Stronger

by Janet Nissenson

  “I guess that’s reasonable,” acknowledged Angela. “When do we need to get the final count in at the hotel?”

  “Right before New Year’s. I already have it on my calendar. But hopefully we get the rest of the responses in before then so I can call them ahead of time. The wedding coordinator over at the Gregson has been so helpful that I’d like to get her the headcount as early as possible.”

  Angela smiled. “Speaking of being helpful, I honestly don’t know how Nick and I would be able to pull this whole thing off without you, Cara. I know you’ve been working like a fiend to keep up with everything. Normally, I would have been able to ask Julia to help out since she loves this sort of thing, but having eight-month-old twins is keeping her pretty busy these days.”

  Cara waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s not a problem, Angela, really. I’m more than happy to do what I can. And Mirai’s been doing a lot of the work as well, since she doesn’t return to school until after New Year’s.”

  “Still, I know you’re on break from school as well right now, and you should be kicking back and relaxing a little, not helping to plan my wedding. If only my mother and sisters weren’t such pains in the ass, I’d have asked them to help. But knowing them, they would have insisted on doing everything their way, which is the total opposite of what Nick and I want.”

  “Simple but elegant,” assured Cara. “That’s how it’s going to be. No frilly bows, no over the top floral arrangements, and not even a speck of pink anywhere to be found.”

  Angela grinned. “What would I do without you? I hope I never have to find out. Especially when I go on maternity leave next spring. It’s a little early to be discussing all of this, and Nick and I have a ton of details to go over yet, but we’re both hoping that you’ll be willing to stay on with the team after you get your degree, maybe take over some of my accounts.”

  Cara stared at her boss in disbelief. “You’re - you’re not going to quit, are you? And, gosh, I’d love to talk to you and Nick about this, but why me? I mean, I’d have just assumed that Leah and Tyler would step in.”

  “No.” Angela shook her head firmly. “Those two are going to kill each other one of these days, I swear. Either that, or Nick will do the job for them. They bicker constantly, and are so damned competitive with each other that it gives Nick a headache. He thinks it would be a lot better for the team, not to mention their marriage, if one of them went their own way professionally, or at least partnered up with a different broker. But that’s confidential, as I’m sure you can imagine, and still to be discussed. Meanwhile, I have no intention of quitting my job after I’ve worked so hard at building up my accounts. But I am going to take an extended maternity leave, and might only work part-time for a year or so after that. Everything is still up in the air. Just think about what I said, hmm?”

  “I will,” assured Cara.

  Angela returned to her own office after that, leaving Cara to attend to the dozen or so urgent matters awaiting her attention. It might have been the week before Christmas, when things were winding down a bit and clients heading off on holiday, but you wouldn’t be able to tell based on how busy things still were here. Thank God she’d finished up the fall semester at school a week earlier, and now had nearly a month’s break until school resumed in January. She was still on track to complete her degree by the end of next summer, and would be ecstatic when she no longer had to go to classes four nights a week or cram for exams on the weekends. And she’d be particularly thrilled when she no longer had to scrape together enough money to pay for tuition and books.

  The weeks since Thanksgiving had been hectic ones for Cara - studying for semester finals, choosing her classes for the spring semester, working longer hours than ever. But she’d been so thrilled when Angela and Nick had announced that not only were they expecting a baby but getting married as well, that she hadn’t dreamed of saying no when they had asked for her help in planning the wedding. And the extra work had helped to keep her mind off of things, particularly the stark realization that Christmas was exactly one week away, and that for the first time in her life she’d be spending the holiday alone.

  Mirai had made an attempt to convince her to fly to New York and have the holidays with her family, but Cara had firmly refused. She had the money for the airfare, since she wasn’t going to Florida or buying gifts for her father, but she was more determined than ever to use that money on herself. She was less than three pounds away from meeting her weight loss goal, and was already calculating how much it was going to cost to get her hair cut and straightened and to buy several new outfits, including the one she would wear to the wedding next month.

  The wedding where she would be obliged to see Dante for the first time in over two months, since he had agreed to be Nick’s best man. And Cara was hell-bent on looking her absolute best that day, to flaunt her new, trim figure, sleek new haircut, and some as yet-to-be-determined dress and shoes that would be both sexy and elegant.

  Since she had offered to work during the two-week holiday period so that the rest of the team could take vacation, she had arranged instead to be out of the office several days before the wedding so that she could go shopping with Mirai and have her hair cut. Mirai was going to do her makeup and nails on the day of the wedding, and Cara knew from past results that her BFF would do an amazing job.

  Cara was also thrilled that Mirai was going to return to school in January, to finish up the remaining units she needed to get her associate degree in fashion merchandising. Mirai had admitted with a sigh of resignation that it was finally time for her to grow up and get on with her life.

  “I’m tired of watching everyone around me meeting their goals and actually doing something useful with their life,” she’d admitted about a month ago. “I mean, Rene’s in medical school, you’re going to finish your degree next year, and one of my half-brothers is a partner in one of the hottest new restaurants in Manhattan. Meanwhile, I sleep in until noon, workout, shop, eat, and watch way too much bad reality TV. I’ve gotta get a life, Cara. So I just signed up for the rest of the courses I need, and I’m counting on you to make sure I finish this thing.”

  “I’ll be the first one to give you a kick in the ass if you start slacking off,” Cara had assured. “Better yet, maybe we should make a little bet here. If you drop out of school, you have to take me to Las Vegas next year - a suite at Caesars Palace, champagne brunch, spa treatments, the works. So unless you want to max out your credit cards again, you’d better stick with it!”

  “I’ll tell you what,” Mirai had offered. “When I finish up my degree next spring, you and I will go to Vegas anyway to celebrate. How’s that?”

  “You’ve got a deal. And you can be sure that with a trip to Vegas on the line that I’m going to be pushing you like crazy to show up for classes every day,” Cara had promised.

  “That’s what I’m counting on.”

  So it seemed that things were certainly looking up for several of the people closest to Cara. Her best friend was finally realizing that she needed to do something meaningful with her life, and it sounded like this time Mirai would actually follow through with her plans. Angela and Nick were getting married, something Cara would have bet would never have happened, and were also having a baby - another fact that she still couldn’t quite believe. But, as her mother had been fond of telling her, time rarely if ever stood still, and change was something everyone had to accept as part of life. And while her own life had remained more or less stagnant for the past two years - save for the few magical months she had dated Dante - Cara knew that it would be her turn soon enough. Angela’s somewhat casual mention a few minutes ago about helping out with accounts during her maternity leave was giving Cara serious cause for reflection now, and she was eager to have a much more detailed discussion with her bosses on the subject sooner than later.

  The morning practically flew by, and before she knew it her clock read one-thirty in the afternoon. She’d completely forg
otten to eat lunch, or her morning snack, and her tummy was rumbling in protest now. She rummaged through the desk drawer she had always kept snacks in and perused the contents. Before her diet had changed so drastically, that drawer - the one Angela had nicknamed the Sugar Rush Receptacle - Cara had kept unhealthy snacks like candy bars, packaged cookies, chips, and muffins. Now the contents included nuts, protein bars, apples, and kale chips.

  She unwrapped a protein bar, figuring it could substitute for lunch today, and took a bite before washing it down with a sip of water. A major part of her job required constant multi-tasking, and Cara had become quite proficient at this in the two plus years she’d worked for Angela. While she ate and drank, she fielded several phone calls from clients, entered data for a new customer account into her computer, prepared some documents to mail out, and printed out the various pie charts, graphs, and other statistical sheets Angela would need for the portfolio review she was conducting in a few minutes with a client.

  Cara was so caught up in her work, in fact, that she didn’t notice someone hovering in front of her desk until he spoke her name. And that achingly familiar voice made her freeze in place, as she realized in something of a panic that there was no possible way she could quickly hide beneath her desk.

  “You can’t keep avoiding me forever, you know,” chided Dante teasingly. “Especially when I come bearing gifts.”

  She looked up at him then, and almost gulped as she met his dark, twinkling gaze. Cara realized with a sinking heart that the passage of time – more than three months by now – plus the vow she’d made to herself not to fall under any man’s spell ever again didn’t make a damned bit of difference at this moment. Dante still had the power to mesmerize her, to make her knees feel weak, and her heart to start beating double time. And it was with both joy and despair that she continued to stare at him, the former because she’d never stopped loving him for even a day, not even when missing him could cut like a knife. And the latter because she had naively believed herself stronger than all of that, had convinced herself that he didn’t mean anything to her now, and that she had well and truly moved on with her life. All it took, apparently, was for him to say her name softly, and give her one of those panty-melting smiles, and every one of her good intentions went directly to hell.

  “Um, hi,” she mumbled as she nervously began to assemble the papers for Angela’s client into a presentation folder. “And, um, I – I haven’t been avoiding you.”

  “If you say so. It’s just been sort of a coincidence that you haven’t been in the office the last two or three times I’ve stopped by,” commented Dante. “Almost as though you planned it that way.”

  Cara shook her head, unwilling to admit that she had, in fact, gone way, way out of her way to avoid running into him. “A coincidence is all it’s been,” she declared firmly. “I’ve been helping Angela with some of the wedding plans, so naturally that takes me out of the office more than usual.”

  “Okay.” He shrugged carelessly. “Aside from that, how have you been, Cara? You look different, somehow. I can’t quite put my finger on it, though.”

  She waved a hand dismissively. “Nothing’s changed. Except that I’ve got my hair in a braid today. Haven’t had time to get it cut lately, you know?”

  “Hmm. No, that’s not it. But I’ll figure it out sooner than later. In the meanwhile, I wasn’t joking earlier when I said I had gifts. Christmas presents, to be exact, for you and Deepak and the Bickersons.”

  “Who?” she asked in bewilderment.

  Dante grinned mischievously. “The Bickersons was this old radio show about a couple who spent nearly all of their time arguing. Way before my time, of course, but my grandparents had records of some of the performances that I listened to from time to time. Leah and Tyler are like a modern day version of the Bickersons the way they go at each other all the time.”

  Cara gave a little shudder. “You’ve got that right. I’m surprised one of them hasn’t stabbed the other in the back yet – literally as well as figuratively. And they’re both at lunch right now, along with Deepak. I’m holding down the fort for a few more minutes until he gets back.”

  “Maybe I can just leave their gifts with you then?” he asked. “That is, if it isn’t too much trouble. Just a small token from me to say thanks for all of the assistance you guys give me.”

  He was holding up a large paper shopping bag, and Cara could see that inside of it were four smaller parcels. She motioned at the guest chair next to her desk.

  “Sure. You can leave it there and I’ll make sure the others get theirs when they return,” she told him.

  “Okay.” Dante placed the bag carefully on the chair. “Aren’t you going to open yours? Or even take a peek?”

  Cara looked at him derisively. “Don’t have to. I can tell by the shape of the bags and boxes exactly what you got us – a bottle of wine and a box of candy. Which, by the way, is the same thing you gave us last year. Not, of course, that it wasn’t appreciated. And, um, thanks for this year’s, too.”

  She glanced away then, half-afraid she would start crying otherwise, and she had cried far too many tears over this man already. She’d known that she wouldn’t be able to avoid seeing him forever, not as long as she worked in close proximity to Nick, but she hadn’t believed it would be quite this difficult or heartbreaking. He was wearing one of her favorite suits today – a superbly tailored black pinstriped one that he’d teamed with a crisp white shirt and perfectly knotted silk tie. His thick, dark hair looked like it had been recently cut, and the subtle scent of his aftershave was every bit as intoxicating as it had always been. And drat him, he still had the ability to make her feel like a gawky, naïve adolescent, and she had to resist the urge not to squirm, uncomfortably aware that her panties were growing damp with arousal.

  Dante’s voice was gentle but held a touch of sadness as well. “Is this really the way it’s going to be between us now?” he asked coaxingly. “I know things have been difficult – for both of us, I might add – but I had hoped that as time went by we could try to be friends again.”

  Cara kept her gaze downcast as she murmured in a low voice, “I don’t know if that’s ever going to be possible. Maybe someday, but right now – I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

  He sighed. “No. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, honey. I’m the one who made a huge mess of everything. But, hey, it’s almost Christmas, so let’s not hash over the bad stuff right now. You got any big plans for the holidays?”

  She glanced up at him. “Nothing special. Just hanging out at home.”

  Dante looked relieved at this news. “Good. When do you leave for Florida then?”

  Cara shook her head vehemently. “That’s not my home,” she all but hissed. “And I don’t plan on going to Florida for a long, long time. If ever. I haven’t spoken to my father in a couple of months.”

  He frowned. “Did you get into a fight or something?”

  “Not exactly. I just decided I was tired of always being an afterthought for him, of always being the last priority in his life. So I told him that the ball was in his court now, that I wouldn’t be getting in touch with him, and that he should call me when he had the time. Guess he’s been super busy because he hasn’t called yet.”

  Dante made a sound of disgust. “Asshole. I hate to say it, Cara, because I know he’s the only family you have left, but you’re probably better off without that sort of toxic relationship in your life.”

  “Yeah. I keep telling myself that. Unfortunately, it gets harder to believe it around the holidays.”

  “Wait a minute.” Dante regarded her warily. “When you told me you were hanging out at home for Christmas, I thought you meant you were spending it with your father. But if you aren’t going to Florida, where..”

  “My home,” she clarified. “My apartment. I know you don’t think much of the place, but it’s all I’ve got. And that’s where I’ll be on Christmas.”

&nbs
p; “Alone?” he asked, horror-stricken. “Jesus, Cara. You can’t be alone on Christmas! Don’t you have friends you can spend it with? What was your best friend’s name again – Mira?”

  “Mirai,” corrected Cara. “And she’ll be in New York for the holidays at her father’s place. The few other close friends I have in the area all seem to be going away, too. And I’m fine with being alone on Christmas, Dante. In fact, I’ve already got my day planned out – sleeping late, reading, and eating a lot. And apparently drinking a great bottle of wine thanks to your gift. Believe me, that sounds a thousand times better than the last few Christmases I’ve spent with my dad and the evil stepmother.”

  But Dante was anything but convinced, practically wringing his hands in despair. “Cara. Jesus, I wish – I wish things were, well, different. I wish with all my heart that I could invite you to have Christmas with my family this year. You’d love it, and they would love to have you join us. But, well, it’s complicated, as I’m sure you can imagine.”

  She shrugged, trying not to betray how much his words were affecting her. “I can imagine,” she acknowledged. “It would be pretty awkward to have your current girlfriend and your former, uh, date there at the same time. Especially since no one in your family even knows who I am. But thanks for the thought.”

  He looked pensive for a few moments, then brightened as though a sudden thought had just occurred to him. “You must have friends back in Portland,” he pointed out. “Have you kept in touch with any of them?”

  “A few. Mostly my mother’s best friend, Frannie. She checks up on me from time to time, even though she has three kids of her own. But I can’t go to Portland for Christmas, Dante. Or anywhere for that matter. When I decided not to go to Florida, I volunteered to work through the holidays so that the others could spend time with their families. Leah and Tyler leave on Friday for southern California, and Deepak is taking next week off to go skiing with his brothers.”