Fate and Forever

by Sophie Jackson

  “Yeah, sorry,” Seb answered, his voice sounding as though he was distracted by something.

  “You good?” Riley asked.

  Seb coughed and sniffed. “Busy as shit and I’m fighting off this damn cold, so all I wanna do is stay in bed. I mean, who gets a cold in summer?”

  “You,” Riley commented nonchalantly. “You spoke to Mom?”

  “That’s what I was calling for; no one’s picking up, and last time we spoke she said Dad’s been back to the doctor.”

  Riley frowned. “Chest pains again?”

  “Don’t know. She was pretty vague about it.”

  Yeah, that sounded like Mom. She always tried not to worry her sons. Their father had suffered a heart attack a year ago and had been on medications ever since. The doctor had recommended early retirement, but Riley knew his father still worked at least three days a week. He was a stubborn son of a bitch.

  “Text Tate,” he offered. “Maybe he’s spoken to them.” Tate had always had a closer relationship with their father than the rest of them. Especially Riley.

  “Will do,” Seb replied. “You hung over? You sound rough.”

  “It was Carter’s wedding yesterday.”

  Seb chuckled. “No shit. Never thought I’d see the day.”

  Riley sighed, his chest filled with a sudden surge of melancholy. Seb cleared his throat, sensing, as he was always able to do, when one of his brothers was feeling shitty.

  “Seriously, Ri, you okay?”

  Riley dropped his head back and closed his eyes, a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes flashing in his memory like an old film. “I don’t know what the fuck’s up with me.”

  And it was driving him crazy. Riley always prided himself on his ability to brush shit off. He was an eternal optimist, but recently shit hadn’t been right at all. He felt heavy, as though the positivity he always clung to was being pulled away from him an inch at a time, stooping his shoulders, bringing him steadily to his knees. It was disconcerting, to say the least, and as much as he tried, Riley couldn’t seem to shake it off.

  “You should visit,” Seb suggested. “Get out of the city, go see the ’rents.”

  Riley groaned and rubbed his eyes. “I’m sure Dad would love that.”

  “Fuck what Dad thinks. Mom would love to see you.”

  “And when was the last time you were over there?” Riley teased.

  “That’s beside the point,” Seb countered quickly. “We’re talking about you. I live closer than you do; I can see them anytime. Besides, you’re Mom’s favorite. She doesn’t give a shit if I visit or not.”

  Riley snorted. “You’re so full of it.” Seb was the baby and was forever treated as such by their mother. He was an angel in her eyes. If she ever found out about Seb’s extracurricular activities, she’d shit a brick.

  Seb laughed. “Well, the offer’s there, bro.”

  “Thanks.” Riley sat forward, his breathing picking up. “So, um . . . have you . . . um, you seen . . . you know, heard anything new about her?”

  Seb exhaled. He knew who “her” was. Riley asked every time they spoke. He said softly, “No. Not for a long while.” He paused. “Last I heard she’d moved.”

  Riley nodded, relief and sadness curling in his stomach. “Do you know if she’s—?”

  “Dude, why do you do this to yourself?” Seb snapped. “Pick up the fucking phone and call her.”

  “You know I can’t,” Riley argued, pushing his hand through his hair. “She told me not to.”

  “And when was the last time you did what you were told?”

  Riley chuckled despite himself. “I know, but . . .” He closed his eyes briefly, then stood and wandered slowly through his apartment toward his bedroom. “For her, I will.”

  “Sure.” There was a hint of frustration in Seb’s reply. “Look, I gotta go to work. Let me know if you hear anything, okay?”

  Riley nodded. “I will. Take care, yeah?”

  “You, too. Later.”

  Riley ended the call as he entered his bedroom, his gaze going to the chest of drawers in the corner. Shit, he was his own worst enemy. He tortured himself far too much. Maybe that was why he was feeling so off. Still . . .

  Taking a deep breath, he dropped the phone onto the bed, went to the dresser, and pulled the top drawer open. Underneath the underwear and socks was a small box. He pushed the clothing aside and stared at it, hating it and loving it at the same time. He opened it at least once a month, whenever he needed to remember a time when shit was simple, easy, and he made good decisions. Maybe that was wrong. Maybe Seb was right, and he needed to pick up the phone or just move the fuck on.

  But the thought of moving on filled him with a profound sense of grief. His brother didn’t understand that turning off twenty years of feelings just wasn’t that fucking easy. He managed it most of the time, going about his life without a care, fucking, partying, enjoying things, but lately . . . Jesus, it was such hard work.

  Riley slammed the drawer shut and yanked his cell phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he came to a name he called at least every two weeks. She answered on the third ring, making him smile.

  “I was wondering when you’d be calling,” she purred, her Brooklyn accent tinged with a Spanish flavor.

  “I’ve been busy,” he offered, unbuttoning his shirt. “You free tonight?”

  “For you? I’m always free,” she answered, a grin evident in her voice. “My place.”

  “I’ll be there at seven.”

  There was no good-bye, no small talk. They both knew what their relationship was, and that suited Riley just fine. He shucked off the rest of his clothes and headed for the shower, shaking off the heaviness and the need to open that fucking box again.

  The white sand under Kat’s feet was nearly as hot as the sun that beat down on her. The view was exquisite, the ocean bluer and more clear than she’d ever seen. Small green islands winked in the distance, and the sky was utterly devoid of clouds. She briefly closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, fighting off the heavy jet lag. She’d never been to Greece before, and the island of Skiathos was simply gorgeous, while the beach villa she and Carter were staying in for five days, before they traveled on to Italy, was beyond amazing.

  She stepped forward and let the warm sea wash over her feet, grinning when the scent of her husband suddenly floated to her. Husband. Wow. Kat had never considered how important that word would become to her. She looked down at the diamond ring on her finger and the delicate platinum wedding band nestled against it. Life couldn’t get much better.

  Carter’s hands slipped around her hips, his bare chest against her back and his lips behind her ear. “There you are, Mrs. Carter,” he said, placing his chin on her shoulder, his voice still thick with sleep after their nap. “How you doin’?”

  “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” she replied, leaning back. Carter hummed in agreement, his lips against her neck. She linked her fingers through his, the sensation of his wedding ring rubbing against her skin causing her heart to stutter with the weight of her love for him. “God, I just . . .”

  “I know,” he said softly. “Incredible, isn’t it?”

  Kat laughed and nodded, loving that he was experiencing the exact same thing. “Want to go for a swim?”

  “Absolutely!”

  Before Kat could stop him, Carter lifted her up and marched into the sea. She squealed and wriggled before he let go and the warm sea engulfed her. Carter never released her hand, though, pulling her back up as quickly as he dropped her, guffawing when she spluttered, gasped, and cursed him through her giggles. He lifted her again with his hands on her hips and blew a loud raspberry against her belly just above her white bikini bottoms.

  “Carter!”

  He loosened his hold and her wet body slipped against his until they wer
e nose to nose.

  “Yes, wife?” His blue eyes sparkled and the sexy smirk Kat loved so much curved the left side of his mouth up.

  Lost for words, she cupped his face and kissed him, wrapping her legs around his waist while he held her in the water.

  He chuckled darkly when she wiggled against him. “If your plan is to get arrested for indecent exposure, keep goin’.”

  “It’s a private beach,” Kat offered.

  Carter snorted. “Only until the next house. They might decide to take a walk and see me fucking you here.”

  Kat bit her lip as if scandalized. “We couldn’t have that, now, could we?”

  Carter frowned. “Hell no. This is for my eyes only.” He squeezed her ass. “How about I take you up to the house and fuck you senseless there instead?”

  Kat’s pulse spiked. “Okay.”

  Carter laughed and began wading back to the beach, never letting her go. “Your wish is my command.”

  Away from the hubbub of town, whitewashed brick buildings with small windows lined the narrow, cobbled streets of Skiathos. The smells of jasmine, fresh-baked bread, and garlic wafted on the warm breeze no matter the time of day. Restaurants, shops offering cheap souvenirs, and bars lured in the tourists, while mopeds flew down the streets like bats out of hell, seemingly the best way of getting around the island. Not that Carter would ever ride one of the wannabe motorcycles; he had too much pride for that shit.

  With his hand clasping hers, Carter led Kat to one of his favorite restaurants for dinner. The small, open-fronted place sat near the dock, where yachts of all sizes and shapes bobbed in the water. He’d been so excited to bring Kat to Greece. He’d only been a couple of times but had loved it, and knew she’d feel the same.

  Once seated with a carafe of wine between them, Carter touched his glass to Kat’s and smiled. “Yamas, Peaches.” Cheers.

  She grinned. His wife had caught the sun over the past couple of days and gorgeous freckles had appeared across her nose and cheeks. She was glowing. “Yamas,” she replied before taking a sip.

  He couldn’t pull his gaze from her. She’d always been perfect to him, but now that she wore his ring on her finger, it was as if his possessive nature were on steroids. His desire for her was ridiculous. He’d had her naked and crying out for him not two hours ago and he already needed her again.

  “How are you enjoying Greece so far?” he asked, trying to distract his mind from the image of her underneath him.

  Their first day had been spent lazing by the sea, making love, and shaking off the jet lag. Today they’d taken a boat tour of the island, watching dolphins leap at the bow of the boat and diving off the side to explore the beaches the boat stopped at. They’d had an amazing lunch and laughed all day. Carter couldn’t ever remember laughing as much as they had in the past few days. If this was what marriage was like, he was all for it.

  “It’s so beautiful,” Kat answered, looking out toward the dock. “I kind of never want to leave.”

  “Right. You know, the house is available to buy,” he said nonchalantly, pouring more wine into her glass. The villa they were staying in was owned by a local businessman, and Carter knew Kat loved it. “Maybe a belated wedding present?”

  Kat gaped at him across the candle flickering between them. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she exclaimed with a shake of her head. “You can’t buy me a house.”

  Carter chuckled. “I wouldn’t. I’d be buying us a house. A holiday home.”

  “You’re crazy.” Kat shook her head again, smiling. “Besides, I already have a wedding present.” She touched the diamond drop necklace sitting just below her throat. “And I love it.”

  Carter reached for her hand across the table and squeezed.

  Their dinner of pasta and lobster was just about the best food Carter had ever had. And that was saying something, since he lived in New York. Once they’d finished and had both had a shot of ouzo, they wandered hand in hand down the dock, taking photos of the view and silly selfies, and watching the world go by.

  “Would you ever want a yacht?” Kat asked, taking a picture of a sleek black and white vessel that had to be worth over ten million dollars.

  “Nah,” he answered, curling his arm around her shoulders and leading her farther down the dock. “The sea doesn’t really do it for me.”

  “What does do it for you?”

  “You.”

  She laughed and rubbed her palm across his backside. “I mean, what do you want to do?”

  He snorted in confusion. “Do?”

  She moved in front of him, clutching his hands as she moved backwards. Her eyes were bright, her hair curly after drying naturally, her smile infectious. “We have our whole lives together,” she exclaimed, lifting their hands in excitement, making Carter grin. “What do you want to do?”

  “Everything.”

  “Where shall we go?”

  “Everywhere.”

  She laughed. “Where are we going to live?”

  “Anywhere you want.”

  “Where will we bring up our children?”

  That brought Carter up short.

  Children?

  His stomach turned in panic. Was that what she wanted? Would she expect that, now that they were married? He knew most people would consider it the next step, but he couldn’t remember them ever discussing it, or if it was something he’d ever considered, or even wanted.

  What the fuck did he know about being a father? His own was a pathetic asshole he hadn’t seen for fifteen years—an asshole who claimed he’d done the best he could for a boy who only ever wanted to be loved; an asshole who hadn’t protected or nurtured him in any way.

  Wasn’t that just an awesome role model to base himself on?

  Jesus. Children?

  Though Kat’s wanting children shouldn’t be such a surprise. When their friends Ben and Abby had their little girl, Lily, in June, Kat had run around for weeks buying all kinds of baby stuff, and offering over and over again to babysit when Ben and Abby had their first date night a month after Lily was born. Kat doted on that kid—she was going to be the godmother when Lily was christened. But even though he’d held the baby and pushed her stroller, Carter couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.

  What the hell kind of father would that make him?

  Carter cleared his throat of the rush of dread that tried to close it, suddenly feeling a tad ill. His face must have said it all, because Kat moved closer.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  Carter looked down at his wife, so full of exhilaration and hope for their future, and breathed deeply. Still, the words didn’t come.

  A small smile tugged at Kat’s lips. “I wasn’t thinking we’d have kids right this second. Not for a couple of years.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I want you to myself for a while, first.”

  That sounded good. That sounded reasonable. Carter’s heart rate started to slow down and he hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck. Jesus, he was barely responsible for himself, let alone a child. And what kind of lessons could he teach a kid, anyway? How to hot-wire a car; how to deal coke, or educate him on the New York judicial and penal code?

  “Don’t worry,” Kat said. “It was just an idea.”

  Carter couldn’t detect anything in the tone of her voice that suggested she was upset, but that didn’t mean anything. His wife was very good at hiding what she was feeling at times, especially for his benefit. He hated that she felt the need to, a result of having such an overbearing mother. Kat had done it less and less, the longer the two of them had been with one another, but it still annoyed him. He wanted them to always be honest with each other. They’d had too many damned secrets when they were first together, and they didn’t need any more.

  He looked down at her, but her face gave nothing away. “Just promise me we’ll t
alk about it before . . . anything.”

  She nodded and cupped his cheek. “Promise.” She huffed a laugh. “You have that look.”

  “What look is that?”

  “The one that says you’re just about going crazy in your head.”

  Carter hummed and pinched his shoulders together, glancing out toward the water. “It’s just . . . we’ve never talked about it.”

  “About us having children?” Her finger moved his earlobe gently.

  Carter nodded. He could feel his brow furrowing. There was a real chance they were about to have their first argument as a married couple, and he didn’t want that. Although their arguments often ended with incredibly hot and frantic makeup sex, he didn’t want to fight while they were on their honeymoon.

  “But we will talk about it, right?” she asked.

  Carter saw optimism in her eyes and clenched his teeth. They would talk, of course, but he knew he couldn’t make any promises. Not right now. His head was spinning at the mere idea of having kids; how the hell could he put all his doubts into full, coherent sentences?

  “Sure,” he managed.

  Kat smiled and pulled his mouth to hers. Her kiss was as perfect as it always was and Carter lost himself to it, pushing away fears for another day while he enjoyed the taste of his beautiful wife.

  “I love you,” he vowed against her lips. “So much.”

  She rested her forehead against his chin. “I know.”

  He held her close for a full minute, breathing her in. Then, eager to change the atmosphere, he said, “Come on. Let’s go and explore some more.”

  Though the sun had set hours ago, the heat was still intense. As they wandered leisurely Carter watched his Peaches, dressed in a long white skirt and strapless yellow top, as she dragged him into little shops, smiling when she bought fake flowers from every native who offered them to her, even though they were crappy and extortionately priced.

  “Let’s go dancing,” she said suddenly, pointing toward what appeared to be a club blasting out seventies music.