turn his children against him. He didn’t know if he could find the words to explain his feelings and actions; he didn’t know if he could change their minds about him. But he had to try.
Silently, Steven said a prayer, and then he began. “I didn’t just run out on you. Your mother and I talked about my going for a long time, and it seemed to be the only solution. The drought had wiped us out that year and our savings were gone. I had only one choice as far as I could see—leave here and go find work so we wouldn’t lose the farm and our home. I looked in on you boys before I left. You were sleeping so peacefully, I just couldn’t bring myself to wake you. I wanted to remember that peaceful look on your faces.”
The boys appeared to be listening, but Steven couldn’t tell much from their blank faces. He continued, “I started working my way west, and each time I went through a town I would mail your mother a letter. When I finally settled in Abilene, I wrote her on a regular basis and she answered my letters.”
Brother Tom didn’t have to ask for a response; Matt jumped right in. “No one heard from you. Momma said she didn’t know where you were. Why would she lie to us?”
“I don’t know why your mother said that, but it’s not true. She always knew where I was. I also sent messages in my letters to you kids. And I sent money every month to Calvin at the bank,” Steven defended.
Finally, Mark spoke. “Why did you wait until Momma died to come home? Was Emily the reason you couldn’t come home sooner?”
“I don’t know why I didn’t come home. The longer I stayed gone, the easier it was to stay away and the harder it became to think of coming back. I had asked Calvin to get someone to farm the place, and he asked Clyde to do it. Clyde was willing to take on the job and to teach you boys. From Calvin’s monthly reports, I knew the place was doing much better without me than it ever did with me, so I just stayed gone. I was a coward and I was wrong for staying away.”
Mark wasn’t satisfied with his father’s answer. “What about Emily? Is she the reason you didn’t come back?”
Steven shook his head. “Emily is not the reason. I’ve heard the gossip about her and me, but that’s what it is—gossip. Emily and I are just now starting to become friends,” Steven told his sons. “I hope someday that our friendship will grow into something more. Emily is, and will continue to be, a part of this family. I pray that you two will learn to accept her as such. You can’t blame her for my faults and shortcomings.”
His answer hadn’t fully satisfied Mark’s curiosity. “If Emily isn’t the reason you stayed away and you had no other reason, then why did you come back at all?”
“I got news that your mother had died and that you children were gonna become wards of the county. I couldn’t let that happen. Whether you believe it or not, I never stopped loving you kids.”
“Then why didn’t you stay in touch?” Matt wouldn’t drop that issue. He just couldn’t believe his mother had lied to him all those years.
Tom had remained silent throughout the conversation so far, but now he spoke. “Steven, go get the letters.”
Steven went out into the hallway. As he got down on his knees and reached under his bed to retrieve the bag that contained the letters, he noticed a small box shoved all the way back against the wall. He had pulled the bundle of letters from his bag and started to walk back in the kitchen, when his little voice told him to look inside that box.
He pulled the bed away from the wall, picked up the box, and looked inside. There were his letters to Rebecca, tied neatly with a small ribbon. Stunned for a moment, he stood there in silence, staring at the contents of the box. Rebecca hadn’t told the children about his letters, but for some reason she had kept them. Now he had absolute proof that he had not completely forgotten his family—but what was his proof going to cost his sons? Steven finally managed to make his legs carry him back to the kitchen where his judges awaited.
He laid the letters Rebecca had written him in front of Matt and then sat down. Matt began to thumb through them. Frowning, he picked up one, opened it, and read. When he had finished reading, he laid the letter down. His hands were trembling and the tears had started to trickle down his face.
“Why would she lie to us? She was our mother. Why would she make us think our father didn’t love us anymore?” Matt asked between sobs.
“Son, I don’t have the answer to those questions. But I can tell you, I do love you and I always have. I never stopped loving you and I never forgot about you.” Steven cleared his throat. “I found this under the bed in the hall when I went to get the letters your mother wrote to me.” He set the little box containing his letters on the table.
Mark began to examine the letters his mother had written while Matt opened the box. Matt picked up the neatly tied bundle and flipped through them. There was letter after letter that his father had written to the family while he was gone. His tears began to flow even more furiously.
“Why would she lie?” Matt cried.
“Matt, we don’t know why she did it,” Brother Tom explained. “No one can explain it. But I know your mother loved you. She was very wrong in not telling you the truth about your father’s whereabouts, but you have to forgive her. You have to forgive your father, too. It’s time to put the past behind you and start over.”
“Forgive?” Matt choked. “You want me to forgive? I find out I’ve been lied to by the one person I thought I could trust, and I’m supposed to forgive her? My father deserts me without so much as a good-bye, much less an explanation, and I’m supposed to forgive him, too. Preacher, you’re crazy!”
Matt gathered all the letters from the table and placed them in the little box, tucked it under his arm, then walked out the back door. Steven started after him, but Tom stopped him. “Steven, let him go. He needs some time alone to sort things out.”
Steven turned around. Mark was still seated at the table, and Steven walked over to him and sat down on the bench beside him. He placed his ha
nd on his son’s shoulder. “Mark, I love you,” was all he could say. Mark fell into his father’s arms. Steven held him as they both cried. At least one son had forgiven him.
Tom stayed and talked with Steven and Mark until almost dinnertime. Matt had still not returned when Tom finally had to leave.
“He’ll be back when he gets things straight in his mind,” Tom said. “You come get me if you need anything.” Looking at Mark, Tom added, “If any of you need to talk, feel free to stop by the parsonage anytime.”
As Steven walked Tom outside and watched him leave, Emily appeared. She looked up at Steven and he dropped into the swing, his shoulders slumped. Quietly, she sat down beside him.
“Well,” Steven sighed, “Mark seems to forgive me but Matt just walked off. I showed them the letters their mother had written to me, and by some strange coincidence, I found the letters I had written to Rebecca. They had been under the bed in the hall all this time. I showed them to the boys, too. Matt took all the letters and left. Tom says he just needs some time alone to sort things out. I sure hope that doesn’t take too long.”
“I’m sure that’s it,” Emily said. “It’s just a lot for him to digest all at once. We’ll pray he works things out soon.”
“Emily, he looked so unhappy. His whole world came apart. He doesn’t feel he can trust anyone anymore. I’m afraid I’ve lost him for good.”
“Remember the prodigal son? He came back, and so will Matt. You just have to pray and have faith.”
Steven frowned. “The prodigal son left because he was greedy and wanted to try things on his own. He didn’t leave because he felt everyone had betrayed him. And he also knew he would be treated fairly by his father when he returned. Matt feels alone and betrayed. He doesn’t trust me. What if he doesn’t come back?”
Emily reached over and took Steven’s hand in hers. Looking into his eyes, she said, “Steven, he will come home.”
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