by Linda Ungar
Mr. Jovanovic was pleased with Eddie’s progress. He was learning the business and soon would be able to run the store on his own. Paulie was a good helper, but Eddie showed more promise. He was making an effort to be friendly to the customers, even though it wasn’t his nature. Mr. Jovanovic was also pleased that business was good enough to keep both of them employed after Paulie returned to work. He encouraged Eddie to save something from every paycheck. Eddie soon had enough put aside to cover a few months’ rent. But still nothing was changing for him. Anna never spent more than a few moments in the store each time she came to drop off and pick up her dog. And although he could save a small amount each week, he hid the resentment he felt when he compared it to the large amount of cash his boss took home.
“Why should he make all that money? I’m as smart as he is. I work as many hours as he does.”
The light stayed longer in the sky as winter died. The bare ground in the empty lots sprouted a stubble of new growth. Weeds finding a home in small cracks and crevices in the sidewalks pushed themselves up from the dirt toward the sun, determined to survive. But for Eddie, the new season was an unwanted reminder that time had passed and hadn’t brought him any closer to realizing his dream.
Boredom and bitterness filled his days. He was quickly losing interest in working if he couldn’t see a way to change his relationship with Anna.
“Nothing good’s going to happen. Maybe I’ll quit. What’s the point of going on?”
The phone rang. Mr. Jovanovic put down his cup of iced tea to answer it.
“How can he drink that stuff all day?” Everything about his job and his boss irritated him.
“Sure honey, no problem.” He hung up the phone and turned to Eddie. “Anna’s going to get out of work too late to pick up Stroopsie today. She lives pretty close by, so can you drop Stroopsie off at her apartment on your way home?”
Eddie was thrilled. “Ok Mr. J.”
At the end of the day, puffed up with the prospect of finally getting to talk to Anna, Eddie strutted out of the store in a victory march. He had been rehearsing what he was going to say to her, planning to turn the subject to a new Italian restaurant that had opened in the neighborhood. He was going to offer to take her there. Thanks to Mr. Jovanovic’s advice on how to handle money he could now afford it. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her father not to tell anyone about his needing a new heart. Perhaps if she knew that he was looking forward to a future of good health and had plans in place to notify his landlord and prepay his rent when it was time for his transplant, she might be impressed by that. But, as he thought more carefully about it, he realized he still didn’t want her to know he wasn’t in perfect health. His hopes rose like bubbles, and like them, quickly burst. The sharp blast of a horn cut into his thoughts and ripped apart his dreams.
It was Anna, pulling into her driveway in an expensive sports car. The driver, Frank Russo, got out and came around to open her door.
“Hi, thanks for bringing Stroopsie home. I was really running late today.”
Stroopsie, always glad to leave Eddie, suddenly lurched forward pulling him off balance as she ran wagging and barking to greet Anna and Frank. He felt like a fool, following this ridiculous looking dog who appeared to be leading him. They both bent down to pet her. Frank leaving Anna still fussing over Stroopsie, straightened up and extended his hand to Eddie. “Frank Russo,” he said, “Thanks for helping Anna.”
Eddie looked up into the face of a tall, well built, ruggedly handsome man. He was an unwelcome sight. Red faced with rage and humiliation, unable to speak, Eddie nodded and quickly left the three of them enjoying their little family reunion. He retreated in defeat. “It’s his money, that’s why she likes him,” he told himself. “If I had money I’d have a chance.” He needed money, he needed it now but had no way to get it.
Pacing around his cramped apartment, his mind raced for answers. That’s when he thought of the cash her father kept hidden away when he didn’t have time to go to the bank at the end of the day. It would be simple to get in, since he had been entrusted with a key for the times he needed to open the store. There was no alarm. Mr. J., a man of unfailing optimism, didn’t think it necessary. This would be easy. His fingerprints would be expected to be everywhere, so that wasn’t an issue. He knew where the money was hidden, but would open the cash register and rummage through the store to make it appear that the thief didn’t know where anything was. He’d use his key to enter and break the lock when he left. When he came to work tomorrow he’d act shocked about the theft. Confident that nothing would go wrong, he relaxed and waited until it grew too late for anyone to be out on the streets.
He entered the back door unseen. The store, brightly lit and cheerful by day, looked unfamiliar. Like his childhood bedroom it was strange and ominous in the dark. He remembered his favorite toys casting long shadows that fell across his bed, terrifying him even as he hid under his blankets. The streetlight shining in the storefront created strange shadows that distorted reality. The chair appeared to have a person sitting in it. The familiar noise of the day was missing. No hum of traffic, no horns honking impatiently, no children’s voices calling out, no chatter of people passing by. Night sounds could be heard in stark relief against a backdrop of silence. The clock on the wall ticked, loudly marking the passing of life. A low hanging branch pushed by the wind, scraped against the sidewalk. Eddie started. A police siren sounded in the distance, then faded, as it headed in another direction. He feared his pounding heart would wake the neighbors.
“Calm down,” he told himself. “Nothing’s going to go wrong.” He approached the cash register, about to break it open, when he thought he heard footsteps in the basement. He walked quickly towards the noise, putting his ear against the door to reassure himself it was imaginary; no more real than the person he had seen sitting in the chair. But as he looked down, a sliver of light beneath the door reignited his fear. The footsteps, now on the stairs, grew louder. This was not his imagination. The door started to open. Eddie, sweating and shaking in panic, threw his body against it, then ran out into the quiet night. The sudden slamming of the back door woke a neighbor’s dog that started barking in frantic alarm. Eddie did what he always did when he got in trouble, he ran. He forced himself to slow down, and walked home as quickly as his pounding heart allowed.
Entering his apartment, he leaned against the door, breathing heavily, trying to keep out what just happened.
“What did happen?” he questioned himself. “Nothing,” he convinced himself.
He hadn’t been seen. The back door locked automatically, leaving no evidence of a break in. Nothing was disturbed or missing. He shut the basement door before whoever was opening it came out. No crime was committed, no harm was done. Still his heart was beating dangerously fast. Going to his medicine chest, not turning on the light, he reached for his tranquilizers. In the dark, he wasn’t sure how many he took. Quickly, he fell into a dreamless sleep.
He slept through the incessant barking of the neighbor’s dog that woke its owner. He slept through the wail of the sirens of the police car responding to the neighbor’s worried call. He slept through the moans of a dying man, bleeding and broken on a cold cement floor. He slept through the ambulance racing through the night trying to get to the hospital in time. He slept through the agonizing cries of Anna and her mother, when they learned their loved one was dead. He slept through the nightmare he had caused.
He did not sleep through the ringing phone. Groggily, he answered, wondering who was calling before dawn.
“This is Long Island Jewish Hospital; may I speak to Edward Gavula.”
“That’s me,” he said coming awake with hope.
“We have a heart for you. Are you able to get here immediately?”
No matter how his fingers trembled trying to push the keypad, he had to make the call and leave his message now. Once he got to the hospital there would be no time.
“Mr. J. this is
Eddie, I won’t be able to come to work for several weeks. I finally got lucky. I still don’t want anyone to know why. I’ll give out that news when I’m ready. See you soon, I hope.” He was looking forward to regaining his health and seeing the expression on Anna’s face when she learned about his transplant. He imagined she would have to be impressed with all that he had endured.
The surgeon was pleased with his patient’s rapid recovery. “You’re a lucky man. You can go home today. You’ve got a great heart now, top of the line model.”
Eddie laughed, “I think you’re right. For the first time in my life I feel light-hearted. From now on I’m going to celebrate two birthdays every year. The date I was born and June 15, the date I was reborn. Thank you, Dr. Gerson.” This was the first time Eddie had ever thanked anyone and meant it.
The fatigue the doctors told him he would experience for a while did not affect his mood. The new heart beat optimism as well as blood through his body. He knew there would be a day when he would feel better than he had in years. He looked at his dirty apartment in amazement that he had lived like this. He emptied the overflowing trashcans into plastic bags that he would take outside when he had more strength. He also wanted to paint and get new furniture after he was able to clean his small apartment. He fell asleep happily making plans.
He waited several weeks before going to Mr. J’s. His recovery was going so well he expected to be able to return to work within a month. He couldn’t wait to tell Anna and see the look on her face when she learned about his transplant. Walking to Mr. J’s he remembered that winter day he had returned home so depressed. It had been hard for him to face the contrast between his own life and that of the successful grocer’s. Then he couldn’t imagine anything working out for him, now he couldn’t imagine anything not.
He smiled and nodded to people he passed on the street. Everyone seemed to be enjoying this sunny summer morning. A woman coming out of an ice cream parlor held four different flavors of ice cream cones, like a frozen bouquet, in her hands. Her excited children clapped and laughed. He found himself laughing with them. The intense heat that would rise from the sidewalks in waves would come later in the day. Now he enjoyed a cooling breeze.
As he entered the store he saw a tall woman behind the counter. She was a heavier, older version of Anna, comfortably settled into middle age. “Hello, you must be Anna’s mother.”
“You know my daughter?”
“Of course. I worked here. I was away for a while, but I’m back now. I’m Eddie Gavula. Does your husband ever mention me?”
Mrs. Jovanovic’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “My husband is dead.”
“WHAT?” Eddie asked astounded. “When did this happen? How did it happen? I’m so sorry.”
“Recently. He had an accident. I can’t talk about it, it’s too painful. I’m sorry.”
He sat down in shock, not knowing what to do. What did this mean for his plans to come back to work? Would he see Anna again? But his next thoughts were only of poor Mr. Jovanovic, and what would be best for Anna. This was not the time to try and win her heart, when hers was now as broken as his had been. This was the time to provide whatever comfort he could to a devastated family.
“Mrs. Jovanovic, I know you don’t know me, but I would be happy to come back to work if that would help. I can start in a few weeks. Please consider my offer. I used to help Anna too, by walking Stroopsie.”
The little dog lying down in her favorite spot in the back room, heard her name and trotted out. She saw Eddie, barked, wagged her tail and licked his hand. He was amazed at her reaction. He was more amazed at his own. He liked it.
“If Stroopsie likes you, you’re ok. I could use someone to help me here. You can start whenever you want.”
Though he longed to see Anna, he just sent his condolences. The day he received the good news that he was fit enough to resume normal activity, he called Mrs. Jovanovic to tell her he’d be at work in the morning.
The first few days he was back at work, he missed Anna. She dropped off Stroopsie before he arrived and picked her up after he had left. He wasn’t upset, he knew he would see her eventually. His new-found patience surprised him. He was glad that Anna insisted that her dog was good company for her mother. “I don’t want you alone in the store, and Paulie can walk her.”
When Anna did appear, it was the end of the day. She was surprised to see him.
“Eddie, I didn’t know you were back. Thank you for your thoughtful note. It was very kind of you to think of me.”
Eddie couldn’t tell her she was almost all he thought about.
“Your father was a wonderful man. I know this was a terrible loss for you.”
“He was the…..”, then Anna went silent. She, like her mother, was too distraught to talk about it. All she could do was to pat his arm in gratitude. Her mouth quivered like a lost child trying not to cry.
Tears blurred Eddie’s vision. He wanted to ease her suffering, but felt helpless. Anna looked at Eddie wondering why he seemed different. The Eddie she remembered seemed only interested in himself. His obvious concern caused a fresh eruption of her barely controlled emotions. Now she was like a lost child who could not stop crying. Instinctively she went into his arms for comfort. He held her gently, and they cried together. Her head lay against his chest, her tears soaked his shirt. He breathed in the scent of her soft curls brushing his face. He was amazed that the moment he had dreamed of for so long was finally happening. Amazed that this beautiful woman was in his arms at last. Amazed at the tenderness he felt for her. Amazed at his need to comfort her. But was most amazed that he had lost all desire for her.
Were his medications causing a loss of libido? No one had mentioned that possibility. He was grateful for all the positive changes in his life. But since he had to be on these medications for the rest of his life, this was troubling.
Anna, now calmer, came out of his arms and took both of his hands in hers in a final gesture of gratitude. He looked down and saw a large diamond ring on her finger.
“You’re engaged? Is it to Frank Russo, that man I met?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “It happened only hours before my father’s accident. He liked Frank. But now he’ll never know we’re getting married. I know he wanted that, he always said that Frank was good for me.”
“He was right. He’ll be good for you.” Eddie said, meaning it. He no longer recognized himself.
Frank convinced Anna to still get married on the date they had picked the night they became engaged. “It’ll be nine months after your father died. I don’t think it’s too soon. Besides, don’t you think the best thing for your mother is to give her grandchildren? You’ll be thirty by then and if we want to start a family right away, we shouldn’t delay.”
“Maybe you should just look for a younger woman.”
Frank acted as if he were seriously considering the suggestion. Then both laughing, they called her mother and told her to start shopping for a dress.
Arriving early, Frank entered the church, glad to leave the gusty winds of March behind. Winds that rattled flimsier structures could not penetrate the solid stones of the old building. It was part sanctuary and part fortress against the world. Frank found peace and certainty in the unchanging doctrines of the Church. How grateful he was that Anna had agreed to be married here, this place he had known from childhood.
Anna, gathering up her long skirt, ran from the limousine into the foyer of the church before the rain that was gathering in the low clouds was released onto the city streets. The sounds of the organist practicing filtered through the closed doors of the nave. Soon the candles would be lit and the guests would be arriving. They would admire the beauty and enjoy the fragrance of the flower-filled room, well protected from the coming storm.
Anna paced nervously in the small bridal chamber. She was on edge but didn’t want to burden her mother with her doubts. She already knew what her mother would say. “Wedding day jitt
ers. Everybody gets them.” But Anna knew this was more serious. She opened the door to call to her mother waiting outside. “Mom, is Eddie here yet? I need to see him for a moment.” Eddie had always had a calming effect on her since that day they held each other and cried.
Minutes later he softly knocked on the door. “I’m here, Anna.”
She opened the door at once. There was no time for prologue. “Eddie, I’m scared.”
“Of what?” He listened for her answer.
“That I’ll lose Frank. I’m not sure I can do this. Everyone in there is waiting for me to make my sacred vows before God. Father Sullivan will ask Him to look down on us and bless our marriage. I’m afraid once Frank is mine God will take Frank away from me like He took my father. How can I trust God after He’s taken so much from me?”
“Anna, who’s in there?” he tilted his head towards the closed doors. “Frank, your mother, your relatives, your friends, Frank’s family. They all love you. That’s a lot for one person to have. And who gave you all this, besides the wonderful father you had for many years? If these aren’t gifts from God, I don’t know what is. Can’t you have faith in Him who has given you so much? If your father could speak to you now what do you think he would say?”
Anna relaxed, “Probably just what you said.”
“Besides, are you brave enough to face the flower girl and tell her she’s not needed?”
Anna, knowing that Kayla, Frank’s high-spirited, four-year-old niece, had been trying on her dress and twirling around in front of her mirror for weeks now, started smiling.
“No, you’re right, I’m not.”
Rain, riding the heavy winds that made umbrellas useless, drenched all those unlucky enough to be outside. But in the ballroom, crystal chandeliers showered sparkling light on all those lucky enough to be at the wedding; the sound of the fierce winds drowned out by the laughter and chatter of the guests. Toasts were made, glasses clinked, waiters scurried among the crowd offering drinks and hors d’oeuvres, as a jazz quartet played in the background.