Craving Dragonflies

by Terri E. Laine

  Sawyer stepped in my line of vision. “What the fuck?” He turned and looked at the door. “What’s down there? Is there some creepy dungeon?”

  It was a prison of sorts. It just didn’t have bars. Darkness held me in place.

  “Ash.” He was right there, holding my gaze and pinning me in place. “You can tell me.”

  “You have to go,” I repeated. “Please.”

  The last was little more than a strangled whisper. I didn’t want to tell him my shame. He was the only friend I had in the world, and I couldn’t lose him because of my secret.

  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll tell my parents your mom is into freaky shit. The cops and child services will show up.”

  His threat would come to nothing. My first year in school, child services had been called. My teacher said I was withdrawn. But it was when I pissed myself when the gym teacher put his hand on my shoulder that the school thought something wasn’t right.

  “Don’t do this,” I begged softly.

  Hurt filled my eyes with moisture. Sawyer had been my safe place. He’d never made me feel uncomfortable before.

  “I have to. You’re shaking, and you look like a fucking corpse. You’re looking past me as if I’m not here. Like that day I found you lying on the ground in the rain.”

  He sounded haunted. That day had been a blessing for me but a curse for him. After everything that happened, I was surprised he remained my friend.

  I pushed away the memory. Recalling the squeal of tires and the sounds of his brother’s screams wouldn’t do either of us any good.

  “They won’t find anything. You’ll just get me in more trouble.”

  Mother was good at causing pain mentally and physically, leaving only invisible scars.

  “What trouble? Because I was at your house. You know that sounds crazy, right?”

  He wasn’t going to let up. I had to give him something so he would understand.

  “For saying I asked you to spend the night.”

  His brows knitted together as confusion scrunched his expression.

  “What is the big deal with me staying over? I get your mom is weird and super strict. But why…”

  His mad math skills were adding things up as his words trailed off the path.

  “Who’s coming over tonight?” he demanded.

  I shrugged because I honestly didn’t know the guest list.

  “But they aren’t just coming to see her.”

  He isn’t going to let this go, I told myself as I gave him a stiff nod.

  “A girl?” But he knew better. He didn’t wait a beat before moving on. “A woman?” There was hope in his eyes, but it dulled when I said nothing. “A guy? Someone’s son coming over.” That time he waited. Slowly, I swayed my head side to side.

  “What. The. Fuck?”

  That was what? The second or third time he’d said that. Each time he had it was like he was speaking different words as the meanings changed. That time had been slow and methodically as he finished the equation in his head.

  He grabbed my shoulders and forced me to meet his gaze. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

  “No judgment, okay.” He meant it. However, if I answered, would he still be my friend? I trusted him and nodded. “Do you want this?”

  I hadn’t expected that question.

  “No.”

  Silently, he affirmed my answer. “Who is this asshole?”

  So I told him what I knew, which was little. He was a wealthy judge from our district. Though he might have recognized the name, Sawyer was probably clueless on how the guy looked.

  “Is he taller than you?”

  “A little.”

  I wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

  “Good. I’ll be back.”

  I sputtered out, “You can’t.”

  “I can. It ends tonight.”

  He left, and I believed he’d be back. Later that night as I lay in bed, I kept looking at my closet thinking about the stories of monsters who lurked there.

  My door opened, and I closed my eyes against the bright light that streamed in like a beacon from the hall.

  “There you are.”

  The voice was like sharpened nails scraping over my skin.

  “God, you’re such a beautiful boy,” he slurred as he walked into my room, closing the door behind him. “My wife would never understand.”

  He drew back my covers and found me flat on my stomach. I couldn’t look at him. Fear and hate canceled each other, leaving me frozen in the space between the now and unreality.

  “You are so pretty.”

  His rough fingers drew a path from my neck down, stopping to squeeze the little flesh that didn’t cover bone.

  “Ashton. Time to wake up. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

  When he attempted to roll me onto my back, something came over me.

  I came up swinging, connecting with his jaw. He stumbled back, tripping over his feet and landing on his ass.

  “What the fuck?” he spluttered.

  My irrational response to him was a borderline crazy laugh. The way he’d spoken the phrase Sawyer repeatedly said earlier now took on yet another translation.

  He got to his feet, all gentleness gone from him.

  “I suggest you turn around, boy. I paid a lot for that pretty ass, and I intend to get my money’s worth.” I lifted my chin, prepared to fight until he spoke his next words. “Besides, we both know you like it as much as I do. Your dick is always hard in my hands.”

  Shame was a paralyzing agent. My limbs locked up and my chin drooped. He came for me and I could do nothing.

  Just as his hand cupped me to prove his point, a loud thwack sent him tumbling to the floor with his pants tangling him up. I hadn’t heard him unzip them, but they were bunched around his calves as he wrapped an arm around his chest.

  I wish I could say it was me who’d saved myself. But it was my avenging angel. Sawyer stood there with a baseball bat in a pose taken from a batter after hitting a home run.

  “Keep your fucking hands off of him, you sick fuck,” Sawyer roared.

  “I think you broke my ribs, you punk,” the devil wheezed.

  “You better be glad that’s all I did.”

  “What is going on?”

  We turned, taking our eyes off the monster, though I heard fabric scooting over the floor.

  “Call the police. That little shit assaulted me.”

  Sawyer cocked his head as if pondering the devil’s request to Mother.

  “It’s actually battery. Most think assault because of cop shows, but that’s more verbal. The threat, you know. Battery is physical. The act. So really it’s assault and battery,” Sawyer said, dripping with sarcasm. “And I’d think you’d know that with your fancy law degree, judge.”

  Mother cool as always said, “Why are you here, Sawyer? I think that’s called breaking and entering.”

  He laughed. “And here I thought you would be concerned that this man has been molesting your son. But I guess what he said about paying you for the privilege is true.”

  “That would be none of your business.”

  Mother pulled a phone from her pocket. Sawyer too pulled something from his.

  As Mother dialed, Sawyer did something and a recording began to play. I glanced at the monster as his words replayed. I recoiled as he called me beautiful. He liked to call me that a lot when he hurt me.

  “That’s called an iPhone. Dad likes to keep me up on the latest technology. So go ahead, call the police.”

  Mother made a move toward him. “Don’t think about it. I have no problem bashing your head in. Hell, we could make it look like he killed you and we came to your rescue, but it was too late.”

  It was almost scary how serious he sounded. Mother paused. “Let’s call the police.” As her lips curved up, I knew we were fucked. “But you know as well as I do, if I go down, he’ll be taken away. Foster homes are riddled with predators. How will you save him then?”


  “Yeah, she’s right,” the monster said, still huddled on the floor.

  I’d heard this speech. Mother even showed me news stories of kids being rescued from places like that. She coined the phrase, the devil you know is better than the one you don’t.

  Sawyer wearily glanced at me as if in apology, then he turned his focus back on her.

  “This is how it will work.” He aimed the bat at the devil. “You will never touch him again or this goes to all the news stations.” He pointed at Mother. “You will never pimp out your son again.”

  Mother’s lack of expression never changed. “No police then.”

  “Not yet. But your continued freedom relies on his happiness.”

  “I can barely breathe,” the devil said.

  Sawyer gestured with the bat toward the door. “Take him to the hospital. Tell them what you like.” He shrugged. “I have no problem telling the truth.” He waved the small boxy phone with his free hand. “I have proof at my side.”

  Mother’s cutting stare didn’t affect Sawyer like it did me.

  “Get up,” she snapped at the man.

  With her help, he stood, stooped over some, still covering the right side of his ribs with one massive hand. The one he liked to paw at me with.

  I didn’t exhale until I heard the front door close. I slumped on the bed, the weight of what happened pulling me down. Sawyer sat next to me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

  In his eyes, I saw the kind of love I’d wanted from my mother all my life, unconditional and unyielding.

  Tears spilled from my eyes, unbidden and unwanted. He said nothing to acknowledge them or shame me for them. He tucked my head on his shoulder as we stared at the open doorway.

  “No one will ever hurt you again.”

  I believed and trusted him like no one before. But the truth was, I would be hurt again. Less than ten years in the future, he would be the one wielding the sword aimed at me.

  19

  Ashton

  * * *

  My fingers burned as they always did after a particularly bad nightmare. I lost hours typing fast and furiously changing my past into fiction I could control. There was strength in words. Mine came more easily on the page.

  My mouth was dry, and I felt the pangs of hunger, but I couldn’t stop. I was caught up in the flow of the story as it unfolded on the screen.

  My protagonist was Agni, a boy of seven, whose mother left him in the woods to save him from the dragons that were raiding their town. There he met Sujah, a boy no older than he, but there was a difference. One was fearful of the future. The other was fearless. After years of surviving on their own, they stumble into a dragon’s lair.

  A tap on my bare shoulder as I sat in boxers was like a lightning bolt. I struggled to hold in my reaction as I tugged off my headphones and turned. The door stood open, and I chastised myself for not locking it.

  I gave Bryant my attention.

  He held out something to me and told me one of our frat brothers told him to give it to me.

  “Why?” I asked, turning it around in my hand.

  “I don’t know. Why do they do anything?”

  “Thanks,” I said to Bryant.

  It wasn’t his fault our frat brothers were idiots. Only he didn’t leave. He sat on my bed.

  “I asked her out.”

  Oh, so he was looking for advice.

  “And?”

  “And I’m not really sure. She didn’t give me a clear answer.”

  His crestfallen expression soothed my eagerness to have him gone.

  “You have a choice, give up or try again.”

  “Easy for you to say,” he snapped. “The thing is coming with the thing.”

  He sounded moronic only because I’d warned him not to mention the Vanderbilt Club. He referred to initiation night.

  “I’m pretty sure there will be women, lots of them, at least one for each of us. If I try again and she says yes, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.” I shrugged. “It’s not that I wouldn’t be willing to give up going. But what if she only agrees to go out with me to be nice? And then I might have missed a chance, you know.”

  “Decide what’s more important. One night with this chick or a night with some nameless girl who’s probably doing it for all the wrong reasons.”

  He straightened and pointed to me. “You’re right.” He got to his feet. “Thanks.”

  My door clicked shut on his exit. Too bad all the words that had filled my head had quieted. Whatever I was writing was done for the night. I saved and closed my laptop. I could hear the muffled music when it was turned on.

  Partiers had arrived.

  I wanted quiet for the night. I pulled on jeans and put on a ball cap. I hoped to slide out into the night and blend in. I got into my car with no destination in mind and ended up on campus. Hunger led me to the café, but I was too late. It was closed.

  When my first thought was to call Sawyer, I sat on a bench. That was the rut I was trying to get out of. He didn’t need me. Why did I need him?

  Around me the quad sat empty. Intermittent lampposts dotted the landscape, marking the paths and interrupting the darkness around me. It was the quiet that enticed me to stay.

  I thought about Mother’s house, rather my house. How many days had I longed for someone to talk to? These days, I fought to be alone. Funny how life turned out.

  Quick almost silent footsteps caught my attention. I watched as someone entered one of the buildings. I wasn’t sure if it was the shape and build or the strand of freed blonde hair like a floating arrow that had me following.

  The shadowy hall was empty as I entered. I stood for a second listening for the sound of the church mouse I’d followed.

  She was light on her feet, but the squeak of her sneakers on the tile floor as she came to a quick stop gave her away.

  I too knew how to be silent. It was a skill born out of survival.

  When I rounded the corner, she was entering a code into the keypad lock on the door.

  I leaned on the wall with my arms folded, amused at her muttered curses when the pad flashed red.

  “Breaking and entering.”

  The girl jumped a mile, clutching at her chest as if stopping her heart from bursting out of it.

  “No—I mean, yes. Are you following me?” she spluttered.

  I quirked a brow because she was amusing to watch.

  “Call me a concerned student. You know, with crime on the rise.”

  Her jaw dropped, and I managed to suppress a laugh.

  “I’m not a criminal,” she said with her chin lifted. Then just as quickly, her eyes dropped to the floor. “Okay, maybe. But it’s for a good cause.”

  Normally, I wasn’t one to engage in conversation. My words were my own. But with her, they spat out like rapid gunfire.

  “Saving the world?” I asked.

  It was meant as a joke, but fierce eyes met mine.

  “Maybe. They deserve to be free.”

  I narrowed my eyes, not sure where she was going with this. Then again, it was probably not her but old memories creeping out of the darkness and locked doors in my mind.

  “Who?” I lashed the word out like a crack of a whip.

  “It’s not people or animals. And you may think I’m crazy, but insects have a right to live free too.”

  At first, I wasn’t sure what to make of the girl. But there was passion that could rally troops in the way she spoke.

  “What’s your plan?”

  My tiny warrior stood straight.

  “Why? Are you going to turn me in?”

  Her determination reminded me of someone else, but I pushed thoughts of my former best friend back into the closet.

  “I might help.”

  That caught her by surprise. She stopped with her lips rounded as she’d been about to speak.

  “I don’t need help. I have the codes to get in.”

  There was something more. She’d been shaking like a l
eaf when she tried to unlock the door.

  “Why are you so nervous then?”

  “They’ve added cameras because someone might have freed other creatures from their cages.”

  She chewed at the corner of her lip as if I wouldn’t guess the someone was her.

  “And you think by wearing black and trying to tuck all of this—” I took the wayward strand of hair between my fingers and tugged the springy curl just enough so she could see it. “That no one will put together based on your size that it’s not you.”

  She freed her lower lip and it protruded in a pout.

  “What else am I supposed to do?”

  I too was wearing all black. I turned my cap around and pulled the bill low to create shadows over my face.

  “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it for you.”

  Her mouth gaped. “You would do that?”

  Why was I offering to commit a potential felony? A hint of a smile took root on her face and I knew not why, but that I would.

  “Why not? You don’t look like the sort of girl who would do well behind bars.”

  Her smile vanished as worry took over.

  “And you would?”

  I’d never been in jail. “I’ve had my share of bad experiences. Don’t worry, I won’t corrupt you.” I pointed to the door. “Unlock and tell me what to get.”

  Her instructions were simple.

  “I’ll unlock the storage room and you free anything that’s living.”

  I nodded and this time she unlocked the door easily.

  Before she stepped into the room, I held up my hand.

  “Wait. Is it possible they put cameras in the classroom?”

  Her eyes widened as she took in the possibility. “I don’t know honestly.”

  “So you stay here. Give me the code and I’ll go rescue the prisoners.”

  Long lashes swept down as her gaze found the floor again.

  “I feel bad. I should be doing this. I don’t even know your name.”

  It had felt so easy talking to this girl, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I didn’t know hers.

  “Ash—ton.”

  I didn’t know why I added the last part.

  “Ashton?” Her eyes cast upward and locked on mine. There was something sweet when she said my name. When I silently acknowledged her question, she added, “I’m Willow.”