Sleeping With the Enemy

by Adaire, Alexis

  “Yes,” he said.

  I knew it.

  “Wait. No, I don’t.” Demarco looked rattled.

  “It’s a yes-or-no question,” I said snidely. “Either you do or you don’t.”

  The rapid-fire shouting of questions and answers came to a screeching halt. Demarco and I stood staring into each other’s eyes, raw emotion pouring out but not a word being uttered.

  “There’s no other woman, Mercer,” he said deliberately.

  “What are you saying?” I asked, my voice suddenly trembling.

  “Seriously?” he asked in response, still pissed. “That wasn’t clear enough for you, Agent Mercer? Do you need a Powerpoint with charts?”

  “Don’t be a jerk!” I shouted.

  “I don’t know how to talk to you!” he shot back. “No matter what I say, I always end up pissing you off!”

  Demarco began to pace around his office. I took a deep breath, then lowered my voice to a whisper.

  “This is my heart you’re fucking around with, Ryan,” I said.

  He stopped and looked at me, “What are you talking about?”

  I was ready to know the truth. It was time.

  “Why is it that we’re so great when we’re on an operation together, the one time we shouldn’t be hooking up, but when we come back home you act like I don’t exist?” I asked.

  Now it was Demarco’s mouth that fell open. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said, laughing.

  “Don’t fuck with me!” I shouted, banging my fist on his desk. “You know you do it!”

  “Of course I do,” he said, “it’s intentional. Surely you understand the reas—”

  “So you don’t care about me at all, then,” I said coldly, my heart breaking.

  Demarco hung his head and sighed, then looked directly into my eyes. “You want to know why I was in Morello’s office?” Towering over me, he waited for a reply to what I considered a rhetorical question. I nodded just to get him to continue.

  “I needed to talk to her because the woman I’m in love with keeps sending me emails telling me to fuck off and to go to hell.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  “And I’m not good enough at this kind of shit to know how to handle it. I don’t put myself out there often and I suck at dealing with rejection.”

  Another knock on his door startled us, this one more assertive. Demarco and I stared into each other’s eyes another second, then he opened the door to see a man standing there with a sheepish look on his face. “Sills wants to see both of you in his office, right away.”

  Feeling like middle schoolers being sent to the principal’s office, Demarco and I trudged down the hallways from SAD over to EA, neither of us saying a word. My mind was racing the entire way, plucking mental daisy petals. Demarco had just said he was in love with me — those were his exact words. But he also admitted he was keeping me at a distance here at home.

  He loves me. He loves me not.

  Thirty-Two

  I tried to put Demarco’s words out of my mind when Sills opened the door with a scowl.

  “Get your asses in here,” he grumbled.

  I stepped through first and saw Dr. Morello. Then Demarco saw her.

  “I’m sorry,” Morello said. “It was time.” What the hell did that mean?

  “Take a seat, both of you,” Sills said, easing into his own chair. After we complied, he put his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. “This shit has got to stop. You both know the rules.”

  I assumed he meant the argument in Demarco’s office. I jumped in quickly, “Sir, that was my fault. I was angry with Agent Demarco and my temper got the best of me. It won’t happen again.”

  Demarco tried to take the blame, saying, “No, it was me. I let the argument escalate.”

  “This isn’t about your little shouting match,” Sills said, then looked at Morello.

  “Anna, Ryan, I told Sills about the two of you,” she said tenderly. “Things can’t continue the way they have been. You’re driving each other crazy, and it’s beginning to take a toll on both of you.” She laughed, then added, “And quite frankly, I’m tired of being in the middle of it.”

  I looked at Demarco and suddenly realized I wasn’t the only one who’d been discussing this relationship with Morello.

  “The bottom line,” Sills said, “is that it’s against regulations. Don’t make me pull out the book and quote the part about relationships between covert operations agents. This thing between the two of you ends today.”

  I was now thoroughly confused. They were saying this impromptu meeting wasn’t about the loud argument, but about how our relationship — which wasn’t even a real relationship — was breaking the rules? Had Demarco told Morello we’d had sex in Moscow and Amman?

  “I’ll take the blame,” Demarco said. “I’ve been around much longer than Agent Mercer has and I know the issues at play. Don’t blame her.”

  I appreciated him trying to fall on the sword and all. I was fine with not having sex with Demarco while we were on an operation, supposedly concentrating on work. That made perfect sense and it was the particularly intense situations occurring during those specific operations that led us into bed in the first place. I was fine with building a working relationship here at home and leaving it here when we happened to be together in the field.

  “Mr. Sills,” I said, “I accept responsibility for my part in all three instances, and I assure you it will never happen again. From this point forward, anything intimate occurring between Agent Demarco and myself will take place here in Washington, not during an operation.”

  You could have heard a pin drop.

  Everyone seemed to be staring at me.

  Morello touched my arm. “Anna, you do know that covert ops agents aren’t supposed to have romantic relationships at all, don’t you?”

  I knew that wasn’t correct. “Amber Franklin and Michael Carrier are married,” I said. “But she’s in Technical Collection and he’s in Counterintelligence, so they’re in different divisions. How is that any different than Demarco being in SAD and me being in EA?”

  Again they stared at me with disbelief.

  I looked at Demarco. “I’m in EA,” he said.

  No, that couldn’t be right. “But your office…” His office was in the other wing, with SAD.

  “I never moved when I got recruited by Mr. Sills,” Demarco said. “We both thought it would be a good idea for me to retain close ties to SAD, but I’m officially an EA agent.”

  My heart was sinking rapidly. This meant Demarco and I both worked in the same division, EA. Then of course a relationship was against the rules.

  “Oh my god,” I said, “I had no idea.”

  The four of us came to the conclusion that since I’d entered training directly from a support position in TOS and never met Demarco until my simulated operation in London, I couldn’t have necessarily known he was an EA agent. It was an honest mistake, and I would have surely found out eventually. But where did that leave Demarco and me?

  “Getting back to what you said earlier for a minute,” Sills said, “If I heard you correctly, you two engaged in sex while in the field after the simulation in London?”

  Demarco and I looked at each other, then nodded.

  “Where?” Sills demanded.

  “Jordan,” I said, realizing immediately that Demarco had said “Moscow” at the same instant.

  Sills threw up his hands and Morello’s jaw dropped.

  The meeting ended with Sills saying he wanted the weekend to mull over what had taken place. He would let us know the following Monday how we would proceed.

  * * *

  Demarco knocked on the door of my house. I was expecting him this time, having emailed him a dinner invitation an hour after the meeting in Sills’s office, asking, “Wanna come over tonight so we can finally have that little talk?” I was surprised and delighted that he accepted, then wondered whether he was going to use it as an opportunity to end this thin
g before it could start. The thought bothered me, but it was obvious the relationship couldn’t possibly continue. Rules were rules, and we both loved our jobs. As much as it might hurt, Demarco and I had no choice but to be adults and keep our relationship strictly professional.

  But perhaps one last night in bed with him might help that medicine go down.

  Demarco greeted me at the door with a gorgeous bouquet of red roses, then kissed me gently on the lips. Apparently he was also taking the “one last night in bed” approach. He helped with the salad, then we ate pasta and drank Chianti while discussing everything except our feelings for each other.

  Once the wine had me loosened up enough, I asked the pressing question I’d been saving all night.

  “So how long have you been in EA?” I asked.

  “I was among the first agents recruited from SAD when Sills took over back in ‘08,” he said, “so about seven years now.”

  I laughed. “Demarco, I’m an EA agent,” I said. “I know what happens on these operations.”

  “So?” he asked.

  “So you seduce women to assist in the gathering of HUMINT?”

  “Is that where you’re headed with this?” he laughed.

  “How many women have you slept with in the line of work?” I asked.

  “I have no idea,” he replied. “I don’t count.”

  “How many?”

  “How many men have you slept with on operations?” he asked, turning the tables.

  “Four,” I said, “and one bathroom blowjob. And a woman!”

  He laughed, then I stared at him until he caved.

  “Sixty-six,” he said. “And at least a dozen make-out sessions and oral sex.”

  “Impressive,” I said, nodding my head. “I hope to beat your record some day. How many women since London?”

  Demarco got serious. “You know it’s just a job.” I waited him out till he said, “Three.” Then he surprised me by adding, “But it’s not as much fun now because I can’t seem to get you out of my damn head when I’m with a target.”

  I smiled and admitted, “I have the same problem.”

  Demarco stood and looked down into my eyes, a question obviously on his mind. “Down the hall to the right,” I said.

  He smiled and said, “No, where’s the bed?”

  “Down the hall to the left,” I replied as he offered me his hand. I accepted and when I stood, he swept me up in his arms and carried me down the hall, turning sideways so I didn’t bang my head.

  He deposited me gently on the bed and said, “I’m going to take your clothes off now, then we’re going to stay in this bed all weekend. We’ll only get up to use the bathroom, make coffee, or answer the door to get the food we’ll have delivered.”

  That was the beginning of the most amazing, euphoric weekend of my life. I’d invited Demarco over for dinner Friday night so that I could have one last night of bliss before we were forced to put each other permanently in the friend zone. The fact was I needed my job more than I needed this relationship. I wasn’t about to quit the EA and I knew he wasn’t going to either, so what was the point in pretending? Our relationship had been doomed from the moment I willingly sank to my knees in that elevator in London.

  When Demarco finally left on Sunday morning, I had to deal with the feelings that had been accumulating with each intense fuck and every sweet kiss. An unexpected thing happened over that weekend: I realized what an amazing man Ryan Demarco was. He wasn’t just a ridiculously attractive guy and an astoundingly skilled lover with an unbelievable body and a perfect cock, though he was certainly every one of those things. He was also gentle and kind and smart and funny and by the time I was comfortable enough to watch him pee that Sunday morning, I was a different woman than I’d been on Friday. I had left myself wide open and let another human see all my rough edges and odd corners, and had listened spellbound as he did the same for me. By the time we finally stumbled out into the daylight again on Sunday, I was so in love with Ryan I thought I might explode into a million little happy particles and float off into the ether.

  That made my decision a relatively easy one.

  * * *

  Bright and early on a warm, muggy August morning I pulled into the parking lot at CIA headquarters. My chest swelled with pride as I thought about how I’d served my country over the last year, how I’d given up my body and risked my very life in order to help keep this land I loved safe.

  I was practically strutting by the time I reached Sills’s office and knocked on the door. He invited me in and I leapt past the small talk.

  “Mr. Sills, I’m here to tender my resignation as an Extracurricular Affairs agent,” I said, setting my carefully worded resignation letter on his desk. “I hope to remain with the Agency in some capacity and would appreciate your guidance in helping me land in a position as fulfilling as the one you’ve given me the opportunity to perform over the previous months.”

  Sills looked at me with curiosity. “This isn’t necessary, Agent Mercer,” he said.

  My well-practiced words flowed freely. “With all due respect, sir, I’m not willing to give up my relationship with Agent Demarco, such as it is. Seeing as how this is the only tenable solution, I’m prepared to move on. I thank you for everything you have done for me and can’t begin to tell you how much I have loved this job. I stand here a completely different woman than when you first offered me the position. You have changed my life forever, Mr. Sills, and I will never be able to repay you for that.”

  As I spoke those words, I watched as Sills’s face slowly scrunched up. “I repeat,” he said, “this is not necessary.”

  Perplexed, I said, “I don’t understand, sir.”

  Sills leaned forward and picked up the resignation letter, looked it over, then wadded it up and dropped it in his wastebasket. “Your request to step down is denied.”

  “Excuse me?” I blurted, dumbfounded.

  “You’re too late, Anna,” he said. “Demarco stopped by my house last night and quit.”

  It took only a second for Sills’s words to sink in.

  “The hell he did!” I shouted as I dashed out of his office.

  Thirty-Three

  Demarco wasn’t in his office yet, and I didn’t want to confront him via text, so I decided to wait him out. He had to come in eventually to get this things, at least. I returned to my own office and tried to busy myself, booting my computer and checking email. That’s when I saw the message from Demarco with the subject of “Hasta la vista, baby!”

  I held my breath as I opened it and saw it was timestamped the previous afternoon, shortly after he left my house, and was sent to everyone in EA as well as SAD.

  To all my EA and SOG/SAD buddies,

  Effective a few minutes from now, I will no longer be serving in the capacity of covert agent for the CIA. I have somehow managed to tolerate these long years working with all of you, but my circumstances have changed for the better and I no longer feel the need to put up with your constant badgering and belittling.

  Just kidding! I love all you guys and will never forget the memories I have of my time with EA/SOG/SAD. Hopefully you will still let me buy an occasional drink so we don’t drift too far apart.

  With the fondest of memories,

  Ryan

  P.S. Anna Mercer in EA is officially my girlfriend now. That is all.

  I fired off a text to Ryan.

  You here yet?

  The answer came quickly.

  Yep. See the email? You mad or happy?

  I didn’t reply but headed straight to his office, bursting in and saying, “You can’t do this.”

  He calmly turned his chair to me and said, “I already have. It’s done, Anna.”

  “But you’ve been here so long. I’m just starting out. You’re throwing your career away.”

  Demarco smiled, “I’ve been here too long. It’s time to move on. Sills is going to speak to Nguyen and put in a good word on my behalf. There’s an assistant director
position they’re eyeing to fill and Sills thinks I’d be a great fit for the job. But I’m done with covert ops. It’s over. You made me think about it the other night; seven years and dozens of deceived women targets is enough. Time for me to grow up and get a real job.”

  “I can quit, Ryan,” I pleaded. “I’ve only been here a year. Sills won’t even care.”

  Demarco looked shocked. “Are you kidding? Sills is your biggest fan. He thinks you’re the best girl-spy since Mata Hari. There’s no way he’d let you quit.”

  My mind flashed to Sills crumpling my resignation letter.

  “But—” I started.

  “But nothing,” he said. “This is a done deal. Stop arguing.”

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked.

  Demarco stood up and reached behind me to close the door, then wrapped his strong arms around me and looked down into my eyes.

  “It’s important to the Agency,” he said. “EA has lots of good male covert ops, but none of the women compare to you. I’ve done this long enough to know a great agent when I see one.” He paused, then added, “And I can tell how much this means to you.”

  “You would quit EA for me?” I asked tentatively. I couldn’t believe this man would make such a sacrifice.

  “I’m quitting for us,” he answered. “Plus, I don’t want to spend the majority of my life pretending to ignore you as if you meant nothing to me. I’m in love with you, Anna.”

  I kissed Ryan Demarco with everything I had in me, trying my best to make him feel the power of that love.

  “You’ll have to try a little harder to stay out of danger, though,” he replied. “Seriously.”

  “I’ll learn in time,” I told him. “And the extracurricular part of EA? You’re okay with that, too?”

  Demarco kissed me softly. “Am I happy that you’ll occasionally have to sleep with targets? No, of course not. But if you promise to keep your heart loyal to me, I can live with it because I know how important this job is to you. And to our country, obviously.”