Sweet Obsession

by Theodora Koulouris

  The day before Nidal was supposed to leave, I was sitting alone on the bench in the rose garden, meditating and praying to God when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “’Tis a beautiful day for a stroll in the gardens. Would you do me the honor and walk with me?” Billal asked charmingly as he stretched out his arm and waited for me to take his hand.

  I sat there staring at him with a smile on my face, excited that he chose at this time to visit with me, a time when my heart was about to break. I felt lonely, and I accepted his invitation without skipping a heartbeat. I wrapped my arm around his arm, and we walked quietly, just enjoying the view.

  Billal broke the silence. “So how are you holding up?” he asked, curious. “Have you prepared yourself for the departure of your prince? We will be gone awhile, you know,” he chimed, as if he had not a care in the world, as if going to war were not a threat to his life.

  I looked at him suspiciously, trying to figure him out, but Billal was a hard man to read. We walked through the gardens slowly. Billal was chattering with excitement when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, turned, and looked into my face. A very uncomfortable feeling was forming in the pit of my stomach. And then he leaned over and kissed me. It was so sudden that there was no time to react. He just kissed me without my permission. By the time I realized that I was kissing him back, he had already tasted my lips on his.

  I tried pushing him away from me as hard as I could, but I was no match for him. He weighed two hundred pounds, and he grasped on to me with the strength of a lion. His strong thighs pressed against my body, and I could feel his manhood rubbing against me. Alarmed, I tried to free myself from him but could not.

  Finally, he stopped and took a step back. “I’m sorry, Loula,” he said, apologetic. “I could not help myself. You are a very beautiful woman, and I think I have fallen in love with you,” he admitted as I stared at him wide-eyed in disbelief with what he just confessed.

  I was about to slap him hard across his face, but I sensed someone was looking at us. I turned and looked up at the palace. I saw Nidal. He was staring coldly down at us from the window. He had witnessed everything. I saw him turn and walk away. My heart started pounding a thousand times a minute. He had seen us! He would assume that I had invited the kiss. He had no way of knowing that I did nothing wrong.

  I pushed Billal out of my way and ran up the path to the palace. I had to find Nidal and explain that what he saw was not what he thought. I heard Billal run after me as he called my name. He was much stronger than I was, but I was faster than he was. By the time he caught up to me, I had entered the palace, and I was racing down the corridor, looking for Nidal.

  I checked in our bedroom, but he was not there. I opened every door down the hall, but nothing. He was nowhere. I stepped into one of the rooms and ran to the window, thinking he was outside and I could catch a glimpse of him, but he was not outside either. I heard Billal enter the room and walk up beside me. I could feel his hard breathing on my neck as he tried to catch his breath.

  He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. “Loula, why do you run from me? Why do you rebuke my kisses? I love you. Please give me a chance to prove to you that I am the better man.” He leaned over and kissed me again.

  “I hope your choice was a wise one, Loula,” Nidal said with a cold, calm voice while leaning against the doorway of the guest room. I staggered backward with a scream.

  Billal looked at Nidal, amused, and said with a laugh, “Well, you came just in time.”

  I closed my eyes, begging God not to allow Billal to bait my prince.

  Nidal’s face tightened, but he stood there with calm superiority. He was looking at the both of us with burning fire in his eyes. It was a dangerous look, and then, with a sudden sharp edge of anger in his voice, he said, “I’m done!” He turned and stepped out of the room.

  I stared in disbelief at his stiff back as he walked away. His voice had sounded final. I ran to the door to see where he might be, but he had vanished through an archway that led to the east corridor. Somewhere in the distance, a door clicked shut. I stopped in my tracks, frozen where I stood. I tried to gather my wits. Billal came behind me and placed his hand on my arm. It felt like fire burned me when he touched me. I pulled away from him angrily and started running down the corridor. I needed to find Nidal and explain myself.

  There were so many doors. I opened the door to most of the rooms, but Nidal was not anywhere. I ran to our bedroom, thinking he would eventually come to me. I heard Billal’s voice somewhere behind me call my name, but I ignored him. I closed the door, walked over to our bed, and threw myself on it, crying hysterically. The pain in my chest tightened even more as I called out Nidal’s name. I knew this time was different. I had seen the look in Nidal’s face. It was cold and heartless. Fear struck me because I knew I might have lost him forever this time. He really was done with me. I saw it in his eyes and heard it in his voice.

  At that second, the door to our room went flying and crashed against the stone wall. I turned and saw Nidal walk in. He did not even look at me as he headed straight for his jacket that lay on the chair by the window. He put it on, and he was heading for the door.

  I ran up to him and pulled his arm. “Nidal, please, hear me out. Please,” I begged tearfully. “Nidal,” I called out his name. But he tugged his arm out of my grip, looked at me with a disgusted look, and strode toward the door without saying another word.

  I was desperate for him to listen to reason. I grabbed the tail of his jacket and tried to pull it. He stopped, turned, and looked right at me.

  With a snarl, he said, “Let go of my jacket, woman! We are done. I told you! Don’t ever touch me again.” He tugged at his jacket and headed straight for the door.

  I could not let him go. It would finalize everything if I allowed him to walk out the door. Desperate now, I wrapped my arms around his waist and begged for him to stop. Nidal tried to pull my hands apart. He wanted to loosen my grip so he could escape. I dropped to my knees, grabbed a hold of his pantaloons, and begged him not to leave me.

  With a cold stare, annoyed at me now, he pulled me up and pushed me aside. I quickly ran back to him, hugged him close to me, and kissed his lips. Nidal kept his mouth closed tight. I caressed his chest, I tried to pull the strings that held up his pantaloons, but Nidal slapped my hands away. He walked past me to the doorway, and I begged, “Nidal, please, don’t go.”

  Nidal stopped, slowly turned around, and looked at me. His cold stare sent shivers up and down my back. This was a side of him I had never seen before. Nidal kicked the door closed with his left foot, and in two long strides, he was standing next to me.

  “What is it you want, Loula?” Nidal asked coldly. “Do you want me to fuck you?” He grabbed me roughly and threw me to the floor.

  My body was full of pain as it crashed on the cold, marble floor. Nidal kneeled down next to me, and with his bare hands, he ripped my dress to pieces. I lay there shocked as Nidal continued to rip all my undergarments off my body and left me stark naked.

  Nidal’s eyes raked over my naked body coldly, and he snarled, “Is this what you want?” He grabbed my breast and squeezed it roughly in his hands.

  This was a huge mistake. I had pushed him too far. I knew it now. Nidal pulled the strings on his pantaloons, and it dropped to his knees. Then he pulled out his shaft from his underpants. I was shocked as he tried to enter me. He pushed and probed, and once inside me, Nidal was not gentle. He made love to me harshly, like an animal. His hands poked and pinched my skin roughly, and he grabbed my hair and pulled on it as he pumped his shaft hard inside me. He climaxed seconds later, without even a hint of satisfaction on his face. I lay there, numb and in pain beyond reason, feeling used and abused.

  Nothing prepared me for his cruel actions. I did not recognize this man who destroyed everything we ever had together. I lo
oked into his eyes, and they were cold as ice, empty of emotion, void of life. Spent, he got up, pulled up his pantaloons, and tied the strings. He combed his hair with his fingers, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

  It felt as if the room was spinning. I tried to get up, but the pain was unbearable. My body was bruised all over. Minutes later, as I tried to gather my wits, I heard voices outside. I pushed myself slowly up and stumbled to the window just in time to witness Nidal walking away from the palace with Princess Shaeena holding on to his arm.

  Anger immediately gripped me as I watched them casually walk toward the stables. Minutes later, they exited the stables on a black stallion, heading in the direction of her palace. I heard their laughter as they rode away. It ripped my heart out seeing them together like that. Hearing Nidal’s laughter as he rode away with another woman was extremely painful.

  I threw myself on the bed and cried for hours. The servants came and went all evening. I sent them all away. Night came, but sleep eluded me as I lay in my empty, cold bed. I knew Nidal would not come home to me tonight. I played over and over again in my mind the scene with Nidal. His actions had left marks on my body and my heart. I remembered the pain I was feeling when he took me without my consent.

  His lips never touched mine. His hands did not caress my body. His eyes were stone-cold as he stared at me with fury. I had lost him, and it hurt to admit this. I cried all night for the love I had lost today. I cried for what we could have had. I cried until the tears dried out and all my hopes disappeared.

  By morning, I was still awake, sleepless, and still hurting. He did not come home to me, just as I expected he would not. He was at Shaeena’s still. I placed my hand where my heart was, and my heart was pounding rapidly. He would come home today because this was the day that the army would be leaving for war. Cold sweat overcame me at the thought of Nidal going to war. I was at a loss for words.

  There was a knock on the door, and my heart thumped loudly, thinking it was Nidal coming to ask for my forgiveness, I braced myself as the door opened, and the queen mother walked in. She had a worried look on her face as she walked over and sat on the bed next to me.

  “Loula, dear child, what happened yesterday?” she asked softly. “The servants told me they heard a lot of commotion in your room. They saw Nidal stalk out of here and take off with Princess Shaeena, and they said he did not come back last night. Is this true, Loula?” She wanted me to prove her wrong.

  “Mother,” I said, using that word for the first time since I had met her. It just rolled off my tongue without me realizing it, but the word felt good as I said it. I could tell she was pleased with my word choice. She was tearful as she waited for me to speak. “Mother,” I repeated again sadly, “there was a terrible misunderstanding yesterday, and Nidal and I had a huge fight. He said he was done with me, and he left!” I said with trembling lips.

  “Oh, no, Loula. Don’t say that,” the queen mother pleaded. “Nidal will never stop loving you. I am sure of it. I know my son. He will love you forever. He is angry now for whatever reason, and he is behaving like a child. He will get over it soon. You shall see. Princess Shaeena told me yesterday that she heard gossip that you kissed Prince Billal. Is this true, Loula?” the queen asked. I knew she hoped against hope that it was not true.

  But when I stayed quiet and did not respond right away, she had her answer. Clearly disappointed, she said, “I know it was not your fault, but my nephew’s. I know you well enough by now, just as I know my son. You would never willingly kiss Prince Billal. Just as my son would never willingly kiss Shaeena! It is too bad Nidal doesn’t know you the way I do.” The queen sighed and stood from the bed, but before she left my side, she said, “Child, do not worry. Be strong. I will box my son’s ears off when I see him. You, my dear,” she said softly, “stay calm. He will return today, and you must ignore him. We must teach him a lesson he will never forget. He needs to learn to trust the woman he loves,” she said proudly, “and not treat you this way. Loula, I stand by you. You are my child also, and I will not allow my son to treat you in this manner.” She marched out of the room and closed the door softly behind her.

  I was speechless, frozen. I was hurt beyond anything I had ever felt before. The queen was right. I had to teach her son a lesson. How dare he treat me this way! I got out of bed with a new perspective on things. I had to find a way to make him see the truth without compromising my pride. I knew it would not be easy, but there had to be a way to accomplish that.

  I walked over to the mirror and looked at myself. I saw how terrible and pathetic I looked. My hair was tangled. Circles were underneath my eyes from a sleepless night. I pulled my nightgown off my shoulders and saw the bruises that were visible all over my arms. I was very emotional and distraught, but this time, I felt much stronger than before. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! The queen raised my spirits, and I was going to show Nidal that he made a big mistake treating me so.

  I got busy the next few hours. I bathed softly, not wanting to be rough where the bruises were. They were tender to the touch. I dressed in a beautiful red wine-colored gown that showed off my tiny waist. The cleavage was just perfect, inviting to the eyes of any onlooker. I slipped on my slippers and sat on the bed to comb my hair. I was thinking to let my hair loose today. My hair had grown another inch since the ball, and it was now well below the waist.

  A sob escaped my lips as my mind wandered to yesterday when I watched my prince riding the black Arabian stallion with Shaeena holding onto his waist tightly as they laughed and rode away. It had been the worst day of my entire life. Nothing could ever hurt me more than that.

  I walked back to the mirror to take another look at myself and make sure I looked perfect. The woman who stared back at me looked somehow older than her years. I smiled coldly, knowing that today started a new era. I erased the past, wanting to start fresh from this point on. The woman who looked back at me in the mirror was a stranger. I did not recognize her. I let out a cold laugh as my head tipped back and I took a deep breath. This day marked the beginning of a woman who was fighting for recognition as a woman scorned!

  Let Nidal feast his eyes on me today. He will regret the day he ever left me with bruises. I walked over to the dresser and pulled out a gray silk shawl. The gown I wore had no sleeves, and I needed to cover my bruises. I wrapped the shawl around my shoulders, and as I walked back to the mirror to admire myself, I heard commotion outside.

  I braced myself, walked to the window, and looked out. I saw Nidal helping Shaeena off the stallion. My heart skipped a beat. Why had he brought her here today of all days? To rub her in my face? Anger ripped throughout my entire body. How dare he think he can treat me in such a fashion! He took me from the only people I knew as family and the only place I knew as home and brought me to this country. He locked me up against my will in this room for months until I fell in love with him. He taught me the ways of love, and I now live just to love him, but never once did he teach me how to live without him. How dare he!

  I marched out of my room and down the hallway, but I stopped in my tracks. I heard the princess laugh. It came from down the hall and around the corner. Frantically, I looked for a room to hide in.

  The first door I found, I turned the knob, opened the door, and entered the room, closing the door softly behind me before anyone saw me. I heard their voices closer now as they walked down the hall and came to a halt right outside the door that I was behind.

  “My prince,” Shaeena purred, “thanks for yesterday. You made me so happy, Nidal,” she said softly. I froze. Hatred burned deep inside me. I placed my ear closer to the door, expecting Nidal to say something, but she continued talking, “I am glad you finally came to your senses. I told you she was not good for you!” she said convincingly.

  “Don’t bring up her name. I told you I never want to speak of her again!” Nidal was c
learly annoyed.

  And then I heard their footsteps walk away, and their laughter echoed down the corridor as they fled to privacy. I opened the door to the room and stepped out. I needed some fresh air. I could not breathe. I had chest pain. I pulled the shawl from around my shoulders and held it in my hands to wipe away my tears. I ran as fast as I could to my room. Tears blinded me, and I did not notice Nidal standing there in front of the doorway to our room staring at me. He stood frozen, all alone. I stopped running and came to a halt about a yard in front of him. His eyes dropped to my shoulders as he stared in horror at my bruises. I quickly wrapped myself with the shawl and ran past him into our room and locked the door. I leaned against the stone-cold wall, feeling upset at myself for allowing him to view my bruises. I did not want him to get the satisfaction that he had hurt me so much.

  Nidal tried to open the door but found it locked. He pounded on the door, yelling, “Unlock this door right now, Loula!” he demanded. “I need to speak to you. Unlock the door!” he howled.

  I was terrified, not knowing what he might do if I dared open the door. Last time he was this angry with me, he left me with bruises. So I ignored his calls as he continued to pound on the door. I crouched in the corner of the room, terrified, as the door burst open, and an angry Nidal marched inside.

  I was trembling with fear, holding my hands up in front of my face for protection, not knowing how Nidal would react now that he was a few inches from me. “Please don’t hurt me, Nidal,” I begged. “Please, I’m sorry for whatever it is you think I did to you. Please don’t hurt me again,” I pleaded.