“Nothing!” I hurried to say, since I for some fucked up reason thought he was talking about what had just happened, which was a whole lotta nothing. Way too much nothing of something I would’ve wanted.
“What did he do?”
And by then Roach looked as if he was about to start throwing up.
“Nothing,” I repeated. “He didn’t do anything.”
“Then why the fuck is Roach giving you a lift home?” Dad asked and pointed at Roach. That was when I realized he wasn’t talking about Roach or anything that had happened within the last two hours.
“I went to him afterwards to talk. It was nothing, Thomas didn’t do anything, it was just weird. That’s all.”
“Okay,” Dad said and turned to Roach. “Thanks.”
“It was nothing,” Roach said, and I realized that the word had been used a lot in the last three minutes.
“Want to come in for a beer or something?” Dad asked.
“No, I think… I’ll be heading home.”
It was all so goddamn weird and uncomfortable. I just wanted Dad gone so I could explain to Roach what had happened, or ask him what had happened, or whatever, but all of those things needed Dad far away from us—preferably on another planet.
I looked at Roach, and he still seemed horrified. I didn’t like that, he hadn’t done anything wrong, and I wanted to tell him that. I wanted to tell him that I would’ve liked it, that it would’ve been great, that maybe he could try again, and a lot of other things, but instead I just said,
“I’ll see you.”
“Yeah,” he said with a weak smile. “See you.”
It wasn’t until I was in my room I realized I was still wearing his sweatshirt. It smelled great. His scent in combination with how nice he had been, and the complete failure in my dating experience, made me lie down on my bed. When I added to that the missed shot at being kissed by Roach, I started to cry. Everything was just so fucking unfair.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Explain It
oOo
ELIZA WAS THIRTEEN, AND her mom was out of town when she had her first period. Normally, she wouldn’t have told her dad about something so distinctly female, but while they were watching TV, the emotions of it all flooded her, and she started crying. When she finally managed to tell her dad what it was about, he surprised her by giving her a hug.
“I’m sorry your mom isn’t here for this, Baby Girl. I’ll do what I can, though,” he said and kissed her forehead. “There are maxi pads and tampons in our bathroom, if you need them.”
“Why are you so calm?” she asked. “Miriam said not to tell you, that you’d just freak out.”
“Freak out?” he laughed. “I’m a married man, I’ve been married for most of my adult life, you think a period would freak me out?”
“It doesn’t?”
“No. PMS on the other hand—terrified of that.”
oOo
Brick
He did not know what had happened at that date. Eliza insisted it wasn’t anything, that he should stop worrying about it, and that he most definitely should leave the kid she’d dated alone—that it wasn’t his fault. But it was something, because she hadn’t left her room in five days, and he wasn’t sure if she’d even eaten anything.
It was a major step back from where she’d been just the day before the date, and he’d noticed she wasn’t seeing Roach anymore.
Roach had dropped her off after the date, and they’d seemed okay then. Eliza had left Roach by the door with her usual, ‘I’ll see you,’ and nothing had seemed off. Or maybe a little. Roach might’ve seemed a bit nervous, but that was most likely more about Brick being slightly… agitated at the time. At least that was what he’d thought, until the two of them had stopped hanging out. As much as he had wondered what Roach was up to, he couldn’t deny that whatever he’d been doing had had a positive effect on Eliza. She’d flourished, and it wasn’t just the small things, it was the big things, too.
On day six of Eliza’s eremite life, he decided to just ask Roach what the fuck his problem was, and if he could go see Eliza.
He got his chance when Roach emerged from his dorm and poured himself a cup of coffee by the bar—just like he did every morning, whether he’d spent the night at the clubhouse or at home—and Brick went to sit down next to him.
“Everything okay?” he asked, and Roach gave him a surprised look.
“Um, yeah?”
“Everything okay with you and Eliza?”
“Not sure. I haven’t heard from her, so I don’t know. Why? Is something wrong with Eliza?”
“You tell me. After you dropped her off, she went up to her room, and she hasn’t left it since.”
Roach looked horrified. “Fuck.”
“Did something happen on the date with that fuckwad? Do I need to find him and beat the shit outta him? You better tell me truth.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No. She said it was just weird and that she needed to…”
“To what?”
“Get away, or something. See me, I think she said.”
Brick had to bite his tongue, and then he decided he wasn’t going to do that anymore. “What’s going on between you two?”
“At the moment, nothing. Like I said, she hasn’t called me.”
He was clearly avoiding the question, maybe even lying. Roach had some idea of what the problem was, and there was just no fucking way in hell Brick would let him get away with his shit. Not ever, and especially not when it was about Eliza. So he just kept staring at Roach until he started squirming, and as suspected, he soon started talking again.
“Nothing is going on,” he insisted. “We watched a movie, she fell asleep, and I took her home. I wouldn’t hurt her.”
Brick actually believed that. Or rather, he believed that Roach wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, and there was a difference. Which mean this could be Roach’s fault. Accidental fault, but still his fault, and therefore his problem to fix.
“Go talk to her—explain.”
“I don’t think that’s—“
“In fifteen minutes, you’re either on your way to see her, or in the ring. Your choice.”
“You’d beat me up if I don’t go talk to Eliza?”
“Yes. Because we’ve all tried, she won’t tell us what’s wrong, her last voluntary interaction with another human being was with you, it sounds like you yourself might think this is your fault, so go and fucking find out why she’s not leaving her room, or I will assume that it’s your fault and beat the shit outta you. It won’t make her feel better, but I sure as shit will.”
“How am I even supposed to get in?”
“Mel’s at home, she’ll let you in. Fourteen minutes and forty-five seconds.”
“Fine!” He stood up and emptied his cup. “I should’ve just butted the fuck out.”
“But you didn’t, you got involved, so fix this shit.”
Roach disappeared to the back to get his things from the room. On the way out he stopped in front of Brick as he put on his stupid fucking coat and cut.
“For the record, the date was not my idea. I had nothing to do with that.”
Brick looked at his watch. “Twelve minutes and twelve seconds.”
“You’re fucking nuts,” Roach said and pointed at him. “When it comes to her, you’re crazy.”
“Kid, you haven’t seen me crazy.”
“Actually, I have. I was there. Remember?”
Then he left, and Brick had to give it to him, he had seen him crazy. If things had been different, he would’ve just beaten Roach up, but sending a beaten-up guy to talk to Eliza might make things worse. So the kid got a chance to fix his mess. If he didn’t, he was fair game.
oOo
Roach
There was no doubt in Roach’s mind that the only reason he was still mobile was that he was a great liar. In this case, he hadn’t had any qualms about lying to Brick either, which bothered him quite a lot. He was getting stupid about a g
irl, and that wasn’t good. But Brick was right; if she was doing that badly, he should try to fix it. He’d thought that she was just avoiding him, not the entire world. That wasn’t okay.
Brick must’ve called ahead because Mel came out to meet him.
“She’s upstairs,” she said, but she wasn’t moving out of the doorway to let him in. “Should I have stopped her from going on the date? She didn’t seem… right, but I didn’t want to…”
“I—” he started, but he didn’t get to finish.
“It’s so hard to know when you’re stopping them from doing something stupid and when you’re just butting in.” She smiled, but he could see her eyes filling up. The prospect of dealing with one crying female that day was more than enough, and he really, really didn’t want to be around if Mel started crying. He could not fucking handle his president’s old lady crying. “I just thought, lately you’ve seemed to be the only one she talks to—”
“Mel,” he said and grabbed hold of her shoulders to gently push her to the side, “I think she knows you’re doing your best. How about I just go up and talk to her?”
Mel nodded and took another step to the side to let him in, and he went up the stairs to Eliza’s room. He didn’t bother with knocking because he knew she wouldn’t answer. The curtains around her bed were pulled close, and he could see the lights from the star lights she had underneath it. He’d expected that. He remembered what she’d said about how much she liked her bed. How it became her own universe when she closed the curtains around it.
“Hey, Princess, you awake?” She didn’t answer, but he walked inside anyway and pulled the curtains to the side. “Jesus,” he mumbled.
There was no chance in hell she’d even showered since he dropped her off. She was still wearing his sweatshirt, but she was in sweatpants instead of the red pants she’d had on while she was at his place. She sat up with her knees against her chest when she saw him, and with a glare she grabbed her legs and hugged them tight against her body.
“You didn’t call,” she mumbled.
“Yeah. I thought it was best if you decided when you wanted to see me again.”
“I always want to see you, you’re the only one I really want to see. I told you that, and then you didn’t even text me. And I totally blew the date. I’m such a failure.”
Okay, he’d fucked up, but not in the way he thought he had. Instead it was stepping back that was the bad thing, which was good, since he wanted to be with her—and it was bad for the exact same reason.
“Listen, honey, I messed up because I read the situation all wrong. I thought I’d scared you, so I thought it was better…” Actually, that probably wasn’t true. He’d gotten scared when she shied back, not only because he thought he’d freaked her out, but because he’d realized how badly he’d wanted to kiss her. But most of all because he’d lost control. He had been so fucking sure that wouldn’t happen, and then it had. “I’m sorry I did that. I shouldn’t have.”
“Why did you?”
“I don’t know. Like I said, I… guess I wasn’t thinking.” Because for a second, he’d forgotten what it was about, and what his role in her life was—that she wasn’t his luck. “It won’t happen again, I promise, you can trust me.”
“Why are you here now?”
“Brick told me that I either fixed this, or he’d take me up in the ring. I thought you were just avoiding me, not everything, so that’s why I didn’t try to call you. I would’ve if I’d known…” He smiled, and she glared at him.
“You were about to say something assholey just now, weren’t you?”
“If I’d known you were doing your best to rot into the bed. You stink, Princess.”
She blushed and smiled at the same time, and then she gave him the finger.
“There’s my spoiled brat,” he said and gave her the finger back. “Get in the shower, and we’ll go for a ride to Phoenix and get something to eat. Then you can tell me why you’ve been hiding in bed for five days and why you think you’re a failure, so I can tell you why you’re wrong.”
“Okay,” she mumbled, and pointed at his sweatshirt. “I’ll have this washed before I get it back to you.”
“Please do,” he said with a chuckle. He really didn’t want to think about why the fuck she’d been wearing it for five days straight. “I’ll wait downstairs.”
Mel was walking back and forth at the bottom of the stairs.
“Well?”
“She’s having a shower, and then I’ll take her out for something to eat.”
“Oh my god, thank you.”
Roach was pretty sure she wouldn’t be thanking him if she knew it was kind of his fault, and that the reason Eliza had been in bed was simply that he hadn’t called. Or at least that it was one of the reasons. Jesus Christ he’d fucked up, and not only the attempted kiss. He needed to… get her out there, doing things with other people, but he didn’t know how.
Which was what he was trying to bring up while they were eating.
“Wanna tell me why you were in bed for five days now?” he asked.
“I really wanted the date to work out. It felt like I needed it to work. That’s what I said to Mom when she tried to stop me, which in retrospect was probably really smart of her.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what I’m supposed to want. Dating and… crap. I don’t know. It just felt like it was the normal thing to want, and then it all went to shit. He freaked out, and it was the things I told you, and then you didn’t call.”
None of those things involved the almost-kiss, which made him think he might’ve blown that completely out of proportion.
“You know, you can call me if you want to talk. You’ve done that before. Not saying it was your fault, but it would be okay if you called me.”
“It got a bit weird there, when Dad interrupted us.”
“Yeah, that’s one way of putting it,” Roach said. “I’m sorry. I was way out of line, and I don’t really have anything to blame.”
“No. It’s okay. I was a bit surprised, that’s all. And it really was the date fiasco that completely threw me. It’s never fun to realize you’re not ready for something you thought you were ready for.”
“Did you think you were ready, or did you just really want to be ready?”
She glared at him and then gave him the finger with a laugh. She seemed okay, and that made him feel even more shitty for avoiding her.
“Next time, call me,” he said.
“I will. I thought you might’ve been angry.”
“For what?”
“You know, the weirdness.”
“Ah, no, not angry,” he laughed. “Weirdness doesn’t piss me off.”
“Obviously not. I do a lot of weird shit, and you seem oddly okay with it.”
Considering how he’d pretty much started off his day by lying himself blue to his president, just to go off and try to patch things up with said president’s daughter, only to have taken her out to eat while desperately trying to not make it obvious how fucking in love with her he was, all while being in a very good mood—he’d have to say that, no, weirdness did not piss him off.
When he’d dropped her off at home, he watched her take a few steps towards the house, and then she stopped and turned around.
“Thank you, again. I’ll tell Dad you did your duty.”
“Thanks.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“When did I ever stop you?”
“Fair point. How long are you planning on staying here in Greenville?”
“Um, I don’t know. As long as Brick and my president agree, I guess, or until I ask to go back.”
“Do you like it here? I know you need to get out of here to a big city sometimes, but in general, do you like it here?”
“Sure. It’s okay.”
“So, do you think you’ll be here until I start school?”
“In September? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I will.”
“Good,”
she said with a big smile. Fucking hell, her smiles were killing him. “I’ll see you.”
“Sure, see you.”
Roach knew he was screwed. One word from her and he’d do whatever the hell she wanted, no matter what she asked for, he’d give it. He decided to take a long ride before he had to be at work.
oOo
Eliza
It had been a little embarrassing to be pulled out of bed by Roach considering I reeked, but at the same time he’d seen me at my worst before, and it never seemed to bother him much.
I’d been so upset when I came home, and the only really good thing had been that he’d almost kissed me, and then I didn’t hear from him. Obviously, he’d had a point, I could’ve called him, too, but it just felt like everything was a mess, and me most of all, so I hadn’t. The longer I waited, the harder it got, and the more it hurt that he didn’t even bother to make sure I was okay. I guessed it made sense that he had wanted me to take the first step, but it also made me sad when he said it wouldn’t happen again, that I could ‘trust’ him to not do it again, since I really wanted him to try again.
So I was pretty much obsessing about that until sometime around midnight, when I realized that he’d been waiting for me to take the first step once, and he was going to do it again, so… maybe I should just… do it. I was out the door about ten minutes later and just barely remembered to put a note on the fridge. That was what I’d used to do when I couldn’t sleep and left in the middle of the night before, so I hope that my parents had the brain to check there before they panicked, even if I hadn’t done it since the rapes.
I took Mom’s car and went to The Booty Bank. The master key I’d gotten to clean the rooms also worked for the back door the strip club, but I doubted Dad had thought about that. It was actually a coincidence that I knew. Or not coincidence; I knew Mitch had used the master key to sneak in the back when he was underage. He hadn’t told me that, but I’d heard him tell Mac.
I could hear the music from the stage, and I knew it was The Cramps’ Like a Bad Girl Should because, not so surprisingly, it was quite popular in the clubhouse, too, so I’d heard it quite a few times.
When I saw Roach, he was standing in front of Miss Silicone Tits, and I all of a sudden felt like the most stupid and childish girl ever. She barely had any clothes on, and she looked really hot while she was smiling at Roach in a way I assumed was seductively. I wouldn’t know; I’d never in my life smiled like that. That was when she saw me, and when she looked at me, so did Roach.
Equilibrium: A Marauders Interlude Page 15