by Sable Hunter
“Your first husband?”
She gave him an exasperated look. “Right, my first husband. No, I’m working on a surprise for you. Okay?”
He managed a smile, figuring it was something to do with her artwork. “A surprise? I don’t need any gifts.” Nathan caught her hand and pulled her close. “I have you.”
“Yes, you do. But…I promise this is big.”
“Big, huh?” He pushed her golden hair from her face. “Can’t you wait so I can go with you? I could talk to your brothers, ask for some time off.”
“They’re going with me.” She searched for something to add. “They always have business there. Meeting in person beats a Zoom call.”
“I feel left out.” Nathan pursed his lips, then held up his hands. “All right, but you have to promise to stay in constant contact with me. Okay?”
Standing on tiptoe, she threw her arms around his neck. “I will and I’ll be home as soon as possible.”
“You’d better.”
“Two or three days, tops.”
“That’s a long time.” He held her tightly in his embrace, an uneasy feeling rising in his gut. “I’ll be lost without you.”
“You’ll be fine,” she assured him. “When I come home, we’ll make plans.”
“Plans?” His face brightened like a neon sign. “I like the sound of that.” He wasn’t sure what she meant, but he had a few ideas of his own.
…Twenty-four hours later, Nathan was standing in front of a jewelry store clerk in Telluride. “Let me see that one.”
“Oh, yea, that’s a beaut.” Brent looked over his shoulder admiring the beautiful diamond in the halo setting. “She’ll love it.”
“You think so? It’s just the right size.”
“Oh, I know so.” He nudged Nathan with his elbow. “How are you going to propose?”
He glanced at his buddy. “The regular way, with a question.”
“Oh, no. That’s not the way it’s done these days. You have to do something big. Make a production out of it.”
“What?” Nathan handed the clerk his credit card. “Clare’s not that kind of girl.”
“Every girl’s that kind of girl. They all want a grand romantic gesture.”
Nathan held out his hand for his card and the ring box, thanking the woman who waited on him. “Appreciate you.” Turning to leave, he let Brent walk ahead. “What makes you such an expert?”
“I have three sisters, all marrying age. That’s how I know this stuff.”
“Huh.” At the mention of his sisters, Nathan could see Brent surrounded by three young women who were all talking at once. Pocketing the ring box, Nathan murmured, “I guess I need to think on it.”
“Yea, I guess you’d better. Clare Connelly is beautiful, she comes from money, and she doesn’t have to settle for a cowpoke like you.”
Nathan patted the top of his Stetson. “I’ll have you know I’m a catch where I come from.”
“You are? Well, I still wouldn’t risk it. If you want to win the hand of the fair maiden, you need to put your best boot forward.”
Chapter 17
Two thousand one-hundred forty miles east of Telluride, Clare sat on a doctor’s examining table in New York City. She’d reported to the evaluation clinic at 7 am and since that time she’d undergone every type of test imaginable. Another round of procedures was scheduled for tomorrow. The day after that, she’d meet with the members of the transplant team to get information on all possible medical and surgical treatment options, including the heart transplant.
“So, how does it look,” she asked the nurse hopefully.
“I can’t say,” the woman told her. “This is just one test and I’m not privy to the rest of them.” She patted Clare on the arm. “I know you’re anxious. Everyone who comes through that door is. The doctors are great here, though. They’ll do whatever they can to help you.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I’m just impatient. I’ve got a lot of living to do.”
When she was finished for the day, Mad and Storm took her out on the town to one of her favorite restaurants. “I think it’s a little premature to celebrate,” she told them dryly as Mad held out her chair.
“Oh, I don’t know. Just having you willing to talk to the doctors is a miracle.” Storm placed his napkin his lap.
“Yea, this is all because of McCoy, isn’t it?” Mad asked evenly.
Clare chose not to answer that question. Instead, she tried to explain why she’d walked away from the heart specialist. “I didn’t think there was any use to keep putting myself through the tests. The doctors told me I didn’t qualify for a transplant. They told me my chances of survival were slim to none.”
“Yet here you are,” Mad continued expounding on his opinion. “You’ve outlived the time limit they gave you and now research has changed your prognosis.”
“Not my prognosis, not yet. The advances they’ve made in treating the disease may benefit me if I pass the evaluation.”
“Still, things look a helluva lot better than they did, right?” Storm refused to be anything but hopeful.
“Yes, I have a chance. We’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed.” When she saw Mad waylay a waiter to place their order, she called out a reminder. “No added salt on my food please.”
When Mad returned, he looked Clare in the eye. “Now, let me repeat my earlier question. You chose to pursue this now because of McCoy, right?”
She let out a long, resigned breath. “Yes, all right, yes.” There was no use denying it. “I’d given up, but now I want to live.”
Her answer seemed to anger Storm. “You’ve always had plenty of reasons to live. You’re amazing. Talented. Beautiful. Kind.”
Clare held up her hands. “It’s only lately that I considered the possibility that I was meant to survive.” She didn’t want to go into Nathan’s dream or their near-death experiences, so she focused on her feelings instead. “I can’t explain why, but I’ve felt something for Nathan McCoy for a long time. I just never expected our paths to cross or for him to be interested in me.”
“We knew you had feelings for him,” Max stated flatly as Storm frowned at him.
“How did you know?” Clare asked, surprised.
“Come on, you’re our sister,” Max threw down his napkin. “We knew about the school annuals and the Kerrville newspaper. We even knew about the gifts you mailed and the rodeo you attended.”
“Ms. Robbins has never been able to keep a secret,” Clare muttered dryly.
“Don’t blame her,” Storm said evenly. “She just wanted to make sure you weren’t getting in over your head with someone we didn’t know.”
“Great. So, have you all been laughing at my fantasy romance behind my back?”
“Not at all,” Storm told her. “We only want you to be happy.”
Clare took a long sip of water, then she sat the glass down hard enough to slosh the water onto the tablecloth. “Did you ask Nathan to come to Estancia because of me?”
“No. No.” Mad shook his head. “Well, maybe a little.”
“He was very qualified.” Seeing their sister was upset, Storm tried to justify their decision. “And we needed the help.”
“I can’t believe you two!” Clare was beginning to see things clearly and she didn’t like what she was seeing. “Did he suspect anything?”
“Not at all. Your name didn’t even come up. Although…” Mad held up a hand to pause the conversation as the waiter delivered their food.
Once their plates were served, Clare pinned Mad with a glare. “What were you about to say?”
He buttered a roll as he answered, “I was about to say how quickly he seemed to fall for you.”
“And does that surprise you?” Clare was a bit offended. “Maybe it was love at first sight.”
Storm held up a calming hand. “Hey, it’s all good. We like Nathan and we’re grateful for whatever caused you to go see Dr. Shepherd.”
Picking at her food, Clare
acknowledged her fears. “I’m scared, but I guess you know that.”
Mad laid his fork down. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. Even in the face of death, you’ve met life head on.”
“No, I didn’t,” Clare corrected him. “Not really. I ran. I hid. I buried myself in my art. In truth, I was biding my time. I chose to live in a bubble of my own making rather than take a chance on love. I just hope it’s not too late.”
“It’s not,” Storm assured her. “You can’t think that way. You have to have faith.”
“I’ll try.” She just hoped her faith was bigger than her fear.
Later at the hotel, Clare tried to relax. Television held no appeal, so she just lay there with her eyes shut. She was so nervous, she didn’t know what to do. Clare wanted to call Nathan so badly she ached, but with no news to tell him she didn’t know what she would say – except I love you.
A moment or two later, the decision was taken out of her hands. Her phone rang. She rolled over so fast to grab her cell that she hit her head on the bedside table. “Ow, hello.”
“Ow? What’s wrong, baby?”
His voice was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. “Nothing, I just bumped my head. How are you?”
“I’m fine. Just lonely. I got tired of waiting for you to call me, so here I am.”
“I wanted to call,” she confessed, “but I didn’t know if I should. I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
Nathan chuckled. “I guess we should’ve gone over the rules. Calling your boyfriend is required, especially a boyfriend who’s head over heels in love with you.”
“Oh, how I miss you.”
“That’s good to hear, cause I miss you like crazy. How are things going?”
“Okay.”
“How’s my surprise?”
“I’m still working on it.”
“Where are you? Out partying?”
“No, I’m at the hotel.”
“Alone?”
“Of course, I’m alone. I had dinner with my brothers, then I came back here. I have an early appointment in the morning.”
“What kind of appointment?”
“Nathan, don’t ask.”
“Oh, all right. I’ll be patient. What are you wearing?”
Clare giggled. “What am I wearing?”
“Yea, describe it to me real slow.”
“Uh…a pair of silk pajamas. Red ones.”
“Are they shorty pajamas.”
“No, I’m covered from head to toe. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I love to unwrap my gifts before I play with them.”
“Do you?”
“Yea, and a soon as you get home, I’ll remind you how much I love being with you.”
“I can’t wait.”
“You sound tired. Do you feel okay?”
“Yea, better now that I’m talking to you.”
“Good. We’ll talk as long as you want to. There’s nothing I’d rather do.”
Finding comfort in his voice, Clare talked to Nathan until well after midnight. They didn’t discuss anything important, just his work at the ranch and things she’d seen of interest in the city. Mostly, Clare just wanted to feel close to him. They whispered to one another until she couldn’t hold her eyes open. Finally, she drifted off to sleep and Nathan kept the line open a long time just listening to her breathe.
At the transplant evaluation, Clare entered a consultation room where two doctors in white lab coats waited for her. A woman and a man.
“Please sit down, Ms. Connelly.”
“Yes, thank you.” She gave them a smile, her hands shaking like an aspen leaf. This was it. The moment of judgement. Her verdict was about to be handed down. “Do you have good news for me? I thought I was to receive more tests today.”
The lady doctor rearranged her tablet on top of a notebook. Clearly, she was hesitating.
“Is something wrong?” A sinking feeling hit Clare in her mid-section. The answer to her question was written all over their faces. No one, not even a doctor, enjoys being the bearer of bad news.
“Hello, my name is Dr. Sylvanus. I’m sorry, Ms. Connelly…”
The doctor kept talking but Clare wasn’t comprehending her. A dull roar in her head drowned out everything else.
“Ms. Connelly? Are you all right? Do you need some water?”
She blinked her eyes, then closed them. “I’m sorry. Could you repeat what you just said?” This time, she forced herself to listen.
“Of course. We regret to inform you that your request for a heart transplant has been denied at this time. After extensive testing, we have identified a protein build-up in your liver. While the length of time you’ve lived with cardio amyloidosis is surprising and admirable, the donor heart would be susceptible to attack.”
Clare held up her hand, desperate for even an iota of hope. “You said denied…at this time.”
The gentleman raised his hand to command attention. “Dr. Hendrix here, and yes, that’s right.” He gave the woman who was previously speaking a pointed look. “It is possible…”
“Yet unlikely,” Dr. Sylvanus injected.
Dr. Hendrix spoke up again. “It is possible that you could take a round of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If those things are successful, your situation could be reevaluated.”
Clare could tell the two doctors clearly didn’t agree on every point. “What’s the likelihood I could survive those treatments?”
Dr. Sylvanus chose to answer. “That’s unclear. No one can deny you have the will to live. Whatever you’re doing…”
Clare scoffed. “I’ve watched my salt. Exercised. Communed with nature. Given free rein to my artistic side…” Found my soulmate.
The doctor nodded her head. “Yes and the benefits of those things are hard to quantify – but they exist. However, there are no guarantees.”
“I’m aware.” Clare felt nauseous. She reached to pour a glass of water and nearly knocked the pitcher over.
“Allow me.” Dr. Hendrix stood and poured the water for her. “Here you go.”
They waited while she drank, then Dr. Hendrix cleared his throat. “However risky the procedures would be, the chance of you surviving without them is growing smaller by the day.”
“Yes, I’ve lived for ten years with the uncertainty. I know my heart could fail at any moment.”
Dr. Sylvanus stood up. “I’m sorry we couldn’t help you.”
Dr. Hendrix lingered at the table. “If you choose to pursue the treatments, I hope to see you back here and sitting in that chair this time next year.”
“May we call someone for you?” Dr. Sylvanus asked with a sympathetic voice.
“No.” Thinking she had another full day of testing before this consultation, Storm and Mad were taking business meetings. “I think I’ll just sit here for a few minutes if that’s okay.”
“Of course, take all the time you need. Just check out with the receptionist before you leave.” Dr. Hendrix placed a sympathetic hand on Clare’s shoulder as he passed by.
Alone, Clare bowed her head. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. The news had crushed her. She didn’t know if she had the strength or the will to even leave the chair. What she’d just been given might as well be considered a death sentence. Did she want to put herself through a round of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant when the odds were so clearly stacked against her? “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” She couldn’t think. At the moment, she wasn’t as concerned about herself as she was about the people who loved her. Storm and Mad would be devastated. She wished a thousand times she’d never gotten their hopes up. Why hadn’t she just come by herself?
But the regret she felt for letting down her brothers paled in comparison to the pain and dread she felt where Nathan was concerned.
What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to tell him? How foolish she’d been to make promises she couldn’t keep. He was waiting for her to come home and give him a b
ig surprise.
What a joke. The surprise was on her.
Folding her arms on the table, a defeated Clare hid her eyes. She wished she could hide so easily from the bitter truth of her situation. As the old-fashioned clock on the wall ticked away the minutes, she prayed for answers.
Clare had some hard decisions to make.
Riding out to check on the cattle, Nathan whistled a jaunty little tune as he urged Buck into a gallop. This morning, he felt on top of the world. He hadn’t talked to Romy, but Brent said he’d heard from the Connelly brothers, and they would be arriving home today. He couldn’t wait to see his beloved. With a smile, he patted the ring in his pocket. His proposal wouldn’t be fancy like Brent suggested, but he’d bought flowers and he’d written a speech. The proposal and speech would come tonight, but she’d find the flowers when she came home.
Right now, he just wanted the day to pass quickly. He was counting the hours until he could put this ring on Romy’s finger.
…Clare stood at the door of her cabin as Storm rode away on the ATV. He was so angry with her, he didn’t even tell her goodbye. No matter, he’d promised to return this afternoon to take her to the airport. Placing the key in the lock, Romy ignored Luna’s welcoming whinny. She didn’t have the heart to go visit her. “No, I don’t have the heart.” She frowned at the irony of the phrase.
Stepping through the door, she froze. “Oh, Nathan.” Her eyes filled with tears again as she looked at the strewn flowers. A rose petal path led from the front door all the way through the cabin. She followed the trail, seeing how it ended at her bed. The spread was covered also, and a huge bouquet of red roses filled a vase on the side table. “You’re breaking my heart.” A wry laugh left her lips – again with the heart. Why did so many common phrases contain heart references? She just couldn’t escape the twisted paradox.
Leaving her suitcase in the middle of the floor, she sank on the bed. Time to come to terms with her choices. She needed to be honest with Nathan. “What a unique idea.” she muttered to herself sarcastically. Clare was guilt ridden. She should never have started anything with him. He was in love with her, and she was in love with him. But like she’d told him once before…sometimes love wasn’t enough.