by Sable Hunter
“Eat up and we’ll go look for her together.”
“Okay.” She put her hands in her lap as he placed the food laden plate in front of her. “How did you sleep?”
“Good. You?” He took his seat across from her.
“Great. Although, you did hog the covers.”
“Did I? I’m sorry. When I do that, just cuddle close or wake me up.”
“Good to know.” He spoke as if they’d be sharing a bed often. Clare felt as if she was walking a tightrope without a net. “I bet your family has been trying to get in touch with you.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” Nathan agreed. “I plan on checking in with them when I can. My brother, Aron, has this weather app. He’s probably been following every alert for southern Colorado.”
“I’m sure they miss you.” She took a bite, then widened her eyes. “This is great. The texture is amazing. You put something extra in there…what is it?”
“You can tell?” He grinned. “Yea, you might not believe it, but the secret ingredient is pancake batter. Just a tablespoon or two out of your box. It gives the eggs a little more structure, so they’ll hold more ham, pepper, and onions. Best of all, it makes the omelet fluffier.” Raising one eyebrow, he confessed. “I stole this idea from IHOP. I have a friend who used to work there who spilled the beans.”
Clare was impressed. “I’ll have to remember that.”
They laughed and talked as they finished their meal, sharing fun stories from their past. Nathan shared how much he enjoyed playing pranks on his brother. After he told her about the toothpaste filled Oreos and switching out Aron’s clothes for smaller sizes, he confessed to what he called his piece de resistance. “I’ve really given my brothers grief. Not too long ago, I took Aron’s favorite wicker rocker apart and reworked the cushions so I could wear them.”
“How did you do that?”
“Avery helped me. Anyway, I ended up with the bottom cushion over my thighs and the top cushion over my chest. My arms were covered with material and my legs were behind the front panel. Even my head was covered with a throw. When I would sit in the chair frame I would disappear. You couldn’t see me, it looked just like a regular chair.”
“Oh, no.” Clare could just imagine the scene. “What happened?”
Nathan was laughing so hard, he could barely talk. “He came and sat down, and I waited a second or two, then I just wrapped my arms around him in a hug. I was lucky the big lug didn’t use the bathroom on me, he truly lost his shit. He thought the chair was trying to eat him.”
“Oh, my gosh. I’m glad you didn’t try any pranks on me.”
“Don’t get too comfortable, I just might.”
When they were finished, Nathan helped Clare put the dishes in the dishwasher. Afterward, they carried out some treats for the wildlife. The snow was deep, but he’d shoveled a path out the door for her to be able to maneuver safely. Sure enough, Bentley soon arrived, and Nathan marveled how the deer would eat out of her hand. “This is cool. I never liked to hunt and now I can’t imagine killing a deer for sport.”
“Neither can I.”
Before Clare finished speaking, her words were drowned out by a loud noise. A helicopter was arriving.
Nathan didn’t have to be told that the Connelly brothers had returned. As the big bird came in for a landing, Nathan shielded Romy from the flying snow. Before the whirring blades slowed, the door flew open, and Storm came bounding out with Mad close behind.
“Oh, thank God. You’re okay.”
Nathan stepped to the side as the two large men enveloped their much smaller sister in a hug.
“Yes, I’m fine. Good grief.”
Mad recovered first, turning to Nathan. “You’re here. Wonderful. I told Storm you’d take care of our girl.”
“Of course, I said I would.”
“Did you have any trouble?” Storm asked.
“Well…” Nathan began, but Clare jumped into the conversation before he could say more.
“I’ll tell them.” She held his gaze. My way, she mouthed. “Let’s go in the house and have coffee. Shall we?”
Nathan followed along behind, feeling unsure of his place in the scheme of things. All he could do at this point was follow Romy’s lead.
Once they were inside, he hung back, letting the siblings take their places. When they settled in front of the fire, he pulled a kitchen chair to the side and waited.
“So, how was your trip?” Clare asked. “Successful?”
“Very,” Mad confirmed with a smile. “Not quite as exciting as yours, I hear.”
“Hear? From whom?” Clare wondered.
“Brent,” Storm answered. “He called to tell us the blizzard hit the area hard.” He nodded toward Nathan. “Said Nathan rode up the day before yesterday and didn’t come back.”
“That’s right,” Clare said. “By the time he got here, the conditions were atrocious. A white-out.” She took a deep breath. “If Nathan hadn’t come along when he did, I would’ve died.”
“What?” both brothers exclaimed.
“That’s right,” she continued, “I went to the barn to check on Luna. When I came out, I couldn’t see a thing. I got lost trying to get back to the house. When Nathan found me, I’d passed out in the snow.”
“Fuck…” Storm tore at his hair. “I knew you should’ve gone to the house and stayed.”
“I am fine,” Clare reiterated. She stood up and turned around. “Nathan rescued me. He brought me into the house and thawed me out. All is well.”
“Thanks, Nathan.” Mad rose to shake his hand. “We owe you one.”
“I only did what you asked me to,” Nathan said and then realized what a whopper lie he’d just told. He didn’t do just what was asked of him – he’d done much more. Made himself at home, slept in her bed, and fucked her repeatedly.
Wrong, his inner voice whispered. What they’d done was in no shape fucking, he’d made love to the woman he worshipped. Big difference.
“So, you’ve been staying here,” Storm muttered, putting two and two together.
“Yes, he stayed here. We were snowed in. Big time. There was no way he could leave. The electricity went out…”
Mad stopped Clare’s stream of words with a raised hand. “It’s okay. You’re an adult and we trust Nathan.” He looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow. “Right?”
“Right.” Storm nodded. “I’m just remembering Clare’s previous reaction to the idea of Nathan checking on her.”
Clare huffed out a long breath. “Enough. The storm is over. You’re home. I’m glad.”
“Sounds like we’re being dismissed.” Mad couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, I need you two to go.” Knowing she had to offer something in return, she raised her hands in supplication. “I’ll come for dinner tonight. Okay?”
“Fine.” Storm gave his sister a kiss on the cheek. “Nathan, could you come see us this afternoon?”
“Sure thing.” He waited while she walked them out and she didn’t return until the helicopter lifted off and disappeared over the trees.
Nathan stood there as she reentered the room. He could tell things were different. The very air that surrounded them seemed fraught with tension.
“I apologize. My brothers are usually very reasonable people.”
“They didn’t say or do anything amiss. They love you, they were concerned.”
“They made you feel guilty. I could tell. And there’s no reason. You only did what I wanted you to do.”
Nathan moved toward her, but she turned away to look out the window. “When I talk to them. I’ll explain, Romy.”
“No,” Clare said emphatically. “We don’t owe them an explanation.”
Nathan took his time, choosing his words carefully. “I know, but if we’re going to be seeing one another I don’t want…”
Clare faced him, her eyes big and sad. “Nathan, I made it clear from the beginning that this can’t go anywhere.”
&nbs
p; He swallowed hard, his heart beating fast. “Too late, baby. We’ve already gone somewhere.” His voice was soft, near a whisper. “We’ve gone all the way.”
She steeled herself to stay on course. “Yes, but it was just a one-time thing.”
“I remember more than one time. I remember every moment.”
“Well, it can’t happen again.” Clare crossed her arms over her chest.
“Why?” Nathan refused to take no for an answer. Not when his whole world hung in the balance.
Clare shrugged, her stomach hurt like she’d swallowed razor blades. “It didn’t mean anything, Nathan. We’re adults. We were having a good time. It was just sex.”
“It meant something to me, Romy. It wasn’t just sex. We made love.”
She shook her head, unable to speak.
“Yes, we did. We connected. You feel something for me, I know you do. You can’t fake something like that, Romy. I hear it in your voice every time you say my name. I feel it in your touch. I taste it in your kiss.”
Clare couldn’t stand it another moment. She began to cry. “No, you’re wrong. We can’t do this.”
Nathan was desperate, he wanted to take her in his arms so bad he ached. “Tell me you don’t care, Romy. Say the words and I’ll go.”
“I…” She stared at him, tears flowing down her cheeks. “I don’t…I” Clare turned away from him. “I can’t say it.”
Nathan moved toward her. “I knew it.”
“No.” She backed out of his reach, holding up a hand to keep him at bay. “Please go. I told you how this would end.”
“No, Romy. I saw how this ends. I dreamed our whole life. I saw it all and we were happy.”
She shook her head over and over. “It wasn’t real. It was just a dream. An impossible dream. We’re going to hurt one another.”
Nathan felt the earth crumble away beneath his feet. “You’re right about that because you’re sure hurting me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, turning her back on him. “Thank you for everything you did…but go. Please go.”
Nathan stood there for long moments waiting for her to look at him and when she wouldn’t – he walked away.
Chapter 13
The ride from Romy's cabin to Estancia Ranch was the longest trip he ever made. Every foot he traveled away from her, the air seemed to grow thinner and thinner until he could barely breathe. At one point, he pulled up on Buck’s reins, dismounted, then doubled over gasping for breath. He felt like he was going to throw up. His mind was in a turmoil, trying to figure out what happened. Why was she pushing him away?
Stumbling through the snow, he led Buck to the stream where Nathan sank down onto a rock. With desperation he went over every conversation they’d shared. Yes, she’d initially set limits on their time together but as the hours wore on she’d opened up to him, poured out her feelings to him, even initiating their love making. He couldn’t believe she felt nothing for him, she wasn’t like that – not his Romy.
As he gazed at the white water flowing over ice slickened rocks, he tried to decide what to do. He felt desolate, hopeless. Part of him wanted to pack his bags and head to Tebow. Another part of him wanted to march right back up the mountain and beg her to talk to him, hear him out, convince her to give them a chance. After a few minutes of consideration, Nathan decided he would do neither of those things. He’d give Romy her space, but he wasn’t giving up. He couldn’t. Maybe he was wrong, even so he couldn’t shake the certainty that their destinies were inextricably intertwined.
Rising, he took one last look toward her cabin. It sat just below the tree line, but the only part he could see from his vantage point was the chimney. Just catching sight of the swirl of smoke felt like a magnet pulling at his soul. Forcing himself to turn away, Nathan remounted his steed and continued down the mountain.
When he rode to the point where Estancia came into view, he checked his phone. Dead as a hammer. Knowing his family was probably standing on their heads, he intended to call them first thing. A glance at the main house sent a ripple of disquiet down his spine. Once he phoned home and tended to Lobo, he’d have to meet with the Connelly brothers. Did he dread it? Yes. Was he ashamed of what he’d shared with Romy? Hell, no. Still, he might find himself walking a fine line between telling the men what they wanted to know and keeping Romy’s confidence.
After seeing to Buck and speaking briefly to Brent about how the ranch fared during the storm, he went to his cabin. Lobo was ecstatic to see him. As he bent to pet the pup, Nathan’s nose wrinkled at the smell. “Ye gods, little man, you made the house stink.” After investigating the matter, he found the coywolf had kept to the newspapers. “Good boy,” he offered praise as he gathered the papers to throw in the trash bin outside. Lobo accompanied him and Nathan waited while he scampered about and did his business in the bushes.
Back inside, he filled up his pet’s water and food dish, then plugged in the phone to charge. A few minutes later it rang, and Nathan didn’t need psychic powers to know who was on the other end. “Aron.”
“Oh, thank God. We’ve been worried sick.”
“Yea, I’m sorry. I got snowed in on the mountain when I rode up to check on…Clare Connelly.”
“Yes, I talked to Storm early this morning. He told me what was most likely going on and said they were flying in to make sure all was well.”
“They did and everyone’s fine.” As he spoke, Nathan was overwhelmed by what he wasn’t saying. He didn’t know where to begin to tell Aron how much his life had changed in the space of the short time since he left home. “How are things there? How’s Libby?”
“Well, Libby…”
Nathan could hear his brother’s voice crack. Before Aron spoke, he knew what his brother was about to say.
“Libby’s leukemia is back. She’s relapsed.”
“Do you want me to come home?”
“No, she wouldn’t hear of it. She feels pretty good and everything’s going to be okay, I have to believe that.”
“What does the doctor say?”
“They’re looking for a stem cell donor. He says she can have a stem cell transplant and that’ll send the cancer back into remission. Hopefully, this time permanently.”
“I’m so sorry, Aron.”
“I know. Libby’s my little trooper. She’s keeping a smile on her face.”
“How are the boys?”
“The kids don’t suspect a thing.” He paused before continuing. “Now, I say that, but Colt said something a little strange the other day.”
“What was that?”
“He’s still going on about his invisible buddy. Gives me the creeps if you must know. Anyway, he marched up to me and said the old cowboy told him to tell me that his mama was going to be fine.”
“I’d take that as a good sign. I have a strong feeling his visitor is Grandpa Isaac. He came to see me when I was young.”
“Did he tell you he was Grandpa Isaac?”
“No, but I found an old portrait later and recognized him right away. I think it’s safe to say he watches over our family during times of trouble.”
“When you put it that way, I guess it’s sort of comforting.” Aron blew out a breath. “Just pray for Libby, okay?”
“Every day. So, how is everyone else?”
“About the same. Denver’s stepped up to the plate and taken over the manager’s job. He says its only temporary until you come to your senses.”
“Aron, I don’t…” There was no way he was leaving Romy, not until he was convinced there was no hope.”
“I know. I’m just saying…no pressure. We’ve put out feelers for another foreman.”
“Good. I know you have your hands full.”
“We’re making it, everybody’s pitching in. So, tell me the truth. How are things with you?”
Nathan took a few minutes to tell his brother about the strides he’d made and the projects he was overseeing. “I’m learning as I go, but I’m plea
santly surprised at what I already know. I guess I absorbed more knowledge through the years than I gave myself credit for.”
“Exactly, that’s why we trusted you with the general manager’s job.”
Nathan didn’t want to return to the same old argument. “Well, give Libby a kiss for me. I’ve got a meeting I need to get to.”
“All right, bud. I’m glad you’re safe. Call me soon, okay?”
“I will. I love all of you.”
“Same here. Take care.”
Up on the mountain, Clare was sitting at her easel. The brushstrokes were almost automatic. Her eyes were on the canvas, but she wasn’t seeing the image her hand was creating. All she could think of was what she’d lost. In all the time she’d lived in this cabin by herself, this was the first time she felt truly lonely. Nathan’s absence left a hole in her life that she didn’t have a clue how to fill.
Over and over again, she went over the decision she’d made. Was it the right one? She didn’t know. He said she’d hurt him, but a little pain now was better than a lot of pain later. Shutting her eyes, she bowed her head. What if she was wrong? What if she woke up one day years from now and discovered she’d condemned herself to a lifetime of living without the man she loved.
The reasonable part of her brain tried to argue that it wasn’t love. She didn’t know Nathan well enough to love him, they hadn’t spent the amount of time together necessary to forge such a bond. And how could he love her? He hadn’t said the exact words, but she’d heard them again and again. Nathan felt the bond between them as surely as she did.
Explaining that bond was another matter, but she felt like she was beginning to understand. In the hours since she’d asked him to leave her, Clare could think of nothing else. One fact kept resounding in her head, the day Nathan fell into the river. The day he drowned was July 17, 2013. The date she collapsed in the park was the same. They’d died on the same day. From the moment she’d seen Tamara’s photograph, Clare recognized him. Somehow, someway, somewhere – their spirits connected. When she returned to this life, she’d brought the memory of Nathan with her. She wanted to believe he had too. After all, he’d dreamed of her. How else could you explain the unexplainable?