If Wishes Were Horses

by Robert Barclay

  As she placed her head against his chest, he carried her into his bedroom.

  FORTY

  AS IS THEIR WONT, the days became weeks, and the weeks became months. Today the afternoon sun was high, and Trevor was thrilled to be riding alongside Ram for the first time.

  Ram had wanted to take Trevor riding across open ground for a long time. But given what he had in mind, he first needed to be sure that Trevor’s riding skills were up to the task, and so he had waited these many days to do so. Doc had been successfully weaned from Sadie, and he was growing like a weed.

  Ram was on Sadie, and despite his advanced age, he rode expertly. Trevor sat on Gypsy. As Trevor rode across the scruffy grass, he felt a unique thrill of discovery that he would long remember.

  Ram had insisted that they eat lunch before leaving, and Lou had happily obliged. After they downed huge ham sandwiches, homemade potato salad, and big glasses of iced tea, Ram pronounced the two of them fit for travel. He had then told Trevor to go saddle up Sadie and Gypsy. Trevor was already familiar with Gypsy, and Sadie needed the exercise, Ram said.

  After saddling the horses, Trevor led them from the barn. Ram stood waiting in the yard, his still sharp eyes watching as the young man in the red Windbreaker walked their mounts nearer. When Trevor handed Sadie’s reins to Ram, the old man smiled.

  “Are the saddles cinched tight?” Ram asked.

  Trevor nodded.

  “Good,” Ram said. “There’s just one more thing to do before we go.”

  “What’s that?” Trevor asked.

  “Go and fetch my rifle. It’s in the barn office.”

  Trevor eagerly hurried off. Since first hearing that Wyatt had shot two alligators, he very much wanted to learn about guns. After carefully taking the rifle down from its place on the office wall, he brought it to Ram.

  “Good boy,” Ram said.

  Trevor watched Ram load the lever-action rifle with ten cartridges. Ram slid the rifle into Wyatt’s tooled leather scabbard then tied it to his saddle.

  “Do you think that we’ll see any gators?” Trevor asked eagerly.

  Ram shook his head. “Doubt it. We won’t be near any sizable body of water. But it always pays to have a gun, just the same.”

  That had been half an hour ago. As they walked their horses across the grassland, Ram started schooling Trevor in riding across open ground.

  “This isn’t like riding in the ring,” Ram said. “There the dirt is soft and uniform. There are no rocks, brush, holes, or weird critters in the ring. But out here it’s a whole different story. We got snakes, lizards, burrowing creatures, bugs, and God knows what all. Most important, the only safe drinking water is in our canteens.”

  Trevor steered Gypsy right, guiding her around a rotting log. “Can’t the horses drink from a stream?”

  “In a pinch,” Ram answered. “But they shouldn’t. There’s no telling what’s in the stream water out here. Far as I know, only the water table can be trusted. Besides, it’s far better to take them home thirsty, rather than with parasites in their bellies. Mercy and Big John would have our hides!”

  After another ten minutes or so, Ram smiled. “So tell me,” he asked. “How do you feel about Wyatt and your mother being together?”

  Trevor adjusted his Stetson brim against the bright Florida sunlight. As he considered his answer, he scowled.

  “They’re sure sweet on each other,” he said. “But my mom can be embarrassing! Sometimes she gets so eager to see him that I want to puke!”

  Ram laughed so hard that tears came. “True enough! But how do you feel about it?”

  “I’m glad,” Trevor answered. “I really am. Besides, you know how much I like being at the ranch.”

  Ram nodded. “Indeed I do, son,” he said quietly. “Indeed I do.”

  AFTER A TIME, Ram looked over at Trevor again. “I think that you’re ready,” he said.

  “Ready for what?” Trevor asked.

  “Ready for a real ride,” Ram answered, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “We’re going to gallop for a bit. I want you to follow directly in Sadie’s tracks. I’ll look back at you occasionally, to make sure that you’re okay.”

  Trevor was thrilled. “Really?” he asked.

  “Really!”

  Before Trevor knew it, Ram had slapped his reins against Sadie’s haunches and they were tearing away. Not to be outdone, Trevor spurred Gypsy into action. Soon the two riders were galloping wildly across the open ground.

  For Trevor it was like being in heaven. Even while barrel racing he had never felt such exhilaration! Galloping across the indoor riding ring had been but a short-lived thrill compared to this. Out here there was a sense of freedom and abandon that he had never known, and he immediately became addicted to it.

  On and on the two riders charged, as Ram expertly wended his way with Sadie among the brush clumps and trees. Trevor stood confidently in his stirrups as Gypsy charged beneath him, her hooves flinging clumps of earth into the air. While Sadie galloped on, Ram looked back to see Gypsy’s chest muscles and front legs straining beneath her shiny coat, her wide nostrils flaring with every breath and her luxurious mane flying. And as he had suspected, he was relieved to find that Trevor’s riding skills were nearly as good as his own.

  Damn! Ram thought, looking forward again. That city kid has come a long way! Deciding to give the horses a rest, Ram finally reined Sadie into a walk. Trevor caught up with them, and he slowed Gypsy.

  “Goddamn!” Trevor shouted. “That was great!”

  Ram laughed. “It was, wasn’t it? Few things in life can compare.”

  Ram slowed Sadie to a stop then slid down off his saddle. He motioned for Trevor to do the same. “Time to walk them out,” he said. “We’ll head back now.”

  Grasping their reins, the old man and the far younger one began leading their horses back the way they had come. As they traveled, they talked of many things. With each step and every spoken word, the bond between them deepened. Ram had come to love this strapping, fatherless boy, and they both knew it.

  Just then Ram noticed something in the distance, and he stopped. Trevor also stopped, but he couldn’t understand what had captured Ram’s attention. A softer, more faraway look overcame Ram’s face.

  “Did I ever tell you that I was once a prizewinning horse jumper?” he asked Trevor, his eyes still gazing across the grass.

  “No,” Trevor answered.

  “Well, I was. During those days we had a big mare named Lucy. That horse could jump damned near anything. Sadie is almost as good. I miss those days. I don’t admit that often, cause it worries everybody when I do.”

  As Ram continued to stare, Trevor still couldn’t understand what had intrigued him so much. “What are you looking at?” the boy asked.

  Ram raised one arm. “Do you see that clump of brush about thirty yards away?”

  “The crooked, dead one?” Trevor asked.

  Ram shook his head. “No, son. I’m talking about the green one, lying to the right. It’s shaped like a rectangle.”

  “Yeah, I see it now,” Trevor answered.

  “Do you know what that reminds me of?” Ram asked.

  “No,” Trevor answered.

  “It reminds me of an indoor jump. It’s damned near exactly the right size.”

  Without a word of warning, Ram stepped into one stirrup then swung up into his saddle. “You stay here,” he ordered. “Under no circumstances are you to follow me.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “What do you think?” Ram answered. “Sadie and I are going to jump it.”

  Ram leaned down and placed his mouth near one of Sadie’s ears. “How about it, girl?” he whispered. “One last jump for old time’s sake?”

  As if she understood, Sadie let go with an energetic whinny and pawed the earth with one front hoof.

  “Are you sure about this?” Trevor asked nervously. He wanted with all his heart to stop Ram, but he didn’t know how. If he had learne
d anything at the Flying B, it was that no one told Ram what to do.

  “You’re damned right I am!” Ram said. “Wyatt isn’t around to stop me, and as of this moment, you’re sworn to secrecy!” He gave Trevor a mischievous wink. “And yes, I’m in my right mind this time, if that’s what you’re worried about!”

  “I didn’t say that!” Trevor protested. “I just think—”

  Before Trevor could finish his sentence, Ram dug his heels into Sadie’s flanks and the big mare started charging across the ground, straight for the rectangular section of brush.

  Trevor watched in awe. He had never seen anyone ride like that! Ram was standing in his stirrups, but this time his upper body leaned so far down that his head was nearly alongside Sadie’s neck. The horse and rider made a magnificent team as Sadie thundered toward the brush patch. When Sadie left the ground, Trevor held his breath.

  Sadie’s jump was magnificent, her front hooves easily clearing the top of the brush. Then Ram and Sadie flew down onto the other side, and for a few precious seconds Trevor lost sight of them. Suddenly Sadie let go a with blood-curdling scream, the likes of which Trevor had never heard. He had been completely unaware that a horse could make such an awful sound. It was a terrible, plaintive wail that spoke of extreme anguish. Then came only mind-numbing silence.

  With his heart in his throat, Trevor jumped on Gypsy and he galloped her toward the brush patch for all she was worth. A long, exposed tree branch lay on the ground near the far side of the patch. Sadie’s left foreleg was caught firmly in a crook of the branch. She lay on her left side, desperately trying to wriggle free. But Ram was nowhere to be seen.

  Nausea overcame Trevor as he looked more closely at Sadie’s injured leg. Her foreleg was broken below the knee, and the sharply splintered bone protruded through the gaping wound. Blood seemed to be everywhere; more was coming by the moment. As Sadie thrashed and screamed, Trevor’s stunned mind returned to Ram.

  Trevor wheeled Gypsy around full circle in an attempt to find the old man. Finally he saw him, lying some twenty feet away and jammed up against another clump of scrub. Whipping Gypsy madly, Trevor rode to Ram then jumped down from his saddle. Ram lay on his back with his eyes closed, his outstretched right arm lying at an awkward angle. At first Trevor feared he was dead.

  Trevor immediately ran back to Gypsy and retrieved his canteen. With shaking hands he poured water onto Ram’s face, but the old man didn’t come around. Not knowing what else to do, he slapped Ram hard across the face. Ram finally coughed and opened his eyes. Sadie suddenly screamed again, causing Trevor to shudder.

  “Can you sit up?” Trevor asked.

  Ram nodded. But as Trevor started helping him to his feet, Ram cried out in pain and slumped back to the ground. Trevor helped him into a sitting position.

  “What is it?” Trevor asked.

  “Right shoulder…,” Ram gasped. “Dislocated…it’s an old thing…help me up again…”

  This time Trevor grasped Ram’s good shoulder, and together they got him to his feet. Ram’s pain suddenly overwhelmed him again, nearly causing him to faint. Then he looked over at Sadie, and he knew.

  “Oh, God, no…,” he breathed.

  Ram looked into Trevor’s eyes. “Get me over there…,” he said weakly.

  “What about your shoulder?”

  “Later…,” Ram said, in between desperate breaths. “Get me over there!”

  Trevor helped Ram shuffle over to where Sadie lay. She was still thrashing about, trying to free herself. Trevor realized that what he’d first thought was a single, wayward branch was in fact a series of exposed roots, their opposite ends still embedded in the ground. One of them imprisoned Sadie’s injured leg as surely as any man-made hobble ever devised. Her dark eyes looked hysterical, and foam was starting to flow from her muzzle.

  “We’ve got to help her!” Trevor pleaded. “I’ll try to free her leg!”

  “No!” Ram shouted, as best he could. “That’s not…the answer…”

  “What, then?” Trevor demanded.

  Unable to watch Sadie suffer, Ram looked at the ground. His right arm hung strangely from his body, as if it didn’t belong to him.

  “You must do as I say,” Ram ordered, gritting his teeth through his pain. His knees shook, and he was close to collapsing.

  “What is it?” Trevor asked urgently.

  When Ram again looked into Trevor’s eyes, the boy saw only sadness. “Go and get the gun…,” Ram said weakly.

  Trevor was horrified. His eyes filled with tears. “No! There must be some other way! I won’t let you shoot her!”

  Ram shook his head. His strength was fading, and he would soon become unconscious again. “I’m not going to shoot her, Trevor,” he said. “You are.”

  Trevor nearly fainted. He looked around madly, hoping that all this was some kind of monstrous dream from which he could awaken.

  “I won’t do it!” he shouted. “I love her too much! You caused this! You do it!” Just then Sadie screamed again, louder this time.

  “I can’t hold the gun, Trevor,” Ram said. “It has to be you. Trust me, boy…it’s the only way. It’s all my fault, and I will have to live with that. But it has to be done, and you’re the only one who can. It’s the most humane thing…now go and get the goddamned gun!”

  Trevor turned and again looked at Sadie. She had quieted a bit, but Trevor correctly guessed that it was more from blood loss than any relief from her pain. As if in a dream, he numbly walked to Sadie then carefully slid the rifle from its scabbard. Like she somehow knew, Sadie whinnied softly. Trevor waited there, only a few feet from the stricken horse.

  “Good,” Ram said. “Now do exactly as I say.”

  Still in a state of numb disbelief, Trevor nodded.

  “Grip the underside of the gun stock with your left palm.”

  Trevor did as he was told.

  “Good,” Ram said. Once again he winced and temporarily closed his eyes against the pain. “Now grasp the lever…with your right hand,” he finally said.

  Trevor did so.

  “Swing the lever forward, toward the barrel end of the gun and then back again. That will cock the gun. After that, keep your fingers well away from the trigger.”

  Again, Trevor did as he was told. The lever was harder to work than he expected, but moved smoothly.

  “Without touching the trigger, place the rifle butt against your shoulder,” Ram said.

  Trevor felt the unforgiving end of the gun stock bite into his shoulder. What am I doing? his mind shouted. Can this really be happening?

  “Now gently curve your right index finger around the front of the trigger, but don’t squeeze it yet,” Ram said. The old man was so pain stricken that he was about to pass out. Just a little longer, girl, Ram thought. Just a little longer, and your pain will be gone. “Now look down the barrel and aim it at Sadie’s head.”

  Trevor did as Ram said. His entire body was shaking.

  “Pull the trigger,” Ram said.

  Trevor seemed to collapse a little, but he righted himself.

  “Do it!” Ram said with what strength he had left.

  The rifle bucked so hard in Trevor’s inexperienced hands that the recoil nearly knocked him to the ground. When the smoke cleared, Sadie lay dead.

  Trevor threw the gun away then fell to his knees before the beloved horse. He cried and shook uncontrollably. When next he heard Ram’s voice, he didn’t know how much time had passed. Sweating profusely, he pulled off his red Windbreaker and angrily threw it to the ground.

  “Come here, son,” he heard Ram say. The old man’s voice sounded wispy and faint, like it had been carried over the grassland winds from a million miles away. Trevor walked numbly toward him.

  “Now take off your belt,” Ram said.

  “Wha—what?”

  “Take off your belt.”

  Trevor did as he was told. It was his father’s old belt, the one he used to carry his schoolbooks.

  “
Loop the buckle end around your wrist,” Ram said weakly, “then tie the other end around mine.”

  Again, Trevor obeyed. He could now guess what was coming, and he searched for more inner strength.

  “Now stand back and use the belt to slowly raise my bad arm,” Ram said.

  As Ram’s arm lifted, the old man screamed. Trevor felt sick again, but he held it in.

  “When I tell you…pull hard and sharp,” Ram gasped. “I’ve…done this before. But you gotta get it right the first time. There isn’t another try in me…”

  Trevor steadied himself.

  “Are you…ready?” Ram asked.

  Any moment now Ram would keel over, and Trevor knew it. He nodded.

  “Then do it, boy.”

  As Trevor yanked hard on the belt, he heard the sickening thump of Ram’s shoulder sliding back into place. Ram screamed and fell to his knees. After a time his color returned somewhat, and he stood again. Trevor removed the belt from Ram’s wrist.

  “Can you ride?” Trevor asked.

  Ram nodded. “If you can get me onto Gypsy, yes.”

  Trevor tossed the leather belt to the ground alongside his Windbreaker. He then helped Ram hobble over to where Gypsy stood waiting. Between the two of them they were able to get Ram on the horse. Trevor used the stirrup to climb up and sit behind Ram on Gypsy’s haunches. He took the reins into his hands, holding them before the injured old man.

  “If I go unconscious,” Ram whispered, “lay me facedown across the saddle and give Gypsy her head. She knows the way home better than you.”

  Trevor nodded. After thinking for a moment, he wheeled Gypsy around to face Sadie.

  “Good-bye, girl,” he said softly, his tears coming again. “I’ll take good care of Doc for you…I promise.”

  Trevor turned Gypsy around, and the horse began taking them home. Gypsy had taken only a few steps when Ram lifted his head.

  “You forgot…your belt and Windbreaker,” he said weakly.

  Trevor pulled Gypsy to a stop then turned and looked behind him. After a few moments, he got the horse moving again.

  “No, I didn’t,” he said.