She rested a hand on Jason’s woolen sleeve. The smile she gave him when she lifted her face to meet his gaze was a triumph of courage over sheer terror.
“Merry Christmas, Jason.”
For a moment she feared he would reject her offer. Then the surprise in his eyes turned to wonder, and his hands gently cradled her waist.
“Merry Christmas, my love.” The words were for her ears only. His gaze didn’t leave hers as he bent to touch her lips with his.
Her eyelids drifted shut. His kiss was a thousand times sweeter than any of her dreams.
CHAPTER 20
The children’s hoots and applause slowly filtered through Jason’s consciousness. Reluctantly he released Pearl’s sweet lips. He tried to read her reaction in her eyes, but she shielded her gaze from his with her lashes and moved swiftly to retrieve her cape from one of the kitchen chairs, avoiding looking at anyone.
Had his kiss embarrassed her frightfully? He recalled how she’d always hated parlor game kisses, believing kisses should be reserved for those one dearly loved and given reverently. He moved behind her and took her cape, helping her into it. She stiffened when he rested his hands on her shoulders. The delicate scent of lavender surrounded him, and the soft touch of her hair against his cheek was like a taste of heaven as he whispered in her ear, “Thank you for not embarrassing me in front of my family.”
He’d hoped she’d turn around into his arms. Instead, she merely nodded and moved through the door.
Was it only to save his pride that she’d kissed him? For she had returned his kiss, he thought, following her to the sleigh, returned it warmly and sweetly.
At the sight of Frank helping her into the conveyance, Jason’s jaw all but locked. He forced it to relax as he moved around the back of the vehicle and climbed up himself. He even managed to smile as he waved good-bye to his brother.
The feel of Pearl’s lips against his own was still with him. The sweet, willing manner in which she’d leaned against him and offered her kiss rekindled the hope and determination he’d allowed fear to almost extinguish. Pearl was his wife. He was going to do everything in his power to win her love. If Frank loved her—well, that would have to be between Frank and God. Surely God meant another woman for Frank. It couldn’t be God’s will that he love his brother’s wife.
He’d tell Pearl that evening, get his love out in the open, and trust the Lord to help them through whatever the future held.
Pearl had eagerly looked forward to spending Christmas Eve dinner with her parents and Johnny’s family. Boston and Dr. Matt’s home was decorated in greens, with large, floppy red bows accentuating the forest color. Fresh red carnations in the middle of the linen-covered dining room table added fragrant cheer.
Bayberry from the tapers lighting the table blended with the scents of pine and carnations, only to be lost with them to the smell of oyster soup, and later, succulent roast beef and gravy. Boston’s best china, silver, and crystal reflected back the flickering light.
Anticipation of the church service and gift exchanging to come made everyone talkative during the meal. Yet Pearl had difficulty keeping her mind from straying to Jason’s kisses. Once she even found her fingertips resting against her lips. Mortified, she removed them immediately, wondering whether Jason, seated beside her, had noticed and realized her thoughts.
Had she only imagined that he seemed especially solicitous and kind this evening? And the way he’d looked into her eyes and smiled—deliberately and warmly—as though she was the most special person in his world. At one point she’d had to catch herself from whispering, “I love you.”
That was when she became truly nervous. He’d asked for her to be his wife and housekeeper; he’d not asked for her love. It would only make things more uncomfortable for them both if she confessed her feelings for him.
But what of the words he’d whispered against her lips, her heart argued? What of those impossibly sweet whispered words—“Merry Christmas, my love?” They hovered in her thoughts like a promise throughout the evening.
She understood now what Boston had tried to tell her on her wedding day—understood that sacrificing and hoping and believing for one who doesn’t return your love meant living with constant pain.
She was tired of hurting inside, tired of the continual longing for his love. Still, given the chance to marry him again, knowing what she knew now, her answer would be the same.
The families had agreed to exchange gifts among themselves before the service; Jason’s family would exchange their own gifts in the morning.
Watching Grace’s delight in her gifts gave Pearl a welcome reprieve from the emotions that had held her captive since Andrew appeared with the kissing ball. Johnny and Jewell gave Grace a lovely apron of India lawn with lace edging the square neckline, and nothing would do but that she try it on immediately over her red silk Christmas dress.
Boston and Dr. Matt’s gift to Grace surprised everyone. It was the reproduction of the world’s fair Ferris wheel Dr. Matt had displayed in his pharmacy window, along with a tiny doll that fit in the wheel’s baskets. Grace laughed and squealed, clapped and jumped up and down, unable to contain her excitement. Jason, Johnny, Billy, and Andrew were as taken with it as the little girl, and spent half an hour on the floor with the toy and Grace.
Pearl’s most precious memory of the evening would be when Boston first saw the heart pin. From the tears that filled her eyes, Pearl knew she understood that from now on, she would always be Mother to her, and not Mother Boston. The love that had grown in Pearl’s heart for Jason’s brothers and sisters over the last few months had taught her how special Boston’s devotion had been to her and Johnny.
True to his word, Frank joined them for church. Pearl knew it would be especially meaningful to him this year.
She loved hearing Rev. Conrad read the Christmas story in his rumbling deep voice. The Christmas service was always one of her favorites, the hope for the world becoming reality in the person of the baby Jesus.
Christ—the promised Messiah and Savior. Another hope that took a long time for fulfillment. She thought of the thousands of years that passed from the time of the promise to Christ’s birth. Had people grown weary watching for the hope of a Savior to arrive?
Grace tugged on the leg-of-mutton sleeve of Pearl’s turquoise dress and whispered loudly, “I know that story.”
Pearl nodded, holding a finger to her lips. Grace faced forward again, sliding to the edge of the wooden pew, silently mouthing the words along with Rev. Conrad. Over her head, Jason and Pearl shared a smile that wrapped Pearl in a warm feeling of family and belonging.
After the services, the family scattered about the chapel, each seeking out special friends for a Christmas greeting. Maggie took Grace along with her, allowing Pearl to slip out to the wagon for the tins of cookies to exchange with friends.
The church was almost empty when she had distributed her gifts, and received julekake—a Scandinavian Christmas bread—and delicate golden rolls of lacy Scandinavian cookies called krumkake in return from Swedish and Norwegian friends. She hurried down the aisle to where Frank was speaking with Amy and her father.
“I don’t blame you for not wanting me to court your daughter, Mr. Henderson,” she heard Frank say. “I’d feel the same if I were her father. But…”
She’d intended to ask Frank if he’d seen Jason, but realizing the seriousness of his conversation, she slipped past without being noticed by the three. A quick prayer rose from her heart for Frank as she entered the narthex.
Hearing Jason’s voice coming from the cloakroom, she started toward it. Her feet and heart came to an abrupt halt at Miranda’s honeyed voice.
“Jason, I made an awful mistake when I called off our engagement. I only agreed to marry Grant to make you jealous. It’s you I love, not Grant. If you have your marriage to Pearl annulled, I will still marry you.”
CHAPTER 21
The three miles home were the longest miles of Pearl’s
life. She tried valiantly to act as though she hadn’t heard Miranda’s offer to Jason, and smiled and laughed with the rest of the family. If her laughter seemed strained and pitched higher than usual, no one mentioned it. The jingling bells Frank had tied to the horses’ harnesses and the Christmas hymns the family sang couldn’t chase away her pain.
What had Jason answered Miranda? She hadn’t stayed around to find out. She knew Jason’s beliefs would never allow him to dissolve their marriage, but those beliefs didn’t prevent him from loving Miranda.
When he’d joined the rest of the family at the sleigh, his jaw was set so firmly it could have been chiseled in ice. Was he thinking that he could have married Miranda if he hadn’t been so hasty in asking Pearl to be his wife?
She didn’t wait to be helped from the sleigh when they arrived home but climbed down herself and hurried inside, lighting the lamp with the bit of red flannel in it that sat on the kitchen table. A moment later, she was stirring up the fire in the kitchen stove and announcing to those coming in behind her that she would be heating apple cider to warm them before they retired.
While Frank and Andy unharnessed the horses, Maggie and Grace warmed themselves beside the stove. Their cheeks and noses were red from the cold and wind, and their eyes sparkled with holiday joy.
Pearl entered the pantry to retrieve the cider and almost jumped when Jason’s hands cupped her shoulders from behind. He took her cloak and whispered, “I’m going to start a fire in the parlor stove. Don’t forget we have the stockings to fill after the others are in bed.” He carried the cider jug to the kitchen for her.
Her hands were unsteady as she carried the cups to the table. Tonight of all nights, she did not want to be alone with him! How could she possibly keep to herself the knowledge of the conversation she’d overheard? She needed time alone to pray and compose herself.
She warmed the julekake while the cider heated. The cardamom from the frosted bread and cinnamon sticks added a festive scent to the air as the group enjoyed the warmth of the apple cider.
“Hardly seems like Christmas without Mom and Dad.” Andy’s eyes glinted suspiciously.
The mood in the room changed drastically at his words.
“We all feel that way,” Jason admitted.
There was a sheen in his eyes, too, and it shamed Pearl. She’d been so concerned with her own desire for Jason’s love that she’d forgotten this was the family’s first Christmas without their parents.
“Before we go off to bed,” Jason was saying, “maybe we should all share our favorite Christmas memories of Mom and Dad. Kind of like Grace’s scrapbook stories with a Christmas theme.”
By the time everyone had shared a memory, tears brightened every eye and smiles touched every face.
“Dear Lord, our Father, thank Thee for making each of us a member of this family.” Everyone’s head bowed as Jason began the unexpected prayer. “Thank Thee for giving us parents who loved us and Thee, and for the years Thou lent them to us, and for the wonderful memories they’ve left us. We thank Thee, also, for bringing Pearl into our lives and making us one family. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Tears misted her eyes at Jason’s inclusion of her in his prayer. Grace drove away the somber mood with an eager question: “Do we get to open more pwesents now?”
Maggie shook her head. “Not until tomorrow morning.”
“Why?”
“You have to go to bed so Santa Claus can bring your presents. He can’t come when you might see him, you know,” Maggie explained patiently.
“He could have come when we were at church. We couldn’t see him then.”
Pearl grinned at the child’s nimble reasoning.
Jason shook his head. “I was just in the parlor, and there are no presents. Of course it might be because there aren’t any stockings hung up yet.”
Grace gasped, her eyes huge. “My stocking!”
Maggie and Grace retrieved stockings for everyone. Maggie held up her long ribbed wool stocking. “At last this ugly, itchy, baggy thing will serve a purpose other than humiliating me.”
Pearl smiled in sympathy from her own experiences with the uncomfortable necessity.
Grace frowned as the stockings were passed out to the appropriate family members. “Mine is the smallest.” Her bottom lip jutted out, and she sat down in the rocker, throwing herself in a slump against the back.
Jason picked up her stocking and held it alongside his, pursing his lips and pretending to study them seriously. “Guess mine is the biggest stocking here. How about if we trade? I didn’t ask Santa for anything very big anyway.”
Her pout rolled away, and she threw out her arms in a silent offer of a hug. Jason complied, lifting her into his arms. “Thank you, Jason!”
He kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome.” His brows met. “Who do you think is more important, Pumpkin—Jesus or Santa?”
Grace’s face scrunched in serious concentration. “Jesus.” Her head bounced in a decided nod.
“Why?”
“Well, Santa comes only at Chwistmas to bwing pwesents if we’ve been good. Jesus came at Chwistmas, too. But the pastor says Jesus stays with us all the time, in our hea’ts, and loves us even if we fo’get to be good.”
Jason smiled. “That’s exactly right.”
Frank dug his hands into the pockets of his wool trousers. “Best sermon I’ve heard in a long time.”
Jason grinned at him over Grace’s head. “Now how about if you go up to bed with Maggie, Pumpkin? Sooner you’re asleep, the sooner Santa will come.”
“Will you and Pearl come listen to my pwayers when I’m in bed?”
“Don’t we always?”
She nodded vigorously. “But this is Chwistmas, and I was afwaid you might fo’get.”
He gave her an extra squeeze before setting her down. “We never forget you, Pumpkin.”
“Never,” Pearl repeated, smiling at the little girl.
By the time they’d listened to Grace’s prayers, Maggie and Andrew were ready to retire, also, and Pearl was dreading that the time alone with Jason was drawing near. She felt reprieved when they returned to the kitchen to find Frank still there.
She panicked immediately when Frank stood, raised his arms high over his head in a stretch, and said he was ready to turn in, too.
“I saw you speaking with Amy this evening,” she said, hoping to delay him. “Did you give her a Christmas gift?”
Jason’s head jerked toward her so swiftly she couldn’t keep her gaze from meeting his. The shock in his eyes sent despair tumbling through her. How could she have been so thoughtless of Frank’s confidence?
“I’m sorry, Frank. I forgot you hadn’t told Jason.”
Frank shrugged, and the startled look in his own eyes slipped away. “It’s all right. No reason he shouldn’t know, I guess.”
Jason’s brows met above troubled eyes. “Know what?”
He sounds as though he wasn’t at all certain he wants to hear the answer, Pearl thought.
Frank gripped the back of the kitchen chair in front of him. With a rather sheepish look, he said, “About Amy Henderson. I… kind of like her. A lot.”
Jason looked thunderstruck. He stared at his brother, his jaw hanging open. “You mean you… and Amy?”
Frank grimaced. “Well, there isn’t any me and Amy yet.” Succinctly, Frank told him the story.
Before he was done, Jason had lowered himself into one of the chairs, and Pearl thought curiously that it looked for all the world as though his knees trembled in the process.
“Anyway, after church tonight, her father allowed me to speak with her.” Frank took a deep breath, his grip on the chair tightening. “I told her I intended to follow through on my commitment not to drink or gamble but it is going to be mighty hard waiting a year to court her.”
“What did she say?” Pearl asked.
“She said, ‘Mr. Sterling, I’d be pleased to have you escort me to next year’s Christmas Eve service. We can th
en thank the Lord together for giving you the strength to keep that commitment.’”
Frank’s almost black eyes lifted to Pearl’s. “It’s like you told me. God meets us where we are. I wish I’d never tried the drinking and gambling route. Deep inside I knew it wouldn’t help anything, but I tried it anyway. Now I have to live with the consequences, including a year of not courting Amy.” His grin was strained. “Guess if Jacob waited seven years for Rachel, I can make it through one year. With the Lord to lean on and with Amy’s faith in me, there’s no way I’m going to backslide.”
Pearl envied Amy such a love! It took her two attempts to speak. “You can trust Amy not to promise herself to another before you court her. She’ll be waiting for you next Christmas and will give you the chance to win her heart forever.”
Frank’s eyes were hungry with the desire to believe her.
The legs of Jason’s chair squeaked across the linoleum as he pushed it back and stood. He clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Amy Henderson is a good woman. I hope you win her.”
Pearl thought Frank’s grin endearingly self-conscious.
“Why didn’t you tell me about her before?” Jason demanded, giving his brother a friendly shake.
Frank brushed his hair off his forehead. “Guess I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me or laughing at me if she wasn’t interested.”
“I’d be the last one to laugh at that.”
Is he thinking of Miranda? Pearl wondered at his husky admission.
Jason pulled an envelope from an inner suit pocket. “Your gift from Pearl and me.”
Questions filled Frank’s eyes when he lifted them from the opened paper moments later. “A receipt for the winter term at Windom Academy.”
Jason jammed his hands into his wool trouser pockets and nodded briskly. “I figure I can handle most of the work around here during the next few months, with you and Andrew helping out weekends and after school. We can reevaluate in the spring, but we’ll try to keep you in school as long as you want.”
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