Lottery

by Kimberly Shursen

Caleb took Ahna in his arms and turned her around to face him. “No, Ahna,” he said sternly. It was difficult for him to be strict with his daughter. “You have to wear this or we can’t go bye-bye.”

  Ahna started to calm as Caleb talked to her, allowing Ling to push her tiny arms into the jacket. Caleb turned his daughter around so Ling could snap the jacket.

  “You’re my big girl.” Caleb hugged Ahna, and then gave her back to Ling.

  Mei sat quietly on a bench, her head bowed.

  Caleb rolled the canopy back to expose the upper deck, and then started the engine. Slowly, he backed out of the boat slip.

  “Bird,” Ling said to Ahna and pointed to a seagull.

  The fresh air, the sun warming his face, there was nowhere else that brought Caleb the solace he found when he was on the water.

  “Buwd,” Ahna mimicked and clapped for herself proudly.

  “Can we go to the place where Samuel …” Mei stopped and looked away.

  “Where Daddy fell in,” Ling finished.

  Mei had been so strong, trying to mask her pain. Caleb hated himself for taking away her partner of over three decades, but Sam hadn’t given him a choice.

  Caleb stared straight ahead as the memory of that day flashed through his mind—Sam jumping on Caleb’s back—fighting for his life—trying to gasp in air. If Ling ever found out that Caleb had any part of her father’s death, she’d never forgive him.

  Caleb steered the yacht underneath the San Rafael Bridge that connected San Francisco to Oakland, and then veered around Treasure Island. The Golden Gate Bridge to his left, when San Pablo Bay was in sight, Caleb turned off the ignition, and went to where Ling and Mei were sitting. “It was around here,” Caleb said quietly.

  Ling handed Ahna to Caleb, sat down next to Mei, and wrapped an arm around her mother’s shoulder.

  Caleb put Ahna down and, knelt beside the child. When Ahna bolted, Caleb grabbed her around the waist, picked her up, and whooshed her up over his head. Ahna squirmed and giggled to get away. Looking up at her, the blue sky framed her face and the dark chin-length hair that fell over her forehead and cheeks. Just like Mei, Ahna’s almond shaped eyes almost disappeared when she laughed or smiled. God, he loved her. Caleb couldn’t imagine his life without her.

  Carrying Ahna in his arms, he walked to the bag he’d packed before he left the house. “Let’s get some toys out for you.” After he sat down on the deck, he nestled Ahna between his legs. He reached into the duffel and took out a plastic stand with five bright plastic rings, her favorite cloth storybook, and a stuffed bear.

  “Daddy,” Ling started emotionally, looking down into the calm water, “we love you. I’ll tell Ahna everything about you. What a wonderful father you were and what a wonderful grandfather you would have been.”

  Mei covered her mouth, her shoulders moving with every muffled sob.

  Caleb swallowed hard as he stroked Ahna’s hair. Forgive me, Sam, he asked silently, biting his lower lip. God, what he’d give for a drink right now.

  “Cut the crap, O’Toole,” Weber said “You’re glad the old geezer is gone.”

  Caleb looked down at Ahna, hoping Weber would go away.

  “You okay, Mom?” Ling asked Mei.

  Mei folded her hands together. “Buddha teaches us not to hold on.”

  “I know,” Ling said sadly. “But no matter what we’re taught, it’s difficult.”

  “Your father … he live on.” Mei stared out over the bay.

  Caleb cleared his throat. “What do you mean? You mean like in heaven?”

  Mei turned, her sad eyes meeting Caleb’s. “Death is not the end. It is beginning of new life.”

  “Like reincarnation?” Caleb asked.

  “Six realms of life,” Mei said. “God, human, asura, hungry ghost, animal, and hell.”

  Caleb glanced down at Ahna who was content nestled into the crook of his arm.

  “Karma,” Mei whispered.

  Ling brushed her hand down her mother’s back. “Buddhism teaches that where we go in our next lifetime depends on what kind of person we were while on earth.”

  “What’s a hungry ghost?” Caleb asked.

  “This not good.” Mei shook her head. “This when man is evil. He selfish and greedy and come back as hungry ghost. These ghosts always hungry, but never get full.”

  Caleb was confused. “So no one can see them, right? The hungry ghosts?”

  “Some say they see them at night. Even leave food on doorsteps to make them go away, but hungry ghosts always want more.” Mei bowed her head. “My Samuel will never be hungry ghost. He was good man.”

  The wake created by the large tour boat that passed rocked the yacht. Caleb looked down and saw that Ahna had fallen asleep. He adjusted her in his lap. “What is asura?”

  Mei looked up. “This when someone in past life think they are like gods. These spirits are filled with pride. They want more of everything and never happy. They also have done bad things to others while on earth.”

  Mumblings of other voices in Caleb’s head now joined Weber’s. “Hungry ghost … asura … burn forever in hell,” the voices said over each other. Caleb’s head was throbbing.

  “No one escape going to the next realm. All who have life on earth will continue cycle.” Mei wiped a tear off her fleshy cheek.

  “Dad’s in heaven, Mom,” Ling consoled.

  “Yes. Only way he is not is if he had terrible death,” Mei said.

  Caleb’s stomach tightened. “But he didn’t.”

  “Some say if person murdered, then spirit might come back as hungry ghost.” Mei stared at Caleb. “Come back and haunt those who harm him.”

  Why were Ling and Mei staring at him? Caleb felt the perspiration trickle down his forehead. Did they suspect he’d killed Sam?

  “Old man’s coming for you,” Weber told him. “Just can’t catch a break, can you?”

  Caleb felt his left eye start to twitch. “So, how long does it take for a spirit to come back?”

  “Some say three days, but can take longer.” Mei stood and started for the picnic basket.

  Jesus. Sam was coming after him, and would somehow get to Ling and tell her the truth. Killing Sam once hadn’t been enough. But how the hell could Caleb kill a ghost? Caleb had tried getting rid of Weber, but it never worked. God, he needed a drink. He carefully picked up Ahna, stood, and handed the sleeping child to Ling.

  “I’ll be right back.” Caleb turned, made his way to the helm and went down the steps into the stateroom. Inside the bathroom, he closed the door and quickly found the bottle he’d hid.

  All Caleb could do was pray that Sam’s spirit was in heaven, and that he would leave Caleb the fuck alone.

  he past few months had been strained. Ling rarely talked to Caleb, and acted as if she didn’t want him around. Caleb hoped Sam’s ghost hadn’t gotten to Ling. Every night after everyone fell asleep, Caleb found himself on the deck, pacing.

  “Ling’s gonna leave you, you know that, right?” Weber told Caleb.

  Caleb took out the flask from his back pocket and took a swig. “How do you know?”

  “Come on.” Weber leaned back into the stucco wall surrounding the deck. “All the signs are there. You’re not stupid.”

  “She can’t leave,” Caleb spat. “I won’t let her.”

  “The only way you can make her stay is if you force her.”

  Caleb combed his fingers through his sun-streaked blond hair. “How the hell can I make someone stay with me?”

  “You have a yacht.”

  Confused, Caleb asked, “And?”

  Weber smiled. “Maybe a very long honeymoon cruise is in order.”

  “Ahna can’t live on a boat.”

  Weber shook his head. “You have to choose. Stay here and lose Ling. Or leave the kid and mother-in-law behind.”

  Caleb’s mind raced. “Leave Ahna behind? No way. Ahna and Ling are everything to me.”

  “Kids slow you down. They need attention …
doctors … shots … school,” Weber argued.

  Caleb shook his head. “I’m not leaving Ahna.”

  After Weber was gone, Caleb went back and forth on what he should do. If Ling was planning to leave him anytime soon, she wouldn’t have put so much time into decorating the nursery. Unless … she wanted the house. It had taken two hours and finishing off a half a bottle of scotch for Caleb to reach his decision. Weber was right. Caleb had to choose—either a life without Ling, Ahna, and the baby, or try and hold onto Ling.

  His chin quivered thinking about never seeing Ahna again.“Oh, God, why?” Silent tears filtered down his cheeks. “Why?”

  In time, Ling would fall in love with Caleb all over again, and understand that Caleb had made a wise decision to start their lives together all over again. There was no other way out; Caleb would ask Ling to go on a boat ride alone with him, but neither of them would come back.

  He would quit drinking for a couple of days so he could think clearly about what he needed to do.

  First, he’d set up the trust fund for Ahna and the baby. Next, he’d forge Mei’s name on his bank account as she would need money to raise the children. He’d go to the county assessor’s office and put his mother-in-law’s name on the deed to the house. Then he’d an attorney and make out his will.

  After all this was accomplished, he went to the library and opened an online money market account. Two days later, he transferred thirty million into it. In a couple of days, he’d write a check for the entire amount, and send it to an off-shore bank account he’d set up under an assumed business name.

  He made an appointment with his doctor and asked for two prescriptions of the powerful sleeping pill Ambien that he’d been prescribed before. Caleb told the physician that he and Ling were going on an extended honeymoon in Europe, and wouldn’t have access to a clinic.

  It was good that Ling and her mother were busy getting ready for the baby, as they rarely noticed if Caleb was around.

  Weber helped Caleb with every detail. Caleb had filled the cabinet in the bathroom on the yacht with Band-Aids, Motrin, insect repellent, and the bottles of Ambien. He’d purchased fresh fish, steaks, and hamburger and stocked the freezer.

  After he filled the cupboards with cereal, canned goods, powdered milk, and boxed dinners, Weber counseled him on what would be a good destination and which routes to take to avoid being caught. More and more, he grew dependent on Weber, who had become Caleb’s voice of reason.

  Caleb purchased rain gear, fishing poles, a waterproof flashlight, blankets, and emergency flares, and then stored everything inside the benches at the back of the yacht. After he had the life raft checked, Caleb changed out the propane tank for the grill and bought two long lighters in case it wouldn’t start.

  At the market, he stocked up on fine wines, fresh cheeses, and bread. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to take clothes from home as Ling would see him, he’d spent a morning at Neiman Marcus picking out everything from jackets to shoes to silk nightgowns for Ling and hung them in the cedar closets, or folded them neatly before putting them in drawers.

  A surge of excitement rushed through him when he thought about all he’d accomplished. The only thing left was to find the handgun that was packed away in the attic.

  “Ling will be proud of you,” Weber told him.

  Caleb smiled, locked up the boat, and headed home.

  “Jenee’s coming a couple of days after the baby is born,” Ling said at dinner.

  Caleb’s stomach tightened. That bitch from Kansas was going to ruin everything. “Really?”

  “I am so glad Jenee is coming.” Mei reached over and wiped Ahna’s face off with a napkin as the eighteenth-month-old wiggled in her high chair. “You will be happy to see her.”

  Ling glanced at Caleb. “She said it’s snowing in Kansas.”

  “Wow. Snow in October?” Caleb put his fork down. “How long?”

  “Will she be staying?” Ling asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “I hope at least a week, but I don’t know if she can get away that long.”

  “Minor setback,” Weber whispered.

  “Okay.” Caleb leaned back. “I’m sure you two will have a lot to catch up on.”

  Ling winced and bent over, putting her hand over her stomach. “Oh, God.”

  Caleb pushed his chair back. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve been having these pains all day,” Ling said, her eyebrows knitting together in pain, “but didn’t know for sure if it was labor. They’re getting stronger.”

  Caleb shot up from his chair, almost knocking it over. “But … you’re not due for two more weeks.”

  “Tell that to the baby.” Ling blew out a breath.

  “What should I do?” Caleb asked, panicked.

  “I was only dilated to two the last time … uh oh …” Ling looked down at the seat on the chair. “My water just broke.”

  Mei took Ahna out of her high chair, while Caleb hurried up the stairs and grabbed Ling’s overnight case that was already packed. Even though he’d known that this day would come, and Ling would go into labor, he was falling apart.

  Taking two steps at a time down the stairs, the strap of Ling’s bag over his shoulder, he had the phone pressed against his ear. “Cab’s on its way,” Caleb said out of breath, “I’m way too nervous to drive.”

  He set the bag down at the front door, and then raced back to Ling to help her out of the chair. His son was going to be born. Caleb’s son. He had to stay focused on the plan and not become too attached.

  “I will put Ahna to bed,” Mei said, her eyes clouded with worry.

  “I’ll be okay, Mom.” Ling’s hand over her stomach, she walked slowly to the foyer with Caleb holding onto her. “Caleb will call you when the baby is born.”

  “I need to go with you,” Mei said tearfully.

  “Mom, Ahna needs you,” Ling told her.

  Ahna reached her arms out for Ling. “Mama,” Ahna’s tired voice cried.

  “You be good for your grandma.” Caleb ran a loving hand over Ahna’s silky hair. “We’ll be back in no time, little one.”

  Caleb saw the lights from the taxi shine through the window. He picked up the bag, opened the door, and held out his arm. “Here, hold onto me.” Ling put her arm through his, and leaned into his shoulder. “We’ll get through this.” God, he loved her so much. Even in pain, and nine months pregnant, she had a quiet strength about her that Caleb knew he would never have.

  Ling hunched her back over in the taxi and let out a faint cry. “I want this over.”

  Caleb couldn’t stand to see her in pain, and wished it were him going through this and not Ling.

  After Caleb checked Ling into the hospital, an attendant whisked his wife onto the elevator and into a room. Hour after hour, Caleb watched her suffer. He’d paced, rubbed her back, and held her hand, reassuring Ling every few seconds that it would all be over soon. Finally, Caleb took a nurse aside. “Why’s it taking so long?” he whispered, and wiped the continual flood of perspiration off his forehead and upper lip.

  “Your wife has very small hips, but they’ll give,” the nurse assured. “First babies take their time.”

  “Oh God,” Ling wailed. “It hurts.”

  Caleb hurried back to her. “Almost over, honey.” Caleb picked up her hand, massaging each finger. Ling had been in constant anguish for so long that Caleb didn’t know how much more either one of them could take.

  “You’re dilated to ten,” the female obstetrician said who sat on a stool at the end of the bed. “This baby is ready to see the world.”

  “I … can’t,” Ling managed.

  “Doctor,” Caleb said, the twitch in his left eye out of control, “do you think it would be better if you did a C-section? I can’t stand seeing her like—”

  “Hold on, Daddy,” the middle-aged female physician said and smiled. “You’ll both forget all of this once this little boy is in your arms.” The obstetrician turned her focus to Ling. “Two cleans
ing breaths and then push slow and steady.”

  “Okay … okay.” Ling blew out two breaths as the nurse helped her into a semi-sitting position. “Aarggghhh.” Ling’s slow, painful guttural cry made Caleb see stars.

  It took a few long minutes of Ling pushing and crying out before Caleb heard a high-pitched warbled cry, and then caught his first glimpse of his son.

  “Oh, my God,” Caleb said breathless. “Oh, my God,” he repeated and glanced at Ling. Even though Ling’s face was the color of milk toast, and her body weak, her face was radiant. He looked back at the perfect little boy with a fine coating of dark hair, his tiny arms and legs flailing with each meow-like, vibrato squeal.

  Ling rolled her head to the side. “I want to see my baby.”

  One of the nurses put the child into Ling’s arms. Bound tightly in a blue blanket, the newborn’s eyes were tightly closed, and his miniscule hands were balled into fists.

  Ling’s eyes filled with tears when she looked up at Caleb. “He’s perfect.”

  “Just like his mommy.” Caleb stroked Ling’s cheek lightly.

  “You have a name for this pretty boy?” a nurse asked.

  “Samuel.” Ling looked down on her son lovingly. “After my father.”

  Caleb had never felt so torn. How could he take Ahna and Sammy’s mother away from them? How could he take Ling away from their children?

  “You don’t have a choice … unless you want to lose your kids and your wife,” Weber replied. “Simple as that.”

  ing rocked Sammy in his nursery, watching his eyes growing heavier and heavier. With Ling’s dark hair and Caleb’s sky-blue eyes, he was a striking child. Sammy had gained six ounces since he was born and, at two-weeks-old, weighed a little over seven pounds.

  “Sweet boy,” Ling whispered, admiring him. “My sweet, sweet, baby boy.” She offered him his bottle, but Sammy pursed his rosebud lips together tightly.

  The nursery was next to Ahna’s room, and unlike Ahna’s glossy white crib. Sammy’s baby bed and dresser were made of oak. The smell of baby powder and lotion lingered in the air.

  During the day, Sammy slept in the nursery. At night, Caleb would carry Sammy’s bassinet and the stand into their bedroom. Ling always had the baby monitor with her and was able to hear the newborn’s slightest stir.