Stronger

by Janet Nissenson

  Jeannie winced. “You’re right. That will remain our little secret. So should I assume that your Cara is Italian?”

  “Half. On her father’s side. And unfortunately, she hasn’t been my Cara since I was stupid enough to end things with her back in September,” he lamented.

  Jeannie regarded her son thoughtfully. “Coincidentally, the exact same time you started seeing Katie again if my dates are right,” she mused. “So if I’m putting all the pieces of this puzzle together correctly, this means that you broke up with Cara soon after Katie breezed back into town. And I’m going to assume you did that because you thought you were still in love with Katie. You know, Gia told me right after Brandon’s wedding that she had an awful feeling Katie would try to sink her hooks into you again, but I told her she was imagining things. Guess I was wrong, hmm?”

  “Yeah.” Dante exhaled tiredly. “I’d sworn up and down that I was finished with Katie, that when she broke my heart I would never be so stupid as to trust her again. But talking to her at Brandon’s wedding, she seemed different - more vulnerable, like what she went through in L.A. really humbled her. And the more we talked over the next few weeks, the more I realized that I’d never completely gotten over her. She was still the one that got away, the one that I truly believed was going to be my one and only. I kept remembering how happy I’d felt during that year we were together, and I guess I wanted to try and recapture that feeling again.”

  “Except it hasn’t exactly worked out that way, has it?” guessed Jeannie.

  He shook his head. “Not at all. And I keep thinking about why not, about what’s different this time around, why I just don’t feel the same connection between us that I did before.”

  “And have you figured that out yet?” inquired his mother.

  “I think so. And there are several reasons actually. First, I’m not sure I’ll ever really be able to forgive Katie for breaking up with me for the sake of her career. I mean, I’ve tried like hell to get past that, to not let it have a negative impact on our relationship. But it’s been a few months now since we’ve been back together, and I can’t quite forget about it, can’t let it go,” admitted Dante.

  Jeannie shrugged. “That’s understandable, honey. You were head over heels in love with Katie, were all set to pop the question. And for her to come out and admit that she was choosing her acting career over you - well, I’m not sure anyone could really forgive and forget that sort of thing. I know I couldn’t. And most people I know wouldn’t have even given her a second chance. At least you’ve done that much, though God knows why.”

  Dante gave his mother a sheepish look. “I was more or less convinced that she’d changed,” he confessed. “I mean, I’d watched a few episodes of that sitcom she was on, and let’s just say her acting skills leave a lot to be desired. So when I met her at the wedding and she seemed so sweet and contrite, I figured there was no possible way she could be acting, that she had to be sincere.”

  “And has she been? The few times you’ve brought her to the family doings she was polite but a little distant, the same way she was in the past, so it’s hard for me to tell how things really are between you.”

  He hesitated before telling his mother the next part. After all, he could barely admit the truth to himself, much less voice it aloud to another person. But to continue living in denial wasn’t being fair to either himself or Katie.

  “Things have been - different,” he acknowledged. “Katie is different. Or maybe she was always that way and I was just too dazzled by her to know any better. But I notice things about her now, that she’s manipulative and needy and throws a fit when she doesn’t get her own way. And even though she’s been insisting for months now that she’s finished with the whole acting scene, she keeps very close tabs on what’s going on there, and stays in touch with her former agent. Plus, all of that talk about finally starting college, getting a degree, having a real career - well, so far that’s all it’s been - talk. She’s only working part time, spends money faster than she makes it, and still relies on her parents for financial support, though she’s mentioned that they keep threatening to cut her off. And in spite of how much she insists that her acting career is a thing of the past, I’m not convinced she’s entirely given up on the idea.”

  “Hmm. My guess would be not. She hasn’t moved in with you, has she?”

  “No, but not for lack of trying,” replied Dante dryly. “I think she brings up the subject at least every two or three days. And doesn’t understand why I’m not ready to make that sort of commitment just yet, why things are so much different than they were the last time between us.”

  Jeannie looked uncertain, as though what she had to say next was something she knew he wouldn’t like. “Honey, have you considered the fact that Katie might be - well, using you I suppose is the most polite way I can phrase it. After all, if her acting career has dried up, if she doesn’t have any other realistic job prospects, and her parents are getting fed up with giving her money, it’s only natural that she’d find some other means to support herself. And I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Dante, but is it at all possible that the main reason Katie reached out to you was because you have money? She’s well aware that not only are you filthy rich, but the most generous person I’ve ever known. And if all of her other prospects have turned into dead ends, becoming Mrs. Dante Sabattini wouldn’t be such a terrible fate for her. Or any woman.”

  He clenched his fists tightly, not wanting to admit to his mother that he had in fact considered everything she’d just suggested on multiple occasions. But he hadn’t allowed himself to believe or even suspect that was Katie’s real motivation. Hearing his own mother - the person who’d always taken his part, who’d always supported and encouraged him for his entire life - make those same suggestions, however, gave him cause to reconsider now.

  “It’s more than possible, Mom,” he acknowledged reluctantly. “In fact, it’s probably all too true. Which makes me feel like the biggest, most naïve dumbass in the universe.”

  “You don’t know that for sure,” consoled Jeannie, taking one of his hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. “I’m positive that Katie has feelings for you, that she cares for you, Dante. Unfortunately, I think she’s the sort of person who will always love herself more, will always put herself before anyone else - even the man she might end up marrying someday. And you’re too good of a man, honey, to settle for someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved. You need the love of a good woman, the kind of woman who will love you more than her own life. The kind who’d take a bullet for you. The kind,” she added with a grin, “who’d impress you enough with her cooking that you’d have the guts to compare it to your grandmother’s.”

  Dante chuckled. “And you want to know something else about that, Mom? Cara doesn’t even have a real stove in her apartment, just a cooktop and a microwave and a crockpot. But somehow she’d throw together these incredible meals, some of the best food I’ve ever had. Though once again, don’t you dare repeat that to Nonna.”

  Jeannie made the sign of the cross. “Not on my life,” she promised. “Even after knowing her for almost forty years, Valentina still scares the crap out of me most of the time. Can I ask you something, honey?”

  “You know you can always ask me anything,” he assured his mother. “Especially since I’m a terrible liar. And did I mention that I’ve never once been able to get anything past you?”

  “You did. So answer me truthfully, Dante. Is one of the reasons things haven’t been so great with Katie this time around because you care more about this other girl than you’re willing to admit? And what exactly happened between the two of you at Nick’s wedding anyway?”

  He gave a slight shudder at the recollection of what a pig he’d been last weekend, and made a silent vow that he would never tell his mother the real truth. “I said some things to her I had no right to say, acted like a jealous control freak when I saw her there with
another guy. She got mad – rightly so - and told me to get lost. I’ve been texting her all week trying to apologize, and she finally answered me just before I arrived here, saying that she forgives me but that I need to leave her alone.”

  “And that’s upsetting you,” observed Jeannie.

  “Yeah.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “I guess you could say that. But I understand her reaction, given what a jerk I’ve been to her. I should never have gotten involved with her in the first place, Mom. Cara’s too nice, too sweet, for someone like me. All she ever wanted was to be with me, to enjoy the time we spent together. And she never asked me for a single thing. In fact, she tore up the check I gave her right in front of my face and washed the pieces down the drain.”

  “You gave her a check?” asked Jeannie, frowning. “For what?”

  He resisted the urge to squirm, much as he had at the age of sixteen when his mother had found an empty six-pack of beer in the backseat of his car. “Just to - well, help her out a little. I told you already that she’s got no one, that her dad is a total loser and never helps her out. I felt guilty, breaking things off with her when she had no one else to depend on. And I thought that it would be a nice gesture to offer her some cash to help with her tuition and other expenses.”

  “Jesus.” Jeannie shook her head in disbelief. “Exactly how much cash are we talking about here?”

  Dante gulped. “Twenty five grand. But she refused to even consider taking the money.”

  “Of course she did. Because she’s a good girl, a nice girl. And I know your heart was in the right place, Dante, but I’m afraid you only insulted her by offering to write her a big fat check. Stupido.” She gave him a smack on the side of his head.

  “Ow.” He rubbed his temple. “Hey, I get it. That probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had in my life. But my intentions were good.”

  “I’m sure they were,” agreed Jeannie. “That doesn’t mean you should have followed through on them. Let me ask you a question, honey. If you were to present Katie with a check for twenty five thousand dollars right now, what do you think she’d do with it?”

  He gave a bitter little laugh. “Deposit it before the ink could dry. And then proceed to spend every penny as fast as she could. You’ve made your point, Mom. But I already knew that Katie and Cara are as different as day and night. There’s never been any doubt in my mind about that.”

  “No. But what you do need to decide is what’s right for you at this time in your life. The night or the day.”

  The sun was beginning to set on what had been a gloomy, rainy day as Dante gazed out of the kitchen window. “I don’t know what’s right anymore, Mom. Can’t you just tell me what to do?”

  Jeannie stood, picking up their empty coffee mugs, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “No, honey. I can’t. After all, you aren’t five years old anymore, are you? But I can tell you this, which is something I’ve told you and your siblings since you were old enough to know better. When in doubt, go where your heart leads you. Unfortunately, you’re the one who’s going to have to figure out where that is.”

  “Oh, my, God. You did not just say what I thought you did. I mean, is this some sort of sick joke, Danny? April Fool’s Day isn’t for another two and a half months. And this isn’t the least bit funny, not even a little.”

  Dante regarded the outraged, visibly upset woman who sat across the table from him with a sort of tranquil, almost detached sense of calm. “I didn’t mean it to be funny, Katie,” he drawled. “And I also meant what I said a hundred percent. This isn’t working out between us, it was a huge mistake to get back together, and this time it’s really and truly over. In other words, I’m breaking up with you.”

  Katie made a sound that was part gasp, part squeal, a sound that was loud enough to make Dante thankful he’d requested a table in the very back of the restaurant. Normally, it wasn’t like Katie to make a scene, but then again men normally didn’t break up with a woman as beautiful and supremely confident of herself as she was.

  “You are breaking up with me?” she shrieked incredulously, her voice loud enough now that it carried to several nearby tables, judging from the curious looks they suddenly began receiving. “How dare you! How - how could you! No one has ever broken up with me before, ever! You should be grateful I ever went out with you in the first place, or that I agreed to take you back.”

  He stared at her in shock. “Uh, pardon me, Katie, but I believe you’ve got that last part all wrong. I was the one who agreed to give our relationship a second chance, and only after you called and texted me a dozen times a day apologizing for what you’d done, and telling me what a terrible, terrible mistake you’d made. As for being grateful - you know what? At one point in time I probably was grateful that you’d noticed me, had agreed to go out with me. I was crazy about you, Katie, would have given you everything I owned. But when you chose your career over me, I think it broke something inside of me. And I thought I could get past it, thought I could eventually forgive and forget what you’d done. But I’ve tried, really tried, and I find I can’t forget it. Especially since I’m no longer convinced you’re sincere about giving up hopes of an acting career.”

  Her beautiful face was a myriad of emotions right about now - surprise, anger, irritation, panic, dismay. Almost desperately, she grabbed hold of his hand, squeezing it so tightly that he winced. In a flash, she modulated her tone, changed her tactics, as she gazed at him imploringly.

  “Danny, you can’t leave me,” she pleaded prettily. “Think of all we’ve meant to each other, all the wonderful times we’ve had together. And I swear that I’m totally and completely over the whole acting thing. I promised you that when we first got back together, and I would never dream of going back on my word.”

  “Really?” he drawled lazily. With a lightning fast move he grabbed her cell phone where she’d left it sitting by her place setting. For as long as he’d known Katie, she had always kept her phone close at hand, just in case her agent called with a job for her. And when he had recently inquired why she still felt compelled to do that, given that her acting career was supposedly over, she had just laughed dismissively and called it force of habit.

  “Give me that phone, Danny!” she shrieked, her normally soft, sweet voice sounding shrill as a fishwife’s right about now. “What the hell do you think you’re doing now?”

  “Confirming what I’ve suspected all along,” he replied as he casually continued to scroll through her text messages. “That you’ve never had any intention of giving up hope that you could return to acting one day, provided the right thing came along. Why else would you be texting your old agent on a weekly basis? And don’t bullshit me by claiming it was just to keep in touch. Keeping in touch usually doesn’t involve messages like this one - “Hey, Doug. Just wanted to say hi and see if you’ve got any news for me. Sorry to be a pest but I really think that I’d be perfect for that new summer replacement show we discussed. I could fly down to L.A. on half a day’s notice to audition. Keeping my fingers crossed.” That message sure sounds like you’re still keeping your options open.”

  Katie glared at him sullenly. “It was a pointless message anyway. Doug didn’t even reply to me.”

  “Ah, but never fear,” he replied in a falsely cheery voice. “Because even though good old Doug is ignoring you, it looks like you’ve set your sights quite a bit higher than your former agent. And didn’t waste much time, either. I mean, considering that you just met Nick’s client at the wedding last weekend, the two of you seem awfully cozy already, given the number of texts you’ve exchanged.”

  Katie slammed her fist down on the table, causing the dishes and glasses to rattle precariously, and attracting still more attention from the nearby tables. “Give me that phone, Danny!” she hissed. “You have no right to go through my private messages. No right at all. How dare you!”

  He shrugged, blithely unconcerned as he chose a message at random. “Here�
�s the most recent text from your new friend Archer Wayne - “I must tell you again how wonderful it was to meet you at Nick’s wedding last Saturday. I enjoyed our chat very much. And I’m looking forward to seeing you for lunch again next week. I’ll be making several calls on your behalf before then to some producers and casting agents I know well, and I’m certain they’ll find something suitable for you.” Tell me, Katie, what is the very charming Mr. Wayne expecting in return for these calls he’s making on your behalf? Men like Archer - mega-rich, mega-powerful, mega-arrogant - they’ll want something in return for any favors they hand out. And my guess is that he’ll expect you in return.”

  Katie wrinkled her perfect nose in reaction. “That’s disgusting, Danny,” she retorted, though she sounded anything but convincing. “My God, Archer is nearly as old as my father! And he’s just being nice. And supportive, which is more than I can say about you! Now, can you please stop invading my privacy and give me my phone back?”

  “Fine.” He slid it back across the table to her. “Frankly, seeing those messages wasn’t all that shocking to me anyway. I knew almost from the beginning that you hadn’t really let go of the idea of resuming your acting career. It was why you procrastinated for so long about starting college. And why you haven’t gotten serious about finding a permanent job.”

  “Is that why you’re breaking up with me?” she asked in disbelief. “Because I haven’t found a damned job?”

  “No.” He took out his wallet and extracted enough cash to pay for their dinner and leave a generous tip. “I’m breaking up with you because I realized I’m not in love with you any longer. And that I made what might have been the biggest mistake of my life in giving you another chance. Because in doing so I lost the person I was actually in love with.”