Stronger

by Janet Nissenson

  She had missed Sharon terribly, had missed being able to call or email her for advice and guidance or to be consoled, and the grief she had felt at losing her beloved mother had consumed her at times. Mark had offered zero support or guidance, far too wrapped up in settling into his new home and job down in Florida, and starting his new life with Holly. Cara had rarely heard from her father, and usually only when she had been the one to make contact. All of her close friends from high school had been scattered around the country at various colleges, but unlike her they had all seemed to be settling in nicely and having a great time. Not wanting to feel like the biggest loser of all time, Cara hadn’t voiced her unhappiness to any of them, not even to Frannie who checked up on her from time to time. Cara had known that Frannie had her hands full with a full-time job, husband, and three teenagers to raise, and that the last thing she would have needed was to listen to Cara’s whining about how miserable she was.

  So Cara had very unwisely tried to bury her grief and forget her troubles in a number of ill-advised ways – drinking a little too much at the parties she was invited to; eating too much junk food and sugar, which caused her to pack the extra pounds on with almost revolting speed; and allowing herself to get sweet-talked, coerced, or otherwise compelled into having sex with guys who were all wrong for her in one way or another – one who basically used her for free tutoring in math; another who was trying to make his ex-girlfriend jealous; a third who was really interested in Kylee and wound up sleeping with her – a rather unpleasant sight for Cara to walk in on.

  But it was after one of the guys she’d unwisely succumbed to – the good looking, smooth talking one she was so sure things would work out with – posted nude and semi-nude photos of her that he’d taken while she was asleep all over his social media pages that Cara swore off guys, booze, and partying. Fortunately, the gossip and lewd comments she had to endure after the photo fiasco died down pretty quickly, though she’d had to temporarily shut down her own social media accounts as a result.

  Her resolve to stay away from those vices that had temporarily provided some form of distraction had unfortunately brought all of the pain back into razor sharp focus. She compensated by eating, gaining the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen” by the Christmas break.

  And spending Christmas with her father and Holly in Florida certainly hadn’t been any help. If anything, she’d been even more unhappy, especially since her father’s new wife was anything but warm and welcoming. Cara had been miserable during the time she’d spent there, virtually ignored by Holly and her family members who lived nearby and always seemed to be over at the house. Mark had fussed over his heavily pregnant young wife in a way he’d never, ever done with Sharon. The house in Florida – purchased with the money from the sale of the Portland house that Sharon had inherited from her mother – was much larger, newer, and more luxurious and boasted a swimming pool. It had made Cara’s stomach clench with anger, and her heart to ache with sorrow, to witness her father wait on his new wife hand and foot and give her anything her greedy little heart desired – all while her own mother had worked three jobs to support him and gone without so many things in her life.

  She had wanted to quit school more than a dozen times during that first awful semester, quietly crying herself to sleep night after night because she was so unhappy and lonely. But every time she was ready to throw in the towel, Cara remembered the promise she’d made her mother just before Sharon had slipped into a coma, and knew that one way or another she would find the determination to stick it out.

  The only bright light of her freshman year, in fact, had been meeting Mirai Robinson at the beginning of the spring semester. The petite, perky half-Japanese girl had been in her English class, and had taken an almost instant liking to Cara. It had been readily obvious that Mirai was in over her head at such a tough, competitive school like Berkeley, and she’d admitted that it was largely due to her father’s influence that she had even been accepted. Lars Robinson was an extremely wealthy alumni of the university, who made frequent and sizeable donations to the school, enough to have gained admission for his younger daughter who would never have been accepted otherwise.

  And while Mirai was almost the polar opposite of the sort of friends Cara normally hung out with – chatty, obsessed with fashion, celebrities, and social media. and more than a little ditzy – she was also kind, generous, and soft-hearted. One thing she was not however, was an especially good student, and in fact was in imminent danger of facing academic probation. Cara offered to help her study, and in return for the tutoring Mirai frequently treated her to lunch or dinner or a movie.

  As their friendship deepened, Cara began to spend more and more time at the off-campus apartment that Mirai’s father had rented for her, and eventually was there far more often than she was in her own dorm room. It was only a one-bedroom place, but Cara vastly preferred sleeping on the sofa than she did in the uncomfortable dormitory bunk.

  However, despite Cara’s best efforts, Mirai simply couldn’t pull her grades up enough to be able to return for her sophomore year. Mirai had been philosophical about the whole thing, admitting that she really didn’t like school and had only agreed to attend Berkeley in the first place to please her father. She decided to take the summer and fall off from school until she could decide what she wanted to do, and made plans to travel – first to Japan and Hong Kong with her mother, and then to Europe and the East Coast with her father. There was more than a thirty year age gap between her parents, and Cara had learned that Mirai’s mother was her husband’s third wife. And while they were still officially married, her parents spent more time apart than together.

  Mirai insisted that Cara stay on in the apartment over the summer since the lease didn’t expire until the end of August, for which Cara was profoundly grateful. She worked three different part-time jobs over the summer to help with expenses, since Mark was complaining more than ever before about how much her education was costing him. He balked at paying for another year of on-campus housing, so Cara wound up living in a house with a whopping total of seven roommates. Cara’s room wasn’t even an official bedroom since there was no closet or window, and barely enough room to squeeze a narrow cot and a dresser inside. The house was a constant beehive of activity, with residents coming and going at all hours, and friends visiting daily. It was noisy and crowded and untidy, and Cara found herself doing most of her homework on campus in the library or a study hall.

  Still, it was better than sharing a room with her nasty ex-roommates, and Cara was able to really devote herself to her studies. She had taken an extra class this year, in the hopes of getting her degree a little bit sooner and cutting back on expenses. Between attending classes, studying and doing assignments, and working two part-time jobs, she had zero time to socialize or date. But after the fiasco of her freshman year, she considered that a good thing.

  It was Christmas when the next blow landed, and she was caught completely off-guard when it came. She had flown to Florida for the holidays – at her own expense since Mark had protested he couldn’t afford the airfare – and had steeled herself to endure another week of being alternately ignored or glared at by Holly and her never-ending procession of relatives. And since her little half-brother Hunter was nearly a year old and almost walking, nearly all of Mark’s attention was focused on his son. So it came as something of a surprise to Cara when, on the last day of her visit, her father took her out to lunch. But she all too quickly realized his purpose in doing so – to try and soften the blow his devastating news would have on her, as though a Cobb salad and glass of iced tea would somehow make up for it all.

  Cara had stared at her father in disbelief. “Excuse me – I don’t think I heard you right. What do you mean you can’t pay for any more of my college fees? I still have two and a half years left, in case you forgot.”

  Mark had scowled, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation he was being forced to have. “I didn’t forget,” he replied
sullenly. “But circumstances have changed, Cara. Holly hasn’t been able to return to work since having Hunter because she’s so exhausted, so we’ve been relying on one income to get by.”

  “So what does that have to do with my college expenses?” she’d asked. “I know for a fact that Mom set all of that money aside from what she inherited from Grandma. That money was always intended to pay for my college education, Dad. Not to pay for the diamond earrings you gave your wife for Christmas. Or the mani/pedis she told her sisters that she has every single week. Or the roomful of toys that Hunter has. That’s my money, not theirs.”

  Mark’s face had grown red with anger beneath his tan. “Wrong, sweetie. Your mother and I held everything in joint name, so when she died it all passed to me. So that’s technically my money now. And I can do whatever I want with it.”

  Cara’s eyes had filled with tears, her heart breaking with just one more betrayal from the father she had idolized as a girl. “Dad,” she had whispered brokenly, “you promised Mom on her deathbed that you would always take care of me, that you would make sure you paid for my education. How could you do that to her? To me? The very last thing she asked of you.”

  He had had the good grace to look guilty at this accusation. “I realize what I promised both of you,” he admitted grudgingly. “And I know you’ll hate me for this, Cara. But I have a wife and a baby to look after now, and Holly wants to get pregnant again next year. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. Circumstances change, people change. I would hope you can understand that, be supportive and charitable.”

  “Charitable!” she had burst out. “Jesus, Dad. I live in a fucking closet. I work two part-time jobs. I have no money for clothes or to go to a movie or even buy a cup of coffee most days. I live on ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches, and I haven’t been able to afford a hair cut for almost a year. Meanwhile, your wife is in there bragging about how much her Brazilian Blowout cost, and showing her mother the Jimmy Choo stilettos she bought for a bargain at the outlet stores – only four hundred dollars. Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to earn that much money? Or how much that amount would help me with expenses?”

  Mark had waved a hand in dismissal. “Don’t pay attention to everything Holly says,” he’d instructed. “She tends to exaggerate at times.”

  “Whatever, Dad.” Cara had blew out a frustrated breath. “So, tell me. Since you’re apparently cutting me off – from the money that was promised to me, no less – how do you suggest I pay for tuition and books and my living expenses?”

  “You’re a smart girl, Cara. I’m sure you’ll be able to get scholarships and grants easily,” Mark had replied confidently. “Besides, I’ve already paid for the spring semester so you have plenty of time to figure this all out before next fall. And you’re an adult now, after all. Time you were looking out for yourself and not depending on me to do it.”

  Cara had been so upset and angry that she hadn’t been able to think of a reply, and had pushed the rest of her lunch away, her appetite long gone. She hadn’t said a single word to her father for the rest of her visit, and given the smug, satisfied look on Holly’s overly made-up face Cara knew that her bitchy stepmother had been behind all of this.

  She hadn’t wasted even a day upon her return to California in filling out applications for scholarships, loans, and grants, desperate to find enough funding to be able to continue her education the following school year. But no matter how hard she tried to juggle the numbers, she kept coming up short, leaving her no alternative but to work fulltime during the day and attend night school. She’d counted herself lucky to land the job working for Angela, who was not only a considerate boss but a generous one, too, who gave her occasional bonuses.

  And while she had Mirai and a few other good friends, Cara had come to the realization more than two years ago that she was otherwise alone in the world. Contact with her father was practically nonexistent, and he’d cut off all support long ago. She worked hard, studied hard, and barely made ends meet most of the time. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gone on a date, bought herself anything new prior to today’s mini shopping spree courtesy of Mirai, or stopped worrying about how she was going to scrape together enough money for the next semester’s tuition. But it would all be worth it one day, she kept telling herself, when she finally got her degree and fulfilled the promise she had made to her dying mother.

  And, of course, there was also the extra added bonus of tomorrow night’s date with the guy she’d been lusting after for the past six months. Maybe – just maybe – thought Cara, her luck was finally starting to turn.

  Chapter Six

  Dante checked his watch for what was likely the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes, and wondered yet again what the hell he’d been thinking about yesterday morning when he’d made such an impulsive dinner date for this evening. When he had arrived at Nick’s office to drop off the signed documents, he’d still been in a foul mood from the previous night – and nursing a bitch of a hangover to boot. Seeing Katie in living color on his TV screen, smiling and happy on the arm of another man, had set something off in him, and Dante hadn’t recognized – or liked - that cold, angry part of himself. It hadn’t helped matters in the least when he had given into temptation and entered Katie’s name into a Google search on his computer. The results had yielded a good half dozen recent hits, all showing the beautiful, sexy blonde he had harbored hopes of making his wife out on the town with other men, the headlines of each article causing Dante’s blood to boil – “Rand Dennison, star of the upcoming film The War Room, on the red carpet with starlet Katie Carlisle”. “Alt-Rocker Magnus Kennedy at the Billboard Music Awards with new squeeze, actress Katie Carlisle”. “Are Ramon Huerta and Katie Carlisle more than just co-stars? The cast members of the new series Frenemies looked awfully cozy at a recent dinner at Verlaine”.

  He might not know much about the entertainment industry, save for what he’d learned from Katie, but Dante was savvy enough to realize that these so-called dates and potential romances that the media loved to speculate about were most likely just photo ops and publicity stunts. But whether or not Katie had actually gone on a real date with any of these guys didn’t matter. No, what made him furious - and caused him to keep reaching for the bottle of tequila – was the realization that the woman he’d thought of as the love of his life had given up everything he’d offered her for a shot at fame. Dante had been prepared to give her his name, his love, his lifelong devotion - his fucking soul, for Christ sakes - and she had tossed it all aside so that she could finally see her name and photo in the press. The hard truth had made him feel like a piece of crap, like the biggest loser ever, and, mostly, it had made him feel like a total fool.

  It had also pissed him off to no man’s end, and that anger had still been with him full force when he had woken yesterday morning, his fury only compounded by one of the nastier hangovers he could recall suffering from in recent years. And that rage only strengthened his resolve to ask out the first attractive female he encountered that day. Unfortunately, that female had turned out to be little Cara – the cute, perky admin assistant who worked for Nick – well, technically Angela. Asking her out to dinner tonight had been an impulse, an unwise one that had been triggered when he’d learned it was her birthday, and that instead of celebrating it by doing something fun she was attending some hair-raising class on derivative securities.

  And it had been the revelation that Cara was pursuing a degree in finance, and from his own alma mater UC Berkeley to boot, that had caused Dante to suddenly look at her in a very different light, to realize that there was far more to her than he would have believed possible. He had always thought of her as slightly ditzy and more than a little naïve, and she’d reminded him of someone’s semi-annoying little sister. He had been well aware that she had a little crush on him, something that had been rather obvious given the way she tended to stare at him wide-eyed or gi
ggle nervously whenever he teased her. Dante had found her attraction to him oddly flattering, but he had been extremely careful never to take his lighthearted flirting any further. That had largely been due to his relationship with Katie and his commitment to her, but he had also refused to lead Cara – or any other woman – on when he’d been involved with someone else. Not to mention the fact, thought Dante wryly, that Nick would have thoroughly kicked his ass if he even suspected that anything was going on between Cara and his best friend. From offhand comments Nick had made from time to time, Dante knew that he was rather protective of Cara, as was Angela.

  And neither of them would be happy to learn that he was taking Cara out to dinner tonight, even if his intentions were good ones. Dante had seriously considered cancelling the ill-advised date at least a handful of times today, going so far as to pick up the phone and start dialing the number for Nick’s office. But then he’d recalled how thrilled Cara had looked yesterday morning at his invitation, how her enormous golden brown eyes had sparkled with delight, and how her infectious smile had instantly made him feel better about life in general. So he had reluctantly put the phone down, resolving to show her a good time tonight and coax a few more of those dazzling smiles from her. They’d have an enjoyable dinner – though at a discreet, out of the way place where there would be zero risk of running into Nick and Angela or anyone else he knew – some pleasant conversation, and then he would take her home and be on his way. He would keep things nice and casual during dinner, not giving Cara any false hopes that there would be a repeat of this evening, and then he would resume his search for a woman he could actually fuck and forget – because that woman sure as hell wasn’t going to be sweet, perky, and too damned young Cara!