Craving Dragonflies

by Terri E. Laine

  Willow

  * * *

  Celeste bounced on her toes, wearing a pleading expression.

  “Please go,” she begged and not for the first time.

  The last thing I wanted to do was go to another party.

  “It’s Sawyer’s birthday party,” she said like that explained everything.

  I really didn’t want to see his friend again. I’d already made a fool of myself in front of him several times.

  “You go and have fun.”

  Crestfallen, she gave me puppy dog eyes before turning and flopping onto the couch. “No, it’s fine. I won’t go.”

  I understood that look all too well. She wore it a lot when vying for attention. Add to that, as beautiful and social as Celeste was, she didn’t have a lot of people she called friends, making me feel guilty.

  “Fine. But I’m not dressing up,” I said.

  Her face brightened with a grin from ear to ear.

  “You won’t regret it. You can borrow…”

  Everything she said after that was a blur. We didn’t dress up exactly, but I did end up in an outfit from her closet. The shorts weren’t too short, and the halter top only exposed my back. An extra-strength ponytail holder tamed my hair, and not by a flat iron this time.

  Muted music wafted from the rafters of the Sigma house. Patriotic plastic cups of blue and red were in the hands of everyone on the premises. It was as if they were doing their civic duty getting drunk after a grueling few days of school.

  “I’ll get us a drink,” Celeste said, scanning the area for the birthday boy.

  I nodded and moved to a shaded corner, glad I hadn’t yet spotted Sawyer or his merry band of friends.

  “Hey.”

  The voice had come from above. I tilted my head back in order to see the face of the speaker.

  Deep brown eyes matched the color of flawless skin that covered sculpted cheekbones chiseled into a handsome face. In short, the guy was hot.

  “Hi,” I said and quickly glanced away, afraid he would see color flooding into my heated cheeks.

  Celeste was the flirting expert. I had no clue what to say next.

  He introduced himself as Jason and waited for me to do the same.

  His hand appeared, and I took it. Not wanting to be rude, I met his eyes. “I’m Willow.”

  “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

  Total line, but when he said it, it felt real.

  “Thanks.”

  I pushed at a stray curl that had broken free and split my focus between him and the floor.

  “Parties not your thing.”

  He certainly knew what to say to disarm me.

  That time when I met his gaze I held it. “Not especially.”

  His head bobbed once. “I get it. I don’t drink much, which seems weird considering.”

  I narrowed my eyes on his cup.

  He lifted it. “This?” It was my time to silently agree. “It’s apple juice. Do you want some? I have a stash.”

  I felt the smile build slowly as I said, “Yeah, that would be great, actually.”

  The idea of getting sloppy drunk again held no appeal.

  “Wait here.”

  He was tall with well-defined arms and calves suggesting he was an athlete. I couldn’t decide which sport he played and would probably ask when he returned.

  Celeste found me first and handed me a blue cup.

  “We can’t stay here,” she pronounced.

  Her eyes were on the move. The more hidden spot I’d chosen didn’t work with her plans to be noticed.

  “I’m kind of waiting on someone.”

  Her eyes grew. “Really?” I nodded. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  Dread filled me. What would happen next was predicable. He would show up, hand me apple juice, and proceed to talk to Celeste like I wasn’t there. Part of me wanted to ask her to leave. The other part knew it was better to have this happen now before I got my heart invested in someone who would see me as a consolation prize.

  It didn’t take long. Jason stumbled to a stop in front of us, his gaze bouncing between us.

  “Hey,” he said to either of us.

  I was already looking away, not wanting to see his expression change when he looked at me.

  “Hi,” Celeste said.

  The natural flirt she was, her one word came out sort of breathy.

  “Jason, this is my sister, Celeste.”

  I watched the two of them and knew instantly they’d met before.

  “Yeah, we’ve met. He’s in a couple of my classes,” she said.

  “We share the same major,” he responded on the heels of her reply.

  I wasn’t sure what was going on, but all of a sudden it was very awkward.

  Just as I opened my mouth to excuse myself, Celeste did it for me.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two.”

  She walked away and he watched her ass. I rolled my eyes while looking at the two cups I held. Both held amber liquid. Which was the apple juice? I couldn’t remember. I took a chance and downed one of them.

  “I should explain,” he began.

  “You dated my sister,” I tossed in proactively.

  “No. I did ask her out. She turned me down.”

  I wasn’t exactly shocked. “Oh.”

  “If this is weird—”

  “It is actually.”

  “I would like to get to know you.”

  I shook my head. “Sorry. It’s just—”

  “Weird for you.” I nodded. “It’s too bad, Willow,” he said sadly and looped off.

  Celeste hadn’t gone too far because she was at my side in seconds.

  “You let him go?” she asked.

  Duh, I wanted to say. Like I wouldn’t always wonder if he thought he’d gotten the wrong sister.

  “He seemed into you.” She had that wrong. He was totally into her. “He’s really quite nice.”

  “Then why didn’t you go out with him?”

  She shrugged. “He’s no Sawyer.”

  More than likely, she wanted to conquer Sawyer. He was the unattainable guy who every girl wanted to tame.

  “Speaking of…”

  Her words trailed off as Sawyer walked through the front doors. The crowd immediately started singing “Happy Birthday.” That’s when I noticed his friend. This time I watched him for signs of truth in what Celeste had said the other night.

  Sure enough, he stared at Sawyer who was immediately engulfed by well-wishing girls, including Celeste who was already heading that way. I thought I heard her say something to me, but I’d been too caught up in the mysterious, beautiful boy.

  His eyes never left his friend and I could see something like longing there, or was I just reading more into his expression? All eyes were on Sawyer, except mine.

  When the birthday song ended, my savior turned and swiftly left the room. I glanced over at Sawyer, who now watched him walk away. Maybe there was something between the two of them. Sawyer could totally be bi. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities.

  What I did know was that any fantasies I had about the boy who had a penchant for rescuing me had died a sudden death. And maybe that was a good thing.

  On the positive side, I did have a date with Kent tomorrow. He was really cute and sweet too. Hopefully, he wouldn’t prefer Celeste or I would give up dating until I moved far away from her.

  10

  Past

  * * *

  “What is that racket?”

  Mother’s shrieking voice woke me from the dream. I blinked the sleepies from my eyes and she stood over me wearing her mad face.

  “Get up. I let you sleep the day away because frankly it kept you out of my hair. But your father will be here soon.”

  She whisked the blanket off me and the cool air made me shiver. Though I liked this room better than the one I used to have.

  “What in the world? Did you piss yourself? How old are you? And think about how you answer me.”

&
nbsp; There was no right answer, so I kept my mouth shut. Her nails dug into my arm as she yanked me off the bed. I struggled to keep standing, knowing I’d be punished if I fell. Every inch of my body hurt.

  She stabbed her finger at the bed. “Strip off the sheets and those wet clothes. We don’t have a lot of time.”

  I did as told even if the pile was almost as big as me.

  She pinched my ear as she marched me to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and ordered me inside. The water was cold, but I knew better than to complain. She scrubbed me hard. The bristles on the brush left me red all over. After, she yanked on my arms, getting me dressed and combing my hair.

  “Be on your best behavior,” she said when the doorbell rang.

  I nodded once and sat perfectly still.

  The man with the kind eyes walked in and over to me. He got down on his knees to talk to me.

  “Ashton, how are you doing?”

  He gave me the biggest smile I’d ever seen.

  Mother hadn’t followed him in and I took a chance. I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held on and his touch didn’t hurt like Mother’s. His pats stayed on my back and his hand never moved to the secret places. I could trust him.

  “Please take me away.”

  His face turned sad.

  “Son, I wish I could.”

  “Ashton.”

  I pulled back, hearing Mother’s mean voice. She wasn’t pleased I’d touched him. He wasn’t angry.

  He stood and patted my head. He took the glass Mother offered him.

  “You can see, he’s doing fine, well-behaved, though he’s a little clingy. He’d be better served at a boarding school,” Mother said.

  “Maybe. But then I couldn’t see him.”

  “If you told your wife the truth—”

  Father talked and Mother shut up. “And you wouldn’t need such a big house. Not to mention the monthly stipend for his care.”

  Mother’s eyes landed on me. “Must we talk in front of the child?”

  He spoke and I looked at him again.

  “I’ll be back, son.”

  I liked the way he sounded. His voice was nice. I sat quietly and moved my legs like I was kicking a ball. I stared at the basket full of toys she’d put out. They were for looking at and not touching. I would get a spanking if I played with them.

  I waited, making up stories in my head until Father came back alone.

  “I have to go.”

  I hopped off the sofa and wrapped myself around his leg. “Please don’t leave me here.”

  “Is there something wrong?” he asked.

  I thought he was talking to me until I heard Mother’s voice.

  “Of course, there isn’t. Ashton, let go of him this minute.”

  I let go of him and my tears. It didn’t matter now. If he didn’t take me, I would be in trouble.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Father asked in a voice that would have scared me. But he was talking to Mother.

  Her mad face was back. When he left, I wouldn’t sit for a week.

  “What do you think is wrong with him? You barely come around,” she said.

  He knelt down to face me. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

  But it would be a very long time until I saw him again. Mother walked him to the door and marched back once he was gone.

  “What the hell was that? You embarrassed me.”

  My face stung where the back of her hand slapped me, sending me to the floor.

  “After all I do for you.” She hated me and I still didn’t understand why. “That man you let into your room offered me money to keep ‘tucking’ you in when I stopped him from visiting you last night.”

  She hadn’t stopped him. He’d already hurt me bad when she showed up. She hadn’t asked why I was crying, only told me to shut up.

  “If you ruin this for me, you’ll have to earn your keep. Besides, you’ll get used to it. I did.”

  She said more things. I didn’t understand all her words, but they frightened me all the same.

  “Daddy’s business partner thought me pretty and I didn’t turn out so bad. You aren’t worth much more.”

  She aimed her finger to the door.

  “Off to the basement with you. It will give you a chance to think about what you’ve done.”

  “Mother, please,” I begged as she dragged me by the arm. “Please don’t make me go down there.”

  It was dark. I didn’t like the dark and the scary sounds.

  She didn’t look back as I slid across the floor behind her. She opened the door and pointed.

  “Don’t make this any harder on yourself. You did this, not me.”

  “Please turn on the light. I don’t like the dark.”

  “Ashton, I’ve told you so many times to be careful of your words. This is a punishment. The darkness will teach you a better lesson.”

  She aimed a pointy claw into darkness. I didn’t beg anymore. I knew better. If I did, she wouldn’t feed me. I stepped into a nightmare.

  11

  Ashton

  * * *

  I jerked, my eyes opening and finding a sliver of light. Breathe, I told myself. I wasn’t five or six anymore. I’d survived.

  Warm arms circled me. The blanket I’d used to cover Sawyer now covered us on the floor. For a second, I stayed there remembering this safe place before I pulled free. The nightmare I had last night brought out his inner slayer of dragons. Too bad, I was far from saving.

  He was still knocked out, looking innocent in sleep. Did I?

  Then I remembered why he was here. It wasn’t for me. He’d drunk himself into oblivion after getting into a fight with Shelly’s boyfriend. He’d won and passed out not long after. I’d left him on the bed. He’d joined me on the floor.

  Shattered glass from the bottle I’d taken from him littered the area near the door. I grabbed a towel to pick up the pieces of the Absolut.

  Once that was done, I left him, vowing to myself that I’d leave the house until I was sure he was gone. Staying would accomplish nothing. Our friendship had died a sudden death, not that it should surprise me. The few good people in my life had always left me. It was like some kind of rule.

  Outside in the hall, I heard my name. Bryant asked, “I can call you Ash, right?”

  Inwardly, I groaned. There was nothing wrong with the kid other than him appearing every time I left my room. He needed a friend, and maybe I did too, but we barely knew each other.

  “What do you have there?”

  I didn’t know why I did it, but I opened a corner of the towel I held, giving him a peek inside.

  “Oh—rough night?”

  I gave a half-shrug and took the stairs two at a time, wanting to get rid of the evidence that something was up with Sawyer. Bryant didn’t seem to mind that I didn’t answer. He followed, saddling up to my side at the bottom, and began peppering me with questions.

  “Do you think they’ll have girls there at our first meeting?”

  I glared at him and he held up his hands. I resumed making my way to the kitchen where I dumped the glass shards, towel included, into the industrial trash can.

  Though I hadn’t spoken a word, he continued.

  “It’s just I’m a virgin.”

  If he thought that was news, I had something that trumped that. I’d never been with a girl unless Sawyer was there. That technically made me a virgin of sorts too.

  “So.”

  It was the first word I’d spoken. I wasn’t sure why I was encouraging this conversation.

  “It’s just girls look past me like I don’t exist. Dad says it’s good. He says that I should wait for a girl who wants me and not my money.”

  Years of child labor under Mother’s reign, I gathered empty bottles while he spoke and tossed them into the trash. Considering our dues covered the large monthly cleaning bill to have a crew show up every morning and clean up after our sorry asses, I should leave it be. But I needed to do something while B
ryant poured his heart out to me.

  “I used to agree with him. Hell, Dad paid for my prom date, some supermodel. She’d been willing. Dumbly, I’d wanted my first time to be real, you know.”

  He paused and I glanced over at him. If he thought his tales were sad, he had no idea. At least it sounded like his dad gave a shit. He continued with his monologue.

  “I thought for sure things would be different in college. And when I got in Sigma…” He let that hang in the air. Everyone knew Sigmas were rich. “Now I just want to get laid before I graduate. You wouldn’t understand. Girls flock to you like they do Cargill. You can have any girl you want…”

  He trailed off as if something occurred to him.

  “You don’t like girls, do you? I mean, it’s cool. Though I’ve heard things. Maybe you’re a floater.” He shook his head, but that didn’t stop his babbling. “What I mean, it doesn’t matter to me who you’re into. To each his own, right?”

  I ceased all action and faced him. I ignored rumors. People could think what they wanted. The truth was, I didn’t know what I was. I’d only ever cared about one person. Though that wasn’t exactly true. There had been Julie. But Sawyer had loved her too. I’d chosen him when she’d chosen me.

  “If that’s a touchy subject, forget I mentioned it,” he said, cutting into my thoughts.

  I was a sorry excuse for an advice giver. What did I know about women? Sawyer had the moves. I’d just followed his lead. But something about this kid made me speak.

  “There’s no girl you’re interested in?”

  My question, which was more than my normal look or a one-word answer, paralyzed him for a second.

  “Um—well—there is one girl.”

  I cut to the chase.

  “Who is she?”

  “It’s dumb. Every year I’ve used my elective to take a class I don’t need to get close to her,” he admitted.

  The front door opened. The cleaning crew had arrived, wearing red shirts and armed with gloved-covered hands. I tilted my head toward the sliding glass doors in back and exited that way.

  Outside, once he closed the door, I asked, “Have you talked to her?”

  His shoulders slumped. “I keep meaning to. But I’m afraid of what she’ll say.”