Secret Reflection

by Jennifer Brassel

  A tray of sandwiches had been left at her bedside, which she ate with relish. The tea had gone stone cold but the jug of iced water was full. She poured a glass and settled down to read John’s journal once again. She read through the night, and when she finally set the book aside, tears were rolling down her cheeks.

  ‘Oh, John.’

  Journal of Edward James Ditchley,

  Stanthorpe House, Oxfordshire, England.

  July 15, 1862

  My darling Elizabeth, I regret to say I reached my wits’ end with my wife this afternoon. After months of refusals and endless blubbering, I was forced to make her submit to me fully. Her time will soon come for the birthing and though I forbade it, her family intends to visit within the month.

  As is his wont, your murderer railed and cursed when I threatened his precious Anne with the strap. Indeed, it took several strikes before she submitted, and you know how I have always detested violence, my darling one.

  Your murderer again thought to vanish and spare himself from witnessing Anne’s subjugation but I have found the perfect answer to that dilemma. Each time he takes himself away or closes his eyes, I go to his mother and tell her more of her son’s perfidy. If your murderer wishes to spare her that knowledge, he must remain and witness the outcome of his murderous actions.

  I confess to you, my love, that it pains me to tell you of all I must do but it is the only way to avenge you. Truly, justice cannot be served until Anne is dead and your murderer comes to know the anguish he has caused me.

  10

  Day Nine

  The doctor arrived bright and early next morning carrying a small tray containing a variety of instruments and bandages.

  ‘I need to go home,’ Kelly said without any preamble. ‘It’s very important that I get back as soon as possible.’

  The doctor’s eyes lit up. ‘Well in that case you’re a lucky girl because I believe I can grant your wish. All your tests have come back fine.’ She checked the chart as she spoke, making notes and flipping pages. ‘You’ll have a headache for a few more days but you should be good as new by the end of the week.’ Donning surgical gloves, she gathered the tray and set about removing Kelly’s IV tube. She placed a wad of cotton to the back of Kelly’s hand. ‘Press on this,’ she ordered as she applied some tape. ‘There, all done,’ she said, gathering the scraps and placing them into the receptacle by the bed.

  ‘When can I leave?’

  ‘So long as you can guarantee there’ll be someone with you at all times for the next day or so, I can sign the release right now.’

  ‘I’m staying with Nancy and Tom, one or both are there day and night.’

  ‘Good. I’ve written a prescription for painkillers. The nurse will give that to you when you’ve signed your discharge papers. Take it easy and rest … and no late-night adventures sneaking about through secret passages,’ she said with a laugh. ‘Okay?’

  Kelly grimaced when she tried to smile. She shuddered to think what her forehead looked like if how it felt was anything to go by. As soon as the doctor left she climbed, a little too quickly, out of bed. She had to hold onto the tray table when a wave of dizziness struck, but after a short moment she steadied. She took a slow trip to the nearby bathroom to inspect her head. Once she got there she dearly wished she hadn’t bothered. Her forehead was a mess. Bile surged up her throat and for a moment she thought she might throw up.

  Gingerly, she washed her face and rinsed her mouth. By the time she returned she found Nancy sitting on her bed, hugging a bundle of clothes and a bag of toiletries.

  ‘For me?’

  ‘Helen rang to say you were being discharged, so I grabbed some jeans and things for you.’

  ‘Thanks. Give me three minutes and I’ll be ready to go.’ She handed Inspector Mathieson’s business card to Nancy. ‘While I’m dressing can you give him a call and tell him I’m leaving soon?’

  ‘Sure thing.’

  On the way out she signed her paperwork and took the pill prescription. When they reached the front door she saw a uniformed policeman closing fast. Obviously Mathieson was not going to give her the chance to escape. The policeman introduced himself as Constable Ward then followed them all the way back to Stanthorpe, parking his car just within the gates.

  Inside the manor workmen dodged police as both groups tried to go about their business. As they entered the hall, her eyes immediately darted to the mirror at the top of the stairs. He stood there, regally, both relief and concern etched across his face. She wanted to run up the short flight and reassure him that she was fine, but the people around her, perhaps with the exception of Nancy, would probably take her straight back to the hospital if she did.

  She flashed him a brief smile.

  ‘Do you want to come into the salon for tea, or would you prefer to go straight to your room?’ Nancy asked.

  ‘My room,’ she replied immediately.

  ‘I thought as much,’ Nancy said with a knowing grin.

  Tom was just coming down the stairs as they started up. ‘The police went through all your stuff I’m afraid. Inspector Mathieson seemed particularly interested in the material in your attaché case about the miniature cameras and listening devices,’ he said by way of warning. ‘I kept watch on them as they searched but kept my mouth shut.’

  She shrugged. There was little she could do about it now. How incriminating those pages might be was anyone’s guess, but she had truth on her side and she didn’t really think the inspector seriously suspected her of murder, otherwise he’d have been a whole lot meaner and certainly wouldn’t have let her come back to Stanthorpe without batting an eyelid.

  ‘Have they finished?’ She could see John behind Tom’s shoulder and was eager to get back to her room and have the privacy to confront him about his diary.

  ‘I believe so. Mathieson didn’t say to stop you going in there.’

  ‘Is he still here?’

  Tom shook his head. ‘He got a call and hared out of here in a big hurry. C’mon, give me your gear. You look tired.’ He grabbed her small overnight bag and turned. ‘Nance, why don’t you make Kelly a pot of tea?’

  ‘Make that coffee and I will be forever in your debt,’ Kelly said, grimacing as she tried to grin.

  Tom took her arm and led her up the stairs. As she passed the big mirror she saw John’s eyes widen as he took in her bruised appearance, but he didn’t speak – there were too many other people about.

  At her door, she halted. ‘Do you mind if I go in alone?’ she asked Tom.

  He nodded his understanding and placed her bag just inside the door. ‘I’ll tell Nance to knock when she comes up,’ he placed a soft kiss atop her head. ‘Do you want me to stand guard and make sure you’re left alone?’

  ‘That’s okay. You’ve got better things to do. Just warn me if Inspector Mathieson shows up. That man scares me.’

  He was pacing the width of the mirror like a caged tiger when Kelly entered the room.

  With the journal secure behind her back, she wondered how he’d react when she read the telling pages to him. She still didn’t understand how he could damn himself so readily when all the evidence was right here in her hands.

  ‘Kelly.’

  John spoke her name with such feeling that the rhythm of her heart quickened.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied, as if her name had been a question on his lips. He appeared weary as he strode forward.

  ‘Your brow, does it pain you terribly?’

  ‘Not much. They gave me some tablets at the hospital. It looks worse than it feels.’

  ‘I am so sorry I asked you to go into the passage to search for the journal. My quest is not worth endangering yourself over.’

  ‘I offered.’

  ‘Perhaps. But I cannot ask any more of you.’ His expression, both tender and sad seemed to reach through the barrier of the glass and tug at her heart. ‘You have done enough. More than enough.’

  ‘No, I haven’t.’ She cast him a determined look.
‘I’m going to search again tomorrow.’

  ‘Do not. It will be an effort wasted,’ he stated. ‘Time is passing. Soon there will be no more. It is ever my doom. But I do thank you for trying.’

  ‘We still have time … and I’m not going to give up until we’ve exhausted every possibility.’ She paused and gathered the courage to reveal her discovery. She took one step closer to the mirror and trapped his gaze with hers. ‘I did find something. Not Edward’s journal, but something that might help us. Let me read you a few pages …’ She drew the red bound book from behind her back and held it up toward him.

  ‘No! … where did you find that?’ he demanded savagely, lunging at the glass. ‘That will not be of any help. Destroy it.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  His hands fisted. ‘Madam – it belongs to me. It will not benefit us. Cast it into the fire!’

  She shook her head slowly and opened the book to a page she had dog-eared. ‘Before you just dismiss it, let me read you something.’

  ‘Please, Kelly,’ anguish filled his face, ‘I know what it says. It will not help us.’ Yet even as he said the words she saw capitulation cloud his dark eyes.

  ‘It might not help us find a way out but it does help me to understand. Listen …

  10th October, 1861

  It is as I feared. Elizabeth is more than ill. The physician confirmed today what I had known since Sunday. The smallpox. The worst kind. I have seen many die from the dreaded sickness and I know the agony. The small scars are still visible, but I was lucky. The physician said there is no hope for Elizabeth – that I should purge the room as soon as the end comes.

  Kelly looked up to see John’s features locked in torment. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she whispered.

  ‘It was no excuse.’

  She stepped forward and placed her fingers on the mirror as if she could lay a consoling hand upon his arm.

  ‘Of course it is … I’ve read it in your own words.’ She turned the page and continued …

  14th October, 1861

  The house is empty but for Elizabeth and myself. I do not know what the servants think, nor do I care. Nothing really matters now. She begged me to end it for her but I cannot do it. I would die in her place if I could …

  ‘She begged you! Begged you to put her out of her misery. What else could you do? I know how you loved her.’

  Slowly, his eyes rose to meet hers. ‘Love could do nothing.’

  ‘Except save her from further pain …

  15th October, 1861

  I cannot abide it. Her pleas – her pain. She begged me again and again until I could no longer withstand her cries. The old herb woman said the poison is painless but I want to try the physician’s medicine one more night. Perhaps she has passed the worst of it …

  ‘And this … the final entry,’ Kelly flipped the page.

  16th October, 1861

  She drank the poison happily. It was as if I had set her free and in truth, as God is my witness, I am grateful for it. She made me promise that no matter what, Edward must never know the manner of her illness or death. It will be difficult. But I will do as she asks. For her sake … and his. I will bury her body immediately so he cannot witness how the dreaded disease has marred Elizabeth’s beauty. Then I shall burn the bedding.

  I have written to Edward. I expect he will arrive within days. I pray I can summon the right words to tell him what I have done …

  ‘So you kept the secret – even when he accused you of murder, you stayed faithful to your promise.’

  ‘I loved her as my sister and my word is my bond. I made a vow before God. I could never betray her trust. She was carrying his child and he had forbidden her working with the children from the orphanage … and that was where she contracted the smallpox. She didn’t want him to know she had defied him. She didn’t want him to know she had killed their child. Knowing how she died would only have caused Edward terrible pain.’ His eyes glittered with unshed tears. ‘As it happened, his anger overrode it. I just did not see far enough into the future to realise that I would be condemning Anne to an agony worse than Elizabeth’s. In the end I could save neither woman.’

  Kelly so wished she could reach through the glass and touch him, comfort him. ‘Barnsley told me Anne went mad.’

  ‘Madness brought on by torment. Edward used her as a tool of vengeance against me. The things … the things he did to her …’ he faltered and turned away.

  Her own eyes filled as he watched his shoulders shuddering with emotion. She splayed her hand against the glass, feeling more impotent than she ever had in her life. ‘But you weren’t to know what he’d do!’

  He turned back, his face now a stormy mask that was filled with self-recrimination.

  ‘I contributed to her madness. I tried to talk to her, tried to tell her to escape once I learned the depth to which my cousin had sunk. She could not see me, only hear my voice, and when she spoke of it to Edward he denied hearing a sound. So, like every other person who has heard me since, she thought I was the shade of her betrothed … she believed I had returned to haunt her for the sin of letting my cousin rape her.’

  ‘He raped her?’

  ‘There is no other word for it … he seduced her against her will a few short weeks after the magistrate pronounced my death. Poor Anne had only arrived days before and was numb with grief. She was very young and naïve and certainly had no notion of the ways of men, and Edward all but convinced her that he was consoling her for her loss – that it was what I would have wanted. I do not know what ruse he used to lure her, alone, to this room. She did not understand his intent until too late.

  ‘Her family forced her to accept his marriage proposal when it became evident her virtue was no longer intact. It was mere weeks before Anne discovered she was with child. I believe Edward suggested I had fathered the child and his offer of marriage was a self-sacrificing effort to repay my debt.

  ‘Anne’s father refused to hear her protestations, and she and Edward were married soon after. On the wedding night … he …’ – John fell to his knees – ‘… I begged God to save her but He would not hear me. As He did not hear me for Elizabeth.’ A lone tear began to roll unheeded down his cheek. ‘I could do nothing. In the end I stopped trying to speak to Anne as the sound of my voice only caused her more distress.’

  His face was so close Kelly felt as if she could reach out to touch him. It took every ounce of effort not to sob as she watched him relive the torture, unable to offer anything but empty words.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.

  Glancing at her, he gathered himself and wiped away the single tear. ‘Do not be sorry for me, Kelly. I have endured loneliness, but the women I loved … Elizabeth, Anne … my mother – they suffered worse.

  ‘Edward became quite mad in the end, and all the generations of Ditchleys since have shown a similar taint. So I beg of you,’ his eyes lifted to hers plaintively, ‘do not allow the viscount any intimacy. He will bring you harm, I know it.’

  She almost wanted to laugh at the irony; John’s life was in the balance, they had mere days to find the answer to his incarceration and he was more concerned with her welfare than his own. Laying her cheek against the cold glass, she knew in her heart no matter what, she would find a way to release him.

  A sharp rap on the door brought him to his feet. Kelly was slower to react, pushing away from the mirror only after a second series of taps.

  ‘Come in,’ she called.

  A tray with coffee and cookies preceded Nancy into the room. ‘Sorry to disturb,’ she began, but the instant she saw Kelly’s tears she dumped the tray on the bed and wrapped her arms around her friend.

  ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, concern etched across her face.

  Shuddering, Kelly nodded then extricated herself. ‘I’m okay. John just told me a very sad story, that’s all. I’ll share it with you one day, if John doesn’t mind?’ she darted him a questioning look but he merely shrugged.<
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  Nancy’s lips lifted in a sympathetic smile. ‘I suppose I should say hi to your invisible friend?’ she said, her smile widening.

  John nodded, though only Kelly could see him. ‘Greetings, Madam, I am in your debt.’

  ‘Whatever for?’ Nancy narrowed her gaze and peered at the glass, to no avail. She shivered. ‘It really is weird, you know?’

  ‘Imagine, from my viewpoint, Madam, how utterly strange it is to be speaking to a woman who lives one hundred and forty years in the future … and having her believe I am not a mere ghost.’

  ‘So Kelly said, though I just don’t get that bit. I’d really like to talk to you some more about all this, but Inspector Mathieson is downstairs.’ She turned her attention back to Kelly. ‘He wants to see you, Kel. Do you feel up to it or would you rather I told him you’re sleeping?’

  ‘It’s probably best if I cooperate. As far as I know I’m his only suspect and it wouldn’t help my cause to be belligerent. Can you ask him to give me ten minutes? I’d like to freshen up and drink my coffee. I think,’ she glanced up at John, ‘that I’d like to talk with him up here … and if Mathieson has no objection I’d really feel better if you or Tom were here with me.’

  ‘Sure. We’ll both be here for you.’ Nancy headed to the door. ‘Don’t worry, Kel, it’ll all be sorted. We know you didn’t hurt Deanna, and so will the inspector soon enough. I’ll delay him with a cuppa and will buzz your mobile to let you know when we’re coming up.’

  ‘Thanks, Nance.’

  Although she wasn’t physically cold, Kelly hugged herself and rubbed her arms briskly as she came back to stand before the mirror.

  ‘Is there any way I can help with this Mathieson fellow?’ John asked in a low whisper. ‘I cannot believe this man is right in his mind if he suspects you could murder that girl.’

  One dark brow rose. ‘You know about that?’

  ‘Your friends informed me of it yesterday. I thank you for asking them to speak with me. Even if I cannot escape this prison, knowing that others no longer fear the sound of my voice is a great boon. I shall assist in whatever way I am able.’