by Kyle Autumn
“You okay?” I ask her, caressing the skin of her upper arms with my thumbs. “You want to stop?”
Before she can really think about it, she shakes her head. “No.”
I dip my head to gaze into her eyes. “Then what is it?”
Her chest expands as her lungs fill with a deep breath. As she lets it out, she says in a rush, “I’m just worried you have this fantasy built up in your head and I won’t… You know.”
My head jerks back. “You think you won’t compare to the image I have in my head?” I ask, incredulous.
Slowly, shyly, she nods.
I blink several times at her. “It’s pretty presumptuous of you to assume I’ve imagined you naked, Nic.”
A grin takes her face over, and she lets one hand fall away from her body as she swats at me. “Hey!”
But the motion sets her bra free and one of her breasts is uncovered. It shocks her for a second, and when she starts to scramble to get her bra back into place, I gently hold her still.
“Of course I’ve imagined you like this,” I tell her, trailing the tips of my fingers over the supple flesh of her cleavage. “But my fantasies have yet to live up to the real thing.”
She sucks in a small breath before ripping the material from her body and launching herself up into my arms. I take that as my cue to walk us over to the bed, gripping handfuls of her ass as she wraps her legs around my waist. One of her heels scratches my lower back. And it’s that sharp sting that reminds me to take all of this in, to memorize this feeling and the way she looks right now.
With her breasts pressed up against my bare chest, I never want to let her go. But I also want to move things forward while she’s willing, so I use one arm to brace myself against the bed as I lower us both to the mattress with as much intention as I can. When her back hits the bed, I plant kisses down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, and under one of her breasts. Then I reach her nipple and swirl my tongue around it. Her hiss makes me shoot my gaze up to her eyes, and I catch her in the throes of ecstasy, her back arched. She clenches fistfuls of my bedsheets and squeezes her eyes closed.
“Hey,” I tell her between kisses down her abdomen.
She raises her head, her lids heavy. “What?”
I press my lips against the top of the fabric of her thong. Then I hook my fingers inside the strings. “I want you to watch this.” I slowly tug her panties down her legs. “I need you to see who’s making you feel this good right now.”
Once her panties hit the floor, I slip her heels off. Then I slide my hands up her thighs and spread her legs. Doing as she was told, she doesn’t take her eyes off me. Not as I part her folds or even when I finally touch the tip of my tongue to her clit. After a few more swipes of my tongue, though, she can’t take it anymore and throws her head back, a loud moan emitting from her throat.
It’s understandable, so I’ll allow it. Being with her right now is better than anything I could have ever imagined. She tastes even more amazing that I thought she would, and her skin feels perfect under my hands. Her body feels like it was made for me, and I can’t wait to find out what it’s like to not only be with her, but inside her.
“And, Nic?” I say, pausing with the sweet taste of her in my mouth.
It takes some effort, but she raises her head and looks at me.
“Feel free to say my name again,” I tell her, arching an eyebrow. Then I narrow my eyes and lower my voice, dipping my mouth so my breath fans across her sensitive skin. “Say it as loud as you want.”
***
Nic
I do. Oh, I do. The only word I seem to remember right now is Aidan. And the way it feels on my tongue is like it’s the only word I’ve ever known. How I’ve ever spoken anything else is beyond me right now. Because all there is in this moment is my body and Aidan’s mouth on it, giving me pleasure unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
When I topple off the edge and squirm through my climax, the pleasure is nearly too much. Sensation shoots through my veins like lightning, and stars flash against my eyelids. So I scream his name one last time before pushing his face away from between my legs and giggling. But a girl can only take so much, and just being like this with Aidan is almost more than I can bear.
The throbbing between my legs is a reminder of how amazing things can be with him—if only I tell him the truth.
My giggling dies down as he makes his way up my body. When he reaches me, he kisses up my neck, and I wrap my arms around him. As much as I want to tell him my secret, this doesn’t feel like an appropriate time. Not right after he’s made me come harder than I ever have. Not while I can barely breathe or see. Not when I can taste myself on his lips when he kisses my mouth.
But it feels like a betrayal not to tell him.
“You are what dreams are made of, Nic,” he growls near my ear, his bare chest pressing against mine. “I don’t know how you can ever doubt yourself.”
It’s easy when you’ve made as many mistakes as I have, I want to tell him. But the words don’t come out. They stay inside my head, where they belong. I don’t need his compliments or for him to explain things away. It’s apparent now more than ever that I need that space I told him about. I need time to heal before making a go at this. I need to take this slowly.
I must be quiet for too long, because he lifts up, pressing his hands into the mattress.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
My grin is awkward, I’m sure. “Yeah.”
Clearly, he doesn’t believe me. He deflates and leans over to his side, keeping an arm around me but not sticking too close. “Are we not feeling the same way?” he asks, tracing shapes on the skin of my stomach. “Was that not as amazing for you as it was for me? Do you feel like you made a mistake?”
His questions make me feel worse than I was already making myself feel. So I roll over to my side and quickly slip an arm around his middle.
“This isn’t a mistake, Aidan.” I squeeze him against me, relishing his warmth. “Not at all. I just…” Sighing, I search for the words. “I have a lot going on. And I told you. I need—”
“Space,” he finishes for me. “To heal. I know.” He kisses my forehead, and I tuck my head in against his neck and his chest as if I’ve done it a million times before. “And I intend to give you all the space and time you need. But I’m hoping you’ll be able to do that as we do this.” On the last word, he trails his fingers down my arm, over my thigh, and inward toward where his tongue just was.
Then I do the last thing in the world I ever want to do when it comes to Aidan. I flinch away from his touch—and I instantly regret it.
“I’m sorry,” I say right away.
The wounded look on his face slays me. I never, ever want him to look at me that way, and he shouldn’t ever have to. My heart feels like it’s falling apart, knowing I’m the cause of that look. I’ve been the cause of that look in the past, and that’s not supposed to happen again. Not with this second chance we’re getting.
This second chance I’m already screwing up.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admit. “And I’m scared I’m messing everything up already and I’ll lose it all before I even have it.” Tears start to form in my eyes, and I bury my head against his skin.
“Hey,” he says near my ear, squeezing me a little tighter. “You have this now.” Then he pulls away, grabbing my hand and placing it on his heart. “You’ve always had this, and if I moved this forward too fast, I’m sorry.” Leaning in, he rubs his nose against mine. “I’m just too fucking happy that you’re here. With me. I can’t help it.” A small chuckle leaves his lips.
“I’m happy too,” I tell him, sniffling.
“Are you sure?” he laughs. Then he tips my chin up. “Because tears don’t usually happen when you’re happy.”
I start laughing now too. “They can!”
Then he sobers. “But yours aren’t happy tears, Nic. So tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing,” I im
mediately respond. It was my go-to response with Mason.
But Aidan isn’t Mason. At all. He makes that clear when he eyes me with a hard stare instead of kissing my cheek and moving on with his day.
“Okay, something,” I admit. I won’t lie to him, but I still don’t think I’m ready to say my secret out loud and make it real. So, instead, I say, “I’m just scared. This is so sudden, and we’re so different than we were. You’re not worried we won’t…fit?”
The small smirk I always loved seeing on Aidan’s face graces his lips. “I’m fucking terrified.”
At that, we both break into laughter. It’s warm and pleasant, and it makes me aware of how fast our hearts are beating as our chests stay pressed together.
“But,” he says when we both calm down, “I’m willing to take that chance with you. You, this…” He kisses the tip of my nose. “A chance at being happy? A chance at growing old with you? Marriage and kids? It’s all totally worth seeing where this goes.”
My breath stalls in my lungs, and all traces of humor wash from my face. My whole body tenses at the thought of disappointing him. I’ve done that too much before. And I don’t want to anymore. What I want more than anything is to make a life with Aidan. I always have, and I have a chance at that. So the selfish part of me wants to shove this whole secret away and pretend it doesn’t exist. For now, it doesn’t have to. A small voice in my head says that’ll come back to bite me, seeing as I can’t keep it a secret forever, but oh well.
I release a breath and try to relax. “You’re right. But,” I tell him, keeping my gaze on his lips—the ones I can kiss whenever the hell I want, “in case things don’t work out, I get to keep Cadence and Amelia, right?”
He jerks his head back and widens his eyes, which makes me giggle. The expression transports me back to when we were younger, spending the night watching movie after movie on his roommate’s couch. I almost can’t believe it, but things were simpler back then. And, if I could go back and change things, I probably would. But we’re here now, and we’ll figure it out one step at a time. I hope.
Until he starts to tickle me and I kick and scream to get out of his grip. I absolutely loathe being tickled and he knows it, but I kind of hit him with a low blow. I shouldn’t be surprised, but in my defense, I’ve never been naked with Aidan before. I guess I don’t know what to expect from him in this position.
“Stop!” I shriek. Between gasps, I yell, “Aidan!”
“Mmm,” he hums, letting the tickles turn into sexy caresses. “That’s exactly how you should be saying my name.”
My cheeks go hot as I realize how that sounded.
“Don’t get embarrassed on me.” He nuzzles my neck. “You can say and do whatever you want with me. You know that, right? There’s no need to be shy.”
He’s right. I know it. But it’s still going to take some getting used to. He was my best friend, my rock, before he expressed the feelings we were both feeling and took off with my heart. It was only two days ago that Mason and I broke up and only this afternoon that I told Aidan I had feelings for him. I need time for this, too.
But there’s that phrase: baptism by fire. I might as well get used to it by practicing. So I snake my leg around Aidan’s waist, intending to press my heel against his jeans-covered ass and show him how not shy I want to be with him. But he gets out of bed before I have the chance.
“Let me show you something,” he says, holding his hand out to me.
I take it, and as he helps me out of bed, my nakedness brings the shyness back. He grabs the blanket off the bed and wraps it around me. With the ends pressed tight to my chest, I hold it in place and smile at him. Then he takes my free hand and guides me out of his room, across the hall, and into a room I’ve never been in.
As soon as he opens the door, I see exactly what he wanted to show me: a painting. It’s still on the easel, several pots of paint cluttering the desk next to it. Brushes lie discarded around the surface of the desk, and a couple are soaking in a jar of water. But the painting draws me in the most. It’s unfinished, but I can tell what it is clear as day.
Me.
Back when we were friends, he used to paint me a lot. I tried my best not to read into it too much, but I can see now that I was his favorite subject for a reason. He was never inappropriate with his paintings, yet the intimacy was in the details—just like it is now. Every brushstroke conveys desire and appreciation. Every swipe of paint gives way to meaning and depth.
“When did you do this?” I ask, awe enveloping my voice.
“This afternoon. After I left Cadence’s office.” Then he points to the left. “There are more over there.”
Even though Amelia hadn’t heard that Aidan is a painter by nature, it seems as though he’s never stopped. Perhaps he hasn’t picked up a paintbrush in six years, but you’d never guess from this incredible rendition of me.
I go right to it. I take in every inch, examining the technique like I know what I’m looking for. But all I’m doing is taking more of Aidan in. I’m hoping this isn’t the last time he paints, and I’m praying I’m in the one who inspired him. Because there’s so much love on this canvas.
Maybe, just maybe, it means he can forgive me for lying and destroying his future.
Chapter 15
Nic
Sunday mornings are meant to be lazy. They’re decadent, for sleeping in. But I didn’t know any of that until this Sunday morning. Apparently, trying to get out of bed as soon as the sun comes up is a no-no on the weekends. With Mason, though, he always had some kind of business deal to work on. There was no time to waste. Time is money, after all.
Not to Aidan.
To him, time is best spent under the covers. That’s where he took me last night after I sat for him so he could finish his painting. And that’s where he’s wanted me to stay. Naked, under his comforter, and in his arms.
I can’t say I disagree with that.
Being with him and knowing how amazing his friends are… I want to live in this bubble forever. I can’t be blamed for not wanting to ruin it. I really can’t. But I also can’t bring myself to even think about it right now. Right now, I want to enjoy what we’re doing. I want to stay in this moment and really be with Aidan in ways we’ve never been with each other before. Old habits die hard though.
His arm is tight around my middle. I trace my fingers over the hair on his skin, wishing I weren’t itching for a shower and to get a move on with my day. Cadence did offer me the day to work, and I could use some more money if I’m going to make it on my own. The last thing I want to do is touch the money Mason sent me off with. Guilt money isn’t the way to build my own life for the first time.
“Can I make you something for breakfast?” I ask, twisting my head toward Aidan’s.
He makes a kind of growl noise before nuzzling my neck. “I know what I want to eat,” he mumbles against my shoulder. Then he kisses his way down my arm.
I roll over to stop him before he goes too far down that road. “I should really get to work.”
“Nic,” he groans. “I just got you. I’m not giving you up that easily.”
“You’re not giving me up.” I touch my nose to his. “I’ll still be here.”
He shakes his head. “No, you’ll be at work. Not in this bed.” He smirks at me before pulling me closer. “Where you belong.”
When he gently bites my neck, I giggle. Then it starts to tickle and I screech and kick, which eventually earns me my freedom. The second I step out of bed though, I realize what he’s talking about. I already feel like I’m on the wrong path. Work isn’t where I should be going.
Sighing, I let my shoulders slump forward. “Okay. You’re right.”
He sits up and swings his legs around to come to the side of the bed. He still has his boxers on—he never got naked like I did. But the view I have is still way more impressive than anything I could have dreamed up. His job has been good for him. For his body, for his personal life, and for his bank ac
count. He has great friends, good health, and a wonderful home.
Why in the world would I have ever said no to this man?
Oh, right. Family pressure. The stress of living up to my father’s expectations. Choosing family loyalty over love.
Never, ever again.
I step toward him. When I reach him, I position myself between his legs and cup his face with my hands. He trails his fingers up and down my back, over my butt, and around my hips as I kiss him with everything I have. He has to know that I love him, that I’ve always loved him, and I’m sorry I ever steered us wrong.
His hands inch up my back as I press my forehead to his. “You okay?”
I try to nod, but tears start to flow. “Yeah,” I tell him, my voice breaking.
“Clearly you aren’t.” He gathers me to him, positioning me on his lap with my legs around his waist. “Talk to me,” he says, pushing my long hair out of my face.
“I’m just so fucking sorry, Aidan.”
Because we lost six years of our life together due to making the wrong choice. Because I hurt him when I chose Mason over him. Because I hurt him when I said no. Because he gave me his heart and I chose fear over love. I chose loyalty over love. For all of that, I’m sorry.
And I’m sorry because I’ll have to make another choice soon. I’ll have to choose to tell him the truth and lose him or let him find out the hard way and lose him. No matter what, we won’t win here. And for all of that too, I’m sorry.
I’m just so fucking sorry.
“I am too, you know,” he tells me. “For not fighting harder. For not going the extra mile. For running away like an asshole.” He shakes his head. Then he tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry too. But we have to put it in the past and move on. Okay? Can we just move forward now? Get to know each other again?” When he cups my face in his hands, his gaze is tender and honest. “Whatever happened in the past can stay there. It’s just you and me now, and you can take the time you need. Things will be different, but they’re a good different. Because I love you and nothing else matters.”