Grass

by Cathy MacPhail

  Not then.

  g

  24

  Saturday was Aidan’s party. By that time our argument was forgotten. Me and Sean met in town and made our way together to the hall Aidan’s mum had booked for the party.

  ‘I don’t know why he asked girls,’ I said, watching giggling girls from our class going into the hall in front of us.

  ‘You know why,’ Sean said. ‘Because he fancies Veronika.’

  ‘You say that all the time.’

  ‘You watch him, pal. This is his chance to get right in there.’

  ‘Veronika might not come,’ I said.

  But even as I said it, I saw her. I’d never seen her out of school uniform before and she looked different. Better – a green top, jeans. She always wore her hair pulled back at school, but today it fell about her shoulders and when she turned her head it seemed to move with her like silk.

  ‘Put your eyes back in their sockets, pal.’ Sean laughed. ‘Today’s your chance. Chat her up.’

  ‘I’m not going to chat her up.’ Because what if she snubbed me? Or what if she preferred big Aidan?

  Rubbish! The sensible part of my brain told me.

  But even by the time Sean and I had walked into the hall, big Aidan had moved right in. Standing beside her, chatting away. I didn’t stand a chance with her.

  At least, I thought, looking at the buffet table – comforting myself – there’s plenty to eat.

  We could hardly hear ourselves, the music was so loud, so me and Sean made a beeline for the table groaning with food, and we got stuck in.

  ‘Wow! You could feed a small African country with what’s on this table alone,’ Sean said.

  I stuck two cocktail sausages in my mouth as if they were fangs and tapped him on the shoulder.

  ‘I need your blood,’ I moaned in my best Transylvanian accent. But it’s hard to talk with two cocktail sausages trapped in your teeth.

  And it was exactly then that Veronika appeared at my side.

  ‘Excuse me,’ she said, leaning over me for a paper plate. I turned quickly and she took one look at my sausage fangs and began to giggle.

  I swallowed both of them and started to choke. Her and Sean patted me on the back at the same time.

  ‘Are you OK, Leo?’

  I tried to answer her but it’s hard to talk when you’re choking to death.

  ‘I think he might need the kiss of life, Veronika,’ Sean said and I poked him in the ribs.

  ‘Or the Heimlich manoeuvre. Are you any good at that, Veronika?’

  Veronika looked puzzled. Her English was good, but maybe not that good. ‘Heimlich who? Did he write something?’

  That only made me laugh, and to my embarrassment the sausage that had stuck in my throat shot out of my mouth and flew across the room.

  Aidan came running up. ‘Come on, Leo. You’re coughing all over my birthday buffet.’

  That only made me laugh and choke all the more. Sean started to laugh too, and to my surprise, so did Veronika.

  It was only when Aidan saw her laughing that he began to see the funny side.

  ‘Hey, I could be dying here!’ I choked out. Laughing and choking at the same time. My eyes were running and Veronika was still patting my back.

  ‘Want to have a dance, Veronika?’ Aidan asked her.

  The moment was going to be over. She was going off with Aidan. But her green eyes turned from Aidan back to me.

  Sean nudged me. In fact he almost pushed me against her.

  ‘I was going to ask the same thing,’ was what I tried to say, but I couldn’t get the words out.

  To my complete astonishment Veronika turned back to Aidan and said, ‘I think Leo asked me first.’

  And I hadn’t. I had been too busy choking to death.

  Why had she said that? Could it be because she really wanted to dance with me?

  Dance?

  Me?

  It was Sean who pushed me on to the floor. I kind of stood there, trying to move in time to the music. I saw Shannon watch me with her mouth open. As if she’d never seen anything like it in her life before.

  But I hardly noticed Shannon. Didn’t have time to get annoyed at her. I was dancing with Veronika. She was good. She had natural rhythm. She looked at me and smiled and mouthed something at me. Couldn’t make out a word she was saying. The music was still too loud. But suddenly, it didn’t matter. I saw Sean at the side of the dance floor, watching me with a big smile on his face, giving me the thumbs up. Veronika was smiling too – a kind of shy smile. She had picked me over Aidan. Even though I danced like a demented rabbit.

  I began to enjoy myself.

  This was going to be a great party.

  g

  25

  That Saturday night just got better. Veronika didn’t leave my side. We danced. Well, she danced – I jiggled about. We went back to the buffet table together and this time I didn’t choke. We danced again. We sat at the side and talked. She told me about her dad and her mum – and her little sister, who sounded just as daft as my wee brother. We laughed together.

  I had this strange feeling that there were going to be lots of other days for me to find out more about Veronika and her family. Glancing around I could see other people thought that too. Aidan couldn’t stop glaring daggers at me. Shannon was watching too. As if she was amazed and annoyed at the same time.

  Her mate fancied me. ME! Who knew?

  And Sean all the time walking about with a big grin on his face as if it was all down to him.

  I was just as amazed. Amazed that Veronika seemed to prefer me to big Aidan.

  ‘So your dad’s a dentist,’ I said. I think it was about the fourth time I’d asked her the same thing.

  ‘Yes, and I am so happy because now he can stay here. In this country. Now he has a permanent work permit.

  ‘Oh, that’s good,’ I said. ‘Maybe I could make an appointment with him – to get a check-up.’

  I could hardly believe I’d said that. Suggesting I go to the dentist. What was happening to me!

  ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Veronika said. ‘But I’ve heard them say he’s more of a butcher than a dentist.’

  The shock must have shown on my face and she started to laugh. ‘It’s a joke. Shannon said it first and it was so funny. You don’t think it’s funny?’

  ‘It’s not that.’ I glanced across at the miserable Shannon. ‘I’m just amazed that Shannon’s got a sense of humour.’ I looked back at Veronika. ‘How did you and Shannon ever become friends?’

  ‘My first day at school. You probably don’t remember.’ She blushed, but I did remember. Remember how she’d blushed the same way, standing in front of the class as Mrs McIndoo introduced her.

  ‘Shannon spoke to me right away. I thought she was going to pick a fight, she looks so scary. But she was so nice. Made me feel at home. She’s my best friend now.’

  Veronika turned her dazzling smile on Shannon. Even then Shannon didn’t smile back. But to my horror she started swaggering towards us.

  ‘Are you having a good time, Shannon?’ Veronika called out to her.

  ‘How can I be having a good time when you’ve bagged the best-looking boy at the party?’ Then she stuck her two fingers down her throat as if she was making herself sick. ‘– I don’t think.’

  Veronika giggled. Moved a little closer to me. That was all. As if she really did believe I was the best looking boy at the party and she really had bagged me.

  ‘Want to go to the lavvy?’ Shannon asked.

  ‘You must be doing wonders for Veronika’s English,’ I said.

  ‘Ladies. Toilets. Is that better?’ She grabbed Veronika. ‘It’s still the lavvy.’

  Veronika turned to me. �
�Will you wait for me here, Leo?’

  Now it was my turn to blush. ‘Aye. Nae bother.’ All I could think of to say.

  Even at the door of the girls’ toilets she turned and smiled at me as if she was assuring herself I was still there.

  In my wildest dreams I couldn’t have believed the night would go so well. Veronika had come on to me. Veronika. Who would have thought she liked me?

  I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t notice Frankie Mitchell come up beside me at the buffet table.

  ‘Well, this is a surprise,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Who’d have thought Veronika fancied you?’

  I was about to say I had been thinking the same thing myself, till I realised he was trying to insult me. ‘Stranger things have happened,’ I said.

  ‘Came right out of the blue, that did,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t know about that.’ I looked at him and wished I had the courage to stuff a jelly doughnut in his face.

  ‘One minute everybody thinks it’s big Aidan she’s after, and the next – she’s stuck to you like glue. What did you do, Leo? Put a spell on her? Blackmail her?’ He started to laugh. ‘Maybe you sold your soul to the devil, eh?’

  He thought it was funny. He was laughing as he moved away. And I felt as if an icy chill filled the room.

  Blackmail. Maybe you sold your soul to the devil.

  I had never noticed Veronika even look my way, hardly a glance. And now tonight, she had come to me. No wonder everyone looked so surprised.

  I didn’t want to think what I was thinking.

  ‘I’ll find a way to thank you,’ Armour had said.

  Was this his way of thanking me?

  But he couldn’t do that, could he?

  Only a few days ago, Veronika’s dad was afraid he was going to lose his work permit. Be sent back to Poland. Veronika was happy now. They were going to stay. Had Armour helped that along? Had he then threatened that he could have the whole family shipped back to Poland unless she pretended to like me?

  No! I was just being silly. Armour didn’t even know I liked Veronika.

  But he’d known about the Bissett Boys.

  He’d known my dad needed a job. Armour knew everything.

  Now I understood.

  Big Aidan being so amazed that Veronika had chosen me. Shannon’s look of puzzlement. She was Veronika’s best friend and even she couldn’t believe Veronika preferred me. It had come as a surprise to her too.

  The music was too loud. I could see Sean on the floor dancing almost as badly as me. In those moments, everything fell into place.

  And I was angry. I wanted to go home. Didn’t want to stay there a minute longer. Nothing was real.

  Veronika came out of the toilets and started walking towards me. That false smile on her face.

  He can’t see you in here, I wanted to shout at her. You don’t have to smile at me in here.

  She lifted two cups of cherry cola and came up to me. My eyes hadn’t left her. Had she noticed that I wasn’t smiling?

  She handed me the cups. ‘Here, I got you a drink.’

  I wanted to yell and shout and scream. I was angry at the world. But most of all I was angry with Veronika.

  I pushed the cola back at her. Too hard. The cups flew into the air, the cherry cola splattered out and fell like drops of blood all over her face, through her blonde hair, soaked into her green top.

  ‘I don’t want anything from you,’ I yelled at her. ‘Away you go, back to Poland.’

  g

  26

  I stormed out of the hall, pushing people aside as I did. I don’t know what I was thinking. I remember the music screeching off, but I can’t be sure. I was too angry. Too mixed up.

  My collar was grabbed and I was hauled back before I’d even reached the door. I swung round, my fist closed and ready for a fight. It was Sean. His face was red with a fury I’d never seen in him before.

  ‘What did you do that for? What’s your problem?’ he shouted.

  Behind him, still at the table, almost in shadow, I could see Veronika. She was crying, surrounded by girls trying to dry her off, comforting her.

  I pushed Sean away. ‘You don’t know anything.’ How could I explain? There was too much to explain now.

  Sean lunged at me. He took me by surprise, brought me down. ‘Something’s changed you!’ I heard him say.

  I didn’t answer. Didn’t say a word. I landed a punch against his face. It was as if at that moment all the fear and anger and confusion I’d been feeling over the past weeks exploded out of me. That was it. I’d never fought so hard, punched anyone with such venom as I punched my best mate. We rolled around the floor kicking at each other, entangled in each other. We were encircled by everyone at the party. Cheering and shouting. But not cheering me. They were all against me.

  ‘Get right into him, Sean.’

  ‘Give him a good punch for me.’

  Their antagonism only made me angrier. I felt the whole world was against me and I hadn’t done anything wrong. I began punching like a wild man. At one point I punched him so hard blood spurted from his mouth. Splashed on me.

  I’d never seen Sean so angry. He bared his blood-stained teeth at me and punched me right back. I managed to turn my face away at the last minute. His fist thumped against my ear. I saw the room spin.

  It was Aidan’s mum who stopped it. Pushing through the crowd, yelling and shouting her rage. She hauled us both to our feet.

  ‘What do you think you’re playing at? This is Aidan’s birthday party.’

  I didn’t wait around to answer. Didn’t wait around to hear them all blaming me. I yanked myself away from her and stumbled out into the street. And then I ran all the way home.

  My dad knew all about it by the time I arrived back at the house. Aidan’s mum had phoned him. And he blamed me too. But even then he had got the whole wrong end of the stick. It would have been funny any other time. He thought – how many of them were thinking the same thing? That me and Sean had been fighting over Veronika. Over a girl!

  Yet what could I tell him when he asked? The truth? No chance. He kept asking over and over again for me to explain what happened. And I had no answer.

  ‘Sean’s your best friend. Apologise to him. Apologise to this girl.’

  But I couldn’t. And I would not.

  He sent me to bed early. As I lay there the door creaked open and David crawled in along the floor, like a miniature commando.

  ‘Want to play soldiers?’ he whispered. As if the enemy was already nearby, could hear his every word.

  ‘No, David. Not tonight.’

  He came closer, sat on the bed beside me. ‘Have you been a bad boy, Leo?’

  And it was unfair because I hadn’t been a bad boy – had I? What had I done that was so wrong? I was trying to protect my family. My friend. Yet I was the one being made to feel as if I was guilty of something.

  It wasn’t fair.

  The only one who made me feel special . . . was Armour. I couldn’t help thinking it. He trusted me. He believed me. He knew I was trying to do the right thing.

  I think that night changed everything.

  I felt I had burned my boats.

  There was no going back now.

  g

  27

  Sean didn’t phone me the next day. And I didn’t phone him. I lay in bed most of the day, till early evening when my dad came up to my room and insisted I go to six o’clock Mass with him. I wanted to say no, but I knew he half hoped that Sean might be there too and we would have a chance to make up.

  ‘I mean, you’re not going to break up a friendship over a girl,’ he said as we walked to church.

  Still thinking we’d been fighting
over Veronika. I tried not to, but all through Mass my eyes kept scanning the church looking for Sean. But he wasn’t there. And I told myself it didn’t matter.

  Because we hadn’t been fighting over Veronika – not really. It went a lot deeper than that. I had been keeping secrets, and Sean knew it.

  Dad put his hand on my shoulder as we walked home. He bought me an ice cream at the Orangefield Café. Trying to console me.

  ‘He’ll be at school tomorrow. It’ll be fine. You’ll see. Bet he’ll phone you later.’

  But it wasn’t Sean who phoned me as I sat in my room that night, watching C.S.I.

  It was Armour.

  ‘Can you talk?’ he asked.

  David was in bed. Mum and Dad were downstairs watching their favourite programmes. Yes, I could talk. But did I want to?

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I heard about the fight,’ he said.

  Heard about a fight at a boy’s birthday party? Why was that so important? And how did he find out about it?

  He answered my unasked question: ‘I’m keeping my eye on you, Leo.’

  I wanted to shout at him, It was all your fault. But all I said was, ‘I don’t need your thanks. I told you that.’

  There was quiet on the line. I was afraid my dad would come in and catch me talking to him any second.

  ‘What do you mean, Leo? My thanks?’

  ‘Telling Veronika to be nice to me. That’s what I mean,’ I said.

  There was another long pause. ‘Veronika? Who’s Veronika?’

  Now it was my turn to be quiet. Stunned into silence. He didn’t know about Veronika. Didn’t know anything about her. It hadn’t been him. Nothing to do with him at all. He hadn’t threatened her family. He hadn’t helped her dad to stay in this country. He didn’t know what I was talking about.

  I saw it all again in my mind’s eye. Veronika’s puzzled eyes when I shouted at her. She hadn’t known what I was talking about either. I had blown it all for nothing.

  I should have known Armour wouldn’t have gone that far. I felt stupid, felt like screaming.

  ‘Is she your girlfriend?’ he asked.