Julie Garwood

by Rebellious Desire

  “And why are you in pain?” Caroline asked.

  “Are you serious? I am in pain because you have made me want you. Are you really such an innocent?” His voice had increased in volume and he leaned forward, his hands on his knees, glaring at her.

  “I was an innocent until you took advantage of me. I believed that you were a gentleman and that you would stop before taking such … liberties! A gentleman!” Caroline’s voice was laced with shame. “You want me! ha! Just what did you have in mind, Bradford?” Now she was the one yelling and thought that she was probably acting like a child. She didn’t care in the least, as the anger was removing the knot in her stomach and her legs had stopped trembling.

  “You place too much value on yourself,” Bradford answered. “I doubt that you could hold my interest for long. One night would be sufficient to get you out of my blood.”

  His words hurt Caroline but she would die before letting him know that. “Just what are your intentions?” she asked. Her voice was low and determined. “To have me and then move on to another? I actually trusted you! I have been a fool.”

  Bradford saw the pain in Caroline’s gaze and his anger evaporated. He was the cause of her distress. He had acted like a rake and, for the first time in his life, felt guilty over it. “I was acting like a gentleman until you intoxicated me, Caroline.” Bradford muttered the words of apology, hoping that she would realize that he was telling her he was sorry. That was all he was willing to give her. In his mind, it was more than enough.

  “Are you saying that I am the one at fault?” She sounded incredulous.

  “Caroline, quit acting like I have just taken your virginity,” Bradford snapped out. “I spoke in the heat of passion.”

  “So I am not to listen to what you say?” Caroline asked, frowning. “I am not to trust you?”

  “Trust has no place between a man and a woman,” Bradford dictated. His voice was harsh again.

  “You can’t love someone without trust,” Caroline argued. All anger was gone now but his comments confused her.

  He didn’t answer her remark and Caroline realized that he really believed what he said. A feeling of sadness invaded her. “I could never marry a man who didn’t trust me.”

  “And did I offer marriage?” Bradford asked.

  “You did not,” Caroline replied. “I see no reason for this attraction to continue, Bradford. I want what you aren’t able to give,” she continued. “Since we have just agreed that there is no future for us, I believe it best to say good-bye.”

  “Fine,” Bradford remarked, mimicking her. He realized, even as he muttered the agreement, that he had no intention of letting her go. God, but she confused him! “You want a fool,” Bradford commented.

  Caroline didn’t answer. The carriage drew to a halt in front of her home and she tried to get the door opened before Bradford moved. His feet were tangled in her hem and the gown ripped more.

  Bradford removed himself from the carriage and then lifted Caroline into his arms. She didn’t resist him but her face mirrored her discomfort. “You’re going to be stiff tomorrow,” Bradford commented.

  Caroline considered telling him that she might have been pushed but immediately canceled that notion. She was beginning to believe that she had only imagined the noise behind her. She was exhausted from the long day, and she didn’t want to spar with Bradford over the grim possibility that someone actually wanted to harm her.

  Deighton opened the door to Bradford’s mutterings. For the man’s advanced age, he proved to be light on his feet. He removed himself from the entrance just as Bradford rushed in with Caroline holding on for dear life.

  “I believe you should be fitted for spectacles as soon as possible,” Bradford remarked as he followed Deighton up the stairs, holding Caroline in a grip that she thought was almost as painful as her fall. “You need a keeper, Caroline.”

  “Lower your voice,” Caroline demanded. “And I don’t need a keeper.”

  “Yes you do. You need someone to protect you from yourself.”

  “Are you offering for the position?” Caroline asked. Bradford continued to frown and Caroline rushed on, “I would rather be in the clutches of a pack of wolves than under your protection. I would have a better chance of surviving,” she added with gusto.

  “The clutches of wolves?” Bradford’s eyes showed a trace of amusement.

  “You know my meaning,” Caroline muttered. “If the carriage ride home was a sample of your protection—”

  “Caroline, you’re yelling,” Bradford remarked with a nod toward Deighton.

  Caroline looked alarmed and then lowered her voice. “Listen to me well, Bradford. We are finished with each other. Benjamin will see to my protection.”

  Deighton opened the door to her bedroom and stood aside. Mary Margaret was sitting in a rocking chair next to the window but jumped up and rushed forward when she saw her mistress.

  “Out.” The single demand literally propelled Mary Margaret through the doorway. She didn’t hesitate at all and that infuriated Caroline.

  “Don’t order my maid about,” Caroline demanded as she watched Mary Margaret shut the door behind her. “If I call out, Benjamin would be here in a blink of your cynical eyes and he would tear you apart before asking a single question.”

  “Then call him!” The challenge was more than clear and Caroline immediately backed down. Bradford walked over to the bed and placed Caroline on the quilt. He tried to be gentle but she still bounced twice before settling. “I said call him!”

  “I will not call him,” Caroline stated with great emphasis. She pulled Bradford’s jacket from beneath her, uncaring that her torn gown displayed far more than was considered decent. She threw the garment toward the man towering over her and said, “Remove yourself from my presence. I hope I never see you again.”

  Bradford ignored the jacket and leaned down. He effectively trapped Caroline between his arms. When his face was just inches from hers, he said, “Now you listen well, my little adversary. What’s between us isn’t finished yet. I will have you, one way or the other. If it means marriage, then we will marry. But we play by my rules, Caroline Richmond, not yours. Do you understand me?”

  “When hell becomes heaven, milord,” Caroline replied with gusto. “When the Colonies annex England, when King George abdicates, and most especially when ill-bred scoundrels become gentlemen, when the odious Duke of Bradford becomes considerate. In other words, Jered Marcus Benton, never will I be yours. Do you understand me?”

  She closed her eyes and waited for his explosion, his furious retaliation. The rumble confused her. She opened her eyes to see that Bradford was having grave difficulty keeping a straight face.

  “Someone really ought to take you aside and explain to you when you are being insulted, milord. Perhaps Milford could tutor you. He certainly seems to be your opposite,” Caroline went on. “Though how he can consider you a friend is bewildering. You are such an obnoxious, unbending man.”

  “Unbending? I have just broken a vow I made years ago and all because of a violet-eyed wild woman who is driving me to distraction. In the space of two weeks you have turned my world upside down.”

  Caroline frowned over his statement, wondering what he meant by a vow made such a long time ago. How did it affect her? She wasn’t given an opportunity to ask. Bradford’s mouth was suddenly claiming hers in a kiss that required her full attention.

  Caroline tried to keep her mouth closed and pushed against his shoulders with all her might but it was no use.

  It wasn’t possible to ignore what he was doing to her. She was trapped between his arms, her mouth held captive by his. Just one last kiss, Caroline told herself as she wrapped her arms around Bradford’s neck, just one farewell kiss. She would savor it, remember it for the rest of her life. She gave herself over to Bradford’s demands, letting his tongue stroke the inside of her mouth, then copying his ritual, and heard him sigh. She answered him with a sigh of her own, when he reluctant
ly pulled away from her and stood up. “That was a good-bye kiss, Bradford,” Caroline whispered. Her lips felt bruised and swollen and her eyes filled with tears. She was exhausted from the events of the long day, she told herself as she watched him walk toward the door. She certainly wasn’t crying because he was walking out of her life.

  “Yes, love,” Bradford called over his shoulder. He had picked up his jacket and had it slung over one broad shoulder. “Good-bye,” he said as he opened the door. “Until tomorrow.”

  Lord but he was a stubborn man! Hadn’t they agreed that they wouldn’t continue with the relationship? That there was no future for them together? Caroline went over the conversation in her mind, remembering precisely that she had stated with great emphasis that she could never marry a man she didn’t trust. Or had she said that she couldn’t marry a man who didn’t trust her? She frowned, no longer sure of what she had said, and immediately placed the blame on Bradford. He had made her so angry that she could barely speak let alone argue with any effectiveness. But she did remember Bradford’s comment about marriage. He had made it perfectly clear that he was not interested in marrying her, hadn’t he?

  “The man is driving me out of my mind,” Caroline muttered. She stood up and quickly stripped out of her gown. Mary Margaret had thoughtfully placed her blue robe on the bottom of her bed and she put it on, wondering where the little redheaded maid had gone. Probably off trembling somewhere in a corner, she thought, and all because Bradford had barked at her.

  She sighed with frustration, picked up the gown she had just discarded and placed it on the chair, and then went to stand before the window and stare out into the dark night.

  Caroline stood there for the longest time, trying to find answers that eluded her. Her defenses slowly abandoned her and she finally admitted the truth. She had always considered herself an honest person and knew that right now she wasn’t being completely honest with herself. She pretended outrage yet felt like smiling inside. As soon as she admitted that horrid fact, she started to laugh. Oh, Lord, the truth of it fairly buckled her to her knees. She was falling in love with the arrogant Englishman!

  What a contradiction she had become since arriving in England! Even now, as she continued to laugh, tears of melancholy coursed down her cheeks.

  He was a rascal and a rake and totally unsuitable, she admitted. And she had gone round the bend for allowing herself to be attracted to him. The man had boasted that he would have her but never once mentioned the word love, and had casually stated that trust did not have a place in a relationship between a man and a woman.

  She hadn’t realized that loving could cause such distress, such misery. And if loving Jered Marcus Benton proved to be miserable, then she promised that he would also share in that same misery.

  It would take supreme effort on her part but it was a challenge she couldn’t resist. The reward would be too great.

  Just as he had declared that he wasn’t giving up on her, she now vowed that she wasn’t going to give up on him. Of course, he only meant to have her, but she wanted much more.

  The poor man! She almost felt sympathy for him. Almost! But she couldn’t show any mercy, not if she was to succeed. Not if she was going to reform Bradford and make him suitable. Perhaps, she thought with a laugh that echoed throughout the bedroom, with God’s help she just might pull it off.

  He was a rascal and a rake but she had just accepted that he was her rascal and her rake. She would have him, but on her terms, not his. Yes, she did love the arrogant man, and if it was required to move heaven and earth, she would find a way to make him love her.

  Oh, but he was misguided! He spoke of games and playing by his rules! Caroline smiled and really did feel a bit sorry for him. Why, he was the innocent! And he just didn’t understand … yet. This wasn’t a game at all.

  Chapter Seven

  AT PRECISELY TEN O’CLOCK THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Bradford arrived to collect Charity and Caroline. He hadn’t slept well, his mind in chaos thinking about Caroline, and his mood bordered on irritation. He wasn’t at all sure about her plan with Bleachley and was having second thoughts.

  “You will tell me how you are going to proceed,” he announced to Caroline when she was seated across from him inside the carriage.

  Charity, seated next to Caroline, answered the demand. “I am so nervous, Bradford! But Caroline has made me go over it all again and I do feel confident that it will go well.”

  That wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He wanted to know the actual plan, not Charity’s remarks about it going well. He turned his attention to Caroline. She smiled at him and he knew that she was aware of his frustration.

  Bradford considered that she looked quite desirable today. She was dressed in a deep blue walking dress, with white trim. The cape was of the same blue and was draped around her shoulders. But it was the sparkle in her eyes that held his attention. He decided that she looked ready to take on the world. He raised an eyebrow in inquiry when she continued to smile at him, and Caroline immediately mimicked the expression. She was in a sassy mood this morning and had obviously forgotten the angry words they had exchanged in the carriage the night before.

  Her mood improved his and he found himself grinning. How odd, he thought, that she could affect him so easily, change his mood so swiftly.

  Caroline felt like laughing at the change of expressions on Bradford’s face. A moment before he was frowning and now he smiled. She thought he looked quite handsome today and not nearly as intimidating as he did when he wore his evening black. His breeches were still too snug for her sense of decency but his jacket, a warm brown that reminded her of mink, matched the color of his eyes quite nicely.

  When they finally arrived at Bleachley’s residence, Bradford gladly helped Charity out of the carriage, his ears ringing from her constant chatter. He turned to assist Caroline, ignored her outstretched hand in favor of her waist, and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her forehead before releasing her.

  “You may no longer take liberties,” Caroline announced. Her voice was firm, but she was looking toward her cousin and Bradford couldn’t see her expression. Charity was already standing on the stoop of Bleachley’s cottage, waiting.

  Bradford forced Caroline to look at him and saw her frown. He was about to point out that a single chaste kiss did not constitute taking liberties in his estimation when she said, “I think it would be best if you remained outside, Bradford. Otherwise you may try to interfere and make a mess of things.”

  “What …” Bradford found himself temporarily speechless.

  “Don’t look so outraged,” Caroline said. Her voice sounded irritated but she couldn’t help it. Now that the moment had arrived, she was growing as nervous as Charity. If anything went wrong, Charity would be crushed, Bleachley would probably be furious, and it would all be Caroline’s fault. The plan was all her own.

  “Just what in God’s name is your plan?” Bradford asked. He had taken hold of Caroline’s shoulders and gave them a healthy squeeze.

  Caroline pulled away and said, “It is too late to go into it now, and you did promise to trust me.”

  She hurried up the path, took hold of Charity’s hand, and knocked on the door. She could feel Bradford standing behind her, heard his soft comment.

  “I never said that I would trust you.”

  Caroline smiled and turned her head. “But you would have,” she remarked.

  The door was opened by a sour-looking woman with a sparkling white apron spanning her sizable waist. “You’re late,” she remarked in a whisper. She looked up at Bradford, completely ignoring the two ladies standing in front of him. “He’s in the library,” she added. And then she turned and hurried off.

  Charity and Caroline gave each other a look of confusion. Bradford was forced to nudge Caroline forward and she in turn pulled Charity along.

  Bradford saw the door shut behind them and then pointed to the door on the left of the entry. “He’s in there, Charity. I will go in
with you.” His voice was so gentle, and Caroline saw that it was almost Charity’s undoing. Her eyes filled with tears and her hand continued to cling to Caroline’s.

  “This won’t do,” Caroline whispered. “Get hold of yourself this instant, and do what we discussed. It is now or never, Charity.” With those words of encouragement, Caroline opened the door to the library, gave her cousin an unladylike push, and then shut the door behind her.

  Bradford had intended to go with Charity but Caroline stopped his advance. She leaned against the oak door and smiled up at him. “It’s up to Charity now. And do quit frowning, Bradford. You’re making me nervous.”

  “Caroline, I really think I should ease the way between the two of them. Paul has changed.”

  “You will trust me in this matter,” Caroline demanded.

  Bradford didn’t make a comment. He winced when he heard Bleachley’s outraged yell and felt his shoulders slump. And then sweet Charity’s voice reached him and he was completely stunned. The little cousin sounded just like a shrew as she yelled at the man Bradford was led to believe she actually loved.

  Bradford’s frown became more pronounced and he opened his mouth to tell Caroline just what he was thinking, but she shook her head and cautioned him to be silent.

  “How dare you be alive!” Charity yelled the accusation loud enough for both Caroline and Bradford to overhear. “I believed that you were honorable, you scoundrel!”

  Bradford couldn’t hear Paul’s reply. But Charity’s voice was so forceful, he was surprised the door wasn’t trembling. “I will not get out. Not until I have told you what a horrid man you are. You promised me marriage, Mr. Bleachley! You have toyed with my affections. You said that you loved me!”

  “Look at me!” The demand, sounding like an angry lion’s roar, came from Paul Bleachley.

  “I am looking at you!” Charity screamed back. “At long last, I might add. It’s been months since I last saw you, and each day was filled with tears and pain, Paul. I thought you were dead. Oh, I was a fool. You aren’t honorable at all, are you?”