by Linda Ungar
The dancing started immediately after Anna and Frank’s first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Russo. The guests, celebrating this happy marriage, hoped this marked the end of sadness for the Jovanovics. Some of them would even celebrate with Anna and Frank on their fiftieth wedding anniversary.
Irene Jovanovic approached the dancing newlyweds and whispered to Anna. “Your father wanted this for you.”
“I know,” she answered and whirled away in step with Frank.
After dinner, Irene accompanied by a woman about her own age, approached Eddie at his table.
“Eddie, this is Eva Kessler, Boris’s sister. Eva, I’d like you to meet Eddie Gavula.” They shook hands. Eva gave him a questioning look, then turned to her sister-in-law, “Did you already introduce him to me at the store? He seems familiar.”
“No, he hadn’t started working there yet.”
After a short conversation, Eddie noticed a young woman sitting alone, abandoned by everyone at her table when they had gotten up to dance.
“Excuse me,” he said to the two ladies, “That girl needs a dance partner,” and he quickly left.
“What a nice young man Irene. I can see why you rely on him so much. He seems very considerate.”
“He is. I don’t know what I’d do without him. After Boris died, one of the suppliers tried to take advantage, claiming he was owed money. I didn’t know anything about it. Eddie overheard him and straightened everything out. Boris, thank goodness, trusted Eddie enough to train him to run the business. Boris wanted to open another store, he wanted Eddie to manage this one. He’s become almost like family to us.”
After the dance Eddie returned to the two women who were talking quietly, their eyes focused on a fine featured, young man, in his twenties. Not wanting to interrupt them he remained silent.
“When have Evelyn and Joe not had problems with Joey? When has he not made poor choices? He dropped out of college, never keeps a job. He’s nothing like the rest of the family.” Irene looked at her cousin’s son. Hair slicked back, a foolish widow in tow, he glided across the dance floor like a well-oiled gigolo. In his search for easy money and instant gratification, he gave little thought to his future and even less to his health. He laughed at people who urged him to give up cigarettes. The smoke that hung in the air around him was so thick you could almost push it aside like a curtain. No one could convince him that he was speeding on a one-way road to self-destruction.
Eddie’s expression didn’t change, but inwardly he cringed in embarrassment. “That’s probably what people used to say about me,” he thought, remembering what he had once been. “I guess I looked as foolish as he does. Where would I be without Mr. Jovanovic? Thank God he gave me a second chance.” Turning to Irene, he asked, “Do you think all he needs is someone to point him in the right direction, give him some guidance? What about hiring him to work at the store? I’ve been thinking it might not be a bad idea to have a delivery service. It could expand the business. A lot of supermarkets are doing it. People are so busy today they hardly have time to shop. It’s pretty low risk for us, if he doesn’t work out, we can always hire someone else.”
Irene was pleased. “You sound like Boris.”
‘It’s not surprising. He spent a lot of time mentoring me. I guess I finally got it.” What he didn’t admit was that he had learned those lessons only after Mr. Jovanovic’s death.
The weeks after the wedding passed uneventfully; it was a time of happiness and healing. Eddie, pleased with his increasing vigor and his ability to make the business more profitable, was no longer in search of easy money. It was also a time of healing for Anna and Irene. Though neither of them felt ready to talk about how Mr. Jovanovic died, they were finding more reasons to smile than to cry. Anna still came to drop off and pick up Stroopsie, but Eddie knew this was just an excuse to visit her mother every day while she could. She and Frank had bought a home on the water in Oyster Bay, and were moving in after Anna finished teaching at the end of June. Anna had spoken to him about this one morning when she arrived before her mother did. “I was worried that she would be lonely after we moved to the new house, but she seems better now. We told her there’s a guest cottage on the property that we’re renovating. It’s hers if she wants it. Mom said she’d come for visits, but wants to stay in her house and work in the store. She said it makes her feel close to my father when she’s here. She also said she couldn’t do it without you. You really have become like family to us.”
Eddie, who also felt like he belonged with them, remembered how emotional he had become when she said this. He had reached for his cup of iced tea and took a long drink, giving him time to regain his composure. “I feel the same way.”
Eddie was eager to share the story of his transplant with Anna and Irene, but didn’t want to talk about himself yet. “Let them have more time to heal their own wounds.” He still looked forward to seeing the expression on Anna’s face when she learned about it. As May was coming to an end, Eddie decided to celebrate on June 15, the day he considered his second birthday.
He would ask them to stay at the store after closing time, and surprise them with cake and champagne. It would be the perfect opportunity to explain why he had two birthdays. About a week before the 15th, he gave them notice that he needed to talk about something, and asked them to stay after work that day. Anna also had something she wanted to talk about, and the year after her father died was the perfect time. She planned to announce that she was expecting a baby. That would soften her mother’s pain on the anniversary of her husband’s death. The more time she spent looking forward to her first grandchild, meant less time looking backward to her husband’s death.
On the 15th, Eddie set the table in the store for his little celebration. He brought two folding chairs for the table so all three of them could sit down together. He told them that this was going to be a celebration, but before he could bring out the champagne and birthday cake, Irene stopped him.
“I have something to say also, and I’d like to say it before you tell us why we’re celebrating. I never could talk about Boris’s death before. I wasn’t ready. But this has been a year of healing, and Eddie, you’ve been a big part of that process. Of course, Anna’s marriage to Frank has been wonderful, and he’s been so kind to me. Now I feel like there is a lot to look forward to.” Anna smiled at that.
“Boris died in an accident exactly one year ago today. He went to the store late at night, he had trouble sleeping and said he might as well go to the store and bring up several big boxes of groceries from the basement so he could stock the shelves. I pleaded with him not to go so late at night, but he told me not to worry and wouldn’t be gone more than a couple of hours. I went to sleep and then was woken up by a call from the police. They said Boris had had an accident and that I needed to come to the hospital. I called Anna, and we rushed to Long Island Jewish Hospital. They did everything they could to save him, but he didn’t make it.” Irene stopped talking for a moment, but was able to continue. “The police told me they found Boris at the bottom of the basement stairs, a big box of groceries had fallen on top of him. It looked like he stumbled at the top of the steps and the weight of the box probably made him lose his balance and fall backwards. They checked out the whole store. There was no forced entry, no sign of a break in, nothing was disturbed, no sign of foul play.”
Eddie, engulfed in a growing sense of horror, started to tremble as he listened to the details of Mr. Jovanovic’s death.
“Even after he died,” Irene now spoke tearfully, “he was still helping people. He donated his kidney, his eyes and his heart.”
In overwhelming anguish, Eddie relived the night of the failed burglary. The night he ran out of the store before he could hear the awful sounds of a man falling to his death. “No, no,” he thought, “it’s not possible, it can’t…..” Eddie fainted.
When he regained consciousness, Anna and Irene were worriedly hovering over him. “Call the hospital,” Irene d
irected Anna.
“No,” Eddie said, “call the police.”
He would finally see the look on Anna’s face when she learned about the transplant.
MIRROR IMAGE
Mark woke to an empty bed…..again. Fighting his overwhelming desire for sleep, he forced himself to get up in search of Jenny. Yawning, he staggered down the curving staircase. Shuffling over the highly polished wooden floors, his eyes became accustomed to the darkness. The light would not appear in the long windows for another hour. Passing the living room and library without a glance, he knew where he’d find her. Lately Jenny was always in the sunroom before the sun, sitting in her favorite chair staring distractedly at the predawn sky.
Until the nightmares started, Jenny wouldn’t wake up until Mark had left for the hospital and the twins, now in eleventh grade, were on their way to school. Enjoying the silence of an empty house, she brewed her coffee filling the kitchen with its aroma, and pouring it into her mug went to the sunroom. Following her was Abby, a short-legged long-haired cat eagerly awaiting the opportunity to settle her soft warmth onto Jenny’s lap. Content to begin the day together, Abby purred for the both of them.
Only later would Jenny go into her home office to write her popular advice column for the local newspaper. ASK ME was becoming so successful it was being considered for syndication. Her friends teased her, calling her Dear Abby.
“No,” Jenny joked, “I’m just Jenny, that’s dear Abby,” pointing to her little cat serenely strolling through the house she thought she owned.
When Jenny and Mark first saw the house, it was this room that made them decide to call it home. They saw the morning sun streaming into the woods that backed onto the lawn and felt heaven itself was beaming its approval. Home had always been a happy refuge from a hectic world.
She heard him coming in behind her. In a moment she would be wrapped in his arms. “Jen,” he spoke softly. “Is it the same dream?” He reached down to hold her.
“Yes, I don’t know what’s going on with me. What can it mean? There’s nothing I can think of that should cause me to keep having it. Do you think Laura is right that it’s fear of growing old, being separated from my youth?”
Mark remained silent for a while before answering.
“I know I was the one who recommended her as a therapist. She has a great reputation at the hospital, but as long as I’ve known you, that’s never been an issue. You’re a realistic upbeat person. You don’t manufacture problems. Maybe because I’m so close to you, I can’t be the best judge of this, but her explanation just feels wrong.”
Jenny started to shake and cry. “It’s getting worse. This time the dream was even more terrifying. It started out the same way. I’m about three years old, looking in the mirror wearing a new party dress. I’m very happy because I’ve been told I’m going someplace special. I put my arms straight out in front of me to touch my reflection, when suddenly the image in the mirror starts to scream and reach out to me, trying to pull me into the mirror. Someone, I can’t tell who, is grabbing her from behind and pulling her away. Usually in the dream she just screams, this time she was screaming “HELP ME, HELP ME!” But it wasn’t a child’s voice, it was an adult’s. Then the mirror went black. That’s when I woke up. I couldn’t sleep after that.”
“Nobody could.” Mark helplessly tried to reassure her. “Maybe you ought to talk to your mother and find out if anything traumatic happened when you were a little girl.”
“Do you really think I should talk to Mom now? She just got back from Aunt Ellen’s late last night, Besides, I don’t want to give her more problems now that she’s finally starting to recover from Dad’s death. None of this makes any sense. I had such a happy childhood. Mom and Dad were always there for me. Even though I was an only child, I never felt lonely.”
“I know, but you had a checkup, nothing showed up on that. Therapy isn’t working. I’m out of ideas.” Mark held his head in his hands.
“Neither of us can keep going on like this.”
Jenny reluctantly agreed. “I’ve been so grateful that Mom’s been in Palm Beach these past several weeks and hasn’t seen what’s happening here, but I’m out of options. I’ll call her later and see if in spite of her coming home late last night she can see me this afternoon.”
Of course she knew her mother would want to see her. When had she ever not been there when Jenny needed her? She combed her short blonde curls, and put on makeup to hide her haggard face, hoping her mother wouldn’t notice how these nightmares were affecting her.
Jenny saw her mother smiling and waving at the window as she pulled into the driveway. Putting on her sunglasses, she hesitated a moment before getting out, and trying to delay the moment which she knew would upset her mother, slowly walked to the front door. Her eyes welled with tears as she remembered herself being a young girl, fueled by energy and excitement, eagerly running up this long driveway. Her mother, always happily waiting for her with cold milk, warm cookies, and endless patience.
“Hi Mom.”
“What’s wrong? You look terrible. You’re too skinny. Are the boys all right?” Her mother, no longer smiling, anxiously questioned her.
“The boys are fine. Mark’s fine, well sort of. It’s me.”
“Are you sick?” Always unable to disguise emotion, panic showed on her face.
“No, I’m not sick, but I’m worried. I’ve been having the same nightmare lately. It’s wrecking my sleep. It’s wrecking my life. I’m so exhausted and tense now, I can’t function.”
“Have you…..?”
Jenny interrupted before she could finish, knowing what her mother would say. “Of course I’ve talked to Mark, and I’ve been going to therapy and I’ve had a checkup. I’m at the end of my rope. Mark said maybe you knew something that happened in my childhood that could explain this. God knows I can’t think of anything. Unless I’ve been fooling myself, I always thought it was perfect. I never even minded being an only child. You and Daddy were the best parents anyone could have.” She started crying, “That’s what makes this so hard. If there’s no problem, what’s there to fix?”
Gently pushing back the hair that had fallen onto Jenny’s tear-soaked face, she stroked her daughter’s hair, hoping it would soothe her as it had when she was a child. “Sit down. I’ll make us some tea, then you can tell me about the nightmare.”
Listening to the cups and saucers clattering on the counter in the sun filled kitchen while her mother made tea was reassuring: restoring her equilibrium that had been lost while adrift on this sea of uncertainty.
Her mother seemed more relaxed as she placed their tea and cookies on the table, thinking that she had always been able to make things come out right for her daughter. “Have you thought of emailing ASK ME for advice?”
“Very funny Mom. Thanks for trying to lighten the mood, but I’ve actually had to take a leave of absence for a while. My assistant is filling in for me for now, but I can’t afford to let that go on too long or I’ll lose my job.”
Sitting down, she took Jenny’s hands in hers and smiled encouragingly. “Now tell me about your nightmare.”
“Ok, here goes.” She looked down at her mother’s hands holding hers and started to talk. When she finished, her mother’s hands were trembling, her mouth a thin line drawn across her face. She looked away from Jenny.
“Oh my God, you know what this means, don’t you?” Jenny shrieked. “What is it? You’ve got to tell me!”
She turned back to face her daughter and barely audible, spoke the words she never wanted to say. “You were adopted.”
Jenny froze in shock, her mind clogged with questions, unable to speak. “There’s more,” her mother continued. “You have a twin sister.”
The words slammed Jenny’s heart. She struggled for breath.
Her mother pressed on, “Before I say anything else, you have to know that Dad and I couldn’t have loved you any more. No matter who gave you life,
we gave you love.
“When we realized we couldn’t have children we were heartbroken. It took time for us to recover but after a while we decided to adopt. Because Dad was a pediatrician, we knew we wouldn’t have any trouble getting approved. Everyone loved Dr. Aronson. He was also on the board of the Jewish Home for Orphans and saw how well the children were cared for, so of course we dealt with them. When we saw you we knew we had found our daughter. We then learned that you had a twin sister who had just been adopted by another family. They were coming to get her in a few days. Dad and I begged the orphanage to let us take her too. We didn’t want you to be separated from your sister. We even offered to help the other family financially if they would agree, but they refused. The Home wouldn’t separate you at first, but after no one wanted to take two children they decided it was better for the both of you to find good homes separately rather than staying in the orphanage together. Time was running out since the two of you were approaching your third birthday. Everyone feared that once you were past three you’d be much more likely to remember what happened to you. No one wanted to risk that.
“Dad and I originally planned to tell you about being adopted when you got older, but the struggle you two put up when you were pulled apart was heart wrenching. You didn’t stop crying for days. After that we decided not to say anything that could make you feel you didn’t belong with us. You’re a mother, you know when your child is in pain it’s the worst. You’d do anything to protect your child.” She averted her eyes, unable to face losing her daughter’s love.
Tears of shock spilled from Jenny’s eyes, emptying her of months of uncertainty, and a lifetime of certainty.