Sweet Obsession

by Theodora Koulouris

  That instant, Billal grabbed Nidal by the shoulders and tried to push him out of his way, but Nidal would not budge. He held on to me, kissing me on my lips, and I melted with love. He was my life, and I knew I was his. I kissed him back with a force so passionate that I was oblivious to anything or anyone around us.

  It was very selfish of me to be displaying my feelings like this. I saw Billal stand quietly next to us. In that instant, my hand automatically went to my stomach, and my eyes widened in disbelief. The baby. I had forgotten about its existence.

  “Billal!” I cried. “My baby! Is my baby all right?” I asked, terrified of the answer.

  Billal dropped to his knees next to me, and Nidal backed away. His face was stone cold as he disappeared into the crowd.

  At that moment the doctor arrived, and after checking me twice he said, “You and the baby are going to be just fine, Loula.”

  “What about the queen and Natalie? How are they faring?” I asked, worried about their health.

  “Thanks to you, Loula, for playing the hero, they are alive and well, but please don’t you ever do that again!” he said sternly.

  When the doctor walked away to check on all the other people who needed his help, Billal lifted me up in his arms and walked toward the palace, squeezing me tight.

  The people cleared out a path for Billal to walk through, and I heard them praise my name for saving the queen and Natalie. They saw me as a hero, but I did not feel like one. I only did what I did in the name of love, not to be praised as a hero. As Billal raced up the stairs, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of fresh air in my lungs. This was a horrible night that will never be forgotten, not by me or anyone else in the kingdom.

  I lay awake in Billal’s arms all night as he held me close to him. Tonight, we lost all the children from the orphanage except Natalie. Her fate was not to die in this fire. Not tonight. Not here in this way. I cried for all the lives lost, all those little children who had had miserable lives from the moment they were born. Their fate was sealed. Natalie survived because the queen was with her. She was the real hero, not I. She kept the child alive until I got there. This queen of ours had a big heart. She was by far a better person than our king was.

  At first glance of sunlight, I heard a light tap on the door and the queen’s voice from the other side asking if she could enter. I quickly jumped out of bed, ran to the door, and opened it. The queen walked in, fell into my arms, and cried a river of tears. I cried along with her for all the little lives that were lost.

  The queen straightened up and said, “Loula, you are a very brave lady. Last night, I saw another side of you that I did not know existed. You saved Natalie and me from being burned to death, and for this, I will be forever grateful,” she said sincerely. “And I am so thrilled to know that your child is safe.” The queen threw a quick glance at Billal, and then she returned her gaze to me. “I need to see you later alone, please. Maybe after lunch?”

  “Yes, of course.” Is anything wrong?” I asked worriedly.

  The queen looked at me sadly. “We will talk later, all right?” She kissed me on the cheek, opened the door, and left the room.

  Puzzled, I looked at Billal as he jumped out of bed, walked up to me, and gave me a big hug. “You feel so good in my arms, Loula. I am thankful to God for keeping you and the baby safe. I love you.” There were tears in both our eyes as we hugged some more.

  During lunch, everyone ate in silence. Nidal, Billal, and I did not touch our food. We were not hungry. I looked around the table and saw that yesterday’s fire had emotionally disturbed everybody who sat at the table. Only the king and Shaeena sat smugly. The rest of us were still feeling last night’s pain. I knew not what caused the fire that killed all the innocent children and servants, but it was being whispered that it was arson. Who would do such a thing to innocent little children?

  I stole a few glances at Nidal, and each time, I caught him looking straight at me. There was a different look about him, one I did not recognize. I knew he had enough heartache in his life to suffer a great deal. I felt I too had just as much. Shaeena noticed I was staring at Nidal, and she took that opportunity to hold his hand and throw me a smile that warned me of her stake on him. I sighed. Shaeena was a cold human being who only cared about getting what she wanted and nothing else. God help anyone who stood in her way. Nidal was not the right match for her. She and the king had so much in common. They complimented each other. They were both heartless.

  Nidal’s raw emotions were exposing his thoughts. I knew he loved me as I loved him, but the disharmony in our lives left us empty of life. I looked at the queen, and she too looked emotionally drained. Her attachment to all the children had been tight. Now she was left with only Natalie. The queen unconsciously played with her food on her plate. She did not have an appetite either.

  The servants served tea and pastries afterward, and when all was said and done, we all rose at the same time and exited the room. The queen pulled me aside when I walked past her and asked if I would follow her up to her quarters. Immediately, I complied with her wishes, and I tagged along behind her. When she opened her door to her chambers, I was surprised to see little Natalie lying in her bed asleep. I threw the queen a questioning glance, and she put her finger to her lips and pulled me to another room that was connected to this one. Her quarters were huge with what looked like four other rooms attached to this one. The decorations were of French taste, and each item looked unique in itself. She had an eye for elegance, and I was sure she played a big hand in decorating her rooms.

  The queen closed the door behind us when we entered the second room, and she walked over to the couch on the opposite side of the room, sat on it, and motioned for me to join her. All was quiet around us, and the queen leaned close to me and whispered, “Even the walls have ears. What I am about to tell you is only for your ears alone! Swear to me that you have loyalty to your queen.” She waited patiently for my response.

  “I swear by all that is holy that I will not reveal the secret that you are about to tell me without your permission, my queen, and yes, I am loyal to the crown. I am loyal to you,” I promised, waiting eagerly to hear what was on her mind.

  The queen took a deep breath. “What I am about to tell you could lead to treason if it is revealed. I trust you, Loula, because I have found a good person in you. The child you carry, it is my belief that it is Nidal’s. You carry my first grandchild, not Shaeena. Her baby is not Nidal’s. I know this without a doubt, just as I know without a doubt the child you carry is my son’s! The king’s infatuation with Shaeena is clouding his judgment, and he is going to ruin my son’s life if I do not put a stop to it. I am in the process of finding out the truth. Shaeena is up to something, and I am not going to let her get away with it!” she said angrily. “I have suspected for some time now that Shaeena is scheming with someone. She is desperate to marry my son, but she does not love him. She only wants to marry him because she wants to be the next queen in line!” she said bitterly.

  I did not feel inclined to say a word as I stared at her wide-eyed waiting for her to continue. “In my opinion, Shaeena started the fire intentionally to kill the children.” She waited for my response, knowing I would have a thousand questions for her.

  “Your Highness, why would the princess want to kill the children? They were just little angels living their lives. What threat could they have been to Shaeena?” I asked, not really believing her accusations. It was hard for me to imagine the princess a murderer.

  The queen lowered her tone a notch before responding, afraid someone might hear her. “She wanted to kill Natalie, and to do that, she had to kill everyone in the process. She wanted Natalie out of the way.” The queen was tearful now as the memories of the fire clouded her mind.

  I looked at her, confused. I did not understand what the queen was trying to say. “Mother, why would Shaeena want Nata
lie dead? She is but a child. What threat can a child have on Shaeena?” All this information that I was trying really hard to process baffled me.

  “About eight years ago, the king raped one of the servants. He got her with child. When he found out about the pregnancy, he ordered her death sentence to cover up his crime. I overheard her beg the king for mercy, swearing her silence to the identity of her baby, but the king wanted her out of his way, and he ordered her to be beheaded. The night before her death sentence, she went into labor, and she sent for me. She pleaded with me to save her child. My heart went out to her. I did not know what to do, so I sent a message to the doctor to come immediately. He is my good friend, and he is very loyal to me. When the young mother delivered her baby, the doctor took the baby and hid it in his home. He told the king that the baby was stillborn. He kept the baby for a full year, and then he brought her to me, and we put her in the orphanage with the other children. The king has no idea that she is his. The few who know have been sworn to secrecy. Natalie’s mother went to her death knowing that her child was safe,” the queen said tearfully.

  My heart went out to the queen. She had endured quite a lot from her husband, the king. He should be feared, for he was a ruthless man. I leaned over to her hugged her. “My queen, you have a big heart. Should the king find out the identity of Natalie, he will hurt her.” As soon as I mouthed those words, my eyes widened in surprise. “Does Shaeena know the truth?” I already suspected the answer to that question.

  “I think she does. She is a very smart woman, and I think she figured it out somehow. I think she is the one who started the fire and killed the children,” the queen said. “Natalie is Nidal’s sibling, so she has royal blood in her. She is a threat to the princess. Shaeena wants to secure her position to the crown, and she will stop at nothing to accomplish it. Shaeena does not love my son. She wants to be his wife only to wear the crown! She is not to be trusted,” the queen said angrily.

  I was at a loss for words. My mind was spinning. If the princess were such a manipulator, then who’s to say that the child she carries is Nidal’s?

  “Mother, are you saying that we have to watch our backs where Shaeena is concerned? Shouldn’t we warn Nidal?”

  The queen smiled sadly. “Nidal does not accept the idea that Shaeena is so desperate. He thinks highly of her. Remember that he grew up with her, and he loves her as a sister. He knows she is not perfect, but he would never believe her capable of starting the fire.” The queen looked down at her lap, where her hands rested. She sat silently as a teardrop escaped and rolled down her face. This was too much information for me to process so quickly. My thoughts were running wildly from one thing to another.

  I thought back to the many times when I looked at Natalie’s face and commented on her eyes. They were the same color as Nidal’s. She resembled him, and he had a sister he did not even know about. My heart bled for Nidal. He was in for a rude awakening. And Shaeena, what do we do about her? How can we protect Nidal and Natalie from such an evil woman?

  “Mother, if the king finds out that Natalie is his child, what will he do?” I asked, tired now of all the lemons that life was throwing at us.

  “I’m afraid, my dear, that he would kill her, for he too will see her as a threat. As a matter of fact, I think the princess has already told the king of her suspicions. I think the both of them set the fire. We must hurry and figure a safe hiding place for Natalie before it’s too late,” the queen said nervously. “I promised Natalie’s mother that I would keep her safe, and if it is the last thing I do, I will keep my promise!” the queen said stubbornly. And I believed that she would, for she was a loving and kind person.

  “What about Nidal? Should he not know that he has a sister? And should we not tell him of Shaeena’s evilness? He needs to be warned,” I told her eagerly. “The baby is not his. Nidal would never betray me like that. Shaeena is a liar! Mother, we have to stop the wedding. Nidal cannot marry her. He is mine, and I love him with all my heart and my soul! And I know he loves me too.” I was now crying hysterically.

  Everything was a mess, and I knew not what to do. We had to find a way to fix everything before it was too late. It was the queen’s turn to comfort me, and she did. She held me close to her and whispered words of endearment.

  I pulled away from the queen’s embrace. “What do we do now? We must find a way to prevent Shaeena from accomplishing her goals. Natalie is in grave danger. She is a helpless child who has been tormented from birth, and Nidal can’t marry Shaeena, Mother. I love him, and I want him back!”

  The queen said Shaeena was not as big a problem as the king was. The king was the one to fear the most. He was the one who held all the power.

  I asked her, “Who do you think is the father of Shaeena’s baby?”

  The queen looked at me troubled, unable to speak. Finally, she whispered, “That remains a mystery to be solved. But my suspicions point to the king. I think he fathered her baby. I am not sure, but I believe this to be true because he is adamant about the marriage between Shaeena and Nidal. He wants the child to remain in the family, and what better way than to bring Shaeena into our family as Nidal’s wife and claim the child as Nidal’s. But this is all speculation, Loula. I am not certain of the truth. I cannot accuse the king of sleeping with Shaeena. How can I prove that?” She was clearly distressed.

  I hesitated, not knowing how to answer that question. The queen was right. There was no way of proving it. My shoulders slumped. I felt defeated.

  And just then, the queen surprised me by asking me the one question I dreaded answering. “Tell me, Loula. I trusted you with all I have told you, but you withhold from me the truth about who fathered your baby. I know it is not Billal’s baby that you carry. It is Nidal’s! You have my grandbaby in your womb, and you keep the truth from me! Why, Loula? Why are you hiding the truth?” She was eagerly waiting for my reply.

  I did not know what to say. To reveal the truth could put my child in jeopardy. It was like the queen said. Even the walls had ears. I trusted no one with the information, not even the queen. My baby was my life now, and I had to protect it with my life.

  “The baby is Billal’s, Mother.” I felt my heart race faster.

  The queen’s eyebrows arched. She knew my secret, and she smiled knowingly. “Loula, do not worry. Your secret is safe with me. I know it is hard to trust anyone at this point in your life, and after everything you have been through, it is safer for the baby to be Billal’s than Nidal’s. The king and Shaeena will come after it if they find out it is Nidal’s.” She smiled, and I stared at her, apologetic, knowing she understood my reason for keeping it a secret.

  I knew I was in a tough situation, and I had to figure out what to do. The answer to my problems was Billal. He was the only one who could help me pull off the lie. In the meantime, we had to have the memorial service for all the lost souls who were innocent victims to the fire.

  “Mother, when are the victims going to be buried?” I knew this question would bring tears to the queen’s eyes.

  The queen looked like she had aged ten years in the last hour. My heart went out to her. She had endured a lot in her lifetime. She wiped away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and answered softly, “Today. They are preparing as we speak. We must hurry and go back now before they start getting suspicious of our talk.”

  We both rose at the same time from the couch, and as we walked over to the connecting door, the queen opened it slowly, afraid she might awaken Natalie, who still slept peacefully in her bed. We walked past her, and as we entered the hallway, the queen told the servant who was standing outside not to leave Natalie’s side. The queen took me by the hand and walked me over to my room.

  “Loula, change into something more appropriate quickly and meet us by the cemetery as soon as possible, I think we will be summoned for the burial in a few minutes. I too have to hurry and chan
ge.” She smiled sadly and hugged me. Then she hurried along to the king’s chambers. Even as she walked away, I could hear her sobs, and my heart went out to her.

  I opened the door to my room and found Billal sitting on the bed. He quickly jumped up when he saw me and walked over to where I was and took me in his arms. I felt really safe in his embrace. I surrendered to every whisper that came from his lips. Comforting words of love and adoration, words that spoke the truth, truth that defied reality, reality that provoked the soul, and the soul that burned with desire, and I became a slave to all that was whispered, for there was no place else for me to go.

  I allowed Billal to touch me as he caressed my back. I closed my eyes and thought of Nidal. His hand lowered down my back, and his lips claimed mine. Nidal’s arms pulled me closer to his body as I arched my back in total submission. But my tears spilled down my face, and my sobs tore from my throat as I cried aloud for everything I had lost in this lifetime. Reality stuck the knife deeper into my heart, and I was lost forever.

  Everyone was wearing black. It seemed as if all of Arabia were there. Everyone was crying, even the men. I looked over at Shaeena. She had her veil over her face, and it was hidden from us, but I knew a face full of evil was behind the veil. She was not mourning the dead. She was pretending, and Nidal believed her. But the queen and I knew better. Nidal was holding on to her, and she was leaning on him, pretending she was suffering like everyone else was.

  I heard the wails from all the people, but the queen’s voice was the loudest by far. Her cries were piercing my ears, and a few sobs tore from my throat. Billal instantly put his arms around me. Nidal was staring. His piercing gaze was making me feel uncomfortable, so I quickly looked away.