To Save His Child

by Margaret Watson

Heat flared in her face as she tried to step around him. He put his arms on the doorframe on either side of her, trapping her. “Hey,” he said softly, “it’s okay. I like it when you look at me.”

  Hearing her own words echoed back at her in his husky, sexy voice made her start to quiver. Caine stared at her for a moment, his blue eyes darkening, then he lowered his mouth to hers. His kiss was a promise, a taste of things to come. Then he stepped back and watched as she moved away on legs that suddenly felt weak and wobbly.

  “The bed’s not much. It’s about what you’d expect in a dump like this.” His lips curved upward. “But it’s better than the floor of the jungle.”

  He disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind him. The next moment she heard the shower come on.

  She heard a whimper from the floor, and looked down to see Ana at her feet. Her heart contracted as she saw that Caine had taken one of the dresser drawers and filled it with his shirts, then placed Ana inside it. Leaning over, she picked the baby up and fed her. The shower was still going when she laid the sleeping child back in her makeshift bed.

  Pulling back the covers of the bed, she slid between the sheets and closed her eyes at the blissful pleasure. Caine would be finished with his shower in a minute, she told herself. In the meantime, she would enjoy the sensation of lying in a bed again.

  Lexie rolled over and bumped into something solid and warm. Something that moved as she leaned closer to it. Her eyes flew open and she saw Caine smiling down at her.

  “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” he murmured. “I was afraid someone had put a spell on you and I was going to have to kiss you to get you to wake up.”

  “Would it really take a spell to make you kiss me?”

  He leaned over her, staring into her eyes. “I’m already under one,” he whispered. “I think I was from the first moment I saw you.”

  “Caine,” she murmured, reaching for him. “I think I fell asleep last night while you were still taking your shower.”

  He gathered her close and held on to her. “You were sawing logs when I walked out of the bathroom.” Leaning back, he looked at her and smiled again. “I doubt if I would have been able to wake you up if I’d set off a stick of dynamite in the room.”

  “I’m sorry.” She pushed a lock of his tawny hair off his face.

  “Don’t be,” he said as he brushed a kiss over her mouth. “I still can’t believe you were able to walk this far. You had to hurt like hell yesterday.”

  Moving her legs experimentally, she was pleased to find that they hurt less than they had the day before. “I did, but it feels a little better today.” She grinned up at him. “Unless you have another jungle I have to walk through.”

  His smile faded. “No more jungles. I’m going out later to check out the situation, but the bathroom there is as far as you have to go today. You and the kid deserve to take it easy for a while.”

  “What about you?” she whispered. “You walked as far as I did.”

  “But I’m used to it. Besides, we have to get out of Limores, and the sooner the better. With any luck, we can be on a plane out of here before our friend El Cuchillo even knows you made it to the city.”

  She remembered his words from the night before, about going back to Washington. “We need to talk about that, Caine. About where we’re going to go.”

  Brushing his mouth over hers, he said, “We will. Right now there are other things I’d like to discuss.”

  “Such as...”

  He froze, then rolled over to lie next to her. “Such as feeding the kid.”

  Lexie heard the whimpering from beside the bed and slowly sat up. For the first time since Ana had been born she didn’t welcome having to feed her. She wished the baby could have slept for a while longer.

  Picking her up, she cradled her in one arm and reached to pull up her shirt. Then she froze. She’d completely forgotten that all she wore was a pair of panties and a T-shirt. Caine was sitting right next to her, and she couldn’t bring herself to bare her entire body to his gaze. With a fiery blush, she pulled the bedclothes up to her waist before lifting one side of the shirt.

  She could feel Caine’s eyes on her, but she refused to look up at him. Slowly he reached out and touched one finger to the side of her breast, sending a bolt of sensation through her.

  “You’re beautiful, you know,” he murmured, in a voice filled with wonder.

  As she laid Ana over her shoulder to burp her, she glanced at Caine. He was propped up on one elbow, watching her, with a tender expression on his face. “I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful. Inside or out.”

  She blushed again, then turned to lay Ana back into her bed. Caine stopped her with one hand on her arm. “Let me do that. Your muscles are probably still sore.”

  He took Ana out of her arms and placed her gently in the nest of shirts he’d made for her the night before. Then he sat back up and looked at her. Lexie could see the heat of desire in his eyes, feel the tautness in his muscles. As she watched him, an answering flame burst to life inside her, and she held out her arms to him.

  Chapter 14

  “I wish you had woken me up last night,” she whispered as he pressed her down into the lumpy mattress.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll make up for it today,” he murmured into her ear, lightly biting her lobe.

  Sensation shimmered through her body, winging along her nerves and heating her blood. She turned blindly toward him, needing to feel his mouth on hers, aching to taste him. His lips brushed gently over hers, but when she tentatively touched her tongue to his lower lip, his arms suddenly tightened around her.

  His kiss changed from gentle and tender to hard and almost desperate in the space of a heartbeat. He rocked his lips against hers as he dragged his hands through her hair, straining to hold her closer. She struggled to free her hands, trapped against his chest; and he lifted his head to look at her, puzzled.

  She curled one hand around his neck and burrowed the other into his hair. Clean and soft, it slipped through her fingers like spun silk. When she drew him closer again, he groaned, deep in his throat, and pulled her on top of him.

  “Lexie,” he whispered, his voice harsh with the struggle for control, “do you have any idea how much I want you?”

  She looked down at him, and tenderness warred with desire in her heart. “I hope it’s as much as I want you,” she answered. She spread her hands on his chest, feeling the wiry hair curl around her fingers, and began to trace its path down his chest and stomach.

  “I think I can guarantee that.” Catching her hands, he brought them to his mouth and kissed each of her palms, then gently bit down on one of her fingers, his teeth barely skimming her. As he sucked on her finger, drawing it more deeply into the warm velvet of his mouth, she felt heat gather deep in her belly. It pooled and spread, making hidden parts of her ache for him.

  “Caine!” She shuddered as she looked down at him. His eyes were hooded, glittering with passion and need barely held in check. As he stared back at her, he released her finger and slowly reached up to touch her breasts.

  She felt the heat creeping into her cheeks as he cupped their heavy weight in his palms and let his gaze caress her for a long time. Finally he looked up at her and said, “I didn’t think it was possible for you to be any more beautiful than you were before I left, but I was wrong.” Pulling her down against him, he murmured into her ear, “And now I know it isn’t just skin-deep, either.”

  She could feel his heart beating, fast and hard, against hers. Suddenly he rolled her over and rose above her. As he watched her, he lowered his head to one breast and drew the nipple into his mouth. Waves of sensation rippled through her, making her clench around him. When he reached down to touch her, skimming his fingers over the tangle of hair at the apex of her thighs, she cried out his name.

  Opening her eyes to look at him, she saw sweat beading on his forehead and his jaw clenched in an effort to control his passion. When she slid her hands down h
is back to cup his taut buttocks in her palms, she felt him quivering above her.

  “I need you, Caine,” she whispered, trying to draw him closer.

  “Not yet. I want to make this last forever.” He touched her again, and she arched against him.

  “I can’t wait for forever,” she cried. “Please, Caine!”

  Reaching around, she touched the hard, hot length of him, cradling him in her palm. “Stop, Lexie,” he groaned as he thrust against her hand. “If you touch me like that, I’ll...” He groaned again as she fluttered her fingers over him.

  Suddenly he surged against her, his control snapped. Again arching up to meet him, she whispered his name as he plunged into her. When he lifted her hips to meet his thrusts, she curled her legs around him and tried to pull him closer. Their sweat-slicked bodies slid together and apart, each time drawing her nearer to the edge.

  It felt as if something exploded inside her. She clung to Caine and sobbed his name as spasms rocked her. The next moment she felt him stiffen and cry out, then he buried his face in her neck. His ragged breathing caressed her neck and made her hair flutter around her face. He whispered something to her, but all she could hear was her name, repeated over and over.

  They lay together for a long time, until their breathing had returned to normal and the sweat had dried on their bodies. Finally he loosened his grip on her and raised his head to gaze down at her.

  He watched her with a look in his eyes she’d never seen there before. It made her feel treasured, and when he reached out and brushed the hair out of her face she held his hand to her mouth and kissed him.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “I’ve never been better in my life,” she said softly.

  To her surprise, a dull red washed over his cheeks. “That’s not what I meant. Do your back and legs still hurt?”

  “Oh.” Tentatively she moved her legs again, and stretched her spine. “They still hurt, but I’ll survive.” She looked at him, wondering what was going on in his head. “How about you? You walked just as far as I did.”

  “I’m fine. Like I told you, I’m used to it.”

  For a moment she thought he was going to get out of the bed and pretend that nothing had happened, but then he lay back down next to her and pulled her close. She snuggled into his shoulder and closed her eyes, content to feel him underneath her and hear the steady beat of his heart.

  “I’m going to leave in a while to see what I can find out. I’ll bring back something to eat, but is there anything else you or the kid need?”

  A chill swept over her, reminding her that paradise was only an illusion, after all. Slowly she raised her head to look at him. “Why do you always call her the kid?” she asked softly. “Her name is Ana. Why won’t you call her by her name?”

  Caine looked down at the woman clasped in his arms, his heart breaking at the hurt on her face. He resisted the urge to leap out of the bed and run away from her and the question that evoked so much pain. Instead, he pulled her closer, tucked her head under his chin, and stared at the wall for a long time.

  Finally he eased his grip on her and rolled over to sit up against the headboard. “I can’t be a father to her,” he whispered, and it felt as if his soul were being flailed with every word he spoke. “I can’t do it.”

  She slowly sat up next to him and took his hand. “Yes, you can. You can be as much a part of her life as you want to be. I’ll admit that at first I wanted to keep her all for myself, but now I know that isn’t fair. Whatever happens between us has nothing to do with your relationship with Ana.”

  “You don’t understand, Lexie.” The words tore at him, clawing and scratching. “It’s not that I don’t want to have anything to do with her. I don’t know anything about being a father. All I know is how not to be one. I can’t bear the thought of using an innocent child as my guinea pig.”

  “What do you think any parent does? Children don’t come into the world with an instruction manual. It’s always a learn-as-you-go proposition.”

  He turned to look at her, desperate to make her see the truth. “You don’t know anything about me, Lexie. Not really. You don’t know how I grew up. Did you know my mother died when I was born, and my father hated me for it? Did you know that he started drinking, and when he got drunk enough he would remember why I was there and my mother wasn’t? Do you know what he did when he remembered?”

  She reached out to hold him, but he ignored her, staring at the wall, remembering things he had tried to bury long ago. “He couldn’t bear to look at me. I could see it in his face, every time he noticed me. When I got older, and harder to ignore, he started to use his fists on me. I guess he figured that if he hit me hard enough and long enough, eventually I would go away. He was right. I left when I was sixteen and I never looked back.”

  “Caine.” He heard her voice, soft and full of pain, but still he ignored her. Now that he had started, it was as if he’d lanced a festering wound and all the poison had to come boiling out. He had to make her see what kind of man her baby had for a father.

  “I thought it wouldn’t matter—that once I was away from him I could live a normal life like any other man. I joined the army, and when I got out your father hired me. I had a job I was good at, and I even got married.”

  She made a surprised noise, and he glanced over at her. “It didn’t last long. I didn’t really love her, and I think I even knew it at the time. But I wanted a normal family so badly that I was willing to settle for anything I could get.”

  He stopped abruptly, remembering what came next. Even after more than ten years, the pain was still a raw spot on his heart. He glanced over at Lexie, dreading the pity he knew he would find there. Her face was pale and her eyes were full of pain—for him, he realized with a jolt of surprise. And he didn’t see a shred of pity in her gaze.

  “Just because your marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you can’t be a father, Caine.” She laid one hand on his arm.

  Staring down at her hand, small and delicate against the bronzed skin of his arm, he wished that he didn’t have to tell her the rest. He wanted with his whole soul to bury the rest of the story, to pretend that everything could be all right for them. But he couldn’t bear it if he made a mistake and his daughter paid the price. His daughter. The pain of those words propelled his story.

  “My marriage didn’t just ‘not work out,’ Lexie. It was blown apart.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. He’d never told another living soul about what had really happened. “I was working for your father at the time, and he sent me away on an assignment. My marriage was already shaky, and I was glad to get away. I figured that it would give both of us time to think about what to do.”

  She slipped her hand into his, and he curled his fingers around hers tightly. “When I got back, my wife was packing to leave. She’d decided that she’d had enough, that she wanted out of the marriage. I didn’t feel anything but relief. It had been a mistake from the start. But then she told me something else.”

  He stopped, remembering, unable to speak over the pain. “What happened, Caine?” he heard her whisper.

  “She told me that she’d had an abortion while I was gone.” He tried to keep the agony out of his voice, but didn’t succeed. “She’d found out she was pregnant right after I left, and didn’t even hesitate to end it. She told me she didn’t want me as a father to any kids she might have, that some people just weren’t meant to be parents and I was one of them. I had a bad temper, she said, and she was afraid of what I might do to her or the kid.”

  He looked at Lexie. “I never hurt her, Lexie. Never. I never even threatened to.” He closed his eyes. “I hadn’t told her about my father, but somehow she knew. She knew what I had come from, she could see it in me. And maybe she was right.” Opening his eyes, he said, “Can’t you see that I could never take that chance? If I ever hurt that baby, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

  “Oh, Caine.” Her voice was an agonized wh
isper, and he felt her hand on his face, resting against his cheek. “You’re no more capable of hurting Ana than...than I am. I would stake my life on it.” She turned his face so she could look at him. “Or hers.”

  “You haven’t thought about what you’re saying,” he answered roughly. He couldn’t bear to let himself begin to believe her. “How can you take that kind of chance?”

  Her response was immediate. “How can you believe what that... that bitch told you? She was right when she said some people aren’t meant to be parents, but she was talking about herself, not you. Anyone who could do something like that without even telling you first that she was pregnant with your child doesn’t deserve to have children. And she certainly isn’t what I’d call a reliable judge of character.”

  He almost smiled at the fierceness of her words. He had known she would be a tiger, leaping to defend someone she cared about. But it didn’t change anything. “Even if you are, I’m not willing to take that chance, Lexie.”

  “There is no chance to take,” she insisted. “I’ve seen you under the worst possible conditions the last few days. You took care of me, and you were gentle with Ana.” When he flashed her a surprised look, she smiled tenderly at him. “Do you think I didn’t notice the way you handled her when you were forced to? You held her like she was fragile and precious. I saw your face when she smiled at you. You would make a wonderful father, Caine. I know you would.”

  He slid out of bed. He couldn’t bear it anymore. She was holding out to him the one thing he’d always secretly wanted more than anything in the world, and he couldn’t have it. He couldn’t allow himself to have it. “We don’t have time to argue about this now, Lexie,” he said, refusing to look at the baby lying in the dresser drawer on the floor as he rummaged in his pack for his last set of clean clothes. “I need to get going. I’m sure you’re hungry, and I have to make some contacts.”

  She pulled up the white sheet, covering her breasts as she watched him get dressed. For a moment, seeing her slide modestly between the sheets, he wanted to forget about food, forget about getting out of Limores and just climb back into bed with her. He wanted to think of nothing but Lexie, to lose himself in her sweetness. But he couldn’t do that. He had a job to do, so he turned his back and pulled on his clothes.