Emily heard the clock in the other room chime the hour. “I’ve got to go. It’s almost suppertime. I didn’t realize we’d talked so long. Rosemary, thank you for listening and for all your advice.”
Rosemary stood and gave her friend a hug. “Everything is going to work out. You just wait and see. You two are in love and love always finds a way.”
As Emily drove home she thought about Rosemary’s advice. How could she flirt with Steven? She hadn’t flirted in so long she was afraid she would make a fool of herself. Well, she would just play it by ear, and she knew praying about it certainly wouldn’t hurt.
It was a hot July evening and Emily really wanted to sit out in the porch swing, but this evening she was nervous. What if Steven was out there? How would she act? She went to her room, but it was too warm to go to bed. She peeked out the door before she walked out on the porch and saw no one. She eased onto the swing. Finally a little wind began to stir, and she relaxed until she heard that familiar whistle. But there was something a little different about the whistle this time. It was no longer monotone; Steven was actually whistling a tune.
“Sure feels hot this evening,” Steven said as he sat down on the edge of the porch.
“Sure does,” she replied. She hoped they were both talking about the weather. “How are the crops doing?”
“Pretty good, considering. The corn should be ready to gather next month. I’m gonna have the boys clean out the corncrib next week. Looks like we’re gonna have a good year. We should sell enough cotton to take us through the winter and planting next year.”
This was very nice, Emily thought. They were actually having a conversation. “The twins were really excited about helping you today, and Sarah’s thrilled at the attention she’s been getting from you.”
“It feels good to be a father again. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed them,” Steven said. “I’d tried for so long not to think about the kids too often. Of course they have changed so much.” His voice broke and he stopped talking.
Even in the moonlight, Emily could tell he was crying. She didn’t know what to do. He might be embarrassed if he knew she could see his tears. “Steven, you have to put those years you were away behind you. You can’t change the past, and you can’t control the future. You just have the present, so make the best of the time you have now.”
“I just wish there was something I could do about Matt and Mark. I wish they didn’t hate me so much. Emily, what can I do to make things up to them?” Steven lifted his head and looked toward her.
Taken off guard by his question, she took a moment to respond. “Why don’t you try sitting them down and talking to them. Just let them say what’s on their minds and then you tell them what’s on yours. Once everything is out in the open, maybe it won’t look quite so bad and at least you’ll know what you’re dealing with.”
“I don’t know if I’ve got enough courage to sit down and talk to them face to face. There’s so much anger there. It might be dangerous.”
“Maybe you need a third party to be present. Someone who could be impartial. You might think about talking to Brother Kirkland. Maybe he would sit down with the three of you or at least give you some advice on what to do.”
“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll think about it. Well, it’s getting late. I guess we’d better go in.” Steven stood and stepped up on the porch. He opened the door and allowed Emily to walk in first.
Emily stopped when she got to her bedroom door. “Good night, Steven.”
“Good night, Emily. I hope you sleep well.” Steven smiled at her.
Emily lay awake for hours. That strange feeling wasn’t just in her stomach tonight; it was in her heart as well. They had talked on the porch almost like a husband and wife would. He had even asked her advice. It had been wonderful.
“Oh Lord, just let our relationship grow. Let us become a family in every sense of the word,” Emily prayed. She also hoped and prayed that in the not too distant future she would feel Steven’s arms around her again. And she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be kissed by this man she was falling in love with more and more every day.
After church on Sunday, Steven approached Brother Kirkland and invited him to drop by that afternoon. Steven explained that he needed to talk with the preacher.
It was about two o’clock when Rosemary and Brother Kirkland arrived, and Steven suggested they all sit on the porch since it was such a warm afternoon.
After chatting a few moments, Brother Kirkland suggested, “Steven, why don’t you give me a little tour of your place. I’d like to see what you’ve done with it.”
“Sure, I’d love to. If you ladies will excuse us,” Steven said as he stood to leave.
Emily watched as Steven disappeared toward the barn. “I think Steven wants to talk about Matt and Mark. He even asked my advice the other night about what he should do with them. I suggested he talk to Brother Tom.”
“That sounds hopeful, him asking your advice about something,” Rosemary observed.
“We had a very nice talk. It was the first time we’d ever really carried on a conversation. But those few isolated moments on the porch are still all we share.” Emily’s tone was wistful.
“Well, that’s better than it was. Maybe those few moments will become more frequent, until they just happen all the time,” Rosemary encouraged.
The men had passed the barn and headed down the lane. There was a fallen log by the side of the path and Brother Kirkland stopped and took a seat. “Steven, what’s on your mind?”
“A lot of things,” Steven confessed. “But mostly what I wanted to talk to you about was Matt and Mark. I’ve made real progress with the younger children, but those two are so bitter, I can’t break through the wall they’ve built around themselves. Brother Kirkland, I need some advice on how to handle them.”
“First of all, call me Tom. I don’t want to be just your pastor—I want to be your friend. Secondly, can you give me a little background? I wasn’t here when you left. I’ll admit, I’ve heard various stories about your departure and why you stayed away. But I don’t believe much unless I hear it from the source.”
Steven really needed to unload on someone and maybe Tom Kirkland was the right person. “Well, this farm had always been my dream,” he began. “My parents ran a little general store and were very successful at it, but I wanted to be a farmer. When I finally got my dream, I thought everything would be wonderful from then on. How wrong I was. Everything went pretty well for the first few years, but then it all fell apart. The weather didn’t help. Most folks lost money that year. Anyway, the only thing I could come up with was to leave here and go find work so I could meet the mortgage. So that’s what I did.”
Steven paused, then continued. “I just kept drifting farther west until I wound up in Abilene. That’s where I spent the last five years. Sarah was just two when I left, and Matt was eleven. I’m sure it was the hardest on the older boys. The younger ones were too young to know what was going on. I wrote to Rebecca regular at first, but I sent money every month the whole time I was away. I just couldn’t make myself come home. I really missed the kids and wanted to see them, but I guess not bad enough, or I would’ve come back.”
“Steven, when you left, you did what you thought you had to do to keep body and soul together. I don’t see that you did anything wrong by leaving. I’m sure it was hard on everyone at that time,” Tom stated. “You said you really missed your kids, but I noticed you didn’t mention your wife. I get the feeling maybe your marriage wasn’t as happy as most folks thought it was. Am I right?”
“It wasn’t Becky’s fault. I forced her to move out here. She didn’t want to be a farmer’s wife. Life was real hard for her. She had grown up in a rather well-to-do family, and farm life wasn’t her cup of tea.”
“Why didn’t she go back to her family after you left and didn’t come home?”
“After we moved here, her father turned the family business ove
r to her brother and he squandered it all away. It broke her parents’ hearts. I guess you could say they were left penniless. She blamed me for that, too. Her father didn’t like me from the start, so even if we had been there, he wouldn’t have given his business to her. He didn’t want me getting my hands on any of his money.”
“Did Rebecca blame you for all her misfortunes?”
“I was to blame for most of them. She never wanted a big family. But I’m the one that kept getting her pregnant. She didn’t want to live on a farm, but I moved her to this place. Then I left her alone to raise five children that she didn’t really want in the first place.” The burden of guilt was so great that Steven couldn’t continue. He had ruined Becky’s life, and now he had to pay for it.
“Steven, you’re not to blame for everything that was wrong in Rebecca’s life. It takes two people to have children. Did you force yourself upon her?” Steven shook his head. “Well, she was a consenting adult and your wife. Maybe the farm was your dream, but did you force her here at gunpoint? Did you discuss it with her before you made the move here?” Tom asked.
“We talked about it a great deal. I sold my father’s store after he died and we agreed to try this for five years. After the five years were up, we talked about it again and decided to stay.”
“Sounds to me like she willingly made a decision to stay here. You didn’t force her, she made the choice.”
“Then why did she blame me for everything? When times were hard, why did she tell me it was all my fault?” Steven questioned.
“Some people find it impossible to accept responsibility for anything. They always have to put the blame on someone else for their misfortunes. Maybe that’s what Rebecca did and you were the only one around she could blame.”
“She seemed to delight in telling me what a lousy husband and provider I was. But when we were out among folks, she would act like the perfect obedient wife.” Steven hesitated, then continued. “Something has bothered me since I got back: In an argument one day, Matt said that they never heard from me after I left. That’s just not true. I wrote. Becky always knew how to get in touch with me. Is it possible she never told the kids?”
“That’s entirely possible. That would have let her continue to blame you for any problems she had. To the general public, she never said an unkind word about you, and of course that won her a lot of sympathy. But it sounds to me like that was just her normal routine. At home she was telling you what a terrible husband you were, but in public she was singing your praises. Then she just continued the same pattern after you left.”
“I let that woman destroy all of my self-confidence. I knew I was a terrible husband and would never be able to make any woman happy.” Steven sighed.
“What about Emily?” Tom asked. “What kind of husband does she think you are?”
Steven couldn’t help but chuckle. “Emily doesn’t think of me as a husband. I don’t know how she thinks of me. Probably as the biggest heel in the world.”
Tom looked completely baffled. “What do you mean?”
“Emily and I are married in name only. When I found out I had to return to be father and mother to my children, I guess I was just too scared to face it alone. Emily worked in a little café I used to go to occasionally. I knew she was a kind and good woman, so I asked her to marry me and help me raise my children. I made it clear to her that she and I would have no relationship. I don’t know how that woman has put up with me and these kids. Matt and Mark are rude to her, and I haven’t treated her much better. For the most part, I just ignore her, although that’s getting more difficult every day.”
“What do you mean?” Tom asked.
“Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m lonely or that there hasn’t been a woman in my life for a very long time. But I find myself drawn to her. And right now, I need to work things out with my kids before I do anything about my personal needs.”
“I’d say the first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself for your mistakes. God has already forgiven if you’ve asked Him to. Next, quit blaming yourself for Becky’s unhappiness. I’m sure you made some mistakes as a husband; we all do. But you couldn’t be the cause of everything wrong in her life. Steven, it’s okay for you to be happy. You don’t have to be miserable the rest of your life. You missed a lot of time with your kids, and you can’t make up for that time. You need to ask their forgiveness. Tell them you’re sorry for staying gone so long. Then you all have to get on with living today.”
“But do you think Emily and I could possibly have a future after all this?”
“Yes, I do. You may have gotten married without really knowing each other, but you can make this work if you really want to,” Tom encouraged.
“And just how do we do that?” Steven questioned.
“Maybe you need to court your wife and get acquainted. Who knows, you might realize you like each other. You might even find yourself in love.”
Steven wanted to get off the subject of Emily and back to the original topic. “We’ve talked about everything but what I originally wanted to talk to you about. What do I do about Matt and Mark? Emily suggested I sit them down and get everything out in the open. But when they hate me so much, that’s a pretty scary proposition. So she suggested maybe a third party should be present.”
“I think sitting down with them face-to-face is a splendid idea. And if you’re asking me to be the third party, I’d be happy to. Do you have any proof that you and their mother corresponded during those years you were away?”
“I still have the letters she wrote me. I don’t know if she saved any of the ones I wrote her or not. Calvin Meyers, at the bank, can verify I sent money each month. He also knew where I was the whole time. Before I left, I asked him to be in charge of the finances of the farm. Becky wasn’t very good at managing money.”
“We will allow the boys to vent all their anger, then you can present them with your side. We don’t want to destroy their feelings about their mother, but they have to know that their father does care about them and always has. It’ll be rough on everyone, and things may not get better right away. But at least the boys will have the truth and can sort out their feelings.”
The men sat silently for a time before Tom spoke again. “Steven, you have a rough time in front of you, but you’ve already come through a very hard time. Now that you have God on your side, you will survive. Why don’t we pray together? Then we’ll go back to the house and join the ladies.”
On Tuesday morning, Calvin Meyers came out to the farm. Emily led him into the living room and he took a seat in one of the big overstuffed chairs. “Is Steven around today?” Calvin asked. “I knew I’d be taking a chance finding him nearby—but I would really like to talk with him.”
“You’re in luck. He’s in the field behind the barn,” Emily informed him. “I’ll get Sarah to run out and tell him you’re here.”
They chatted until Steven entered the room a few moments later. “Calvin Meyers, what brings you out this far? Are you here to foreclose on my farm?” Steven joked.
“I might just try that. The bank could make a good profit off this place. It’s really looking good,” Calvin teased.
“Have you been telling my wife any nonsense about me? Emily, don’t believe a word this fellow tells you.” Steven smiled at Emily.
Emily was too shocked to respond. She couldn’t believe Steven had actually referred to her as his wife. Maybe they were making progress.
After talking for a while, Steven asked, “Since your bank has quite an investment in this place, would you like to take a little look around?”
“You bet. Emily, will you excuse us?” Calvin asked.
“Sure, I’ve got to get dinner finished. You’re welcome to stay for dinner if you’d like,” she offered.
“That sounds wonderful, but I have to get back to town. Maybe another time. It’s been a pleasure meeting you.” He shook her hand.
Once out of earshot, Steven asked, “So, what do you need
to talk to me about?”
“Matt and Mark came to see me the other day,” Calvin replied.
“That must have been the day they were late for supper and the day my horse was missing out of the barn. They were very vague about their whereabouts.”
“Well, they came to see me. It seems they’re concerned that you aren’t very sincere in your dedication to them or this place, and they wanted to know how they could protect their interests. And of course their mother’s money.” Calvin paused to see what Steven’s reaction to this bit of news would be.
“Those boys really dislike me. I knew their anger was strong, but I didn’t know it went this deep. What did you say to them?”
“I hope I didn’t overstep my boundaries. I told them you had sent money every month you were away. I also told them you’d made me caretaker of your finances. That you didn’t have to come home if the money was what you were interested in, since it was your money and you could’ve gotten it anytime.”
Calvin paused again and waited for a response. When Steven offered none, he continued, “Just as you suspected, the boys are under the impression that their mother didn’t know where you were or how to get in touch with you. I explained that their mother and I always knew how to reach you and that I sent you a monthly statement on the finances of the farm. I also informed them that their mother heard from you, too. That didn’t go over too well.”
“I’m sure it didn’t. They’re so angry with me for leaving and then you tell them something they don’t want to hear about their mother, the only parent they’ve had for a long time. I know it’s got to hurt to think the one person you could count on lied to you. Calvin, why would she do that?” Steven puzzled.
“I don’t know. Rebecca did some strange things. I guess she thought that if you ever came home, she’d have some leverage with the kids. She would be the good guy for hanging around and you’d be the bad guy for deserting them. The only problem is, now she’s gone—so the boys don’t think there is a good guy.”
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