She shook her head sadly, and his heart plummeted. Her eyes glistened with welling tears. “When you heard me tell Eli that I loved you, I knew you would give up your dream of going to California and marry me so as not to break my heart. That is why I lied and told you I didn’t love you.” A tear beaded on her lower lash then slipped down her petal-soft cheek. “I did not want to wake each morning wondering if that was the day I would see regret in your eyes.”
Diedrich stifled a groan. Surely she didn’t think he still harbored dreams of heading west. “Regina, I told you. All the gold in California means nothing to me now. You are all that matters to me.”
She gave him a weak smile. “I believe you. But even if you are right about the commandment and we would not be dishonoring your Vater by remaining engaged against his wishes, you still need to mend the rift between the two of you. I want your Vater to give us his blessing, but I want him to give it with a full heart, not because he feels forced to give it. I want our family to be whole and full of love, not riddled with anger and resentment.” She kissed him on the cheek, her warm breath sending tingles down his neck and spine. “I love you, Diedrich. But for now I must break our engagement. Go to your Vater and tell him so. Then pray that with Gott’s help you can change his mind about us marrying. Because until your Vater gives us his blessing, I cannot promise to marry you.”
CHAPTER 21
These are some of the nicest cherries I have seen in a long time.” Sophie smiled up from her work of pitting the bright red fruit at the far end of the table. “Did they come from that little tree at the east end of the barn?”
Using the back of her wrist, Regina brushed a strand of hair from her face before applying the rolling pin to a lump of pie dough. “Yes. Mama said she was surprised at how nice they are after we had such a cold winter.” Her heart smiled with her lips. She couldn’t remember spending a more amiable hour with Sophie. In fact, Regina noticed that her eldest sister’s attitude toward her had sweetened considerably since Easter, when Sophie and her family had last visited. Regina couldn’t have been more surprised when Sophie suggested that Mama play with Henry outside while she and Regina work together making pies for the threshing at the Entebrocks’ farm Monday.
Sophie worked the paring knife’s sharp point into another plump cherry and deftly plucked out the pit. “I did notice at Easter that the tree was covered with tight buds.” She gave Regina a sideways glance, and her next words tiptoed out carefully. “That must have been just before Diedrich and Herr Rothhaus arrived.”
At Diedrich’s name, a painful longing pricked Regina’s chest. “Ja,” she managed to murmur. She hadn’t seen Diedrich since she broke their engagement almost a week ago. In fact, he had left shortly after their conversation. Papa and Mama had racked their brains trying to figure the best sleeping arrangement in order to make room for Sophie, Ezra, and Henry. They decided that Regina should give the young family her larger upstairs bedroom, which she had once shared with Sophie and Elsie. But that put both her and Diedrich downstairs, which would not be proper. Then Diedrich took Papa aside, informing him that Regina had broken their engagement and explaining why. Confident his father would accept him now that he was no longer betrothed to Regina, he suggested that Regina take his downstairs room and he would move to the new log house with his father.
At Diedrich’s news, surprise, chagrin, and sorrow had flashed across Papa’s face in quick succession. In the end, with a sigh of resignation and a look of profound disappointment, he had reluctantly agreed with Diedrich’s suggestion. Regina sniffed as hot tears stung the back of her nose and filled her eyes. She smashed the rolling pin down hard on the dough. In one afternoon, she had broken the hearts of the two men she loved most in the world.
Sophie rose and came around the table to put her arm around Regina’s shoulders, startling her with the tender gesture. “Forgive me, Regina. I didn’t mean to upset you by mentioning the Rothhauses.” She patted Regina’s shoulder. “I know this has all been very confusing for you. I blame Papa.” Irritation edged her voice. “He never should have made such a deal with Herr Rothhaus in the first place. Why, Mama says he didn’t even tell her about it until the letter came saying Herr Rothhaus and his son were on their way.”
Regina sniffed and gave her sister a brave smile. She knew Sophie meant well, but she could never make herself wish Diedrich had not come into her life. “It is all right, Sophie. I believe Gott will use Diedrich to soften Herr Rothhaus’s heart.”
Sophie stiffened and stepped away from her. “Hmm.” She pressed her hand to her chest, and her voice turned breathless. “I must say, I am still stunned by it all myself. When Mama told me how she and Papa had adopted you, I nearly fell over.” She shook her head and clucked her tongue. “And on top of it all, there is that awful business about the Rothhauses and your real Vater.”
A flash of anger leapt in Regina’s chest. A faceless man by the name of Hermann Zichwolff may have given her life, but in her mind, Papa would always be her real father. “Papa is my Vater just as he is your Vater.” She hated the defensive tone in her voice.
Sophie gave an odd little giggle and waved her hand in the air. “Of course Papa is your Vater. You know what I mean.”
Regina wasn’t sure she did but decided to let it go. She hated to spoil the amicable mood she and Sophie had enjoyed together this afternoon.
Another little giggle warbled through Sophie’s voice. “It is a bit funny though, since Elsie and I always thought you got your blond hair from Papa.” She sashayed back to her end of the table. Dipping a tin cup into the sack of sugar, she scooped out a heaping cupful and poured it over the cherries she had pitted.
“I suppose.” Regina wished Sophie would find something other than Regina’s adoption to talk about.
Sophie reached into the sack of flour and grabbed a handful, which she sprinkled over the sugared fruit. “For a girl who was always a bit of a dull goose, you certainly have turned into a bundle of surprises. When we were here at Easter, Elsie was convinced you had set your cap for that Tanner boy.” Another giggle. Shriller now. “Then two weeks later, I get a letter from Mama saying you are engaged to someone just arrived from Venne.”
Regina hoped she was imagining the snide tone that seemed to have crept into Sophie’s voice.
Sophie paused in mixing the flour into the cherries to shoot Regina a critical glance. “Be careful with that dough, Regina. Rolling it too hard will make it tough.” Suddenly, her demeanor brightened. Her lips quirked in a sly grin, and her voice turned teasing. “Eli Tanner, is he not the miller’s son? An exceptionally handsome boy, if memory serves.”
Regina shrugged as she transferred the pie dough to two waiting pans. Once she would have agreed. But she had glimpsed meanness in Eli’s character that now made him ugly to her. Regina was no happier with Sophie’s new subject of conversation than her last. She almost blurted that Diedrich far surpassed Eli in both looks and character, but Diedrich was another subject she would rather not discuss with Sophie.
Humming gaily, Sophie picked up the crockery bowl of prepared fruit filling and carried it to Regina. With the bowl tucked between the crook of her arm and her waist, she plucked out a cherry and popped it in her mouth. Her brows knit in deliberation as she chewed. After a moment, she picked out another cherry and held it out to Regina. “Here, taste this and tell me if you think it is sweet enough.”
Regina couldn’t remember the last time Sophie had asked her opinion on anything. Reveling in her sister’s uncharacteristically congenial mood, she acquiesced, opening her mouth to accept the sugar- and flour-coated cherry Sophie dropped on her tongue. The earthy taste of the flour and the sugar’s sweetness blended perfectly with the tart fruit to induce a pleasant tingle at the back of Regina’s jaw.
Regina gave her sister a smile and nod. “I think you have it just right, Sophie,” she said as she munched the cherry. “Ezra must think he married the best pie baker in three counties.”
So
phie chuckled and raked the cherries into the dough-lined pans with a wooden spoon. “Well, whether or not he thinks so, he at least had better say so.” She angled a grin up at Regina. “You learned from Mama, just like Elsie and I did. I am sure whomever you marry will like your pies as much as Ezra likes mine.”
Whomever I marry. Regina stifled a sardonic snort. It was inconceivable to her to imagine making pies for, keeping house for, living with, and loving any other man than Diedrich. The past six days had crept by in agonizing slowness. The week she had spent helping Elsie, she had missed Diedrich. But then she had still guarded her heart, expecting him to leave for California. Since then, she had allowed him to claim her heart completely. So since their parting Sunday afternoon, the longing to see his face—to touch his hand—had become a palpitating ache in her chest. It burrowed ever deeper, intensifying by the day. Sunday she was so sure she had done the right thing. Now she wondered. Torturous thoughts darted about in her head like a hound after a warren of rabbits. Did Diedrich miss her, too? Did he lie awake at night trying to bring her face into focus in his mind? Had he yet broached the subject of Regina to his father? Did he even plan to? No. She must not think that way. Please, Lord, give Diedrich the right words to change his father’s mind and heart.
At least tomorrow was Sunday. Surely he would come to services and she could see him then. But if his father came, too, it might be difficult for her and Diedrich to find a chance to talk.
Sophie looked up from cutting strips of dough for the pies’ latticed tops. “I must commend you on your good sense, Regina. It was very wise of you to break off your engagement to Diedrich.”
Regina swiped at the tears welling in her eyes. “Then you do not agree with Mama and Papa and Diedrich? They feel if I hadn’t broken our engagement, Herr Rothhaus might be forced to examine his heart more closely and thus change his thinking.”
Sophie dropped the paring knife to the table with a clatter. Turning, she took Regina by the shoulders and fixed her with a stern look. “Regina, I know that Mama and Papa do not agree with us, but they are just disappointed and are not thinking clearly. I am absolutely certain you did the right thing. In that, you must believe me.” Her brown eyes intensified until they looked almost as black as coal. “Whatever you do, you must not reinstate your engagement to Diedrich. Nothing good can come of it.”
“You mean I shouldn’t reinstate it without his Vater’s blessing.” Though she knew it was an oversight on Sophie’s part, Regina couldn’t bear to leave the thought where her sister had left it.
Sophie let go of Regina’s shoulders and turned to face the table again. With a flip of her wrist, she waved a flour-covered hand through the air. “Of course,” she said lightly. “You know what I mean.”
Moving to Sophie’s side, Regina began placing the strips of dough over one of the pies, weaving them into a lattice design. It heartened her to know that she had an ally in Sophie. At the same time, it caused an uneasy feeling in her breast. She had trusted her parents’ guidance all her life. The only time she had ever questioned a decision of theirs was when Papa had chosen Diedrich for her husband. And now she could see that even in that, Papa was right. In trying to prevent Diedrich from opposing his father, Regina had no choice but to oppose her own parents. So although she was glad Sophie understood her thinking and supported her, it didn’t make her feel any better about her decision.
“Do not look so glum, Sohn.” Father pressed his hand on Diedrich’s shoulder and every muscle in Diedrich’s body tensed.
Shrugging off his father’s hand, Diedrich shifted on the low stool where he perched near the hearth with the open Bible on his lap. “I am not glum, Vater. I am but reading the scriptures.” May God forgive his half-truth. His melancholy mood was far beyond glum. And gazing unseeing at a printed page while his mind was two miles away with Regina could not in truth be called reading.
The past week had proven a test of Diedrich’s patience, faith, and fortitude. Facing Father and admitting that Regina had broken their engagement was hard enough. But seeing the look of relief and joy the announcement brought to his parent’s face had torn his heart asunder. He would have turned on his heel and walked back to the Seitz farm that instant, if not for his father’s happy tears and welcoming outstretched arms. It had irked Diedrich to be made to feel like the prodigal son when he knew he had done no wrong, but at least he and Father were talking again. And his and Regina’s future happiness depended on his rebuilding a relationship with his father.
Father gave a sigh of contentment as he eased down on the seat of the rocking chair he had built during Diedrich’s absence. Besides working each day at the Entebrock farm, Father’s industry over the past weeks was evident in the several pieces of new furniture that now graced the house. “And which of the scriptures are you reading?”
Diedrich blinked and focused on the open book draped across his knee. A few minutes earlier, he and Father had endured another quiet supper during which the tension between them was thicker than the two-day-old stew they had dined upon. For the moment, their fragile and often uneasy truce seemed dependent on an unspoken agreement not to mention Regina. So in an effort to discourage conversation with his father and to be alone with his thoughts, Diedrich had simply opened the Bible and pretended to read. He glanced at the top of the open page and said, “Proverbs.” He wished he had managed to keep the tone of surprise from his voice. Fortunately, Father didn’t seem to notice.
Leaning back in the chair, Father emitted a contented grunt and folded his arms over his stomach. “Ah, Proverbs. Prima. There is much wisdom there.”
Diedrich was tempted to say that perhaps Father could benefit from Solomon’s wisdom. But he bit back the retort. To the best of his ability, he’d tried to stay respectful in his words and actions toward Father, trusting that God would bless his efforts and soften Father’s heart toward Regina.
Father rocked his chair forward. “Read to me some of what you have been reading.”
Caught unprepared, Diedrich scanned the open page. He angled the book to better catch the waning daylight streaming through the front window. His gaze lit on the thirteenth verse of the fifteenth chapter. “‘A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.’”
Father’s brow furrowed deeper with thought, and he absently grazed his chin whiskers with his knuckles. “Read more.”
Diedrich dutifully sought the fourteenth verse and began reading. “‘The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.’”
Father flipped his hand in the air, indicating Diedrich should continue reading.
“‘All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.’”
With a long sigh, Father rocked forward, his hands gripping the curved arms of the rocking chair. “I have been thinking, Sohn. This country we have come to is much bigger than the county of Jackson or even the state of Indiana.”
Diedrich feared the direction his father’s thoughts seemed to be taking. But he would let him have his say.
Craning his neck around, Father glanced out the front window. “There are many other German settlements besides this one in many other states.” Looking down, he blew a quick breath through his nose. “The scriptures are right. It is not gut for a man to be sad. Because Herr Seitz did not deal with us honestly, your heart is sad.” Hanging his head, he shook it in sorrow. “I did not bring you here to be sad.”
Diedrich wanted to scream that he would not be sad if Father would only give him and Regina his blessing to marry. But quarreling with Father would not help his cause. So instead, he said, “I am not sad, Father.” And at this moment, he told the truth. He was furious. Unable to sit and listen to any more of Father’s musings, he stood abruptly, forgetting the Bible on his lap. The book dropped to the floor with a thud.
Father bent to pick it up, and a folded square of yellowed paper fluttered t
o the floor. He began to unfold it. “What is this?”
For an instant, Diedrich’s heart caught with his breath. He knew exactly what Father held in his hand. He had long forgotten about the map to the California goldfields that he’d tucked in the pages of the Bible. Diedrich heaved a resigned sigh. “It is a map showing the way to the goldfields in California.” None of it mattered now, so he no longer saw any reason to keep his earlier plans hidden from Father.
Father’s eyes popped, and his jaw sagged as Diedrich told how he had secretly planned to avoid the marriage Father and Herr Seitz had arranged between him and Regina. Diedrich huffed a sardonic snort. “I was going to make us rich.” His lips tugged up in a fond smile, and his voice softened with thoughts of Regina. “But then I found something far more valuable here.” For a moment, Diedrich worried that Father might make an unkind comment about Regina—something he would never abide.
But the distant look in Father’s eyes suggested he had stopped listening. His eyes wide, he perused the map. A smile crawled across his face until it stretched wide. With a sudden burst of laughter, he slapped his hand down on his knee. “That is where we should go, Sohn. I believe Gott put this idea in your head because He knew things would not go well for us here with Herr Seitz.” His eyes sparked with a look of excitement Diedrich had not seen in them since they first embarked for America.
Diedrich was about to say he had no intention of going anywhere without Regina when Father popped up from his seat and pressed his hand on Diedrich’s shoulder. His smile still splitting his face, Father gazed at the map in his hand and bobbed his head. “Ja. When we have earned enough to pay Seitz for our passage, he can have back his land and this house. We will go to California as you planned.”
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