Stronger

by Janet Nissenson

  She had pouted prettily at his gentle refusal, not used to being said no to, and especially by him. “But, Danny, how do you expect me to keep living at my parents’ house while I look for a job?”

  He’d shrugged. “Your parents have a beautiful home - gated community, huge house, a pool. Most people would think a place like that was paradise. And I’ve seen your room there, Katie. Rooms to be exact. It’s a lot more space than you had when you lived in San Francisco the last time around.”

  Katie had given an impatient little huff. “Yes, it’s a nice house. But for God’s sake, Danny, I’m thirty years old and living with my parents! Do you have any idea how humiliating that is? They expect me to eat dinner with them every night, like I’m still in high school or something.”

  Unwittingly, Dante had thought of Cara then, envisioning the tiny, rundown room she lived in - a room that was probably the size of the walk-in closet in Katie’s bedroom. Cara would have been overjoyed to live in a place as big and beautifully furnished as the Carlisle residence across the bay in Orinda. And would have loved the opportunity to have dinner with her parents on a regular basis - if she actually had parents, that was.

  But he couldn’t - wouldn’t - discuss Cara with Katie. That particular chapter in his life was closed now, but he would always cherish the months he’d spent with her, and keep those memories to himself.

  Dante hadn’t budged, no matter how sweetly Katie had begged and pleaded to let her move in with him, even temporarily. “If it’s that bad at your parents’ place - which I know it isn’t - then that should be extra motivation for you to get a job and save up some money. I know your parents would never think of charging you rent or asking you to pay for expenses, so you’d be able to save practically your entire paycheck. You’d have what you needed for rent in three months or so.”

  Katie had not been happy at the prospect of continuing to live in suburbia for three more months, but she’d tactfully changed the subject after realizing he wasn’t going to give in to her.

  There had been quite a few things, in fact, that he had stood his ground on, and had refused to automatically go along with whatever she decreed. During their time apart, he had really come to like having time to himself during the week, and was reluctant to give that up just yet. He knew that once Katie moved back to San Francisco she would push for them to see each other more often than once or twice a week as they were doing now, but in the interim he didn’t plan to change that routine.

  And he still hadn’t brought her with him on Sundays when he visited his family, mostly because he was trying to find a way of breaking the news that they were back together. Dante knew that his mother would support whatever decision he made, as would Talia - especially since she was due to give birth any day now and had much bigger priorities to deal with. Rafe, who’d always had something of a crush on Katie, would wholeheartedly approve of the reconciliation, while Gia and their grandmother would first curse him out thoroughly in Italian, and then predict that things wouldn’t end any better for him this time than they had before. Gia, he’d thought dourly, had spent far too much time with Valentina as a child and young girl, and as a result had inherited both her good and bad traits - mostly the bad ones.

  Though he had relented and agreed to bring Katie with him on a business trip next month to a finance conference in New York City. She had been at his office one afternoon, popping in for an unannounced visit after a job interview, and spotted the itinerary on his desk. She had more or less invited herself along at that point, rather coyly suggesting that it would be a great opportunity for them to spend some quality time together and re-start their relationship. Dante’s PA had made the additional flight reservation for Katie, and called the hotel to let them know there would be another occupant in the room.

  Katie had been so thrilled with the prospect of a week long trip to one of her favorite cities that she’d eased up temporarily with her continued pleas to move in with him. And once he’d grown used to the idea, he’d admitted that getting away for a week in different surroundings would be a positive step forward in their reconciliation.

  Dante had turned off the ringer on his phone during lunch with Nick, something both men always did so they could discuss his investments without constant interruptions. But the moment he switched it back on, it was to find a combination of missed calls, texts, and voice mails waiting for him, nearly all of them from Katie. He sighed, for this had very quickly become a habit with her, and not necessarily a good one. He sent her a brief text, promising to call her as soon as he was back in his office. And to figure out in the interim, he thought dryly, how to get the message across - in the nicest possible way - that she needed to dial the constant communications back a notch or two and give him some space.

  Of course, this was something he’d had to deal with frequently when it came to past and present girlfriends, including the stalker who’d warranted a restraining order. Katie was nowhere near that bad, and her current behavior was actually rather unusual for her. Before, when Dante had been so crazy about her, she had rarely been the one to initiate contact, content to let him be the pursuer. Now that the tables had been turned somewhat, her frequent calls, texts, and emails at times seemed almost desperate.

  But there was one ex-girlfriend who had yet to contact him, despite his parting words encouraging her to do exactly that. Since he’d broken things off with Cara nearly a month ago, there hadn’t been a peep out of her - not a single email, voicemail, text, or social media comment. Dante had been too much of a coward to face her as yet, and so had invented some excuse why he couldn’t meet Nick in his office today as he usually did. Instead, they had simply had a longer lunch so they could discuss Dante’s investment portfolio, though Nick had grumbled mightily about having to bring along all of the reports and graphs. Then again, Nick grumbled about any number of trivial matters he considered to be beneath him, and Dante had learned to ignore him over the years.

  As he entered his office building, he couldn’t help but recall his first date with Cara - when she’d stood here in the middle of the lobby in that red dress that did such amazing things for her voluptuous little body. He’d been very pleasantly surprised with her that night, both in and out of bed, and she had continued to please and surprise him over the next months. She’d been fun to be around, easy to be with. He’d never had to worry about what to say to her, especially since she was quite a talker. And she had always been so damned grateful for every little thing he had done for her, whether it was bringing over a loaf of sourdough bread from his favorite bakery in North Beach, or taking her to one of those action adventure movies they both liked, or eating dinner at some little out of the way restaurant.

  It continued to trouble him, however, how Cara had more or less accused him of keeping her hidden away from his family and friends, and how he’d intentionally brought her to small, neighborhood restaurants instead of the trendier places he normally patronized so that they wouldn’t run into anyone he knew. He should have known, he chastised himself now, that someone as intelligent as Cara would have picked up on those tendencies sooner than later. But what he’d told her had been the truth. He hadn’t been ashamed of her, or embarrassed by the way she dressed. His sole motivation in keeping their relationship private had been the need for just that – privacy. But it didn’t make him feel any less guilty about having hurt Cara’s feelings.

  He missed her. The thought popped into his head unexpectedly as he got off the elevator at his floor. He missed hanging out with her, missed listening to the sound of her infectious laughter, or discussing the latest lecture from one of her finance classes. And while he would never, ever miss having sex on that crappy old futon of hers, he definitely missed the uninhibited passion she’d always shown in bed.

  Impatiently, Dante pushed aside these errant thoughts about Cara, thoughts that he had no business indulging in since he’d broken things off with her – and apparently broken her tender heart as well. Unb
idden, the image of how she’d looked that last day – sobbing uncontrollably, her eyes red and swollen, her voice hoarse – taunted him, tugged at his conscience, made him feel like shit all over again. She had looked so small, so vulnerable, and, in her own words, so damned sad. And when she had tried so hard to be brave, to assure him that she’d be okay, and had endured far worse things in her life – well, that had only made him feel worse. Because the truth of the matter was that at age twenty-two Cara had suffered more loss, more heartbreak, and more hardships that people three times her age. Even as tough as it had been for Dante to lose his beloved father at the age of eleven, at least he’d had a huge support team around him, had never once felt alone or neglected or that he was entirely on his own. And faced with the same sort of problems that Cara endured on a daily basis, he knew he wouldn’t have dealt with them anywhere near as well as she seemed to do.

  As he reached his office, his phone rang with an incoming call, and he sighed impatiently as he saw it was from Katie.

  “Hey. I just walked inside my office. Literally. I was going to call you in a minute,” he told her as he shrugged off his suit jacket.

  “I know I’m being a huge pest,” she admitted with a high-pitched little giggle. “But I’m so excited about this trip to New York that it’s all I can think about! Listen, the reason I’ve been trying to get in touch with you is because I want to make some dinner reservations. Oh, and get theater tickets. From what I’ve been reading online it’s nearly impossible to get into some of these places, or tickets to certain shows, so I want to take care of all that right away.”

  Dante sank down into his desk chair, trying not to think about the dozen or more urgent things he had to deal with this afternoon. Worrying about dinner reservations and theater tickets for a trip that was still three weeks away wasn’t one of them.

  “Whatever you want,” he told her, trying not to sound as impatient as he felt. “You know what I like to eat, so feel free to make the dinner reservations. And since I’m not much of a theater buff, I’ll leave that up to you as well. Though I can’t promise to stay awake during the show.”

  “Oh, come on! Be a good sport,” she cajoled. “You know how much I love going to plays and musicals. And the touring companies out here just aren’t of the same quality as the original Broadway productions. I’ll bet if it was one of those awful action movies you love so much that you’d be wide awake.”

  “They’re called action movies for a reason,” he replied drily. “And I’ll do my best to enjoy the plays. Just try to pick something a little lively, okay?”

  “Okay. And I can’t wait to drag you along with me to all of my favorite stores. The timing of this trip couldn’t be better, since all of the fall and winter clothes will be out. I haven’t really needed any warmer things living in Los Angeles for the past few months, so I’ll need to do some serious shopping.”

  It went without saying, of course, that he would be footing the bill for this “serious shopping” spree. Katie still didn’t have any realistic job prospects, and therefore no source of income. She’d done a couple of very minor local modeling jobs, but according to her the pay had been negligible, and she had been relying on her parents and Dante to more or less support her since she had moved back from L.A.

  “I won’t have a ton of free time,” he cautioned. “Don’t forget that the main reason for this trip is the conference I’m attending.”

  Katie laughed. “No worries. You can just hand over your credit card before you start listening to some boring lecture, and I’ll take it from there!”

  He had few doubts that she would do exactly that. After all, he’d not only seen the contents of her clothes closet but had taken her shopping on a number of occasions. The bills she could rack up in an astonishingly short amount of time would come close to equaling the gross national product of some small developing countries.

  “Look, I’m swamped here, so I’ll have to call you tonight, okay?” he told her, already opening up his email account to scan through the messages.

  Katie sighed, a little dramatically in his opinion. “Fine. Don’t call until after eight, though. I’m going to a yoga class that I found recently. Of course the teacher or the studio aren’t nearly as good as the place in San Francisco I used to go to, but it’s better than nothing.”

  “I’ll plan on calling you around nine. And enjoy your class.”

  “Oh, just one more thing, I swear!” she insisted. “What time are you picking me up on Saturday for the party?”

  “Five o’clock. I know it’s a little early, but we have to drive back into the city after I get you, and traffic is bound to be ridiculous by then.”

  “If I moved in with you,” Katie replied slyly, “then we wouldn’t have to worry about traffic or silly things like that.”

  “No. We’ve talked about this, Katie. Several times already, and my answer hasn’t changed. It’s way too soon for that.”

  Dante could almost hear her pouting over the phone line. “I remember a time when you were begging me to move in with you,” she pointed out. “And now you won’t even discuss the idea.”

  “That was before you decided being a big star was more important than being my fiancé,” he reminded her. “So this time around we do things my way. Now, I’ve really got to go. I’ll call you tonight.”

  He disconnected the call before she could protest further, or think of some other urgent question she had. He knew she was probably bored without a job to do, or friends living nearby, but he had a business to run and couldn’t spare the time to entertain her during the day.

  Dante turned his attention then to the growing pile of work on his desk, and was making considerable progress when his phone pinged with an incoming text. He scowled in exasperation when he saw that it was from Katie again, though his annoyance quickly changed to interest when he studied the picture she’d texted him. It was of a silky black nightgown lavishly trimmed in lace, and she’d typed in “Can’t you just imagine me wearing this during our trip to NY? Good news it’s on sale!”

  She’d included the purchase link to a luxury department store, but even the sale price of five hundred dollars was ridiculously high in his opinion for one flimsy garment that Katie would probably only wear a few times before she tired of it.

  ‘I could buy Cara a decent laptop for that amount,’ he thought regretfully, then mentally scolded himself for once again letting his thoughts wander back to the girl he’d dated only casually.

  ‘You made your choice, Dante,’ he told himself sternly. ‘And if the price you have to pay for that choice is a guilty conscience – well, you’re going to have to man up and deal with that. It’s no less than you deserve, after all.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  October

  “You know, I never thought I’d live to say this, but I think your apartment is officially messier than mine right now. And considering that my place looks like an obstacle course, that’s really saying something.”

  Cara lowered the blanket she’d pulled up over her head just enough to glare at her best friend. “It’s not that bad,” she protested.

  “Oh, I beg to differ, amiga,” trilled Mirai. “At least at my place the trash has been emptied out on a regular basis, which is more than I can say for this dump. Which, by the way, is starting to smell like an actual dump.”

  Cara stuck out her tongue. “Maybe that’s because you have a maid who does that stuff for you,” she replied testily. “Unlike some of us who can barely afford to buy peanut butter and store brand corn flakes.”

  “Hmmpf. You could have bought yourself twenty five thousand dollars worth of peanut butter and corn flakes if you hadn’t been dumb and torn up that check,” reminded Mirai in a haughty voice. “As well as a new laptop, a new wardrobe, and a visit to the hair salon. I’m not sure which of those things is in worse shape right now. Your laptop is being held together with safety pins and duct tape, your clothes - well, don’t even g
et me started on those. And your hair - Jesus, Cara, do you even brush it anymore?”

  Cara made a horrible face. “Of course I brush it!” she replied indignantly. “Just – well, just not today. Yet. But the day’s far from over.”

  “Seriously? It’s almost five o’clock. Have you even moved your ass out of this bed all day? Except apparently to get that half-eaten bowl of cereal you left on the end table. And – omigod – tell me you are not still in your pajamas! Though now that I think of it, I’m guessing you haven’t showered either.”

  Mirai wrinkled her pert little nose in distaste, causing Cara to scowl darkly at her BFF. The fact that she hadn’t actually showered or changed out of her comfiest jammies as yet was irrelevant.

  “Fine.” Cara shoved the bedcovers aside with a huff and stood, hastily brushing off the crumbs from something she’d munched on earlier off of her pajamas. “Since the sight and smell of me obviously offends you, I’ll go take a shower now. Does that make you happy?”

  Mirai sniffed. “It’s a start. But what would really make me happy is if you cleaned this place up, ate a real meal, and returned to the land of the living. It’s been over a month since that bastard broke up with you, Cara. You need to start finding a way to get over it.”

  On bare feet Cara padded over to the dresser and started rummaging through it for clean clothes, only to frown in bewilderment when she had trouble finding any. “You’ve probably got a point there,” she agreed with a sigh. “Because I apparently also forgot to do laundry last weekend. The only clean underwear I have is an old sports bra that’s a size too small, and these.”