Knowing an emotional display would only embarrass him, she refrained from grasping his hands as she wanted to do and settled for a simple “I’m glad.” One hope that had become a tree of life!
“I realized it wasn’t Jason or God who was messing up my life. I’m doing a pretty bang-up job of it all by myself. If I was attending Windom Academy right now, I would have been suspended after last night. Using intoxicating drinks and frequenting saloons and billiard halls is cause for expulsion.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Heard Amy with my own ears saying she wouldn’t court any young men who drink, and even that didn’t stop me. Figured I hadn’t a chance with her anyway, so what did it matter? After she hears I’ve added gambling to my vices…”
“Shouldn’t that be past tense?”
He snorted. “It’s definitely past tense. Only good thing about last night is that Ed Ray was hauled in by the sheriff, too. At least Amy will know the truth about him now.”
He sucked in his lips beneath his thin black mustache and took a deep breath. “Do you think I have any chance with Amy, after all the dumb things I’ve done?”
“Only she can answer that.”
The chair almost fell over when he stood up. He slid the palms of his hands nervously down his jean-covered thighs and back up again. “Think I’ll ride into town tonight. I’d kind of like to tell her about last night myself before she hears it from someone else. Maybe then she’ll believe me when I tell her I’m turning over a new leaf.”
This time she gave in to her impulse and gave him a quick hug. “Welcome back, Frank.”
“Welcome back to what?” Jason’s words were colder than the winter air that whistled through the open door behind him.
CHAPTER 19
Oh no!” Pearl yanked the oven door open with a hand loosely wrapped in her voluminous apron. Waving away the smoke, she grabbed the cookie sheet and dropped it on top of the stove. Every cookie was as black as coal—almost as black as Jason’s eyes when he’d found her standing with her hands on Frank’s shoulders yesterday afternoon. For a moment, she’d thought he was jealous. Ridiculous thought! More likely, his militant expression was the result of meeting Miranda on his way back from town. There wasn’t any way they could have missed passing each other.
Joy and relief had routed the anger from his eyes when Frank told him he’d decided to mend his ways and had committed his life to Christ. Still, his gaze held some doubt after Frank left the room. Didn’t he think Frank would stick by his decision?
How had Amy responded to Frank’s news last evening, she wondered, dropping teaspoonfuls of gingersnap dough on a greased pan. She wasn’t about to broach such a potentially delicate subject, despite her curiosity.
As though on cue, Frank came inside. Yanking off his boots, he dropped his work gloves on the table and came over to hold his hands out to the stove’s warmth. He cleared his throat and said as though in answer to her thoughts, “Saw Amy last night.”
“Oh?”
“She was incredible.”
Pearl’s throat contracted at the awe in his voice. If only Jason cared for her so much!
“I wasn’t certain she’d even allow me the chance to speak, with the rumors about my drinking going around. But she invited me into their parlor, and I told her all the stupid things I’ve done the last few months—didn’t dare leave anything out. Figured I’d rather she heard it from me than from someone else.
“Then I told her about my decision to live the way I thought Christ would want. She seemed pretty glad about that, so I packed up my courage and told her I’d like to court her. Could have knocked me off that dainty little parlor chair with a feather when she agreed to it.”
“I’m so glad for you, Frank!”
He gave her an embarrassed smile. “It seems her father has other ideas. Said no way a man with my rotten reputation was going to be seen with his daughter. I tried to explain that I’ve changed my ways, but he wouldn’t believe it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Finally he said he’ll reconsider….”
“Frank!”
He grimaced. “In a year. If I stay sober and out of trouble for a year, he’ll reconsider allowing me to see Amy—if Amy is still willing.”
Poor boy! It had taken a lot of courage to make the decision to turn his life around and to tell Amy everything before he even knew whether she cared for him. The disappointment must seem devastating.
“A year sounds like a long time, but at least there’s hope.”
“I don’t understand. God has forgiven me. Why can’t Amy’s father?” His eyes searched her face for an answer.
She slid her hands into her apron pockets. “God can see your heart, but Amy’s father can only judge you by your actions.”
A long minute passed while he stared gloomily at the stove. “I hate to admit it, but you’re right.”
Would he take offense at her next question? It came out haltingly. “You… you didn’t decide to become a Christian only to please Amy, did you?”
His gaze met hers steadily, and a smile warmed his eyes. “No. That decision stands, no matter what else happens.”
The week before Christmas went by in a whirl of activities that put a sparkle of anticipation in everyone’s eyes. Maggie and Andrew reluctantly fit studying for an algebra examination into their already full days of classes, studying, and chores. There were no complaints, however, when asked to help with the baking, candy making, or corn popping!
Grace’s favorite holiday preparation was making cornucopias. The pride in her smile when she completed her first paper cone, complete with ribbon for hanging and trim of braid from a dress Pearl had made, was a memory Pearl was sure would live in her heart for the rest of her life. No one mentioned that the cornucopia was slightly lopsided or that any small items would be in danger of slipping out the bottom.
The six year old’s help increased the time it took to do the Christmas baking, but neither Pearl nor Maggie minded in the least, as Grace’s obvious enjoyment added to their own Christmas joy.
One evening Jason brought out a round wooden box and carefully removed three roughly carved wooden figures—Joseph, Mary, and the baby Jesus. When Pearl exclaimed over them, Jason said, “Dad carved these when I was no older than Grace. He said many times a house should have a reminder of what we’re celebrating at Christmas.”
The figures were placed on the round, marble-topped table in the middle of the parlor. Grace often abandoned her dolls to play with the wooden family over the next few days and never tired of listening to the Christmas story—or repeating it, though her interpretations varied slightly each time!
Friday, December 22nd, kept the entire family busy with the last-minute holiday cleaning, including polishing the nickel and cleaning the fancy parlor stove, strewing tea leaves over the parlor carpet and brushing it well, trimming wicks, and washing lamp chimneys.
As soon as the supper dishes were done, Jason brought in the barrels of greens from New York which he’d purchased in town, along with fine wire and twine. In a gesture that had warmed Pearl’s heart, he’d purchased a barrel for the poor farm, also.
The greens were piled on top of the table, spilling the delightful pine fragrance into the air. The family gathered around to form the branches into garlands and wreaths. They chatted eagerly while they worked, teasing each other about the gifts Santa Claus would bring, the children sharing recitations from the Christmas program presented at school that day.
Jason looked across the spicy, forest green pile, and his fingers stopped wrapping the wire with which he’d been working. Pearl’s face was filled with a sweet contentment that constricted his heart. If only he could believe she was truly happy here in his home!
The day they’d gone Christmas shopping, his heart had almost burst with happiness at being with her, at her sweet, unusually shy smile, at the way she’d fit so naturally into his arms when they’d skated. Then he’d pointed out Frank and Amy, and Pearl�
��s gasp reminded him that he didn’t hold his wife’s heart.
After Grace had been tucked in bed, the rest of the family gathered to decorate the parlor. They wouldn’t have a Christmas tree, but they had the greens to put up. They all wanted the sight of the decorated room to be a surprise for Grace.
Under Maggie and Pearl’s direction, the men hung the garlands, swagging them from the hanging lamp to the corners of the room, attaching them to the picture rail next to the ceiling. More garlands were roped like trim along the fringed edges of the velvet draperies. The pictures on the wall didn’t escape. Greenery was hung over the tops of the frames and wound around the wires attaching the pictures to the picture rail.
Jason and Andrew were assigned the task of hanging the roping over the doorway between the dining room and parlor. Frank and Pearl were laughing as they trimmed the railing of the staircase. The sound cut Jason to the quick and made him strangely tired.
Had he ever felt as young and carefree as the two of them seemed tonight, laughing and teasing together? He felt ninety years old, with the weight of six lives and a farm on his shoulders.
Did Pearl feel that way, too? What a gift to her this marriage has been, he thought bitterly. He’d loaded her young life with responsibilities and done precious little to relieve her load. Perhaps that was what Frank gave her—laughter and youth and freedom and dreams. She needed that; everyone did.
Pearl had given that to him. Jason’s hands froze on the prickly pine. It was true. By becoming his wife and helping him carry his load, she’d given him the freedom to be true to himself and his values. The desire to win her love had given him a dream to replace Miranda and the career he’d given up.
He stepped off the stool. Picking up some of the remaining greens, he moved into the dining room, urging Andrew to join him. There wasn’t enough garland left to trim that room as elaborately as the parlor, but they could place the greens about the picture frames and on top of the china closet and doorways.
Escaping the room didn’t allow him the luxury of escaping his thoughts. He’d been unfair to Pearl, marrying her as he did. Not that he didn’t love her. But he knew better than to think love justified such a selfish action as marrying someone who didn’t return his love.
He should have been honest with her, admitted his love for her. Instead, he’d tried to manipulate her heart and her life as surely as Miranda had tried to manipulate his with her announcement that she wouldn’t marry him unless he let his family fend for themselves.
Miranda. At the thought of her, he jerked the garland apart more savagely than he’d intended. What had she meant to accomplish, coming out to the farmstead the other day? She’d been turning from the farm lane onto the road when he met her as he returned from town. The sight of her had sent a combination of fear and fury rushing through his veins, and he’d passed her by with only a nod.
When the others retreated to the kitchen, he remained behind to bank the fire in the parlor stove and put out the lamps. One had to be especially careful of fire hazards with greens in the house.
Frank was in his boots and buttoning his coat when Jason entered the kitchen. His younger brother grinned at him with a friendliness that gripped his heart. It was good to have the bitterness gone from Frank’s face and voice. “I’m going to run out and check on the animals one last time before turning in.”
Jason watched him from between the blue curtains of the kitchen window, hands in his pockets. Pearl joined him, and his heart pumped faster. When he glanced down, her eyes were shining up at him. “It’s wonderful to see him so happy, isn’t it?”
He couldn’t get his throat to work, so he only nodded. Did she love Frank so much that his happiness could bring such joy to her face? Had he destroyed all chance of happiness for himself—and Pearl and Frank, too—by tying Pearl to him with their “friendly” marriage?
He should have the courage to ask whether she and Frank loved each other, but he didn’t. Something inside him would shrivel up and die if she admitted to loving Frank.
He forced his gaze away from her. “At least some apparent good has come from the raid Frank was arrested in last week—in addition to his commitment to Christ. Did you see the new town ordinance in the paper?”
Her hair brushed his arm as she shook her head, sending shivers along his nerves. “No.”
“The ordinance prohibits saloons and other public places from having pool tables, billiard tables, pigeonhole tables, or cards, dice, musical instruments, or other entertainment where liquor is sold. No chairs, tables, stands, counters, or seats will be allowed in establishments that sell liquor—only a bar and seats for employees behind the bar.”
She slipped her hand beneath his arm and squeezed it excitedly, and he stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets to avoid drawing her into his arms. “That’s wonderful! At least young men won’t be so blatantly tempted to gamble any longer. God can make good come out of anything, can’t He?”
A small smile tugged at the edges of his mouth. “Yes, out of anything.” Even out of the marriage he’d botched?
The wish to have her with him like this always, the joy in her eyes due to her love for him instead of Frank, was like a physical pain. She was fine and wonderful; he’d never believe anything less of her. If she did love Frank, she’d never act on that love and be unfaithful. Frank wouldn’t be dishonorable either, not in that way, despite the drinking and gambling he’d fallen into—especially now that he’d decided to change.
But he wanted more than Pearl’s faithfulness; he wanted her love.
His gaze slipped to the sampler on the wall above Pearl’s head. “Charity hopeth all things.” How many times had he heard or read that over the years? He hadn’t known living the verse would be so painful. In his youth, he’d been foolish enough to believe that loving made all things easy. It only made them possible.
When he’d asked Pearl to marry him, she’d said she wasn’t in love with anyone. If she’d grown to love Frank, it was because Jason had brought her to his home.
He’d believed God would cause Pearl to love him. But could God work in a situation that was a result of selfishness such as his?
He can if one asks forgiveness. The thought was like a bright light in the darkness that had filled his heart. Had his failure to ask forgiveness for his selfish actions stood in God’s way of answering his prayers and fulfilling his hope?
Jason’s prayer was simple and direct, and left him feeling relieved. He didn’t know what, if any, changes would result from his prayer, but at least his unforgiveness would no longer stand in God’s path as He worked in all of their lives.
Early afternoon sunshine poured through the kitchen window Christmas Eve day to play on the packages and bright coffee tins filled with baked goods piled high on the table. Everyone but Jason was dressed and ready to leave.
Pearl grabbed a buttery sugar cookie from Grace’s hand. “Be careful not to get anything on your pretty dress. You don’t want it dirtied before Mother Boston and Dr. Matt see it, do you? It’s so pretty!”
Grace grasped the edge of the table, shoulder high on her, with both hands and grinned up at Pearl, the sparkle in Grace’s eyes showing plainly that she, too, thought her new dress was lovely.
It was. The ruby red silk accentuated the excited flush of her cheeks. The Mother Hubbard styling with the high standing ruffled neck and puffed sleeves made her look deceptively angelic.
Pearl had thought she’d never get the child dressed and ready. Frank had taken her with him to hang suet on tree branches and sheaves of grain on fence posts for the birds and wild animals. It was a Christmas custom he’d learned from their Norwegian neighbors, Thor and Ellie, when he was just a child. Trust Frank with his love of animals to embrace the custom, Pearl thought.
The door opened, allowing Frank and crisp winter air to enter together. “Horses are harnessed.” He indicated the items on the table with a slight wave of his gloved hand. “These ready to put in the sleigh?”
> Pearl raised her hands to her cheeks and shook her head. “I hope so. What if I’ve forgotten something?”
“No harm done. Your family will be here tomorrow for dinner, anyway,” he reassured her.
“I do wish you could be with us for dinner at my parents’ tonight, Frank.”
“Someone has to see to it the cows are milked this evening. But I’ll try to meet you for church services afterward.”
“Good.” She turned about, only to find herself face-to-face with Jason, who had just entered the room, freshly shaved and dressed in his best black suit, a high, round linen collar at his throat.
“My, you look handsome!”
A pleased look followed surprise across Jason’s face. She wanted to melt right through the floor. Surely she hadn’t said that! The snickers in the background assured her she had.
She watched his gaze swiftly take in her own turquoise silk with the dainty ribbon bow at the throat topping the jabot of cream-colored lace, and the wide ribbon accentuating her slender waist with a large bow in front.
“You’re beautiful, Pearl.”
The huskiness in his voice sent shivers skittering along her nerves.
“Aren’t you two going to follow tradition?”
Perplexed, Pearl turned toward Maggie. “Follow…?”
Looking wide-eyed and innocent, Maggie pointed above Pearl’s head.
Her heart sank to her stomach and beyond when she glanced up. Andrew had wired a kissing ball with mistletoe onto the end of a broom and was standing behind Jason, holding the abominable thing over their heads.
A quick glance at Jason showed he was as flustered as she. Andrew, Maggie, and Grace were wearing grins as wide as the Minnesota prairie.
“C’mon, Jase, kiss her!” Andrew taunted.
Jason would never kiss her without her consent, she was certain. Still her glance darted about the room, anywhere but Jason’s face. Frank was leaning against the door, arms crossed over his chest, amusement in his eyes. The memory of his ridicule of Jason for not sharing her bedchamber flashed through her mind. She couldn’t allow Jason to be embarrassed like that again.
A Bride's Agreement Page 72