Want To Hate You ... Too Bad I Love You

by Melanie Marks

  Sara’s not ready to give up on the dream though. She’s a cupid. “He might pay—and give you lovin.’ Remember him in the cafeteria yesterday? You were a magnet to his eyes.”

  I roll my eyes.

  I have this huge temptation to tell her about last night. That Smith was going to give some lovin’ to my aunt. (My aunt!) But, you know—the promise. So I keep my lips sealed by biting them together. But it would sure prove my point—that Smith isn’t going to pay to kiss me. The dude gets around.

  (My aunt!!)

  As I’m gabbing away, not telling Sara any secrets, but wanting to blab them all, suddenly I get a text that makes my heart stop.

  “Oh my gosh!” I gasp.

  “What?” Sara looks concerned.

  I blink at my phone. “I got a job—well, I think I do.”

  I stare dumbstruck at the text telling me they want me to start today.

  But I can’t believe it. I mean, it can’t be true. It’s the job of my dreams. The dream job I applied for, but never in a million years expected to get it. No way.

  Not able to focus on the words coming from sweet Sara’s mouth, I quickly text back, replying to the message: “Um, just to clarify: I’m actually starting today? … or just coming in for an interview?”

  The reply is quick and amazing: “Starting. We don’t feel we need an interview as we really liked the samples of your work that we’ve looked through.”

  Samples? I gave them, like one sketch. One. And I wasn’t even supposed to include it. I’d attached it to my pathetic resume, just because my resume was so pathetic. I never in a million years thought I’d get the job.

  My heart pounding, I practically shout, “I got the job!”

  Chapter 75

  The first thing I see when I leave class is Smith. He must have been standing outside the door waiting for me. The thought makes my stomach loop, thinking about that—him waiting for me. It also loops that his eyes light up when he sees me.

  However, he saw me naked last night—so his gaze is … awkward for me. And embarrassing.

  Before I have time to process anything but Smith and his hungry eyes, he is beside me. He lifts an eyebrow. “Sorry about last night.”

  My face ignites. I mean, he’d sure got an eyeful. I try to walk around him. “Yeah, right. I bet you are.”

  He gently puts a hand on my shoulder (oh!) He pulls me back to him. “No, look. I’m serious. The only reason I went out last night was I was trying to get you out of my head—then seeing you, like that—well, let’s just say, no. I can’t get you out of my head.”

  “Well, I’d appreciate if you did.”

  He grins slightly. “I didn’t mean that exactly the way it might have sounded. I mean, I wasn’t talking about can’t get the sight of you naked out of my head. That’s not what I meant. Though I’m a guy, so it was even in my head before you gave me the actual visual.”

  “Okay, stop talking. Please.”

  He grins again, but it’s faint. “Okay. But I didn’t come over here to tease you or in anyway make you feel uncomfortable. I want you to feel comfortable around me—and give me a chance.”

  My stomach swoops, big time. But I try to get a grip. I mean, come on, this is Smith. Smith! The guy avoided me for years, just because I had a crush on him. So, whatever he just said is obviously not the way I’m taking it. Obviously.

  I blink, then come to my senses, and slowly realize what must be happening. I guess. I shake my head slightly. “No thanks. I’m not interested in more fake relationships. They haven’t really worked out for me.”

  “Then let’s make it a real one.”

  Fireworks shoot though my body. It’s harder this time to keep my senses, since he’s staring at me like he’s holding his breath. What is going on?

  “W-why?” I stammer out confused. “I mean, why would you want to do that?”

  His eyebrows go up, like I should know the answer.

  Heat rips through my body from his stare and his sexy silent response that seems to imply he likes me.

  Holy smokes!

  “But—but just the other day we were commiserating to each other about our heartbreaking break-ups.”

  “Look, I wasn’t really that heartbroken about it.” His eyes flicker deep into mine. “I was starting to like another girl.”

  I shake my head, trying to shake away the unfathomable, impossible hope creeping up inside me.

  Instead of letting it fully envelop me, I do my best to get a grip. Cling to reality.

  I swallow and inform him, “You wouldn’t even look at me for years. And then—you said so yourself—the only reason you did look at me again was because my hand accidently landed in your lap.”

  He moans. “I told you—it wasn’t just the lap thing. It was the drum solo, and the white dress.”

  He grins mildly, then he adds, “—okay, and I confess, I sat down at your table on purpose—not that you noticed me. Well, not until you entertained my pants.”

  I gape at him, hardly able to believe his words. “You sat down next to me voluntarily? Of your own free will?”

  He quirks an eyebrow. “Yeah, what? You thought someone twisted my arm?”

  I’d always assumed he hadn’t realized he was next to me, at least not until it was too late to move.

  I bite my lip. “I thought it was an accident.”

  However, to tell you the truth, he was right. I hadn’t noticed he was next to me until the lap incident. (I told you, I was devoted to Grady. I purposefully kept my eyes and brain off Smith. Always.)

  Smith watches me a moment with a curious gaze before he goes on, “While I’m confessing, it was even before that night that I was starting to think about you—and be jealous of Grady. I’d see you guys at school lost in your own little world, giving each other starry eyes. It was like you were the perfect couple—playing the drums together, making your weird little videos.”

  Tingles go through me. He noticed that stuff?

  Smith goes on, shocking me, “I never really had a relationship like that with a girl—except with you. Still, even though I was starting to feel this longing for you, and I was jealous of Grady, I didn’t want you guys to break up or anything. You guys seemed happy. Gave me hope for love. But then I noticed the guy getting really friendly with that Becca chick. And then I saw you finally noticing it. And I was like, oh man, here we go. And suddenly your usually smiling face was wearing a sad little frown all the time.”

  He gives me a sympathetic look. “So, I thought you could use a friend—but just a friend, since your heart was broken and you’d you just broken up with the love of your life. And I have tendency to do that—go after a girl, but then end up breaking her heart. But I didn’t want to do that to you—you were my Wonder Woman.

  “So I gave you space, but I wanted to be there for you. You were … fragile.”

  I stare at him, my heart pounding with love. Love for that story.

  I have to look away from his confusing stare or I’m going to melt into a puddle at his feet.

  Still not looking at him, I quickly change the subject. I have to. It’s a defense mechanism—deflect. And come on, because of his attention to me Chloe has turned into a terrifying menace—gone completely off the deep end.

  With a groan, I inform him, “Chloe is insane. She’s totally gone psycho.” I dare to peek into his eyes. “And she didn’t even like me before you faked involvement with me—she hates me.”

  Smith chokes a slight laugh. “Here’s the thing, after your inappropriate fondle at the banquet that night I snatched her into a closet with me—for some ‘me’ time. But I might have accidently said your name while I was kissing her.”

  His jaw muscles flicker “—and when I say ‘might have’ what I really mean is, I did. I accidently said your name.”

  He rubs the back of his neck, a self-mocking grin playing at the corners of his lips, “She wasn’t too pleased about that.”

  Sardonically I roll my eyes, “No? Really?�
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  “Weird, huh?” He leans the back of his head against the wall. “After that she started accusing me of staring at you all the time.”

  I tilt my head up at him, stunned. “Did you?”

  He shakes his head slightly, but what comes out of his mouth is, “Could be.”

  He glances at me again, “So give her a break about that one, okay? Girls don’t like to be called by another girl’s name when they’re being nice and kissing you. It makes them not be so nice.”

  I bite my lip. “Like, go-out-and-find-another-guy kind of ‘not nice.’”

  “Apparently so, yeah.”

  He draws out a long breath as I just stare at him. Then he explains, “What Chloe and I had—it wasn’t the same thing as you and Grady. Not for either of us. So, I’m not quite as heartbroken as you—or heartbroken at all, actually.”

  He rubs the back of his neck while he bites on his lip, like he knows I’m not going to like his explanation. “Chloe was good at some stuff that I enjoyed, and in order to continue getting that stuff, she required a title. She wanted to be my, ‘Girlfriend.’ I let her have it—the title. That’s how much I enjoyed getting the stuff. But now she’s giving it to someone else, so the title is revoked—it’s available … if you want it.”

  “Yeah, no thanks. Like I said, I haven’t really fared so well with the whole fake relationship thing—in case you weren’t aware.”

  “No. I heard.”

  He raises his eyebrows, “—on the loudspeaker.”

  “Right. So …”

  His hair falls in his eyes as he playfully grins, “I also heard there that you’re a really nice make-out.”

  I blush for some reason—well, no, the reason is pretty obvious. I roll my eyes. “Still, I’m going to pass on the fake relationship thing.”

  He juts his chin, raising his brow as he says it again, “Then let’s make it a real one.”

  Sparks rush through me—again. (I’m such a sap!)

  I bite my lip, so not wanting to be a sap. I mean, come on. He was at my aunt’s house just last night. My aunt’s!

  Come on, Mandy! Don’t be a sap. Your heart is already broken. You’re not used to boys. Especially not ones like Smith—even Grady tried to warn you about it.

  I look away from his rather ravenous looking eyes.

  Breathe, Mandy. Breathe and be sensible.

  Don’t look back into his eyes.

  I swallow. “You wouldn’t even look at me after you saw my book.”

  He nods. “I’m sorry.”

  The bell rings, thank goodness.

  I dash away from him, but tell him over my shoulder, “You hurt my feelings!”

  He texts me before I even make it to my class, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, Mandy.”

  He adds, “I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to be a superhero—or an answer to a prayer.”

  CHAPTER 76

  SMITH

  Smith

  Okay, yeah. I’d seen Mandy’s comic book of me. It had leapt out at me when I opened her locker. What I mean is, she sent me to her locker one day to get her lab notes, and then this—this notebook thing fell out. “The Adventures of Smith Cross.”

  The book had me doing all this romantic, heroic-type stuff. It was pretty cute. Looking through it, I had chuckled and been extremely flattered.

  Only, I didn’t know how to take it (the book). I mean, there was this psycho girl, Dixie, who would go berserk on every girl that came near me. So, I was slightly (slightly!) … nervous. Okay, alarmed. I mean, I didn’t need another psycho fan-girl getting thrown out of malls because of me.

  Especially not Mandy. She was my friend. She was fantastically cute, in a nerdy sort of way. Wicked good at games … and the drums. Two things very close to my heart. Also Mandy herself—she was close to my heart. I loved her so much—like a little sister.

  But the thing is, I’d gotten a lecture just that day from the school counselor. I got called into see her because two girls had gotten in a fight over me before first period. (They got suspended.) The counselor told me I had to use my “power” over girls kindly. That girls have tender hearts and it was my obligation to try not to break them. “Go easy on them,” she said.

  She said it like I did it on purpose—had girls fighting over me. But I’d been pretty clueless about girls and the “power” I had over them until just recently. It had been … bewildering. But cool.

  But so, I’d just been lectured about “going easy” on girls, and I didn’t want to be “hard” on Mandy. Because I liked her. A lot. I didn’t want to break her “tender” heart. But I also didn’t know what to do about her heart. I mean, the book was cute. Extremely adorable. But a little psycho too. I didn’t want her to get suspended because of me. Or start calling me all the time and hanging up which a lot of girls suddenly had a tendency to do. I mean, this was Mandy. My life-long friend.

  So … I started avoiding Mandy. Slightly. Sort of. Not because I was worried about her exactly. Just because … I don’t know. It was kind of messed up—me being seen as someone that saves girls from fires and stuff. Flattering … but messed up. Even though I knew it was just, like, girl-fantasy stuff or whatever. And like I said it was cute, but like I also said, I wasn’t quite sure how to take it. I mean, I like to tease girls about stuff—I just do. But I didn’t tease Mandy about that—about the book. Ever. It seemed like it would be mean. So, I just tried acting like I hadn’t seen it.

  I didn’t want to mess with her head, or whatever. So yeah, I avoided her and I didn’t mention the book to her—or anything else. I didn’t exactly walk the other way whenever I saw her coming down the school hallway towards me—but I didn’t jump up and down waving to her either. (And okay, sometimes I walked the other way.)

  But then, in high school Mandy wasn’t just nerdy-cute anymore. She was extremely cute. And she was so into the drums—which I loved. She would pound away on them, and it would make my heart pound. For her. But the thing was, she was all into this guy, Grady now. By the time I realized I totally wanted that—her—she was totally, completely his.

  Then I avoided her for a different reason. I didn’t like knowing what I blew.

  But still, I’d watch her. From afar—when she didn’t know I was watching. And she never knew I was watching. ‘Cause the girl wouldn’t look at me.

  I used to feel her eyes on me all the time—back in middle school. But in high school I couldn’t get her to look at me for anything.

  … And I realized I missed it. Bad. Her eyes on me.

  Yeah, I’d blown it, and it bit.

  CHAPTER 77

  SMITH

  Smith

  When Grady and Mandy broke up, it didn’t make me happy. You might think it would, but I’m not like that. She was hurt, and she was like my sister—so, no. I wasn’t happy.

  Also, I knew she loved the guy, and I knew they would eventually get back together, because, I swear, they had seemed like the perfect couple. Them apart was just wrong. Of course what Grady was doing to her was wrong. It was messed up. And sad. I mean, he made her faint. I could have punched him out.

  But instead, I just decided to be there for her—help her. Only, not too close. Because like I said, I knew they were going to get back together, and then I’d be the one hurt. Believe it or not, I didn’t want that. I mean, I really, really didn’t want that. So, I tried to keep my distance—yet help her, and be there for her. Kind of like the superhero she used to want me to be. Only now do it for real.

  I felt like I was actually accomplishing that … but then I saw her naked.

  CHAPTER 78

  SMITH

  Smith

  The whole time I was hitting on Mandy’s aunt (didn’t have a clue who she was, by the way), but the whole night, even when we got to her house, I wasn’t really feeling I could go through with it. Not that the lady wasn’t hot. And eager for it. But I just wasn’t feeling it. I kept thinking about Mandy—and then, there she was … in all her naked glory.
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br />   So, no.

  No way was I ever going to get her out of my head. Not that night—or any other.

  CHAPTER 79

  SMITH

  Smith

  Now I just have to somehow convince Mandy I’m the right guy for her—not dweeby little Grady.

  Lucky for me, Mandy got pressured into agreeing to do that kiss-thing with me—and I’m a good kisser.

  So, this could work out.

  CHAPTER 80

  MANDY

  MANDY

  As I come out of fifth period, again my eyes land on Smith. He’s like a magnet to my eyes. They’re drawn to him. Of course it doesn’t hurt that he was standing right outside the door, apparently waiting for me again. It makes my heart pound wild.

  What has happened? For years the guy avoided me just because he found out I had a crush on him. Now, strangely, suddenly he’s standing outside classroom doors, waiting for me; and bizarrely trying to convince me he wants to be in a ‘real relationship’ with me—yet he’s strangely telling me this stuff right after he was going to do my aunt!!

  So, you know, I feel like I’m in the Bermuda Triangle.

  “Hi Mandy,” he murmurs.

  “Hi,” I whisper back, hardly able to breathe since his eyes are stalled on my lips. It has my heart slamming hard against my chest, and my pulse thumping wild.

  His lips part slightly. Tingles whoosh through me ‘cause he looks like he wants to kiss me. Bad.

  But slowly he drags his gaze from my lips and stares into my eyes.

  Holy smokes!

  Heat sizzles through my body from the way he’s staring—all hungry and questioning.

  His voice husky and low he asks, “Did you think about what we talked about earlier?”