Kumadai Run

by Jaleta Clegg

  He shut his mouth and kept walking. We reached the cargo bay doors in silence. I sat on the ledge of the nearest door and mentally kicked myself. He was going to leave, again, because I had to be nosy and ask. No, that wasn’t right. He did know all about me, he’d read my record at least once. I really didn’t know much about him, only that I loved him. He leaned against the ledge, at the other end, away from me.

  Just when I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, he started to talk.

  “My mother is a vid star. She doesn’t do much any more, but she had some big hits a while back.” He was quiet for a moment, watching the distant lights of the port. A ship lifted into the sky. We both watched it go.

  “She and my father were all wrong for each other,” he said, in a quiet voice. “She wanted to be a star, she craved it. My father went into politics. He wanted a wife who would stand quietly behind him, with model children. My mother couldn’t do it. She divorced him when I was five. I stayed with her, traveling to her vid shoots, staying in her dressing rooms. It worked as long as I was young and cute. Her description of me.

  “When I turned twelve, she shipped me off to my father. He’d remarried and had three children. It was awkward. He was running for a sector council seat. I was an embarrassment to him. My stepmother didn’t want to deal with me. They sent me to military school. Only the best,” he said, his mouth twisting in a wry smile. “I graduated early.

  “I went to the Academy at sixteen. Lowell made contact with me my last year. He made undercover work sound romantic, an adventure. So I signed up. I spent the first two years as a glorified body guard. My father has since made Sector Governor. I haven’t seen him in years.”

  He was silent after that, his arms folded defensively. He stared into the distance, his face back in its mask, the one that hid pain. I could read it in his eyes. It echoed in my own heart. I knew pain like that. I put my hand on his arm, reaching across the space between us.

  “I guess Tivor wasn’t that bad,” I said.

  “Don’t ever say that,” he said harshly. “My life is nothing like what you went through. I had parents. I had the best of everything.”

  “Then why are you running away from it still?”

  He shifted and took my hand in his. “There are times you see too clearly, Dace.”

  “And times when I’m completely dense.” I looked across the port, watching the distant lights around a ship being loaded. His hand was warm in mine. It was enough, I told myself.

  And then he kissed me, leaning over in the dark. It was gentle, a lingering kiss that brought tears to my eyes. It was as if we were speaking heart to heart, without words. I wanted it to last forever. He stood back after what felt like a forever that was much too short.

  “I love you,” he whispered. I knew what it cost him to admit it.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered back.

  He hadn’t expected that. His breath caught. He cupped my cheek with one hand and lifted my face. The dim light outlined his lips and nose and left his eyes dark. He studied me for a while, his thumb moving slowly over my cheek.

  “What about Wade?” he asked, trying to make it sound light, a joke. It didn’t work.

  “What about him?” I slid off the ledge and stood close to him.

  His fingers, entwined with mine, clenched my hand in his. I put my other hand on his chest and leaned up on my toes and kissed him.

  It wasn’t a gentle, lingering kiss this time. I lost all awareness of everything around me. All I knew was the warmth of his hand holding mine, the touch of his other hand on my back. I felt the curl of his hair under my other hand, the heat of his neck. I smelled the faint spice that was him. My whole universe was his touch, his kiss.

  An insistent beeping intruded. He shifted, letting go of my hand to fumble with his wrist behind my back.

  “Dace,” he said, helpless and undefended. Every emotion was naked on his face. It showed regret now. “I have to go. I have to catch the next shuttle.”

  “Don't go,” I said, running my hand through his hair. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to watch him walk away. I wasn’t going to get what I wanted.

  “I have to.” He kissed me again, pulling me up against him and letting me go almost immediately. “I’ll look for you whenever we’re in dock.”

  And then he was gone, walking away into the night. The lights of the field, widely spaced, caught him, shadowed him and lighted him in turn. I sighed and leaned against the exhaust port of my ship. How many weeks and months would it be before I saw him again? I wanted to run after him, but it wouldn’t do much good. He had to report back to duty. And I had my own life. I watched him until he rounded a ship and was gone.

  I heard footsteps crunch on the plascrete, deliberately loud. I turned my head. Darus stood next to the ship. He stared into the distance, where Tayvis had just gone.

  “You really care about him, don’t you?” Darus tried to sound merely interested, but I heard the hurt in his voice. He wanted to be part of my life, this was one part he knew nothing about. He wanted to be my father. I couldn’t let him in that far yet.

  “Yes, I do.” I’d told Tayvis I loved him, and knew in that moment it was true. More true than anything in my life.

  “Lowell told me a bit about him,” Darus said.

  “I see you and Lowell are on familiar terms now.” Anything to distract me from the empty lonely feeling of watching Tayvis walk away, again.

  “He offered me a job.” Darus grinned. “I remembered your advice and turned him down.”

  “Good for you,” I said and found a smile somewhere.

  “He still wants to talk to you, when you’re finished out here.”

  “There isn’t much left out here for me,” I said, sounding more sad than I wanted to.

  “Dace, he’s Patrol. He can’t be good for you.” Darus wasn’t talking about Lowell, he was talking about Tayvis.

  “You’re Patrol,” I said.

  “I’m not the one kissing you.”

  “You’d better not be.”

  “Dace, you know what I mean. He’ll break your heart. And just walk away.”

  “Not Tayvis. If anyone breaks my heart, it will be me. I keep trying to tell myself to let him go, but I can’t. I promised to meet him when his enlistment is up. I’ll decide then.” I wasn’t sure I could wait that long. Almost two years. If the patrol routes of his ship weren’t classified, I’d be inside my ship trying to figure out a way to follow his ship and still make a profit. I’d have to trust to chance and hope I saw him again. Soon.

  “So, tell me about him,” Darus said.

  I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about Tayvis, especially to Darus. “If Lowell wants to talk to me, the fastest way to get rid of him is to talk to him.” I started towards the hatch. Darus fell into step beside me.

  “Dace, I don’t want to interfere, but you should be more careful.”

  “Don’t ruin what we’ve got, Darus.”

  He shut up.

  Lowell sat at the table, talking to Commander Hovart. The two of them looked like old friends, laughing and smiling at each other’s jokes. They looked up when I came in.

  “He left?” Lowell asked sympathetically. He had an uncanny ability to read my face. I didn’t meet his gaze. I didn’t want to look into his silvery eyes that hid everything so well.

  “His leave was over,” I said.

  “Three hour leave?” Hovart said. “That’s unusual. What ship is he on?”

  “What do you want?” I said to Lowell, ignoring Hovart. I was sorry to offend him, but I wasn’t in the mood to play word games with Lowell.

  “Your name showed up in a report that crossed my desk. I came to check that you were fine, as the report stated.” Lowell smiled innocently.

  “And I’ll believe that when the Emperor tells me it’s true,” I said.

  Hovart looked puzzled.

  Lowell laughed. “Believe it or not, Dace, that’s why I’m here.”

>   “You came all the way here, to Parrus, from wherever you were, just to check on me.” I rubbed a hand through my hair. “It won’t work, Lowell. So give up. I’m not working for you, now or ever.”

  “We’ll see,” Lowell said. “So, Greyson, as I was saying, it’s good to see you in one piece. Tell me again about the aborigines. What kind of weapons did they use?”

  Commander Hovart really looked confused. He started a stammering explanation of the wands, shooting looks at me the whole time. I got myself a drink. It was my ship after all. It was juice, not alcohol, although right then alcohol was a lot more tempting. Anything to help fill the hollow space inside. I’d been doing fairly well ignoring it until Tayvis showed up and surprised me into noticing it again.

  Darus stood by the open hatch, arms folded. He watched Lowell as if he expected Lowell to suddenly pull out a blaster and threaten all of us.

  Hovart finished his explanation. “What is going on here, Grant?” he asked Lowell.

  “Dace has become one of my pet projects,” Lowell said. “I keep track of what she’s up to. Keeps me entertained.”

  “I doubt that,” Hovart said. “It’s more than entertainment. She’s one of your agents, isn’t she?”

  “You heard her yourself, Greyson,” Lowell said. “She doesn’t work for me, now or ever.”

  “That doesn’t fit what I saw her do,” Hovart objected.

  “She’s not Patrol, Greyson,” Lowell said. “How can she work for me, a fleet admiral?”

  “What fleet, Lowell?” I asked.

  “Twelfth fleet, Porlannis sector.”

  “Then why aren’t you out there commanding it? Instead of sitting here giving me indigestion.”

  “She has a point, Grant,” Hovart said. “Don’t play coy with me. You run the undercover division. You always wanted to. You used to plan it when we were back at the Academy.”

  I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to leave before I said something I'd regret. Hovart and Darus were Patrol, too. “As interesting as this conversation is, I’m tired. Close the hatch when you leave.” I walked across the lounge, and into my cabin. I shut the door behind me.

  Commander Hovart had gone to the Academy with Lowell. Interesting. If he hadn’t been convinced I was an undercover agent, Hovart would have been a good source to dig up something on Lowell that would get him to leave me alone.

  But was that really what I wanted? Yes, I told myself. I wanted to find a good trade route and settle down to making a decent profit. I didn’t want anything more exciting than a good bartering session.

  I was lying to myself. I would miss the people I’d met. I wouldn't miss going without showers or food. I'd miss the excitement. I'd miss the extra equipment on my ship.

  I stopped myself. I was almost considering accepting Lowell’s offer. Except he couldn’t fulfill his promise to assign Tayvis to my crew. Even if he could finagle that, I still didn’t want to work for him. I didn’t want to be forced into becoming something I hated. I didn’t want to sleep with a gun under my pillow. The habit was proving hard enough to break when I didn’t have justification for it. Lowell would require it.

  I don’t know when they left. I locked my cabin door and went to bed, despite wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation. I lay awake a long time, remembering Tayvis’ touch. I finally fell asleep, feeling very lonely and sorry for myself.

  There was a message waiting for me when I woke up the next morning. It wasn’t from Tayvis, much to my disappointment. It was from Darus.

  “Dace, I’m sorry about what happened last night,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. Maybe.” He fumbled with something. He looked nervous. He finally looked into the camera that recorded his message. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to ruin things between us. I’d come talk to you in person, but my orders just came through. I have to report to my ship in less than an hour. Dace, don’t get lost. I’ll look for you when I can. I know you don’t really know me. I don’t really know you. I want a chance to get to know you better. I want to be part of your life, if you want me to.” He stopped again. He smiled, a quirky half twist of his lips. “I really am proud to claim you as my daughter. I wish I’d known about you a long time ago.” Someone called his name. He turned his head. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. Don’t forget about me.”

  The recording ended. I sat back in the chair, tucking my feet under me. I had to smile. Maybe life wasn’t quite so lonely now. I had a family, Jasyn and Clark, and I’d found my father. And someday we would find time to build the friendship between us. I promised myself that much.

  And Tayvis loved me. He'd even said it out loud.

  Epilogue

  “You’re almost late,” Mryah said, looking up from her reader as Tayvis walked into the cabin assigned to their squad.

  “If the CO were still here, we’d be on report. Again,” Lorien said.

  “Old man Guilman’s gone?” Tayvis asked, surprised.

  “Packed up and left halfway through last shift,” Touk’s deep voice rumbled from his bunk, slow and matter of fact. He opened one eye and rolled it at Tayvis. “If you hadn’t been so busy looking at those news pics you would’ve known.”

  “Was it worth it?” Mryah asked.

  “I wouldn’t tell you,” Tayvis shot back.

  “Hero worship,” Touk said, and laughed, a deep rumble of sound. He closed his eyes again.

  “Not hardly.” Tayvis swung up into his own bunk.

  “Who is she anyway?” Mryah asked. “Some old school flame of yours, no doubt.”

  “Whatever you want to believe, sweetheart,” Tayvis said.

  “Don’t take that tone with me.” She threw a pillow across the cabin.

  “Stop it, children,” Touk said. “You’re disturbing my rest.”

  “We’re on duty in five minutes.” Mryah caught the pillow Tayvis tossed back at her.

  “Do you think the new CO is coming soon?” Lorien stood in the door of the cabin, squinting down the hall as if he expected an officer to materialize any second. His fingers worried the hem of his cuffs.

  “Will it really matter?” Tayvis lay back on his bunk.

  “Not to you, lover boy,” Mryah said as she snapped her reader shut and tucked it in a locker. “We’ll still be third shift. Bottom of the heap. Where the rejects go.”

  “With that attitude, you’ll stay third shift,” Tayvis said.

  “As if you’re going places, getting us on report all the time,” she snapped back.

  “Once, Mryah, once.”

  “With my record, once was enough.” She tugged her silver uniform straight. “You may not care, but I do. Get back up, we’re officially on duty now.”

  She marched out of the cabin, Lorien scurrying at her heels. Touk stopped Tayvis in the door.

  “Be easy on her, Tayvis. We’re a team, remember? Work together and all that.”

  “Doesn’t mean we have to like each other,” Tayvis said. “I apologized to everyone about the last time. Several times over.”

  “It’s still on our records. Whatever troubles you were in before, don’t bring them here. Start clean.”

  “And stay clean, you’ve said that many times, Touk.”

  “But did you listen?”

  “I’m sorry, again.” Tayvis let just a touch of exasperation show.

  “Was she worth it?”

  “Definitely. But don’t tell Mryah that.”

  Touk grinned. They hurried to catch up with the other two.

  Their cabin wasn’t far from the portside gun that was their station. Tayvis took the seat in the middle, point man for the gun battery. Touk and Mryah took seats to either side of him. Their job was to sort through the information the scanners sent and mark the targets. Tayvis had final control over when and where the shots were fired from their battery. Lorien’s job was to run backup and fix whatever broke. He fetched and carried while they were on duty. None of the other three were allowed to leave the small room until officially relieved.
>
  The Avenger had four gun batteries. The one Tayvis commanded was senior in rank. Despite the one sticky situation that had given his whole team a figurative black eye, they were the best team on third shift. Comparing their scores on the series of simulations the CO had run, they were the best team on the ship. The CO left them third shift for other reasons, mostly to do with personalities.

  Tayvis settled into his seat. Standing duty while the ship was docked at a Patrol station was dull. Technically it wasn’t necessary. The current captain of the Avenger felt it necessary for keeping up morale and keeping them sharp. He was known for staging simulated attacks at the most unlikely times.

  “He’s coming,” Lorien said in a whisper that could have cut steel.

  “Who?” Touk asked in his mellow voice. Nothing seemed to phase him, he remained cool and controlled.

  “The new CO!” Lorien was more nervous and agitated by the second.

  “Calm down,” Tayvis ordered. “We’re still on duty.”

  “Officer on deck.” The call was faint, at the far end of the corridor that led to the gun batteries. “All hands report to main gun control.”

  Tayvis listened as each team reported their battery locked and secure. He locked the controls when the third team finished. “Portside main, locked and secure,” he said into the com unit. “Reporting to main control.”

  His team went out ahead of him, as protocol said they should. He walked behind them, watching. Lorien shook from nerves. He was steady under real pressure, though. Tayvis had been amazed at the transformation that happened when they had a drill. It had been even more marked when they had been in a real fight a month ago. Lorien was thin and tended to babble nervously, but he was a good runner.

  Mryah was a walking contradiction. She was all sharp edges and sharper words when off duty. The gossip about her was that she spent her sleep shift sharpening her tongue. But on duty she was completely professional. She had an intuition about which targets to feed to his station. Her scores were nearly perfect on the sims.