A Jar of Dreams

by Cartharn, Clarissa

  He heard Anne’s window click shut.

  “I suppose it was no one, Boots,” Anne was telling her cat. “I must be out of my mind today, imagining things.”

  He leaned against a wall, letting out a breath of relief, partially mingled with sadness. She lived alone with only a cat to talk to. And here he had always thought he had led a lonely existence.

  She slid under the covers of her bed, her fair hair sprawled on her pillow. He stood by her door, watching her. He wished he could turn her light on so he could see her more clearly. But he wasn’t sure about her range of blindness.

  He stood by the door until he was sure she had fallen asleep. Taking courage, he walked over to her side. He was tempted to caress her face. To feel her, to run his fingers through her soft hair.

  He stared down at her quietly, sighing. She was so wrong for him, he told himself. He was simply never going to be enough for her. He was a murderer; a criminal. He would always be on someone’s death list. She, on the other hand, was everything he wasn’t.

  He had seen her smile at that woman called Maria. Her face had lit up at the sound of Rod, the bus driver’s voice. The warmth of her heart had reddened her cheeks. How could she possibly be attracted to a sinner like him?

  He leaned down and tucked her covers around her carefully. Boots purred softly and he smiled as he nuzzled the underside of its neck. The cat jumped off the bed, following him out into the hallway.

  “You’re following me?” He grinned. “Don’t you want to go to your mistress?”

  The cat rubbed itself against his ankles.

  “You’ll regret it. You won’t be as safe with me… not like when you are with your beautiful lady,” he warned.

  Boots purred between his legs.

  “Alright then. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now, how about showing me a good room I could bunk in for a while?”

  He couldn’t tell how she used this room. It was largely empty except for a narrow bed pushed far back into the wall. It didn’t appear as if she bothered visiting the room a lot; which would have suited him very well indeed. However, he couldn’t help wondering why she was living in such a large house on her own. He had counted four bedrooms in total and each bore no signs of life other than that of Anne’s.

  “If we could tidy this up a bit, Boots, I think it will look quite decent,” he muttered as he strolled about the room, swiping the dust off a book shelf.

  The cat jumped onto a chair and began licking its paws.

  “You can clean yourself later.” He picked the animal and cradled it into his arms. He loved the feel of its warmth heating through his shirt. He had never been a cat person so much before. But for some reason he was drawn to this particular ginger tabby. “Show me where I can find some bed linen and maybe a couple of pillows.”

  An hour later, he was lying in bed with Boots curled up by his side.

  “You should go back to Anne,” he whispered as he nuzzled the side of its neck. “She will miss you.”

  He closed his eyes. He needed to wake up early. Earlier than Anne would. He didn’t want to alarm her. But the thought of asking her for a place of refuge was out of the question. She would refuse. She didn’t know him other than being the stranger who helped her out of a crowded bus.

  “She wouldn’t want me, would she Boots?” he said sleepily.

  There was hope in his voice. A part of him wished she would. But common sense would prevail, he told himself. It always did. However for now, he’d let himself dream it was every bit possible.

  “Boots?”

  He heard her voice echo through the empty hallway. He stirred in his sleep, wondering if he was dreaming. Had he really met her again yesterday after all these years?

  “Boots?” she called out again. The cat purred and her voice cut through his dreams, waking him up. “Where had you been? Let me feel your paws. Are they damp? You didn’t go outside, did you?”

  His eyes snapped open. She was awake and from the sounds of her voice, she was heading directly towards his room.

  He crept out of bed as silently as he could, swearing to himself. How could he have slept so long? He glanced at his watch and it was already past eight in the morning.

  He stood in the middle of the room, debating what to do if she entered. He pulled at the bed covers and scrunched them into a ball quickly. He threw them under the bed, along with the pillows and his bags. One swipe of her hand over the covers would tell her that if she hadn’t put them there, then someone else certainly had.

  The door bell rang and he heard her footsteps stall.

  “Oh, that must be Lucy,” she said, turning back in the direction she had come from.

  Lucy, Lucy… He thought quickly. Where had he heard that name?

  “How are you, honey?” the woman’s shrill voice pierced through the house.

  “I thought you were going to come in the evening.”

  “I wanted to. But I’ve got this dinner to go to. One of my nephews is formally introducing his fiancée.”

  “Oh, okay,” Anne mumbled. “I hate taking up your time like this. Really, Lucy, you should be spending it more with your family. After all, it’s not like you work for us anymore.”

  “Rubbish,” the woman brushed away. “You’re family too, Anne. I worry for you all the time.”

  “Lucy, I am not a child.” Anne sighed. It was so deep and heavy, he could almost hear it way up in the hallway.

  “I know, I know.” Lucy threw up her hands. “Have you got everything you need? How about groceries? Do you have any washing?”

  “No, there is nothing.” She put Boots down onto the floor. “I did my shopping the day before and I am more than capable of handling my washing on my own. It’s been almost ten years now, Luce. And I still can’t believe you’re asking me the same questions.”

  “I just need to know you’re fine.”

  “You’re just obsessive.” Anne smiled.

  “Only a little.” Lucy chuckled as she walked over to a chest of draws and pulled the top one open. She picked out Anne’s wallet and started bundling the money in her palm. “I’ll fold your bills for you, then. What are your plans for today?”

  “So you can follow me to check up on whether I will be fine?” Anne teased.

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “I don’t do that anymore.”

  “Really, now?” Anne’s disbelief clearly evident in her voice. “So you just happened to be passing by when I went for a cup of coffee with William?”

  “The guy from your music class?” Lucy let out a snort. “I don’t like him.”

  “And why? You don’t even know him, Lucy.”

  “I know his type. All he wants is to take advantage of you.”

  “And I could have taken equal advantage of him,” Anne retorted sharply.

  Lucy sighed. “Anne, you know what I mean. William isn’t the right kind of guy for you.”

  “Maybe he wasn’t,” Anne argued. “But I’ve got to make my own mistakes. I can’t expect you to be protecting me forever.”

  “Fine,” Lucy conceded. “As long as it is not William.”

  “Pray, tell me, what is wrong with William?” Anne threw her hands up in frustration.

  “He’s a musician.”

  “I’m a musician!”

  “I mean, he doesn’t have a proper job. It is no wonder he wants to be with you. He knows who your father is.”

  “That is ridiculous. Must it mean that if a man is interested in me, it is only because he wants a share of my inheritance?” She shook her head as she headed towards a window overlooking her backyard.

  “The world isn’t what you think it is, Anne,” Lucy said softly. “You’ve always been sheltered, protected.”

  “I know that. And that is exactly why I want you to trust me to let me make my own decisions. I can’t expect you or father to keep an eye on me for the rest of my life.”

  Lucy put a hand on her shoulder. “Honey, I am trying. You can’t say I haven’t improved in the
last few years. But when I think about your vulnerabilities…”

  “That I am blind,” Anne let out flatly.

  “Women are generally more vulnerable than men. It is scientifically proven, although many women will not agree. Does it matter if they do? Women will still be molested, raped, abused. We were built with a weaker bone structure, and born with a sexual vulnerability that will never compete with men. They will shove it in whenever and however they want!” Her voice rose up, growing shaky with frustration and anger.

  “Lucy?” Anne reached out for her.

  “I’m okay,” Lucy croaked as she stroked her arm. “I’m a testimony of how brutal man can become. And I shiver at the thought of what someone could do to you. You can’t see what they do, Anne. But you will feel it three times more than any woman who can see, who isn’t blind. Because that is all you can do. Feel.”

  “Lucy, I…”

  Lucy shook her head. “I’m just trying to explain why I worry about you. You’re like the daughter I’ve never had. And I know my over-protectiveness can become annoying-”

  “Lucy, I’m fortunate to have you. I really am.” Anne reached out for her and Lucy clasped her hand gently.

  “I know you are, honey. But I also understand what you’re trying to tell me.” Lucy sighed. “It’s just so hard to let go after all these years.” She sniveled and then delicately stroked Anne’s hair. “Honey, why don’t you go over to the party your dad is throwing over the weekend?”

  “Oh please, Lucy, you know how I feel about his parties,” Anne groaned. “It’s going to be all his elite friends sympathizing over poor Philip Mullen having a blind daughter.”

  “It would do you so much better if you went, honey. You might even find someone who would be interested in you. Someone who really could love you and take care of you.”

  “And I suppose I won’t find someone like that in my music class,” Anne replied with sarcasm. “Did my dad put you up to this?”

  “Of course not,” Lucy replied a little too quickly.

  “Lucy,” Anne growled. “I can tell by your voice. You’re up to no good again.”

  “Fine, fine,” the other woman relented. “But I am only saying this because I see good reason in what your father wants for you.”

  “And what does he want?”

  “The same as I do. To see you in love and married.”

  “I can’t believe that you and Dad would think I would find someone like that at a stupid party.”

  “It’s not just any party, Anne,” Lucy insisted. “You’re a beautiful woman. What does it matter if you cannot see? There has to be someone out there who will love you for who you are.”

  “Or my inheritance and a lucrative position next to Dad’s office. We have lots of those.”

  “Oh, honey,” Lucy let out tiredly. “Must you always be suspicious of everyone? Everybody is wary of those things, but that doesn’t stop them from finding love.”

  “I’m not interested, Lucy,” Anne said stubbornly and then added slowly. “At least, not now.”

  “Oh well, I wish you would go. Nicholas Bradley would be there. You do remember him, don’t you?”

  “Nicholas? Nicholas Bradley? From California?”

  “The very same,” Lucy said. “I heard he grew up into a fine young man too.”

  “I knew he would.” Anne smiled. “I remember him being quite the looker even as a boy.”

  “He would love to meet you, honey. You both were so close as children.”

  Anne laughed. “No, we weren’t. He taunted me. He was always teasing me about my hair or my height.”

  “Perhaps, he liked you and that’s why he did that,” Lucy said hopefully. “Boys do that you know, when they like a girl.”

  Anne chuckled. “I doubt it. Didn’t he have a girlfriend right after moving back to California?”

  Lucy shrugged her shoulders sadly. “Yeah, he did.” She opened the glass doors overlooking the backyard. “Oh, such a heavenly morning. Feel the warmth, Anne.”

  “I have.” Anne smiled as she followed Lucy’s voice into the backyard.

  “Why don’t you take a seat in the garden, honey, while I make us some nice cool lemonade? Such a morning should not be wasted indoors.”

  She left Anne to settle outside, while she bustled through the kitchen, preparing their drinks.

  Eric withdrew into his bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind him. He remembered her now. Lucy. She had been there when he had first met Anne fifteen years ago. Was it possible she would recognize him? He glanced up at his reflection in the mirror. He wasn’t the thin, lanky teen he once was.

  What did it matter though? He would never meet her. He was supposed to stay away until he could find a better harbor from the bastards who wanted him dead.

  CHAPTER 5

  He heard Lucy’s voice muffle in the distance as she left the house. He couldn’t avoid letting out a small relieving breath when she got into her car and backed out of Anne’s driveway. He hoped she wouldn’t be making regular calls. At that rate, he would surely be discovered sooner or later.

  He peered out from the side of a pillar, watching Anne return to the house.

  “Hey, Boots,” she said as she picked her cat back into her arms. “It’s just going to be me and you for a long time now. Lucy’s going for a holiday to her family in Atlanta.” She hugged the cat. “Too bad we don’t have someone to go visit. But I suppose it isn’t as exciting as it sounds, Boots. It would just be a nag trying to learn how to walk through someone’s house without being aided all about it.”

  He leaned against the pillar as he watched her make her way towards the kitchen.

  “It doesn’t matter, Boots,” she said. “We will be fine. We have each other, right? Who cares about family?”

  She let out a sigh. It was evident that she absolutely did care about the loneliness in her life. But Eric could understand why this was such a relentless battle. People would always label her as handicapped, giving her a hand where she didn’t need one and speaking to her with melancholy and sympathy in their voices. This would only hurt her more, losing her own confidence and depressing her ego. It was better being alone. He would also rather that than the risk of getting hurt. He understood too well that stab in the chest, that moment you couldn’t breathe because of its pain and the stupid hope that those who hurt you didn’t mean to do it and wouldn’t do it again. A flash of his mother’s sullen face whizzed through his memory. He held his breath, old hurt wounding his heart again.

  He lifted his gaze to watch Anne again. She strangely always made him feel better.

  “What time is it, Boots?” She pressed the button on one of her kitchen counter talking clocks. “Eleven thirty-two a.m.,” it said in its robotic voice.

  “Well, it certainly isn’t time to mope about why we are all alone. I’m absolutely starving. Aren’t you?” she said as she reached into one of her cupboards and pulled out a can of cat food.

  The talk of food made his stomach rumble. Other than the little snack he had saved in his bag, he hadn’t eaten at all.

  He followed her into the kitchen in a trance-like state. When had he come down the stairs? He leaned against a cupboard, his hands in his pockets as his eyes roamed freely over her face.

  She expertly pulled the lid of the can open and emptied the contents into Boot’s bowl.

  “Boots, here honey.” She laid it on the floor, in a corner of the kitchen. The cat purred and then lapped at it hungrily. She smiled at the sounds and then turned to open the fridge. “Now, my turn.”

  She pulled out a couple of plastic containers containing leftovers from her dinner last night.

  “Do you think I should go to that party?” she said.

  He raised his eyebrow. She had turned directly towards him and seemed to be looking straight into his eyes. Could she see him?

  “There would only be a bunch of snobs trying to kiss up to Dad,” she continued, twisting her lips in deep thought. “You don’t
think there would really be a guy there who would really be interested in me?” She pulled out a plate as she spoke and then dished out her food. “Nobody wants to be burdened with a handicap. Besides, I don’t even know if I look pretty enough…” Her voice trailed into her thoughts.

  His heart clamped. How could he tell her that she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met?

  The cat purred and she smiled. “Lucy is just being kind, Boots. She’ll always call me beautiful no matter how ugly I was.” She placed her food into the microwave oven and then felt for the little 3D sticker that indicated the reheat button. The whirring sound of the oven switched on and she proceeded to fill her jug of water. “Lucy said Nicholas Bradley would be attending the party. I wonder what he must be like now. He was such a devil. Always tormenting me. But he was also such a charmer with the other girls. You know how mad that used to make me, Boots? It must be because he never liked me. And why would that change in all these years?”

  The oven beeped and she pulled the door open to take her plate out. She let out a sigh as she tested the heat of the plate with the tips of her fingers. Satisfied, she pulled the plate out and laid it gently on the kitchen counter.

  Eric watched her in awe and admiration. The woman didn’t need anyone at all. He, on the other hand, couldn’t help but want to be with her even more.

  She took her plate and made her way to the kitchen table, settling herself into a chair.

  “It would be interesting to find out though what he must be like now,” she said between bites. “He must have a girlfriend. Or even a wife. Why hadn’t I even thought of that? She must be beautiful. I bet she must be intelligent, probably graduated from one of the best universities and a career woman. Oh yeah, Nicholas would want someone like that. I remember he had a thing for Julia Campisi in seventh grade. She was smart. She was beautiful. She had everything a girl wanted.”