The Complete Makanza Series: Books 0-4

by Krista Street

  She held her arm open to me and gave me a half-hug when I reached her side. Her soft warmth pressed against me.

  “My world is complete right now. The two people I care about most are standing right beside me.” Her words were quiet and content.

  A lump formed in my throat. So this is what a loving family feels like.

  Davin’s eyes were bright, just like Sharon’s. With a start, I realized it was the first time I’d ever seen them together.

  “Now, what did I interrupt?” Sharon wiped the tears from her cheeks and dropped her purse by the wall.

  I bit my lip. “Well, we were about to make dinner.”

  A horrified look appeared on Sharon’s face but she quickly covered it up. “Would you like me to help?”

  “Yes!”

  Davin gave my enthusiastic response a quizzical look.

  I stuffed my hands in my back pockets. “Um . . . well . . . You haven’t seen me cook, but your mom has.”

  He chuckled but still kept his distance. Thankfully, his mother had no idea what she’d really interrupted.

  TWO HOURS LATER, Sage and I were doing dishes in the kitchen when another knock sounded on the door.

  Sharon glanced at the clock. “That must be my ride.” She picked up her purse.

  “You’re not staying?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “You stay, sweetie. These houses are small enough. Besides, I’ve made myself right at home in Mobridge, and I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  Sharon hugged Davin at the front door while the soldier waited. She waved goodbye to me and Sage before following the soldier out. Once they closed the door, the sound of the bolt sliding into place followed. Locked in once again.

  Drying a plate on a towel, I put it away before joining Davin in the living room. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I rocked to the backs of my heels. “Now what?”

  He raked a hand through his hair. “Uh . . . I dunno.”

  “How about a movie?” Sage appeared, still drying his hands on a towel. He reached for the remote and flipped on the TV. “There has to be something on.”

  His lumbering frame made the floor vibrate when he walked to the chair. That left the couch for Davin and me to share.

  Sage surfed through the channels until he found a drama that was halfway over. Braveheart. “Is this okay?”

  “Yeah. I love this movie.” I curled my toes into the couch cushion. Despite trying to stay on his side of the couch, Davin’s large frame pressed against me. He felt warm and hard.

  Swallowing tightly, I tried to relax and concentrate on the movie, but all I could think about was how close he sat and how warm he felt. It didn’t help that subtle wafts of his unique soap and aftershave scent kept tickling my nose. All I wanted was to bury my face in his neck and inhale.

  A few times, I caught him glancing my way. Every time I met his gaze, he quickly looked back at the screen. At one point, his fingers drummed along his thigh. When he caught me watching, he abruptly stopped.

  Just as the movie ended, and I felt certain I would die from oxygen deprivation due to breathing shallowly for over an hour, Sage flipped the channel to a sports game. He leaned forward in his chair, already enraptured by the score.

  I stood abruptly. “Excuse me.”

  Racing to the bathroom, I couldn’t get there fast enough. Once inside, I closed the door and sank against it. How is it that I already feel so lightheaded I can barely breathe?

  It was killing me that Davin was still a prisoner here. I knew that he’d never allow himself to really feel anything for me until he was free. Despite the kiss we’d shared all those months ago, despite both of us admitting feelings for each other, despite the obvious chemistry that sparked between us like a loose wire—nothing had changed. It was just like at the Compound. Emotions flowed between us—unspoken, achingly deep emotions—that neither of us brought to our lips.

  I closed my eyes and groaned.

  A knock sounded on the door. “Meghan?”

  Straightening, my eyes flashed open. “Yeah, just give me a minute!”

  I turned the faucet on so it would sound like I was actually doing something. Versus what I was really doing, which was obsessing over him while lamenting our current state.

  After patting cool water on my face, I didn’t look quite as flustered. My image in the bathroom mirror wasn’t horrible. My face was still pale, and my hazel eyes were unnaturally bright, but I didn’t look as frazzled as I felt inside.

  With tentative movements, I opened the door.

  Davin lounged against the wall in the hall. Blaring from the sports game carried from the living room. He studied me with his arms crossed, his impossibly bright blue eyes following my every move. “Are you okay?”

  No. I love you so much it’s driving me crazy. More than anything, I want to tell you that, but I’m scared. Even though I know you love me too, I still don’t know if you’ll ever be free. And I know if you’re not, you’ll never give us a chance.

  I ran a hand through my hair. “Yeah, I’m completely fine. Why do you ask?”

  He watched me for a moment, his expression giving away nothing. “You seem a little tense.”

  “It’s been a long day.”

  He pushed away from the wall and shook his head. “Of course. You must be exhausted. Let me show you to my room.”

  My eyes widened. “Your room?”

  “Yeah. I’ll sleep on the couch, and don’t even try to object. There’s no way I’m letting you sleep on the couch while I take the bed.”

  Knowing arguing was pointless, I followed him to the second bedroom. With the lights on, I studied it. There weren’t any knickknacks or personal touches. It was a simple bedroom with a bed, dresser, closet, and chair. But already, I caught a hint of Davin’s scent in the room—his aftershave, the soap he used, and that subtle scent that was all him. Perhaps it was from him standing right beside me, or perhaps his scent still lingered in the sheets, regardless I’d never smelled anything so good.

  “Do you need anything?” he asked. “Clothes? Toothbrush?”

  I smacked my hand to my forehead. “I left my bag in my car.” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized that until now.

  “So you basically have nothing?” His lips twitched up.

  A smile spread across my face at his amused expression. “You could say that.”

  “Good thing I have lots of T-shirts. Do you want to sleep in one of those?”

  All I managed was a breathy, “Sure.”

  A few minutes later, after hurriedly brushing my teeth using a spare toothbrush, I was alone in Davin’s room. Wearing his T-shirt. In his bed.

  The only thing missing was him.

  19 – SECRET LETTERS

  I was the first one awake the next morning. It had been hard to fall asleep the night prior. Faint sounds from the TV, and Sage’s occasional cheers or groans from the sports game, had carried into the room.

  Still, I’d somehow managed to fall into a peaceful sleep. I figured it had something to do with Davin’s scent surrounding me.

  Easing the door open, I tiptoed to the bathroom. The house was unnaturally quiet. From the hall, dark hair was visible on the couch. Davin lay sprawled on it.

  After finishing in the bathroom, I crept to the living room. Davin’s sleeping form rested only feet away. He slept without a shirt. I had no idea about his lower half.

  Swallowing, my pulse ticked faster as my gaze wandered over his chiseled frame. Scars littered his abdomen. Years of being at Dr. Roberts’ mercy could be thanked for that. Still, he was beautiful.

  Midnight hair tousled from sleep covered his head. Dark lashes rested against his cheeks. With the covers pushed down to his waist, his beautiful dark-honey-colored skin was on display.

  Longing pulsed through me. More than anything I wanted to touch him. To lay my cheek against his chest. To feel his strong hands roam over my body.

  With a sharp turn, I scampered back to his bedroom. Closing the door, I fle
w onto the bed and buried myself under the covers. Not creepy at all, Meghan, to be perving over a guy sound asleep.

  Early morning sunlight peeked around the curtains. Under the covers, I listened for sounds of Davin or Sage waking. They didn’t come.

  Sitting up, I once again pushed the blankets back and sat on the edge of the bed. A crinkling sound followed. Cocking my head, I shifted. The crinkling sound came again.

  Sliding off the bed, I frowned as I tried to figure out what the sound had been. Pushing on the mattress, the sound returned. It sounded like . . .

  Paper.

  Tentatively lifting the mattress, my eyes widened when a small stack of papers appeared. With my cheeks heating, I reached for them even though I knew I shouldn’t. They were Davin’s papers.

  That he was obviously hiding.

  Still, my hand kept reaching. Maybe it’s nothing. Could just be something the MRRA left behind when they set up these houses.

  Pulling the papers out, I set the mattress back down. Turning, I sank to the floor, my back to the bed, effectively hiding me if anyone looked in the room.

  I turned the papers over. Handwritten words stared back at me. Pages of handwritten words.

  With a pounding heart, I knew these weren’t papers left by the MRRA. They were letters. Yet I didn’t put them down. I knew I should.

  But I didn’t.

  My heart was pounding so hard when the words from one page leaped out. ...I’ve missed you so much. I had no idea you were still alive . . .

  My hands shook as I shuffled to the first page. The letter began with, My dearest Davin.

  It felt like someone punched me in the gut. Everything inside me screamed to not read further. To put the letters down. To not know what was written on them.

  Yet, I began reading.

  My dearest Davin,

  It’s a bit surreal to be writing this letter. How long has it been since we’ve seen each other? Twelve years? It’s so hard to believe that we were practically kids the last time we saw one another. Yet we weren’t, not really. We were on the cusp of adulthood, that awkward age between being a child and growing into an adult. I’ve thought about you continuously since we parted. Wondering what happened to you. Wondering if you were okay. I assumed you had died in the First Wave, like so many did, so when I saw your name on the list of Kazzies admitted to Reservation 1, I was shocked.

  You’re alive! And you’ve been alive the entire time!

  My hands shook like dry, fluttering leaves on a windy autumn day. Inside, it felt like my heart would pound right out of my chest as my cheeks flushed. From the flowing, feminine handwriting, these were letters written to Davin by a woman. A woman from his past. Against my better judgment, I lifted the page again.

  I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through, living in the Compounds and now living on the reservation. But I’ve never forgotten you. I’m in Texas now. My sister is too, but our parents died in the First Wave, so now it’s just me and Danielle. Since we’re not kids anymore, we’re no longer in the state’s care. We lived in a quarantine facility that first year of the First Wave, after our parents died. In the second year, they moved us to a foster home. We were lucky. Our foster family stayed healthy, so we lived with them the entire time. They’re nice people. They’ll never replace our mom and dad, but-

  The sentence stopped abruptly. I hurriedly flipped to the next page.

  Sorry. I still have a hard time talking about that. And honestly, listen to me, I’m only talking about myself! So how are you? I’d really love to know and would be ecstatic if you wrote me back. What have you been doing? How has life been for you? How is your family? Did they survive? It’s been so long since I’ve spoken to someone from South Dakota. My life there was so much happier. I wish we’d never left, and that you and I

  Seriously, here I go again! I keep embarrassing myself! ;)

  I would have contacted you sooner if I’d known you were alive. But with the First Wave happening only weeks after my parents moved us from Rapid City, so much has happened. It’s only now, as our country slowly rebuilds itself that I’ve begun to hope at a future, that I—

  I put the papers down. I didn’t want to read anymore. This girl, or rather woman’s, letter to Davin was over four pages long. It was obvious she still cared for him. And for all I knew, he still cared for her too.

  Shuffling through the papers, my eyes widened when I realized it was more than one letter. There were multiple letters with various dates. My gaze scanned each one, my memory like a camera, taking snapshots of each.

  I scanned the second letter.

  My dearest Davin,

  I was so happy to receive a reply from you! I wasn’t sure you’d get my letter. Since I addressed it to Reservation 1, I figured it could end up anywhere, but it didn’t. You actually received it! And since you don’t have email, I guess letters is how we’ll communicate.

  I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear about your life now, to know that you’ve started a job on the reservation and that

  Tears stung my eyes as I pushed the papers down. I had to stop my fingers from curling around the edges and tearing them apart.

  With shaking hands, I stuffed the letters back under the bed. I had no idea what order they’d been in. I didn’t care. All I knew was that I couldn’t read anymore, and I wanted them as far away from me as possible.

  Davin replied. This woman could only be the mystery woman Sharon had spoken about all of those months ago—Davin’s long, lost love. Sharon’s words from our walk last year came back to haunt me. There was only one girl he really seemed to love, but she moved away before The First Wave.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to stop. Just because he’d exchanged letters with her didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean he still had feelings for her. It didn’t mean they’d broached the subject of their teenage relationship all of those years ago. A relationship that had been cut short from circumstance. It didn’t matter that she was his first love. Even though first loves were said to stick with a person forever . . .

  No!

  I’d go crazy if I kept thinking that way, but despite the logical thoughts countering the worried ones, it didn’t stop the stinging sense of betrayal. Davin had willingly spoken with a woman who obviously had interest in him. And it wasn’t just anyone. It was his first love. A woman who had tracked him down and seemed to want him in her life again.

  A life he wouldn’t let me be in.

  Standing, I tried to bury those thoughts as pain welled up inside me. Pulling my clothes on, I opened the door. I walked in a daze toward the kitchen. It was only when I passed the couch in the living room that I realized Davin was awake.

  “Good morning.”

  His deep voice rolled over me like a soft caress, but I couldn’t meet his gaze.

  In a blur, he stood beside me, the rustling air lifting tendrils of hair from my face. He tilted my chin toward him.

  Bright blue eyes, filled with worry gazed down at me. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I hastily pulled back. “Nothing. Sorry. Just a text from work. I was thinking about it. We still have a lot to do on a project . . .” The lie rolled awkwardly off my tongue.

  From Davin’s narrowing gaze, I assumed he knew it was a lie.

  With flustered movements, I bolted into the kitchen. “I’m going to make coffee. Do you want some?”

  He grunted a reply but didn’t follow me. Instead, I heard the bathroom door close in the hallway. Sagging against the counter, it took everything in me to stop the tears from flowing.

  THE NEXT FEW days passed in a blur. They were agony and rapture entwined into one. Every day I was with Davin. His nearness and physical presence calmed my soul while igniting my heart. My best friend was back at my side, yet at the same time, he wasn’t.

  The letters plagued my mind, keeping me at bay. He seemed to notice my distance and stiffness but never asked. As always, our entire relationship was
built on unspoken questions.

  Regardless, he was playful and attentive, like he had been at the Compound, months before talk of the reservation had started. But just when I thought we’d maybe have a chance at the future, and that my worry over the woman’s letters was for nothing, he’d carefully put distance between us again. Just like he always did. As if realizing how close we were becoming. As if realizing without his freedom, the possibility of us being together would never be a reality.

  Outside the reservation’s gates, the protests continued. The one time I’d ventured to the perimeter to meet Cash and return his USB, my eyes had widened at the number of gatherers. They’d grown significantly. Cold and snow be damned.

  Now that the gates were open, people were coming from miles. In a way, Dr. Roberts’ abuse had worked in our favor. Unwittingly, he’d brought more attention to the plight of the Kazzies than Cate and I had done in six months.

  With each hour that passed, I knew I was pressing my luck by staying on the rez, essentially doing nothing. Since I was technically still on leave from the Compound, that meant I was supposed to be working with Cate. So when the call came from Cate, asking me to report for rallies in the south, I wasn’t surprised.

  “How long will I be there?” I leaned against the kitchen counter, my new cell phone at my ear. Davin watched me from the kitchen table.

  “This week and maybe next,” she replied.

  I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. “So at least one but maybe two weeks in the southern states?”

  “Yes, but it could be shorter if the president agrees to a vote. I’m 99% sure she’s going to. We have a meeting this afternoon. With any luck, I’ll be able to sway her to grant a vote next week.”

  Next week? My heart jumped into my throat. “Okay, I’ll start packing. When am I leaving?”

  “This afternoon. The jet’s on its way.”

  When we hung up, silence filled the air. Sage had gone out. The Sergeant Major in charge had lifted the restrictions on keeping the Kazzies contained. Thankfully.