Broken

by Drea Blackery

  I stared at her in shock. “That was…”

  “I know,” she panted.

  Then she craned her head, looking down at my cum on her body. “There’s like a billion of you in here,” she breathed.

  God, she said the damnedest things. I’d never grow tired of the surprises.

  Eager to have her in my arms again, I wasted no time in grabbing a handful of tissues from the bedside. Karin cleaned herself up with them and tossed them aside, then lay back down in bed with me.

  She bit her lip. “Does your wound hurt?”

  “No.”

  “How do you feel?”

  I considered her question. “I feel… strange.”

  “Hmm. A good kind of strange?”

  “Absolutely.”

  There was still work to be done, but it didn’t seem quite so suffocating now. In fact, I doubted I had ever felt more at peace.

  I frowned down at Karin in wonder. The effect she had on me was shocking. For the first time in my life I wasn’t restless, aching to get up and do something else. I had spent my life chasing distractions, never knowing contentment, or if I was even capable of it.

  Now that Karin was in my arms, in my bed, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

  “You’re going to see Estelle soon, aren’t you?” Karin asked, shifting on her side to gaze at me. “Will you be okay?”

  “It’ll be unpleasant, but I’ll be alright.”

  “Okay.” She reached a finger out, tracing my bandages lightly. “When the time comes, I’ll be waiting outside to cheer you on. And when we get home… I’ll give you a new present.”

  The promise of her present had my attention, but one other word stood out. “Home?”

  “Uh huh. Oh, didn’t I tell you?” She grinned. “I’m moving in with you.”

  Her words made me stupidly hopeful, but I tried to rein it in. “Are you certain? I wanted to do it properly this time, give you all the romantic things you dreamed of.”

  “Oh please, you’ve already blown it out of the water.” She patted my arm reassuringly. “I’m a smart girl. I see a guy who’s literally willing to jump in front of a knife for me, I snap him up faster than a dollar bill.”

  I frowned at her in wonder. “If this is a dream, it’s very realistic.”

  “Isn’t it?” Karin’s gray eyes were soft as she nestled her cheek in my open palm. “And in this dream, I say the “F” word to you.”

  “You’ll have to tell me what that means, love. The “F” word means something else to the rest of the world.”

  “I forgive you.”

  My chest clenched. “I like your definition better.”

  Karin lay back in bed, smug with satisfaction. “I know.”

  I couldn’t help a smile as I watched her. It seemed hard to believe that after all these years, what I’d always dreamed of but never dared hope for was finally within reach.

  But as usual, Karin wasn't one to respond in the usual way.

  Out of nowhere, her eyes started filling with tears. She sniffled loudly, and I was instantly alarmed.

  “What's the matter? Are you hurt somewhere?”

  “No.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again.”

  I lay back down in relief. “If the need ever arises again, I would. I’d die for you.”

  “You almost did,” Karin retorted.

  Then she bit her lip, looking hesitant. “But I want something more than that,” she admitted. “I want you to live, properly, and happily. I know it’s hard, but I’ll be here with you. Promise me you’ll try?”

  I stared at the girl in my arms, bewildered and humbled by her. She was made for me, and I was not about to let her go again. Not for anything, or anyone.

  “Alright,” I found myself saying. “I promise.”

  The furious protests came the moment I stepped into the apartment that Estelle had been hiding out in.

  “It’s been a month! I told you to call me if you were taking longer than two weeks—”

  “And I told you I’ll come when I come.”

  I watched calmly as my mother tried to rein in her anger. It had been Karin’s idea to wait until my stitches were out before dealing with Estelle—she’d gotten it into her head that Estelle might physically attack me.

  Looking at my mother’s fury now, it seemed that Karin might be right.

  Estelle struggled to school her features, her face looking like it would crack under the strain.

  “You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” she clipped. “Did you bring everything? The documents I need?”

  I didn’t answer her question right away. “I need to speak to you.”

  Her blood-red lips tightened. “Can’t we do it when we’re on the plane?”

  “Afraid not.”

  Estelle was growing agitated, and it showed. She was puffing on her cigarette at twice her usual speed, rolling the stick between her fingers restlessly. “Fine, then let’s make it quick. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Us, actually.” I cocked my head, watching her closely. “I wanted to know… Did you ever love me?”

  My mother was taken aback by the sudden question, but she quickly composed herself. “Of course I do. There’s no one in the world—”

  “Think carefully, Mum.”

  “I didn’t know this was a test,” she teased.

  When I didn’t return her smile, she grew sober, putting out her cigarette in an ashtray. She paused and considered her answer as if her extraction out of America depended on it.

  It didn’t. I already knew the answer to that question, but I was curious to know what she would say.

  It was strange—I had never asked her this before. Perhaps a part of me didn’t want to hear the truth in her lie, but today I found it ridiculously easy.

  Estelle lifted her chin after another moment. Her script was ready.

  “Do you remember the day I came for you at the boarding school?” she asked, her smile holding just the right amount of tremulousness. She clasped her hands loosely in front of her, the perfect posture of a mother who wanted nothing more than to fix a broken bond with her son.

  “I was so nervous that morning. I tried on so many outfits; I wanted to make a good impression on my son.” She tucked a lock of platinum hair behind her ear, looking as uncertain as she professed to have been that day. “I sat in the Principal’s office, waiting for you to come. I wanted to take you home with me.” She paused for effect. “Do you remember?”

  “Not quite so dramatically, no.”

  My uninvolved reply didn’t deter Estelle, who threw herself into the act with more fervor.

  “You walked in wearing that smart uniform,” she said softly. “It was just after winter, wasn’t it? You wore their jacket, the navy one with the dark gold trim that matched your eyes.” She smiled wistfully like she was lost in thought. “My own boy, all grown up. You were so big, taller than me and even the Principal. I didn’t recognize you at first.”

  “That’s hardly surprising. You visited a total of three times in the ten years I was there, and for scant minutes each time.”

  “It isn’t easy being a single mother, Theo,” Estelle said quietly.

  “And so you decided not to be one at all.”

  “I know you blame me for many things. But I cared for you the best I could.”

  “You also tried to put a bullet through my head.”

  Her eyes watered on cue. “You left me no choice, Theo. It almost killed me to do it, you know I love you.”

  My mouth twisted wryly.

  Once, I would have believed her. I had wanted to believe her. If she hadn’t been pushed to the edge, she wouldn’t have done it. That’s what I kept telling myself.

  But it wasn’t love, I realized that now. I’d sooner put a loaded gun to my own face before I ever let it point at Karin. Estelle was a manipulator with room only for herself, and for years I had been more like
her than I was comfortable with.

  I withdrew the envelope I brought with me from inside my coat and held it up.

  “Your documents are right here. European ID, passport, birth certificate, bank account, property, all under a new name.”

  Estelle nearly crumpled in relief. “I knew you’d do it for me.”

  “Don’t thank me just yet,” I said easily. “I did wonder if I should break the news to you myself, or leave it to Ryland. I decided on the former, because I wanted to see your reaction as I did this.”

  Holding my mother’s stunned gaze, I produced a lighter, setting the documents alight.

  Estelle’s face turned white as I dropped the fiery pile on the table. I half-expected her to leap and put the fire out, but she didn’t move even an inch, watching as her precious documents burned to ashes.

  “You need to surrender,” I said quietly. “I’m done protecting you.”

  “It’s her, isn’t it? You chose her over me again.” Estelle drew a shuddering breath, releasing it carefully. “You’re my son, but what you’re doing is making it very hard for me to love you.”

  There it was, that threat. “That wasn’t what you said a minute ago,” I said calmly.

  “Now you’re just toying with me.” Her eyes were stark with anger and fear. “You want me to prove that I care about you? Well, I do, but first you have to help me!”

  I exhaled, finally realizing that I would never earn my mother’s love. She simply wasn’t capable of it. Now that I’d felt the real thing with Karin, I wondered how I had ever confused Estelle’s twisted manipulations for more than what they were.

  “Have you ever loved anyone?” I asked curiously. “Anyone at all, other than yourself.”

  “I loved your father, but he didn’t deserve it and neither do you! You bastard, you’re doing this for revenge!”

  “Perhaps I am,” I admitted. I’d thought it would be satisfying, but watching her break down now, I felt only regret at the mess we had made.

  “It isn’t much of a show, though,” I couldn’t resist adding.

  Estelle slapped me across the face, her long nails gouging deep enough to cut.

  “I’ll take you down with me!” she hissed, her eyes wild. “All of you!”

  I dabbed at my stinging cheek. “I haven’t spent my life studying the law for nothing,” I murmured, examining the blood that stained my fingers. “Believe me when I tell you that you won't be doing any more harm.”

  “Whatever you do will be illegal,” Estelle sneered.

  “What, you thought I’m going on the straight and narrow now?” I shook my head wryly. “I doubt I ever will, to be honest. I can only do right by the people who care about me.”

  “No one cares about you, you bastard—”

  “Speak for yourself.” Ryland entered the living room behind me. He shrugged when I shot him a look of irritation. “I know I agreed to stay out of this, but I can’t listen to her bullshit for another minute.”

  “Silence was never your strong suit.” I turned back to Estelle, who was regarding us like we were grim reapers come to collect on her soul. “Your recorded confession is with Ryland now, so you can expect a trial soon.”

  “They will never forgive you,” Estelle snarled, her eyes wild and furious. “Not the bastards you call friends, and not Karin Beckett. She will never love you back. You’re a monster. You’re selfish and sick in the head, and you’ll rot in hell for what you’re doing to your own mother!”

  “At least I won’t be lonely there. You’ll be right beside me.”

  “As a murderer, you’ll be in max security,” Ryland added, relishing Estelle’s horror far too much. “You won’t ever get to see outside of the walls again. You won’t even get to kill yourself. It’ll be a hell you can’t escape from.”

  Estelle was losing grip with every second that passed. “You wanted an apology, didn’t you?” She spat at me. “You wanted me on my knees begging for forgiveness. Fine. I apologize. I’m sorry I ever brought you into this world. I should have killed you inside me, right when your cold heart started beating, you fucking bastard!”

  Ryland looked stunned at the outburst. “You gotta be kidding me.”

  I felt sick to my stomach suddenly. Heart poison, Karin had once called her. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to get away from Estelle and her vitriol.

  “Rage all you want. You won’t get to do it once you’re behind bars.” I turned back to take a final look at the woman I once called mother. “I’ll see you in court.”

  ***

  I was waiting when Theo emerged from the apartment with Ryland behind him, and I saw immediately that something was wrong. Their expressions were too grim.

  That, and the fact that Theo’s face looked like it had just been scratched up by a wild animal.

  I hurried over to him in alarm. “What happened!”

  Theo looked relieved to see me. “Nothing less than what I expected from her.”

  I frowned, examining his face. “You did good.”

  Theo’s lips curved in amusement as he lowered his head to me for my inspection.

  “You don’t even know what I said in there,” he murmured, his amber eyes looking surprisingly relaxed.

  “I trust you. That, and Ryland’s not trying to kill you right now.”

  “I gotta say, Theo, your mother’s a real piece of work. I’ve never met anyone so…” Ryland grimaced as he searched for the words. “So fucking evil.”

  I stiffened immediately. “Oh no, what did she say to you guys?”

  “What did she not say. That woman’s sick in the head.” Ryland clapped his hand on Theo’s shoulder. “I know you hate it when people pity you, but man. I pity you.”

  Theo eyed Ryland’s hand with a look of disgust. “Care to repeat that?”

  I drew in a breath. “Before we go… Can you give me five minutes with Estelle?”

  Both guys spoke at the same time. “Absolutely not.”

  “I just want to talk to her,” I protested. “I have a right to.”

  “Then I’ll come with you.”

  “I want to speak to her alone please. I’m not budging on this.” Then I threw in the clincher: “Trust me?”

  Theo shot Ryland an irritated glance. “A little help here?”

  Ryland shrugged. “I’ve found that it’s best to let Allie have her way. Things always turn out fine, and if they don’t, that’s where we come in.”

  I nodded in approval. “Preach.”

  Theo looked like his next words were being dragged out of him. “Five minutes,” he ground. “If I hear any sign of distress from you, I’m coming in.”

  “Okay.” I kissed the unscratched side of his face. “Thanks.”

  Theo stepped back uneasily, his hands clenched as if he was forcing himself to keep them by his side.

  I gave him and Ryland a reassuring wave, then slipped into the apartment to see the woman who had taken my father’s life and tormented the man I loved for most of his.

  The last time I saw Estelle had been at my dad’s funeral. She had been dressed in glamorous black, weeping like her heart had been broken. For that reason, I expected a semblance of the elegant woman I remembered.

  That wasn’t what I saw. Estelle sat on the sofa looking furious, and above all, scared.

  Her makeup was smudged from her crying, leaving tracks of black and red down her cheeks. Despite all that, she still looked beautiful in her embroidered silk wrap and graceful slimness.

  But what truly bothered me was that there wasn’t a shred of remorse on her face. Estelle looked like she was the one who had been wronged, holding herself indignantly like an overthrown queen.

  I shut the door and took the seat across her.

  “Are you here to gloat?” She cast me a hateful look. “It must feel good seeing me like this.”

  “I feel relief that we’re going to get justice for Dad,” I said quietly. “But I’m not happy. I’d rather have my father back. I’d rath
er you hadn’t done what you did and lived out the rest of your life happily instead.”

  “Karin Hope Beckett,” Estelle mocked, “always so kind and selfless and sensitive. You’ve even become pretty. I can see why my son was so eager to turn against me.”

  “You abandoned him when he was a child.” I couldn’t believe my ears. “Theo still gave everything to protect you.”

  “Protect me? Then tell me why I’m about to be put behind bars.”

  “You know exactly why. You took an innocent life.”

  “Don’t tell me what is or isn’t, what the fuck do you know?” Estelle suddenly snapped. “You’ve always had everything. You’ve even taken the last thing I had from me.”

  “You drove him away yourself! You used him again and again.”

  “He wanted to ruin me after everything I did for him. I gave him life.”

  “That doesn’t mean he owes that life to you. It doesn’t mean you can take it back whenever you want.” I stared, incredulous. “Theo loved you. All he ever wanted was a family. And my dad loved you. You had everything and you couldn’t even see it.”

  My heart broke to imagine my father’s last moments. He would have felt shock and grief at being betrayed by the only person he loved in the world.

  Estelle sneered. “I’d do it all over again.”

  I felt like I had been touched by ice. “If that’s your answer, then I’ll give you a warning instead. Don’t ever contact Theo again unless it’s to apologize on your knees.”

  “Then you can tell him that I regret every second, every cent I spent on him. If I could go back in time to kill him in my womb, I would.”

  I stared at the cruel, vicious woman in front of me in dawning horror.

  Now that I was seeing Estelle for what she truly was, the last pieces of Theo’s puzzle clicked into place for me.

  This was the coldness and cruelty he had been raised with. I couldn’t believe that Theo had been so starved of love that he had to get his scraps from this woman.

  “If you think that’s going to hurt him, it won’t. I’ll fill Theo’s life with so much happiness he won’t even have time to think about you.” My voice shook, but I clenched my hands in a bid to hold it steady. “He’ll be surrounded by a new family, one who supports and protects him, and he won’t even remember the miserable old woman who tried so hard to destroy him.”