OUTCAST: A Good Guys Novel

by Jamie Schlosser

  I licked into her mouth while she sucked at my lip. Moving my hand up, my grip dug into the soft flesh of her hip, and she clutched at the collar of my button-up shirt.

  “Get a room!” a passerby yelled, and another person whistled.

  What I wouldn’t give to comply with that suggestion. Kayla had a room right upstairs, and the temptation to drag her up there was almost too great to resist.

  But she deserved a proper date.

  Dropping my forehead to hers, I took a few seconds to find my bearings. When I finally stepped away, we gulped for air while staring at each other with pink cheeks.

  “Hi,” I said, unable to keep the shit-eating grin off my burning face. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

  Nodding she slipped her hand into mine. “So, what are we doing?”

  “I told you—it’s a surprise. You’ll have to drive if that’s all right.” I brushed the inside of her wrist with my thumb.

  “Okay, but I feel the need to tell you that I don’t like surprises,” she warned as we walked toward the parking lot. Her bottom lip jutted out in a cute pout, and I had to look away or else I was going to cave. “You’re still not going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “Nope.”

  Letting out a resigned sigh, she opened the back door of her Prius for Pierre and he hopped in, settling down on the seat. After we got in, I instructed her to drive east out of the college town.

  “You’ll be on this road for about twenty minutes,” I told her, glancing down at the map on my phone.

  Despite her previous attempt at getting information out of me, she just shrugged and went with the flow, popping in a CD from one of my favorite punk bands.

  Reaching over the middle console, I grabbed her hand and sat back, letting the music and her constant chattering fill the space.

  She told me about the day at the end of senior year when she almost dyed her hair pink and how relieved she’d been when John talked her out of it. She complained about how her English professor had already assigned them with a paper due Friday, referring to the stuffy old dude as a hard-ass. With a wistful expression, she talked about how beautiful she thought the McAdams campus was.

  Then she moved onto the topic of Rocky’s short-staffing problem and the big tipper who kept coming in.

  “It’s not a guy, is it?” I blurted out, unable to hide the edge of jealousy in my voice.

  Kayla laughed and gave me the side-eye. “No. It’s a middle-aged woman and she’s really nice.”

  She got a little choked up when she told me about what she’d seen Shauna do for the homeless man. How it made her feel to watch someone make a difference for a stranger. How it made her want to be like that.

  And that, right there, was exactly why I loved her.

  Kayla had the ability to look inside herself, which was tough to do. She had self-awareness, a rarity. Admitting your own shortcomings and mistakes wasn’t always easy for people, but it was imperative if someone wanted to improve.

  It was also a major turn-on. Her kind heart made me want to kiss the fuck out of her.

  But she was driving, so I settled for placing a lingering kiss on the back of her hand instead.

  When I saw the sign for the nature preserve, I directed her to park in a small gravel lot on the left side of the road.

  “Where are we?” she asked, unclipping her seat belt while staring out at our surroundings. Dense forest lined the road in each direction as far as the eye could see, and a small garden with a fountain and some stone benches sat in front of us.

  “Come on.” I grinned, purposely not answering the question.

  I grabbed Pierre’s leash as he hopped out, looking excited with his tongue dangling from the side of his mouth.

  Smatterings of light from the late afternoon sun filtered through the trees onto the trail that would lead us to our destination. As we started down the gravel road, my smile grew when Kayla linked her arm with mine, hugging it with her own. Like holding hands wasn’t enough contact.

  I knew exactly how she felt.

  Pierre sniffed at everything his nose could touch, and the three of us walked in companionable silence for a while, heading deeper into the woods.

  The only sign that people came this way often was the wide, well-beaten path. Rocks and leaves had long been pressed into the earth beneath our feet, and every hundred meters there was a marker with a ‘deer crossing’ sign.

  Although we didn’t spot any deer, there were tons of cool things to look at. Birds went about their business, as if our presence didn’t bother them. Multi-colored wildflowers grew in thick patches on either side of us, and the occasional Mulberry tree decorated the ground with berries.

  But I couldn’t stop looking at Kayla.

  Whenever she was occupied with something she found interesting, I stole a glance at her face. And when she caught me staring, I felt heat creep up to my cheeks. She didn’t call me out on it, though. Just smiled and squeezed my arm tighter.

  By the time we made it to the clearing, my leg was slightly twinging in protest at the long walk, but Kayla and Pierre seemed to have no shortage of energy as the sound of the creek became louder.

  Since there was no one else around, I unhooked the leash from Pierre’s collar and let him wander.

  “Here it is,” I told Kayla with a sweep of my hand. “When I Googled things to do around McAdams, this place came up. It’s a hundred and forty acres in all. There’s a fruit orchard on the other side. They have apple picking in the fall, and there’s a kayaking event every July. We could do it next summer.”

  I hoped it wasn’t too early in the relationship to be making future plans so far in advance. Because kayaking? That was a sure thing for me. Didn’t even have to use my legs for it.

  Kayla turned in a full circle, twice. She was quiet—too quiet—and I started wondering if I’d chosen the wrong place for our date.

  Wasn’t this the kind of shit girls liked? Nature and flowers and streams?

  I’d just wanted to take her somewhere nice. Somewhere quiet, away from all the people on campus.

  And yeah, a place where I could show off the fact that I wasn’t incapable of hiking a mile. Not anymore.

  I really didn’t want to fuck this up, and I found myself holding my breath as I waited for Kayla’s reaction.

  Ezra had taken me to the most beautiful place I’d ever seen.

  Closing my eyes, I breathed in the fresh air and soaked in the sounds of nature. The grass in the clearing had been recently cut, and the scent reminded me of the football field back home. Leaves rustled in the wind, birds chirped, and the rushing water of the stream enhanced the best sound—or lack thereof.

  Silence. Blissful, wonderful silence.

  It reminded me of all the Friday afternoons Ezra and I had spent in the library, just him and me.

  After living on campus for a couple weeks, I’d started getting used to the constant noise.

  Sort of.

  There really wasn’t any way to block out the racket in the dorms. People were coming and going at all hours of the day and night. Laughing, shouting, doors slamming, music playing, traffic from the busy street right outside my window. Plus, my roommate snored. I’d given up on using earplugs because I could never seem to get them in right and always ended up with an earache in the morning.

  This was the most peaceful moment I’d experienced since leaving home.

  I hadn’t been sure what to expect for our first date, but this was better than any fancy restaurant. More magical than the castles at Disney World.

  But the icing on the cake? I was with Ezra. Alone.

  Speechless.

  I had no words as I gazed at the tall, white cylindrical tower looming ahead of us. The intricate designs of the wrought iron were covered in ivy, those green leaves weaving and wrapping around every foot of the three-story structure. At the top, there was a copper roof covering the open circular room with a 360-degree view.

  A child-like giddi
ness erupted inside me at the thought of climbing all the way up.

  “Can we go up there?” I didn’t wait for Ezra to answer before forging ahead, snagging his wrist and dragging him behind me.

  He laughed. “I think so. It looks like the stairs are open.”

  There was no door or chain barring us from going up the spiral staircase. Our footsteps made heavy sounds on the metal, and Pierre clamored up with us, seeming less like a stoic servant and more like the dog he was.

  Sunlight filtered through the iron and ivy as we climbed higher and higher. Even though the walls were open to the outside, it felt private. Like we were in our own little world.

  And when we reached the concrete platform at the top, I gasped. It was like we were in a gazebo floating above the trees. The greenery stretched on for miles, fading into the horizon.

  The sun was going down now. We must’ve been walking for longer than I thought.

  “Look.” Ezra pointed at the clouds. “This is just like the drawing I sent from the retreat—the one where I tried to capture the sunset, but I didn’t have my colored pencils. This shade—” He gestured at the bright pink streaks that were dimming to a darker orange before tucking a curl behind my ear. “—reminds me of your hair.”

  His fingertip moved over my cheek, then lightly brushed down my nose. My heart violently knocked around inside my chest, stealing my breath.

  “When I drew your face, I used to imagine I was touching you just like this.” He traced the line of my top lip like I was his canvas. Smudged his thumb over my chin. My cheekbone. My eyebrows. “I can’t believe you’re here with me.”

  My eyes closed. I needed him to keep telling me his deepest feelings. I wanted to own all his secrets.

  “How many times have I drawn you?” he asked, then chuckled. “I guess you already know the answer to that. You’ve seen everything.” Moving his thumb to my left eye, he lightly grazed my lashes. “Open your eyes.”

  I did as he said, locking onto his intense expression as he studied me up close.

  “I never could get this part just right, even with my colored pencils. At first glance, someone might think your eyes are green. But they’re not. There’s so much more—dark, light, gray, brown, even a little blue.” He cocked his head to the side, his expression curious. “How could you ever think you’re just average?”

  Where had this version of Ezra been hiding over the past several years? If he’d said these things to me back in high school, I might’ve orgasmed on the spot. Hell, I was in danger of doing that now.

  I tried not to squirm, but I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my thighs together.

  “Have you drawn me lately?” I asked. “Any new stuff I haven’t seen yet?”

  He shook his head. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to anymore. I’d rather have the real thing. I’ve memorized so many parts of you.” He continued the sweet torture as his soft touch trailed down my neck, between my breasts, over my shirt, and stopped at my belly button. “I’d really like to memorize the rest.”

  The only word that popped up in my mind was please. I was one second away from begging.

  But it wasn’t like we could just go at it out here, especially with Pierre as a witness.

  Instead, I forced my wobbly legs to move and I dropped down on the stone bench. Ezra followed, sitting so close our thighs melded.

  “Why did you like me in high school?” I wondered out loud. I hadn’t actually meant to speak the question, but now that it was out there, I wanted the answer. Resting my head on his shoulder, I added, “What did you see in me that first day? And don’t say it’s because I was good at everything, because you know that’s not true.”

  “As soon as I saw you, it was just a feeling of… knowing. I don’t know how else to explain it.” Draping an arm over my shoulder, he stroked my hair. “A crush, I guess. If you’d been an awful person, it probably would’ve gone away. But you were the only person outside of my family who didn’t make me feel like I was broken or defective.”

  Frowning, I lifted my head to look him in the eye. “That’s because you’re not.”

  “Thank you,” he said, his voice full of emotion, and I could tell he really meant it. He was saying thank you for accepting him, for seeing who he was on the inside.

  “I’m surprised by how talkative you’ve been with me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you weren’t much for words before. Always the strong, silent type.”

  He scoffed. “I was too scared I’d say the wrong thing, so I just didn’t say anything at all. I might’ve been silent, but I definitely wasn’t strong.”

  Obviously, he had a skewed view of himself because he was wrong about that. I wished I could hold a mirror up in front of him. Wished he could see the same reflection I did.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Uh huh,” Ezra responded, sounding distracted as he wrapped one of my curls around his finger.

  “You might not even know what I’m talking about because it was a long time ago… But do you remember the time Craig O’Donnell knocked your books out of your arms in the hallway?”

  His hand paused. “Yeah, I remember. You helped me pick them back up.”

  I nodded.

  “Then later that day in art class, Craig didn’t have the charcoal pencil he needed to finish his project,” I continued. “And you gave him yours.”

  “Yeah. He would’ve had to take a hit to his grade if he didn’t turn it in on time.”

  “Why?” I shifted slightly toward him. “After what he did, why would you be nice to him?”

  “My grandma Beverly says that sometimes when people do mean things, it has nothing to do with anyone else. Craig didn’t do it because he didn’t like me. I was merely a distraction for his unhappiness.”

  Not knowing how to respond, I just blinked at him before asking, “What do you think people like him are unhappy about?”

  “Could be anything. Their home life. The way they look. Maybe they don’t feel loved. Maybe they’re suffering from depression. Sometimes it’s a power play—it’s about control. Dictating others because they feel out of control themselves. Lack of control over your own life is a terrible feeling; I know that firsthand. That’s why I’m so glad I went to the retreat. I got my life back.”

  “That all makes sense, I guess. I still wish people didn’t act that way, though. People were mean to you.”

  Shrugging, Ezra went back to stroking my hair. “It sucked, but I tried not to take it personally. Sometimes people need mercy instead of retaliation. I might not be able to control anyone else, but one thing I can do is hold myself accountable for my own actions.”

  I kissed his cheek. “Some people might believe that way of thinking makes you a doormat. But they’d be wrong. That makes you stronger than anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “There were plenty of people who weren’t affected by my charms,” he said wryly. “I think you might be giving me too much credit. You do remember how I lost my cool with AJ, right?”

  “That prick had it coming,” I gritted out, still bitter about how many people he’d been cruel to.

  Ezra sighed. “I guess some people won’t change, no matter what you do. I chose to show Craig kindness, and you know what? He never messed with me again.”

  My sweet, sweet man. He was too soft for this world, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. His gentle heart was the best part about him. Just when I thought it wasn’t possible to love him more, he went and said something like that.

  Poking the dimple on his chin, I softly confessed, “I think I fell in love with you that day.”

  Surprised, he reared back a little. “That was sophomore year.”

  “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d had feelings for you for a long time.” Overwhelmed with vulnerability, I gazed out at the darkening sky.

  The L-word was out there now. Speaking it was different than haphazardly writing it at the end of a letter. I’d tossed it u
p like confetti, hoping Ezra would catch all the precious pieces before they blew away in the breeze. Hoping he’d want to keep them.

  And he didn’t leave me hanging.

  Dropping a kiss to my temple, he quietly admitted, “I fell in love with you long before that.”

  I let Ezra drive on the way back, and he pointed at a large café when we got into town. “You wanna stop here for dinner?”

  “Yeah. If you want we can just do the drive-thru,” I suggested, my motive purely selfish. I didn’t feel like sharing him with anyone just yet, even if it was a restaurant full of strangers.

  He nodded. “We can drop Pierre off at my place after we get food, then we can go eat at your room. I haven’t even seen the dorms yet.”

  “Braggart,” I snipped, and he grinned. Damn, he was lucky to have an apartment. “You’re not missing anything, but okay.”

  He rolled around the building to the big lit-up menu behind a car with someone placing their order.

  But I blanched when I saw the prices.

  “Eight dollars for a sandwich? Can we do fast food instead?” I asked, thinking of the precious money I’d been trying to save.

  Ezra shook his head. “This is a date. I’m paying, so get whatever you want.”

  “If you’re sure…”

  “I’m sure. Besides, I can’t eat that crappy food anymore. I don’t follow the strict diet from the retreat, but I still try to make good decisions. I miss hamburgers like a motherfucker, but I don’t miss the way they made me feel.”

  I sighed. “You’re right, though. Healthy is better. And if I stick with you, maybe my ass will shrink,” I joked, patting my backside.

  Smiling, he shook his head.

  At the end of our order—a grilled chicken salad for Ezra and a club sandwich for me—he added on a large double chocolate milkshake and smirked in my direction. “Can’t have your ass shrinking on my watch.”

  Dorm life sucked so bad.

  I rarely saw my roommate, but I’d already come to the conclusion that she hated me. It didn’t help that she was a dead-ringer for Abby one. Tall and blond, manicured nails, perfectly applied makeup, and a massive collection of shoes organized under her bed.