Joy Express

by Jody Day

  Alone in the car for a moment, an empty, bereft feeling made the hair rise up on the back of my neck. The scene at the cabin began to replay. I had to get moving, get it out of my head before the panic made me shriek again. I slid my legs out of the car and pulled up using the door. That longing that I had to run when my father first shoved me into the back of his car raced over me again. It would feel so good to run, to get away from the black hole that hovered around my head. I took a step away from the car and then another. I turned away from the house and toward the street. The painful incision prevented me from actually running, but I limped toward the street as fast as I could go. So frightfully odd. I knew my loved ones were only a few feet from away, yet something else controlled me.

  “Whoa, come back here,” Scott said, gently restraining me with his hands on my shoulders. “Where are you going?”

  Stopping caused the panic to rise in my throat. If I didn’t get a grip, they would keep me from taking care of my babies. I’d heard Mom’s tales of postpartum depression, but how many of those women were kidnapped, forced to listen to their father lose his mind, and then kill himself over a dying daughter I knew nothing about?

  Why couldn’t I recall any scriptures, any comfort?

  #

  The love of my life is crumbling. No one could blame her. I’d have felt better if they had kept her an extra day or two in the hospital. I had to keep it together until her mother arrived in the evening after work. The whole ordeal unraveled Bailey. I was the big, strong husband. I wanted to help her. I had everyone praying, anyway. Hopefully Gwen would know what to do for Bailey, too.

  Bailey slept, but the slightest sound jolted her awake. Little Paul and Helen slept well. They woke up once in the couple of hours we’d been home. Tracy changed them and fed them the formula the hospital sent home to supplement. Bailey might not like that, but I wanted her to sleep.

  She wanted to nurse so badly. Gwen feared the trauma might make it extra hard for her to have the kind of relaxed mind she’d need to succeed.

  Maybe I should have awakened her and let her try and nurse. Everything she dreamed of had been stolen from her. I felt it too. Those hours when we couldn’t find her turned me inside out. Her return and the safe delivery of my babies overwhelmed me with gratitude. But Kevin Brown was dead. God forgive me, but I was glad. I didn’t kid myself that it would be that easy for Bailey.

  “I’ve got them all settled in, Scott. I need to get back to Barkley House, but call me if you need anything.” Tracy still had youthful energy as she bounced out the front door. I missed her bobbing ponytail. She’d lately sported a more modern, short haircut, which framed her beautiful face. She looked older. I didn’t like it. No doubt she had Javier Calderon in mind when she went for that cut.

  I hadn’t thought of Javier much since the day he rode with me to the abandoned gas station where he’d spotted a black vehicle that Kevin Brown owned. He’d watched me come unglued trying to get the trunk open, and then watched me fall apart when I found Bailey’s cross necklace in the gravel.

  I really should thank him. The police were already in the area because of his lead, so when they got the call it didn’t take long to find her. Maybe there was a way we could honor him at the Barkley House Dedication, the event that must now be rescheduled.

  Gwen finally got to the inn early evening, just as Bailey came into the family room, the front of her gown soaked with milk.

  “They won’t stay awake. You’d think they’d be hungry by now, and I really need to nurse.” She smiled a half smile that made my heart soar. She hadn’t smiled much since she’d been found.

  “Let’s go in and see if we can’t get them to latch on, or at least one of them,” Gwen said, taking Bailey’s hand and heading back to the bedroom.

  Should I confess that Tracy fed them already? It was like walking on eggshells with Bailey, but I could certainly have mercy. I was the one about to break every second the weeks before our wedding after a heart attack. The least I could do would be to give Bailey the same consideration. Bailey’s ordeal was much worse than mine.

  The women stayed in our bedroom a good long while and not a peep of a sound could be heard. I decided to fix us all something to eat. Did she need a light meal or something substantial? I rummaged in the refrigerator trying to make a decision.

  “I’m assuming Tracy fed the babies, while Bailey slept.” Gwen said, coming into the kitchen. “Newborns sleep a lot, but they also want to eat.” She sat down at the table.

  “She did, but it’s my fault. I wanted Bailey to rest. Is she upset about it?” I closed the refrigerator door and joined her at the table.

  “I don’t think she realizes that’s why they weren’t nursing, but they did latch on for comfort. That’s a good thing, and I think it made her feel better. I’m a little worried, though. She keeps staring off into space. I can’t say I blame her. I can’t imagine the horror of what she experienced.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t go there in my mind just yet. I’m just so grateful that they’re all right. The added stress of Brenna Brown is a bit much, don’t you think?” My stomach growled.

  Gwen got up, pulled out sandwich stuff, and spread it on the table. “It’s more complicated than you can imagine. Things have suddenly gotten even more difficult where Brenna is concerned.” She pulled a knife from the utility drawer and began making a sandwich.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m afraid the police requested that Lana Brown come to the morgue and identify Kevin,” she said, handing me a sandwich.

  I took a bite. “She took it pretty hard?”

  “Very hard. She had a massive heart attack after seeing him. She didn’t make it. That child is alone in the world now.”

  The bite of sandwich nearly choked me. I sat there for a minute.

  Gwen reached across the table and squeezed my arm. “Bailey will try to take care of her, and she’s, well, she’s not able, I don’t think. Brenna’s prognosis isn’t very encouraging, but you never can tell. You’re right. Bailey will feel responsible for her now. That affects you too.”

  “She and our babies are my first priority. I don’t know if I can let that happen. But even as I say that, I know I’ll be powerless to stop her. Besides, I’d feel the same way. Mom, I don’t know how we’ll get through all this.”

  “Yes, you do. We’ll need more faith and prayer than ever. I’d just like for Bailey to have this one night snuggled up with her babies before we tell her. Agreed?”

  “I wish she could have more than one night. She’s not in a good frame of mind. In fact, I wish they’d kept her in the hospital a few more days.”

  “I think home is a more healing place for her. I prayed for her just now. I prayed out loud. Seems like she’s too much in her head, in her thoughts. The prayer seemed to help some. Even though we’re all together again, she acts to me as though she feels abandoned.”

  There.

  Gwen put her finger on what I couldn’t quite pin down. Bailey felt alone. I remembered when I went through my ordeal. I felt as if my prayers hit the ceiling and melted away. Everyone was bending over backward to try and help me, yet I felt alone, and estranged from God. If that was anything like what Bailey felt, my heart went out to her.

  “Let’s try and keep the news about Kevin’s mother at bay until tomorrow. We’ll sit down and tell her then. In the meantime, I’ll try and find out what the plan is for Brenna. I don’t think there’s any other family.”

  “I don’t mean to be unkind, but is there really any chance that Brenna will leave the hospital?” A very unhappy prospect, but knowing that might keep Bailey from thinking she had to bring the child home. There was always room for one more on Exit 477, but not while Bailey was in this awful state with two new babies to take care of.

  “Not likely. Bailey won’t give her up without a fight. And she doesn’t even know it yet.”

  I wrapped my sandwich in a paper towel. It killed me to think of breaking more bad new
s to Bailey. I thought over how we might tell her, and how to deal with her response.

  Gwen fixed a tray of fruit and a ham sandwich for Bailey.

  “Let me take it in, OK?” I reached for the tray.

  “Sure. I’m staying tonight, if that’s all right.”

  “Of course, Mom, I hoped you would. Won’t Toppy be stopping by?”

  “As soon as he closes up the diner. No way you can keep him from coming over to hold his brother’s namesake, and my mother’s, as well.”

  Bailey stepped into the kitchen with a baby in each arm.

  We hadn’t heard her coming down the hall.

  “Did you see the news? Lana Brown had a heart attack and died at the morgue just a few hours ago.” She handed little Paul to Gwen.

  I’d forgotten about the TV in our room. It never occurred to me she’d turn it on. “Yes, we thought we’d wait and tell you tomorrow. You really need your rest.” I took Helen from Bailey and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table for her.

  “Who’s with Brenna? Does she know?” Her eyes were wide with concern, and bloodshot.

  “The hospital had Child Protective Services come in. They sent someone to stay with her tonight. I don’t know if they’ve told her.” Gwen patted Paul’s back as he awoke and began squirming.

  “I have to get to her. This is awful. She’s lost them both, now. I’m her only family.” She wrung her hands.

  “I understand, sweetie, but you’re not well, and you’ve got these two little ones to take care of. You are our first priority. I’m sure it will all work out.” What the heck was I saying? If I were in Bailey’s shoes I’d want to get to Brenna, too.

  “What do I do?” She laid her head down on the table and wept.

  Both babies started crying.

  Time for me to step up, but I was at a loss. I couldn’t see past Bailey and the twins. It’s not that my heart couldn’t feel for Brenna, but this was not good for Bailey.

  “I’ll call and see how it’s going. Don’t worry, Bailey. This is tough, but you need to think about yourself right now.”

  She cried into her arms on the table for a minute.

  I put my arm around her and realized she’d gone limp. “I think she’s passed out.” I handed Helen to Gwen and tried to shake Bailey to coherence. I scooped her up into my arms and headed out the door. I’d get her to the ER. I didn’t even turn around. I knew Gwen would care for the children. My heart beat out of my chest. She was breathing, but catatonic. Fear propelled me, but I knew it was the prayers on every breath that helped me get her in the car.

  I got in the driver’s seat and pulled her head into my lap. I shook her and called to her repeatedly, but she wouldn’t come to. Finally, just before we hit the ER circle drive, I heard her wince and let out a cry.

  She looked up at me with frightened eyes.

  “It’s OK, baby, I’ve got you. We’re here at ER.” I slammed the shift into park and got out, raced around and scooped her into my arms again, and ran inside.

  13

  I couldn’t organize my thoughts. I was back in the hospital. My babies weren’t here. The voices of those attending me were brief and professional, but I kept hearing Scott.

  “Wait in the hall, Mr. West, we’ll come and get you as soon as she’s been assessed,” a female voice said.

  I focused on his voice and it brought me to the surface. “Scott?”

  “I’m here,” he said to me. “Please let me stay, I’ll calm down,” he said to the other voices.

  My arms were hooked to IVs, and someone tucked the covers in around me.

  “What’s happening to her?” Scott’s nervous voice made me want to reach for his hand.

  “We’re checking her blood sugar, and for a blood clot. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was a severe anxiety attack. You didn’t let her watch the news, did you?” David asked. Scott’s best friend and heart surgeon held my hand.

  “Didn’t intend to, Doc, but she did hear about it, that’s what brought this on.” Scott rubbed my hand after they finished taping down the IV.

  “The babies?” I couldn’t recall where they were. Some mother I turned out to be.

  “Your mom has them, they’ll be fine.”

  “But they’ll want to nurse. I need to get home,” I said. I tried to sit up. I had to get to my babies.

  “She’s got formula, you know, the hospital sent some. They’ll be fine with that for a while.” He patted my hand.

  “But then they won’t nurse.” They were keeping my babies from me because I was a bad mother. They just needed to tell me the truth. I couldn’t remember the delivery. It went well, it must have. I had gone home, and had nursed Paul and Helen. But now I was back in the hospital.

  “Sweetie, I know you’re worried about Brenna, but we’ll take it one hour at a time, OK? You just get better.” He reached down and kissed my forehead.

  “Who?” I scanned my memory but nothing surfaced. I must be really sick, because I couldn’t really remember delivering my babies. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the porch waiting for Scott to pick me up for the Dedication. I didn’t remember the ceremony. I must have gone into labor and not made it to the event. I couldn’t remember.

  A nurse gave me a shot, and things got even fuzzier. I guess it was best just to sleep. Mom could take care of my babies better than me, anyway.

  #

  David sat behind his desk mirroring his fingers. “It would be a good idea not to mention Brenna Brown to Bailey when she wakes up. This trauma is messing with her brain.”

  “Astute diagnosis, Dr. Harkin,” I said. “Is that how they taught you to say amnesia in medical school?” My concern had me lashing out at my best friend. This was too much.

  “I don’t think it’s permanent, Scott. She’s been through so much. Post-partum depression is ramped up quite a bit with the kidnapping. She found out she has a sister who’s dying, and the child’s sole caretaker just passed away.”

  The anger I thought I had under control for Kevin Brown found its way to the surface. I pounded my fist into my hand. “I can’t take this, David. How can one person cause so much tragedy? And it starts a long time before he showed up on the doorstep at the inn. All her life he’s been in the back of her mind, not loving her. Now this.”

  David got up from his chair and walked around his desk. He put his hand on my shoulder. From his silence he was praying. After a moment he squeezed my shoulder. “You don’t want to hear this now, Scott, but God has got your back. Even if you can’t feel it, He’s holding you all up with a foundation much stronger than this situation. Time to put our emotions in His hands. I don’t mean squash it down. Cry it out if you need to. It will help. You’ve got to be strong for her and for your children. It’s time for the Exit 477 crew to rally together again.”

  Stuff always happens to y’all. Tracy’s often quoted exclamation came into my mind. Did I have what it took to get through this? As soon as that thought entered my mind I knew the answer. It wasn’t about me. It was about just trusting God, leaning on Him. Still, my emotions at that moment wouldn’t line up with what I knew to be true. Neither did Bailey’s, in a big way. “You’re right. I know it. Just don’t know where to go from here,” I said.

  “We’ll concentrate on getting Bailey well. I’m sure Melissa will want to help with the children when she gets back from visiting her mother. She and Gwen could both take some time off and they’ll be lining up with Tracy, Liz, Phoebe, Mandy, and Macy to get their hands on those babies. Just about everybody has worked at the diner from time to time, including me. The washout facility is in good hands with the Pearson boys.”

  “What about Brenna Brown? Bailey has blocked it out, that’s obvious, but what will happen to her?”

  “There’s a chance Brenna might never leave the hospital. I hate it for that poor girl. And if she dies, it’s one more thing for Bailey. We’ll really have to be prayed up for both of them.”

  “She doesn’t have anyone?”

/>   “I understand that her mother left when she was just five. Kevin Brown got full custody of Brenna. No one even knows where to begin looking for her mom. I’m afraid Bailey is the next of kin. But not necessarily legally. I don’t know about that.”

  “How is she? Brenna, I mean.”

  “The news about her grandmother was very hard on her. A social worker is staying with her for now. Nice woman, Mrs. Gilbert.”

  “Can I talk to her? Maybe she could give me some insight into the child.”

  “I’ll call up and see, but are you sure? You should just focus on Bailey right now.” David picked up the phone receiver.

  “It’s a way to do that. Bailey will want to take care of her, David, when she comes out of it. I need to be able to tell her what’s going on.”

  “I understand.” He called up to the seventh floor and asked the nurse to see if Mrs. Gilbert would see me.

  “Brenna is asleep just now, so Mrs. Gilbert said come on up.”

  “Thanks, Doc. Thanks for everything. Please don’t stop praying.”

  “Absolutely. Listen, Scott, don’t forget to take care of yourself in all this if you can. Don’t want you having any relapses.”

  “I hear you. Sugar and carbs would be a great stress reliever, but I’ve learned my lesson,” I said, patting my stomach, which was considerably flatter since my lifestyle change a year ago.

  He opened his office door and gave me a pat on the back as I left to catch the elevator up to seventh floor. I didn’t even know what I would ask her.

  I stopped at the nurses’ station.

  The nurse went to the door of Brenna’s room. “Mr. West is here, Mrs. Gilbert,” she whispered.

  Mrs. Gilbert walked to the door, looked at me, and smiled.

  I took a peek at the sleeping child. Even with her eyes closed, the resemblance to her older sister was obvious. Same molasses brown hair, same nose.

  “Mr. West,” she said as she extended her hand.

  “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.” I turned to the nurse. “Is there a place we can talk for a few minutes?”