Choices, Loyalty, & Love (Men of NatEx #3): A Package Handlers Novel

by Kyle Autumn

  Tears form in Cadence’s eyes as all four of us climb onto the couch with her. “The very best,” she says between sniffles, a huge smile gracing her face.

  How I lived without this group of women before, I have no idea. They’re kind, generous, and beautiful. They’ve held me as I’ve fallen. And they’ve taken me in and accepted me as one of their own when Aidan and I can’t seem to get our act together. They’re everything I aspire to be and then some.

  So, even though I’m over the moon tonight as I hang out with these incredible women, I’m still wondering if there’s a chance for me and Aidan. I won’t know unless I ask him, but will he even want to hear from me? He’s spent two full days thinking the absolute wrong thing because he wouldn’t let me explain to begin with. So should I even want to find out if we have a shot?

  Of course I should. He’s Aidan. I’m his Nic. We’ve spent seven years not together. But those few days we were together were magical. Or they could have been if I hadn’t been so worried about telling him the truth.

  God, everything’s so messed up. I can’t possibly figure this out right now. Not when I should be enjoying the moment with these ladies. Cadence will be gone for a week on her honeymoon and I’ll be working in her place to make sure the office doesn’t fall apart without her. I won’t have time in the near future to figure this out, either.

  Tomorrow though. Aidan and I will be at the same place at the same time. There’s no avoiding that, seeing as he’s in the wedding and the girls won’t dream of letting me skip out on it. So we’ll have to see each other. And I can only hope he’ll at least hear the truth from me before I leave.

  Because, even though I want to with all my heart, there’s absolutely no way I can live in this town with Aidan and not be with him. That’s a kind of torture reserved for the worst circle of Hell. And I won’t subject myself to that.

  So I’ll give him the whole truth: that I’m barren and still hopelessly in love with him, just like I’ve always been.

  And then I’ll say goodbye to the best people I’ve ever met. For good.

  Chapter 18

  Aidan

  It’s the big day. The wedding day. Not my wedding day, of course. That shit may never happen at this rate. I’ll be fifty years old with as many cats if I’m not careful. That thought alone should make me immediately reach out to Nic. But it’s the fear that she’ll never forgive me for assuming the wrong thing that stops me. She hasn’t even tried to contact me, so I should just take the hint.

  The guys are all dressed and ready to go, waiting on the women and the clock to strike three so we can get this show on the road. Matt has a permanent grin etched onto his face, and I can’t help the sting of jealousy creeping in. Even Jeremy seems extra happy today. His family is growing—by two, even—after all, and seeing his brother so thrilled must be nice after the year they’ve had.

  But I’m just standing here like a lonely idiot who still hasn’t heard a word from the woman he loves.

  Dani emerges from the room all the women are in to let us know that they’ll be ready in fifteen minutes. She’s starting to show, a slight roundness to her belly proudly protruding against her dress. And she holds it like a protective mother would. When she begins to turn around to head back to the rest of the women, she does a double take at me. Then she heads my way.

  “You know,” she says slowly, “Veronica isn’t here. We’ve all tried calling her, but she won’t answer. Think she’d answer if you reached out?”

  My involuntary laugh is dry, humorless. “I highly doubt it.” I stuff my hands into my pockets and kick at nothing on the floor, staring at the ground.

  She shrugs with one shoulder. “It might be worth a shot. She didn’t say anything about not making it today, though I’m sure, with everything going on…”

  That piques my interest. “What’s going on?”

  “Look, it’s not my place—” she starts.

  “I know the truth, Dani. That she isn’t pregnant.” The same tightness I feel in my chest every time I think about this whole situation tries to strangle my heart again. “I know she…” With that, my mouth dries up and the words lodge in my throat.

  Dani’s face falls as she places a hand over her belly. “Then you should really call her. She’s hurting, Aidan. And she just wants to know that you can still see yourself building a life with her even though she can’t have kids.”

  Everything in my body freezes at those words. Does that mean Nic still wants to be with me? Why on Earth would she think I wouldn’t want to be with her just because she can’t have kids?

  “Does that mean she—” I start to ask.

  But Dani shakes her head. “Call her yourself. I’ve probably said too much.” Then she steps forward and gives me a hug. “You look like you could use one of these.” When she pulls away, she says, “Good luck.”

  I follow her gaze to my hand, where my phone is already out of my pocket as if it has a mind of its own. So I hold it up to her to let her know I’ll follow through with her request. If only to make sure Nic doesn’t regret not being here for her new friends. I can’t imagine where she is, but I hope she’s okay.

  I sit on one of the chairs on the groom’s side of the aisle. When I pull her contact information up, a reminder that I have an unread text from her number pops up. At this point, whatever this text said is probably inconsequential, seeing as the space Nic needs feels permanent. And I should have reached out yesterday when I found out the truth. I tried to see her right after it all went down, but Jeremy and Amelia made sure to keep that from happening. Now, Dani’s encouraging me to talk to her, so I’m not really sure what to do.

  But, if there’s any chance in hell she might want to give things with me a go, I have to find out. We’ve wasted too much time trying to get on the same page and having things get in the way. It’s now or never.

  So I hit the button to call her. That feels more important: getting her to the wedding, letting her know I want to talk to her about us later. We don’t have to do it right now, today, or even this weekend, but I definitely want to have that conversation with her in the near future. Because I don’t even have a future if she’s not in it.

  When I get her voicemail, I automatically hang up. Too many people are filing into their seats before this wedding starts for me to adequately say anything I want to say. Nothing I can put into words will come out right. And I’m not even sure where to start. Asking if she’s coming to the wedding feels too cold, but I don’t exactly want to mention that I love her and want her back in a voice message. So that’s that.

  The unread text beams up at me like a beacon though. Maybe it’s inconsequential at this point, but I could at least text her something more coherent than whatever I might have left on her voicemail. So I pull the thread up and take a deep breath in before holding it as I read.

  Nic: I want you to know I’m leaving Mason. If I’m being honest, I never should have said yes to him in the first place. This is the complete wrong way to tell you, but I loved you back then. And I love you now. It’s crazy and I probably shouldn’t, but I do. If you could possibly still feel something for me after this long, I’ll get on the next plane. I’ll be out of here so fast. If you can’t though, I’d understand and we can forget this ever happened. It’s up to you.

  Fuck my life.

  Why the hell didn’t I just read this damn text when she sent it? All of this could have been avoided and we would have been in a loving, committed relationship when she found out she couldn’t have kids. I could have been there to support her through it, not run away from her because of a misunderstanding. Fuck.

  But…that might not be true. My mother’s words come rushing back to me. Would I have believed she actually wanted to be with me if I’d said yes to that? Mason ended up cheating on her and she still didn’t leave. If she wanted me, I was here the whole time.

  I ignored her text though. Made her feel like I wasn’t here. Like I didn’t love her too.

  Luck
ily, I know how hard her father pushed her to become the woman he wanted her to be. It’s half the reason I kept my feelings to myself for so long. I didn’t want her to have to disappoint her father if she actually felt the way I did. But I’d finally had enough of letting someone else dictate my life.

  And it seems like she has too. Seven years too late, but I know what they say. Better late than never.

  “You okay, man?” Jeremy asks, catching my attention amidst the crowd settling in for the wedding. “We’re about to ready start.”

  I swallow hard, physically trying to shove my emotions down. Now isn’t the time to deal with any of this, especially in front of Jeremy. The guy who caused half the problems in the first place.

  I nod once. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Then I shove my phone back into my pocket without sending a message.

  “Look,” he says, appearing a little uneasy. “I didn’t get a chance to really apologize for the other day. You know I was just looking out for you and never meant for it to get out of hand like that. But I shouldn’t have assumed things or pushed anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do, and Meli has sufficiently made sure I’ve been appropriately punished for my wrongdoings.”

  From the pain in his eyes, I can tell what he means. And maybe it makes me a shitty person, but I actually chuckle at the thought of Jeremy missing out on sex because of the stupid shit he pulled.

  “Apology accepted, man.” I give him another curt nod. “Now, if only I could get her to talk to me so we can talk about the truth.”

  He smirks at me. “Well, I hope you have a speech prepared.”

  “Uh, you’re the best man,” I remind him. “You need one. Not me.”

  Shaking his head, he says, “No, that’s not the kind of speech you’re gonna need.” Then he gazes over my shoulder.

  When I follow his line of vision, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever see comes into mine: Nic in a gorgeous dress, her hair flowing past her shoulders, and those heels she was wearing the first time I got her naked on her feet.

  My heart slams around in my chest in an unsteady rhythm. My knees almost buckle at the sight of her. And I can’t put into words what seeing this version of her is like, mostly because my throat’s both dry and clogged with a knot I can’t swallow. But I can say what it makes me want to do: run over to her, throw my arms around her, and never let her go. Nothing—not even lies or the unborn children we’ll never have—feels as important as just being with her does. She’s capable, strong, and—most importantly—in love with me. At least, she was.

  The only thing I want to do right now is make sure she still is. Because, no matter what this version of Nic is like, she’s still my soul mate. And I’ll do anything to make sure she knows that.

  I mean that this time. From the bottom of my broken heart.

  ***

  Nic

  The music that signals the beginning of the wedding procession starts just before Aidan reaches me. So I wave him off, letting him know we can talk later. The swirl of nervousness in my belly as I think about what he could possibly want to say to me makes me nauseated. And, now, I have to wait until another couple professes their undying love for each other before we get to have the conversation that’ll end all of this.

  What a perfect portrait of my life that is.

  I take a seat in the last row on the bride’s side and try to concentrate on what this day is really about. Love, acceptance, building a life together. All the things these amazing people have done together. The things I’ll never have at this rate.

  Then the wedding starts. I recognize everyone from the photos the girls showed me at Cadence’s house last night. Amelia’s niece, Aria, goes down the aisle first as the flower girl. Dani, looking incredible with her small baby bump showing, walks unaccompanied next, the bouquet in her hand matching the flowers in her hair. Then Cass and Derek walk down together, and Gina and Jeremy end the procession. When everyone rises as the bridal march plays, I’m glad I have a seat in the back.

  I get to be among the first to see how incredible Cadence looks in her dress as she’s accompanied by her mother down the aisle.

  A large part of me is sad that I didn’t get here earlier. No, I’m not in the wedding, but the girls encouraged me to get ready with them anyway. But I was too busy preparing for how awful the rest of this day is going to be. They’ll understand eventually.

  The wedding is truly beautiful. Matt and Cadence deserve a gorgeous day like this, and the ceremony fits them perfectly. Even if it makes jealousy and envy rise like the monsters they are within me.

  I want this. Love, happiness, confidence… I want all of that. I thought I could grow to have them with Mason. I figured we’d get there eventually and then everyone could be happy—my father included. But that’s not how it worked out. And, if I can’t have these things with Aidan, I’m not sure I can have them with anyone.

  He called me before I got here. I was in my car, wondering if I could actually attend the wedding, but his phone call pushed me over the edge. I decided I’d driven here and gotten all dressed up. My flight is a red-eye, so I have plenty of time to kill before I go anyway. I figured I should at least say goodbye one last time.

  When the ceremony is over, everyone disperses for photos and appetizers before the reception. A part of me thinks it’s better to just go now, but another part of me—the part that steals a glance at Aidan, who was already looking at me and catches me looking at him—is a glutton for punishment. If I’m not mistaken, his eyes plead with mine for me to stay. So I stay put, scrolling through my phone as I wait.

  A message from Mason pops up just before I go to turn the screen off and put my phone away. He’s the last person I want to talk to right now, but I can’t help the reflex that pulls the email up anyway. We spent six years as a couple. It’s only natural still.

  Sooner than I get to read it, soft fingers touch my knee and a figure squats in front of me.

  “Hey,” Aidan says before peering behind him. “I only have a minute between photos, but I want to make sure we can talk.”

  My entire heart aches with him this close to me. With his hand on me and his eyes gazing up at me with hope in them. Has he somehow convinced himself he can raise his brother’s baby? Is he hoping he can get me to stay here with him so we can raise a baby together? And am I about to crush him when I tell him there is no baby—and there never will be?

  Suddenly, I can’t breathe. Let alone do the talking he wants to do. My bottom lip trembles as tears blur my vision, and I lick my lips so they’ll stop sticking together. Then, when I open my mouth to tell him that we have nothing to talk about, only air comes out. And I can’t seem to find any more to drag into my lungs. So all I do is shake my head, rise from my seat, and attempt to bolt away on shaky legs.

  But the hand that was on my knee snakes around my wrist and holds on, anchoring me to this moment. This spot. This conversation Aidan so desperately wants to have.

  I’m slow to face him, thinking about what I want to say. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I manage to squeak out before the words eventually catch in my throat. Then I take a deep breath and rush out = the rest of what I want to tell him. “There’s no baby. There won’t ever be any babies. And I know how much you want to have them, so just let me go. I’m getting on a flight tonight to explain to my father how sorry I am for being such a disappointment.” Tears break loose and fall down my cheeks. “In more ways than you can imagine.”

  When I’m done, Aidan’s patiently staring at me. Then he looks behind himself, finding the guys waving him over for more photos. But he holds a finger up—not the one to signal for one minute, please—and turns back to me, appearing…amused?

  “Are you done now?” he asks, lifting his eyebrows.

  After a few sniffles, I finally get out a shocked, “What?”

  “Are you done?” he repeats. “Because I want to hear you out, but I also want to tell you how it really is.”

  I jerk my head back and blin
k at him, my free hand going to my hip. “Excuse me?”

  The hand he has around my wrist slips down until our fingers tangle, and he brings our hands up into the air, making a show of holding mine in his. “I read your text.”

  I narrow my eyes, wondering what he’s talking about. Shaking my head, I say, “I didn’t send you a text.”

  But he nods. “Yeah, you did. Three months ago.”

  Before, the mention of that text would have ruined me. Now, I’m too overwhelmed to have that reaction. “Okay.” I toss my free hand out to my side. “So?”

  “So, I read it,” he says again. When I don’t reply, he goes on. “Today.”

  All I can do is blink at him and repeat, “Okay… So?”

  “For the first time,” he answers, nearly knocking me sideways.

  That blinking thing keeps happening as I process his words. “You mean you didn’t read it when I sent it to you?”

  He shakes his head, a smile growing on his lips.

  “So…you didn’t know?” I say on an exhale. “How I felt?”

  At that, the smile dies on his mouth and his face falls. “Past tense?”

  I dip my head and try to take my hand from him, which he lets me do. The loss is staggering as my fingers almost immediately go cold. “Aidan. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it does.” He steals my hand back, gripping it in both of his.

  “No, it doesn’t,” I reply, but my words are drowned out by the sound of Matt calling for him. “It looks like you have to go.”

  Aidan vigorously shakes his head at his friends and waves a stern hand at them. Cadence waves over at me before grabbing Matt’s arm and guiding him back to where they’re taking photos. If I’m not mistaken, she tells him something like, “Leave them alone.” I can’t tell if I’m grateful or wishing he’d go finish taking pictures. My legs don’t want to hold me up anymore, and my heart can’t take much more of this rapid, erratic beating. Plus, I’m starting to sweat, and that’s just not cute. It’s hot in the summer sun here, and if I don’t get in the shade soon—or on that plane to go back to where I came from—I might pass out.