by Sable Hunter
As she painted, Clare struggled. Why would the powers that be allow them to forge such a bond if it were all to come to naught? To allow them to fall in love with no hope of a future would be cruel. But life could be cruel. She’d learned that hard lesson personally.
But what if things changed? What if her condition improved? Should she be retested? If she chose to undergo another rigorous evaluation, Storm and Mad would heartily approve. They’d begged her to do this countless times. Clare hadn’t seen the use. Statistics bore out the fact that people with her type of heart disease died young. She’d already reached the outer limit of probability. Would putting herself through the ringer of further evaluation be worth it? Her brain said no, but her traitorous heart screamed a resounding yes.
Laying down the brush, Clare stared at the canvas where Nathan’s beautiful face smiled back at her. The painting wasn’t finished and something deep within Clare didn’t believe she and Nathan were finished either.
“Sit down. Eat. You’ve got time.” Ms. Robbins urged Nathan to eat a bowl of stew. “We won’t tell them you’re here until you finish.”
The growling in his middle spoke for him. “All right, you talked me into it.” Nathan smiled as the little old lady bustled around the kitchen. “How did you weather the storm, Ms. Robbins?”
“Just fine. I would’ve been worried to death, but Brent told me you were with our Clare. How is she?” She handed him a steaming bowl of meat, potatoes, and carrots.
“She’s good.”
“Is she feeling strong?”
“Yes, she became dizzy a couple of times. I guess we overdid it.” Nathan clamped his lips shut when he realized how that sounded.
If the woman’s mind went to where Nathan’s mind went, she didn’t let on. “Easy to do. How’s the stew?”
Nathan pointed his fork at the already half-emptied dish. “Wonderful. Really hits the spot.”
“Good.” She sighed and wiped her hands with a dish towel. “I wish Clare would let me take care of her. I’ve never approved of her living off on her own like that. It’s just not wise.”
Nathan agreed with Ms. Robbins, but he wanted to be the one to take care of her. “She’s very independent.”
“Too independent if you ask me.”
A noise from the hall drew Nathan’s attention. “I’d better go on back.” He stood and handed the dish to Ms. Robbins. “Thanks a million, that was great.”
She patted him on the shoulder. “I’m glad. You give me half a chance, I’d take care of the both of you.”
Nathan’s eyes widened at the implication. “We’re not together.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Not yet.”
He smiled. “I like you, Ms. Robbins.”
She threw the towel over her shoulder. “Who wouldn’t?”
With a laugh, he left the kitchen to find the Connelly brothers.
“Storm? Mad?” Nathan tapped on the door facing that led into the expansive living room. The wall that faced the mountains was three stories tall and made of glass. Immediately, his gaze pinpointed the spot where he knew Romy’s cabin sat nestled among the trees. He felt his heart expand with love.
“In here, Nathan. Join us.”
Taking off his hat, he followed the sound of their voices. They weren’t in the conference room. This time he found the brothers in what he’d call a man cave with a billiards table, a long bar, and a television hanging on the wall big enough to service a football stadium. “Is this a suitable time?”
“Perfect timing.”
Mad poured him a drink before Nathan could turn it down. He took the shot of scotch, but he didn’t readily take a sip. Instead, he waited to see what the men would have to say to him.
Storm indicated for Nathan to take a seat. “We wanted to talk about Clare.”
“All right.” He waited for the questions, he wasn’t volunteering any information.
“So, you were with Clare during the storm,” Mad stated the obvious.
“Yes. I went up early that morning. The storm blew in faster than the forecast indicated. When I arrived, it was to find her missing.”
Storm shuddered. “My God, when I think about what could’ve happened…”
“I don’t mind repeating how grateful we are to you.” Mad sipped his own drink, coming to sit in a leather barrel chair in front of Nathan.
“I was very grateful I got there in time.” Huge understatement on Nathan’s part.
There was silence for a moment, then Storm spoke up, “There seemed to be a bit of tension between the two of you. Anything we should know about?”
“No, not really.” Even though he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, Nathan didn’t think Clare would want them to know. “I took care of her.”
Storm and Mad glanced at one another. At length, Mad stood up and walked to the window facing the valley. “There’s something going on between the two of you.”
Nathan couldn’t deny the truth. “Yes. Your sister is very important to me.”
“Love at first sight, huh?” Storm asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“You could say that.” How could he explain that he’d loved Romy before he ever laid eyes on her? “Unfortunately, she says she doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Did she have sex with you?” Mad asked abruptly.
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about that with you.”
“So, that’s a yes.” Mad returned to the chair he’d previously occupied. “Our sister wouldn’t be intimate with someone she’d didn’t have feelings for.”
“I know that.” Nathan answered flatly.
“Yet, you just said…” Storm waved his hands around.
“Thus the tension,” Nathan gritted the words out through clenched teeth. “Look, she’s an adult. I can’t kidnap her. Believe me, I’d do the honorable thing if she’d have me.”
“We’re not holding a shotgun to your head, McCoy.” Mad murmured dryly. “We just want our sister to…” He stopped talking and walked out of the room.
With surprise on his face, Nathan watched him go.
Storm shook his head. “He’ll be back, but what he was trying to say is that we want our sister to be happy. We want her to have a…full life.”
“Well, of course.” Nathan didn’t think that was up for debate. “I’d give everything I own for a chance to make her happy.”
“Well, don’t give up.” This encouragement came from Mad as he rejoined them.
Nathan couldn’t help but notice the other man’s eyes were rimmed with red. “I don’t want to, but Romy…I mean Clare can be very stubborn.”
“She told you about our father’s nickname for her?” Storm asked with a smile.
“Not exactly,” Nathan said slowly. He didn’t know how much he should tell. Finally, he figured the stakes were too high not to lay all his cards on the table. “I’m…a little strange. I had an NDE when I was thirteen, when I woke up…I just knew things.” He bowed his head. “I know it sounds crazy and I wouldn’t blame you if you showed me the door, but…I knew and loved Romy before I discovered she was your sister, Clare.”
Mad stared at him hard, but Storm raised his glass. “I’ve heard of such things. You won’t get any flak from me. So, how did you leave things with her?”
Nathan shrugged, shaking his head. “I made my case and she told me to hit the road. There’s something going on that I don’t understand.” He looked at each man pointedly. “Do you know what it is?”
Again, the brothers seemed to engage in some nonverbal communication. After a lengthy pause, Mad spoke up. “We can’t speak for our sister, but…”
“But…” Storm picked up the conversation. “Clare’s not playing a game with you, and you shouldn’t give up.”
Nathan was confused. “I wouldn’t call it a game, but I don’t pretend to understand either.”
“What women do doesn’t necessarily make sense to us men.” Mad seemed to speak from experience. “They don’t thin
k like we do. Their motivations are different.”
“Just don’t give up.” Storm smiled a bit mischievously. “Pretend to give her what she wants.”
“That’s contradictory, isn’t it?” Nathan asked, unable to keep hope from budding in his heart.
“No, not at all,” Mad added. “Playing hard to get is usually a female strategy, but there’s no ironclad rule that men can’t use it too.”
Nathan frowned. “I don’t see how that would work. If Romy gets her way, we won’t be seeing much of each other anyway. I don’t think she’d even notice I was playing hard to get.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself.” Storm topped off Nathan’s mostly untouched drink. “Especially if you opt to make her jealous.”
“Hold up.” Nathan didn’t like what he was hearing. “I don’t intend to date anyone else.”
“You won’t have to.” Mad shook his finger at Storm. “The new athlete we just signed will be paying a visit in a couple of weeks. If we asked nicely, I bet Sandy would agree to help out.”
Nathan wasn’t so sure. “I remember the name, but I didn’t meet her.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “I don’t know. This doesn’t feel right to me.”
“Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.” Storm went to his desk to pick up his tablet. “Just know we want our sister to be happy and if a relationship with you is what it takes – well, we’re on your side.”
Nathan nodded. “You’ve certainly given me something to think about. I’d decided not to give up, but I didn’t know what I was going to do next.”
“You’ll know what to do when the time comes, I’m sure.” Storm sat down and clicked on his tablet. “For now, let’s get down to some ranch business.”
Clare marveled at the change a few days could make. Nathan was gone and so was the snow. No trace of either remained. Time seemed to drag for her. She’d tried to keep busy, but no amount of work could take her mind off how much she missed him.
Her brothers’ check-up visits did little to help her mood. Not even the antics of her animals could make her smile. The only thing that gave Clare any type of solace was the painting of Nathan she’d been working on. Before she knew it, she’d put herself in the picture, just a pale shadow in the corner. Like a ghost. Or a memory. The thought made her heart hurt. She didn’t want to be just a memory for him.
As Clare prepared herself a bite of lunch, she thought about her upcoming doctor visit. It might turn out to be a waste of time, but she’d decided to make a trip to New York to visit the doctors who’d first diagnosed her illness. They’d encouraged her to have regular testing, but when the results stayed depressingly the same, she’d opted to forego the annual check-up. Now, she needed to confirm the worst in order to justify sacrificing her chance at happiness. Did she have hope? Probably more than she should have.
Opening the refrigerator door, she took out a jar of pickles. She’d just loosened the lid when a knock sounded on the door. The sudden noise made her jump and caused her heart to skip a beat. Without taking a moment to catch her breath, she moved to the window. “Nathan.” Her heart skipped another beat, and she pressed a palm between her breasts to stop the feeling it was about to jump out of her chest.
Opening the door, she faced him. “What are you doing here?”
“Could we talk? Briefly?”
His soft request couldn’t be denied. “Sure. Are you hungry?”
“No, I couldn’t eat.” He didn’t plan on staying that long, not unless a miracle happened.
Clare motioned for him to sit. As soon as she did, she jerked her hand behind her to hide how hard it was shaking. “Is something wrong?”
“No, ah,” Nathan let out a long breath. This was harder than he figured it would be. He didn’t intend to lie, but the words were going to feel strange on his lips. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”
“About us?” The question slipped from Clare’s lips before she could call them back. There wasn’t supposed to be an ‘us.’
“Yea.” He took off his hat and held it between his hands, his fingers moving nervously around the brim. “I want to apologize.”
Clare’s eyes widened. She wasn’t expecting an apology. “What for?”
“I feel like I pushed myself on you.”
“You didn’t.” She didn’t want him to think like that. “What we shared was absolutely mutual.”
“Yea, but I tried to make it into more. Even though I knew how you felt about everything I just kept…dreaming.”
The ache in Clare’s heart had nothing to do with her disease. “Nathan, please…”
He held up his hands. “That’s all I wanted to say. To tell you I understood and that…I wouldn’t be bothering you again.”
Clare wanted to protest. She wanted to stomp her foot and tell him that things might change. Despite everything she’d said, everything she’d insisted, Clare didn’t want him to give up on her. Opening her mouth, she tried to form the words to tell him what she was feeling. She couldn’t – Clare wasn’t entirely sure herself. “Okay, but…for the record. You never bothered me. I enjoyed you more than I can say. I also want to make it clear that none of this is your fault.”
“Yea, I get it.” Nathan smiled sadly. “The old it’s not you, it’s me thing. Pretty standard, I guess.” He held her gaze. “I hope you’re happy, Clare. Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it.”
Clare sank down in the chair. When he called her Clare, she knew he’d put aside his feelings for her. He was giving up and she hated it! She gripped her hands into fists so tight that it hurt. Biting her tongue, she did her best to keep from screaming. Crying. She tried to think of something to say, a protest to make. She wanted to tell him about the doctor’s appointment, but she couldn’t do that without telling him everything. And she couldn’t do that – not yet. If ever. “Thank you, Nathan. I hope you’re happy also.”
He pointed to the door. “Before I knocked, I put that line up between here and the barn.”
“You did?” Clare swallowed a sob. “Thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome.” He reached into his pocket and laid a small leather pouch on the table. “And here’s a personal locator beacon. it’s already set-up and charged.”
Clare was speechless for a moment. “I don’t think I know what that is.” If her brothers ever mentioned one, she couldn’t remember it.
“No tower needed.” He picked it up and showed her how it worked. “It’s small enough to keep in your pocket. To call for help just press the button and an SOS alert goes out to the authorities. You can also send messages to your emergency contact.”
“To my brothers?”
“No, to me. They’ll go straight to my cell and to my satellite phone.”
Clare was stunned at his thoughtfulness. “Nathan, I’m not sure what to say.”
He didn’t either. The time for talking was over. “Just say you’ll take care of yourself.” He put on his hat, then tipped it to her. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing one another around, but…”
It wouldn’t be the same. He didn’t have to say it. She felt like her feet had been knocked out from under her. “Be safe, Nathan.”
“You, too.” Nathan gazed at her beautiful face one more time. Long and hard. “I love you, Romy. I always will.”
With those last precious words, he was out the door. It took everything Clare could do to keep herself from running after him.
Nathan didn’t know if this was playing hard to get, but it was the best he could do. Walking slowly, he lingered. Praying she would stop him. Praying Romy would run out to tell him she loved him too.
When she didn’t, he hung his head and moved to where he’d left Buck tied to a tree.
As he rode away, Nathan couldn’t resist looking over his shoulder. When he did, he saw a curtain move. Was she watching him? As fast as the question formed in his mind, he pushed it aside. Don’t do this to yourself. You’ve put the ball in her court. You told her y
ou loved her. He’d almost added…if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. Even if he didn’t say the words, Romy already knew that.
With a heavy heart, he set Buck on a course down the mountain. He’d lose himself in work. Leaving Estancia wasn’t in his plan, not yet. He needed to be near Romy for now – just in case. Yea, maybe he was a fool. He’d rather be a fool than live with regret because he walked away too soon.
Over the course of the next few days, he saw Romy from a distance when she would visit her brothers. He wanted to think she was coming down to the ranch more often, but if she was it most likely didn’t have anything to do with him. When he would spot her near the house or the barn, Nathan would head in a different direction. Soon he wouldn’t avoid her, just speak politely, and continue on his way. But…not yet. He was still afraid his feelings were written all across his face.
Today when he noticed her and the Connelly brothers standing in the circular drive, he stopped where he was just to watch her. He was far enough away they didn’t notice him, so he took advantage of the chance to look his fill. Every cell in his body seemed to sing at the sight of her. His arms felt emptier than they’d ever been. How long would this pain last?
Stepping near the corner of one of the outbuildings, he leaned against the wall for support. God, he was becoming a creep. The woman asked him politely to back off and he was still ogling her every chance he got. Turning away with disgust, Nathan forced himself to continue on with his business. He’d gone no more than a few feet when his cell phone rang. Like a fool, he grabbed it thinking she might be calling him. Without glancing at the caller ID, he clicked the button and whispered her name. “Romy.”
“Oh, Nathan. Sorry. No.”
“Cady.”
“Hey, is this an inconvenient time?”
“No, not at all.” He turned to the side and walked into one of the barns to rest on a hay bale for a few minutes. “What’s up? How’s Libby?”
“Doing pretty well. Aron told me he got through to you and explained what’s going on.”