Love & Rum

by Dani McLean

  I really, really liked him. More than I remembered liking Brad at this stage. More than I remember liking Brad at any stage, and wasn’t that a scary thought. That I married someone who I never felt like this for.

  The knock on the door came, and I realized that as much as I’d rather avoid this conversation, I owed Jackson the truth. If he really wanted to see where this relationship went, he should know what he was getting himself into.

  He wrapped me in his arms the moment I opened the door, the surety in his hold loosening the tightness in my chest. My eyes prickled with new tears.

  “Hey,” I offered weakly, blinking them back as I clung to him, burying myself in his warmth.

  When we finally broke apart, there was a dark patch on his shirt where I’d cried, and he set me on the couch while he finished making the tea I had abandoned when he knocked.

  He settled in beside me, close enough to touch but letting me decide what I wanted. I shuffled closer, needing the contact to calm me.

  “I saw Brad tonight,” I started, watching the steam rise from the mug in my hands. Jackson was a calm presence beside me, and I breathed it in, letting it seep into my lungs before I continued. “I wasn’t expecting him to be there. He just showed up with someone.” I left out the details about Natalie because that wasn’t the part I was having issues with. “He hasn’t changed, but I don’t know, I thought—I felt—like I had, and yet … he was still able to get to me as easily as he used to.”

  Jackson’s hand was gentle. “Tell me about him.”

  “Do you really want to know?” I finally turned to face him.

  “Yes. I want to know everything about you.” And the sincerity in his voice damn near made me want to cry again.

  I closed my eyes. Started from the beginning. “We met in college. Brad was studying economics while I did business. We met at a party and just sort of fell into a relationship. I liked that he had his own life, his own friends outside of me, and I had mine. After we graduated, we moved in together without really deciding to, and then one day, we realized we’d been dating for five years, and it was probably time to get married.”

  I continued, “At first, it felt like I had someone in my corner, a cheerleader. He was always looking ahead, seeing all the things I could be doing and motivating me to go after them, even if I didn’t feel ready. And it helped. It was nice to have someone see something positive in me for a change. With my parents, it was always about what more I could have done like nothing I did was enough. Brad celebrated with me and kept telling me about the next thing I could do.”

  Jackson’s thumb brushed my arm, reassuring, and I smiled into it, grateful that he was here.

  “But then it became too much. I started wanting my own things, and Brad would find ways of making me question it, or he’d make little dismissive remarks so that it didn’t seem like something good anymore. It got to the point where I felt I always needed his approval before I did anything. I stopped even having an opinion on anything after a while, just deferred to him.”

  The muscles in Jackson’s arm flexed, but he said nothing. “He didn’t understand why I wanted to leave Empire, didn’t understand why I wasn’t angling for a promotion. Always asked me what was the point of working so hard if it wasn’t going to personally benefit me. For him, everything had to be building towards a goal.” I paused to take a sip of my tea, my mouth dry.

  “I just, it got to a point where I wasn’t happy with him anymore, but I didn’t want to be alone. We had so much history together; how could I give that up? Marriage is about work, so I kept trying to work at it.” All that effort, and for what? A man who was able to walk away without a second thought. “But Brad wasn’t satisfied. Kept saying I was giving up on myself. On us. That I was wasting my life.”

  “Fucking asshole,” Jackson said with a force that took me by surprise, holding me closer to him.

  A rough chuckle escaped me. “That’s what Tiff said.”

  “So that’s why you said what you did at the bar that night? About being enough?”

  “You remember that?”

  “Yes. And I shouldn’t need to tell you this, but you are enough, Audrey. You’re incredible. Smart, sexy, compassionate. A million other things, and probably more that I haven’t even begun to know yet. No one can take that from you or diminish it because it’s you. It’s who you are.” He punctuated his words with a searing kiss, which I returned eagerly, pouring into it everything I felt but was too scared to say.

  “You’re good at this.”

  “You make it easy to be.”

  28

  Audrey

  Returning to work the next day, I felt lighter, a weight lifted with the knowledge that Jackson now knew my history and hadn’t run screaming.

  Waking up with him curled up behind me in bed this morning had been wonderful. I’d forgotten how much I missed these intimate moments with someone. And while I would rather have spent the entire day keeping him in my bed, I had far too much on my plate to take a day off.

  This rum wasn’t about to launch itself.

  The event was under a month away, and most things were on track. The venue was locked in, Tiff had planned a great cocktail list, one that even Jeff and Julie were excited about, and the caterer had finally confirmed this morning. I still had to talk with the furniture hire company to lock in the bar tables and chairs, and there was also the lighting, the bar staff … Ok, maybe there was still a fair bit more to do.

  Jackson’s sneaky little promo hadn’t hurt either; it managed to drum up enough buzz that tickets had already sold out. I’d thanked him because it was sweet, really, but it hadn’t stopped the nagging doubt that plagued me. Now I’d never know if I could have managed the same without his help.

  I was still searching for something extra to make the launch special. The previous day, I came up with the idea of bringing pieces of the distillery to the venue so the guests could learn about the history behind the brand and the backstory of how the rum came to be. I set a reminder for myself to call Jeff about it later this afternoon.

  “Audrey, are you sure there’s nothing more we could help with? Maybe Jet and I could take over some of your client visits? I was looking at the plans for the launch and thought maybe I could manage the catering and hire contracts? I have a minor in event management and actually ran a lot of our school events, so it really wouldn’t be a problem.” Winnie and Jet were settled in their usual seats in my office, and both now looked at me, hopeful.

  I blinked, frozen in contemplation.

  On the one hand, I knew they were bored and needed more to do. I’d been trying, really I had, but I’d already handed over all of the easier stuff. Anything else meant shadowing them as they followed up with customers, spoke with our vendors, and completed the mountains of paperwork which kept the inventory and shipping on track, which would leave me almost no time to focus on the launch.

  There was the rub, wasn’t it? If I spent the time to train them, I would be free to really focus, but I would have to stop working to train them … Not for the first time, I was angry at David for putting me in this position.

  That wasn’t fair. I was angry at myself.

  I knew I was messing this up. I wasn’t being a good leader. I had a list a mile long of calls to make to get the launch ready, and all I could think was, I wish I could talk to Jackson right now. Maybe run away to a beach somewhere and have marathon sex until I forgot what day of the week it was.

  Not that I needed a getaway to do that. I actually had no idea what today was; I was that scattered.

  Winnie was looking at me expectantly, and I let out a long breath. I needed their help, but I was torn in wanting it. Letting go and delegating was hard for me, and I’d never had to do it before. I was finding it a lot harder than I expected.

  “Thanks, Winnie, I really appreciate that. Let me look over the workload and see what I can do.”

  She jumped up suddenly and clapped, something I didn’t realize anyone oth
er than children did anymore, and nope, I wasn’t going to think about how old that made me feel. “That would be great! It’s just we see how hard you’re working, and we’d love to help more. That’s what we’re here for, you know?”

  I nodded and smiled, guilt sinking into my stomach. I suddenly wished she had a better mentor. I couldn’t imagine I was doing much for them right now. I’d have to speak with David and maybe have them reassigned to someone else.

  And when had I started feeling like I couldn’t do this? Just a few weeks ago, I’d been on top of the world, feeling like I could master anything.

  Now I was barely holding on by a thread.

  I needed some air. And some time to think.

  I stood. “I’m going to do a coffee run. Can I get either of you something?” I was starting to realize I wasn’t boss material, but this, I could do.

  “Dirty chai,” Jet replied.

  “And a half-strength, no fat latte for me, thanks, Audrey.”

  I fought the urge to laugh. Tiff would absolutely hate this coffee order. I grabbed my coat. “Back in ten.”

  Outside, the fresh air helped me breathe easier, but it didn’t do anything to shift the sinking feeling in my stomach.

  Winnie had a point. I’d seen the event experience on her resume and was admittedly impressed. She could probably run the entire launch herself. And didn’t that thought just make me a little nauseous? I struggled to imagine passing off the reins to her. Even the idea of having her take control of the catering work set me on edge.

  This was my launch. My opportunity to prove myself. To the MacMillan’s. To David. To myself.

  A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed I could do it. Then Brad left, and I scraped together every bit of confidence I had to pull myself together to show that I didn’t need him to be ok. I didn’t need anyone.

  I could do this.

  A text from Tiff served as a welcome distraction, albeit a confused one when it just read, “you 2 are so cute!!!” It took another ten seconds for the photos to come through, multiple photos from Sarah’s wedding that Jackson had been tagged in on Instagram. The first, a selfie of us with Lucas and Marie, another of Jackson and I chatting animatedly to each other at the reception, and the last of us kissing on the dance floor.

  Apart from the selfie, I couldn’t even remember these photos being taken.

  Before I could respond, Tiff added, “I deserve the matchmaking CROWN.” No one—least of all me—could deny her bragging rights for bringing Jace and me together, but it was her support and her acceptance of Jackson that filled me with happiness.

  I saved all the photos on my phone, told Tiff that it was beginner's luck and that no one liked a braggart. She sent back an emoji of a hand flipping me off.

  Back at the office, I delivered the coffees then excused myself, leaving Winnie and Jet to finish some paperwork. I might not be prepared to delegate any of the launch, but I could at least find them something to do.

  I remembered how they’d assisted Anthony the other week and decided that I’d been hogging our help far too much. David’s initial point had been for them to assist the whole team, surely. And if they were busy managing their own, albeit smaller accounts, I would be able to work on the launch without disruption.

  After an hour of running around, I’d spoken to half of the other account managers—the half that were in the office anyway—and sent Winnie and Jet off to get acquainted with their new workload, leaving my office blissfully empty again.

  Of course, that wasn’t going to last.

  “Knock knock,” David said by way of actually knocking, “Are you free?”

  There were about ten different things I needed to be doing at that moment, but I could probably spare five minutes for whatever David needed to see me about. “Sure, take a seat.”

  “No can do, kiddo. Grab your coat. I’m taking you to lunch.”

  “I’m too busy for lunch.”

  He smiled. “I know. That’s why we’re going.”

  He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so I stood and grabbed the coat off the back of my chair, along with my purse. David would never let me pay for lunch, but it felt rude to go without it anyway. His smile widened as I followed him to the elevator. “I have to check in on a customer anyway, so you can still feel like you’re working while we eat.”

  We took David’s car downtown, and as soon I saw the Tavolino sign, I shot David a wry look. “A customer, huh?”

  David chuckled as I followed him into the trattoria.

  Strangely, I hadn’t visited the restaurant much, but anytime I did, I was always disappointed I didn’t make more of an effort. The small space was filled with very traditional styling; red and white chequered tablecloths, a wood-fired stove, even a semi-open kitchen, so you could hear snippets of frustrated Italian from the chefs as they cooked.

  Nicky, David’s husband, immediately gravitated into the dining room as if some magnetic force had propelled him. His hands came up to David’s face as they kissed, and I melted at their easy display of affection. Twenty years together and still so in love. It gave me hope.

  Technically, Nicky was one of our customers, but I knew we weren’t there for work. David tried to go there for lunch most days. “Perks of being the boss,” he’d said when I asked, but I knew it was really because he missed Nicky. He was just a giant marshmallow underneath that beard.

  We got seated, and I quickly realized that this wasn’t going to be a simple, friendly chat. No, it was going to be a friendly, “I wanted to check in with you because I’m your boss” chat.

  Which meant David was worried about something.

  This was a common tactic David used when we worked at Empire. Back when I was still trying to work out what I was doing. We’d had a fair few when my marriage collapsed as well.

  So it was natural for me to start wondering where I’d gone wrong for him to want to have one now. I guiltily thought back over the last few months, how distracted I’d become since I’d met Jackson, all those days I left while it was still daylight outside, instead of staying back and getting more done.

  No wonder David wanted to check in with me.

  “So, I wanted to check with you, see how you’re doing.”

  “I’m good. Busy with the launch.”

  “Anything else going on?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You don’t have to look so worried, Audrey. I’ve noticed a change in you, a good one, and I want you to know you should cherish that, whatever it is. You seem happier lately.”

  He paused, but I stayed silent, so he continued, “How are the plans for the launch coming along?”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine. No issues you want to raise, no problems I can help with?”

  “Nope.”

  “And Winnie and Jet are working out?”

  “Mm-hmm,” I said, stuffing my mouth as an excuse not to have to say anymore, then groaned in delight. The food was amazing. I really needed to come more often.

  “You’re actually getting some help, aren’t you? That was the reason I brought them in in the first place. Because if they have time to help, I want you to use them.”

  “They’re already busy with everyone else’s work. Besides, I have it all under control.”

  I could see this frustrated him, his greying eyebrows dipping in frustration, but he let it go. “Work isn’t everything, Audrey. You need to learn to relax.”

  I was firm. “I’ll relax after the launch has been a success.”

  Nicky brought over our meals and left after kissing David’s cheek. Damnit, they were as heart-warming as one of those Christmas ads with little kids and puppies. It was impossible to be angry in the face of that cuteness.

  David continued. “You work harder than almost anyone I know, myself included somedays, but life is important and love even more so. Whatever it is that has you smiling lately is a good thing. I wouldn’t want you to let something good go by, and you shouldn�
��t be worried that it’s going to turn out the same as with Brad.”

  “I …” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “Thanks, David.”

  Despite his kind words, I still felt a sinking in my gut. He might think I was working too much, but I knew better. As far as he knew, I’d been non-stop on this launch, but all I could remember were the hours I’d spent texting Jackson or daydreaming about seeing him or leaving early to see him.

  Ok, five p.m. wasn’t exactly early, but it was for me.

  For all that David said, I knew it was not the whole truth. The reality was that I’d been steadily letting this thing with Jackson take up more space in my life after I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let anything distract me from getting this launch right.

  I hated the idea that something was going to have to give.

  29

  Jackson

  “It’s been weeks, Terry. Why haven’t they made a decision yet?” It was a rare day off, and I was currently pacing the length of my couch while I waited for Terry to explain why the contract renewal discussions with the network were taking so long.

  “It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. This is what you have me for.”

  I paused mid-stride, raking a hand through my hair. “I’d feel better knowing that things were leaning in our direction. I want you to take something to them. Wes, Liv, and I were agreed on it. In exchange for the raise, we will all sign on for an additional two seasons, plus agree to a certain percentage of additional marketing appearances to boost promotion for the show, this season included.”

  It was something Wes, Liv, and I had started to discuss after Audrey’s comments to me a while back, and it felt like the best compromise for us to make. We were going to have to do a set amount of press anyway, but if we set the terms in the contract, we’d know exactly how much in advance, and that was something we could work with.

  “Not a bad offer. They’ve been pushing for the promos in particular. Are you sure you want me to take it to them? You could still get the raise without it.”