Shattered

by Janet Nissenson

  “As you probably gleaned from overhearing all the lousy office gossip I despise so much, I don’t do relationships,” he began. “For me to even date the same woman more than two or three times is extremely rare. And that isn’t because I enjoy having a reputation as a player or because I go out of my way to avoid any sort of commitment. It’s largely because I find it very, very difficult to meet a woman I feel will suit my needs. And I’m not talking strictly about sexual needs here. It’s far more about my need for control – total and absolute control of everything. And I can almost always tell – from the very beginning – if I think a woman has any chance whatsoever of fulfilling that need. In the past eight years or so, I’ve met less than a handful I considered even worth taking a chance on. And I strongly believe that you, Angel, are exactly what I’m looking for.”

  He was briefly interrupted by the busboy who refilled his coffee cup, leaving Angela to stare across the table at him in complete bemusement, not at all sure where he was going with all this.

  Nick smiled briefly. “Ah, I can tell you already want to start asking questions. But bear with me, Angel, hmm? I’m really just getting warmed up here. First, let me tell you that the other women I tried to form this sort of relationship with – three, to be exact – didn’t last very long at all. Two of them less than a month while the third stuck it out for nearly two months. And that was almost three years ago. I’d almost given up hope of ever finding someone else when I met you on Tuesday. And I just had this feeling about you, right from the beginning, even before we’d spoken one word to each other, that you’d be perfect, that you’d last much longer than any of the others. That you,” he lowered his voice huskily, “would obey.”

  She gulped, hastily reaching for her cappuccino even though it had already turned lukewarm, and took a long drink anyway. “Obey? But I thought you said -”

  “I said I wasn’t into any kinky BDSM shit and I meant it,” he insisted. “Inflicting pain or doling out punishments does nothing for me. Not that I’ve ever tried that stuff, mind you, but just the thought turns me off big time. But I also told you, Angel, that there were different kinds of submission. Mine doesn’t involve you calling me Master or wearing a collar or not allowing you to look at me without permission. That kind of thing is completely fucked up in my book. No, my reasons for wanting control don’t have anything to do with boosting my ego or satisfying some pent-up need for power. Basically, Angel, I’m just a self-centered, selfish bastard who’s completely set in his ways and doesn’t know the meaning of the word compromise. That’s how I live my life, how I run my business, and I’m not prepared to apologize for it and definitely not willing to change my ways for anyone.”

  She continued to stare at him, equally repelled and mesmerized by what he was telling her. She opened her mouth to speak, only to have Nick press two fingers over her lips.

  “Shush. I’m a long way from being through here,” he admonished. “In fact, I’ve barely begun.” He reached out and picked up a long, shiny strand of her hair, sifting it through his fingers. “Don’t cut your hair, not unless I ask you to. Not even a trim, understand?”

  Angela winced as he gave her hair a brief, sharp tug. “Um, Nick, I’m not sure you really have -”

  “But I do have the right,” he corrected. “Or at least I will if you agree to my terms. If you want to continue our relationship, Angel, there are many things you’ll need to agree to, things you’ll have to, well, obey. And your appearance is one of those, at least when you’re with me. There will be times when I tell you what to wear, or send you things like I did tonight. That will probably be one of the easier conditions for you to go along with.”

  With each word he spoke, her unease grew and she wondered wildly if she ought to just get up and run as fast as she could in her four-inch heels, run away from this darkly compelling man who was pulling her deeper and deeper into his web with each seductively spoken word.

  “Don’t leave yet, Angel,” he drawled in amusement. “You have that look on your face – like you’re getting ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. Hear me out, don’t panic, and know that I won’t be the least surprised if you tell me to go fuck myself at the end of it.”

  He released her hair and propped his elbows on the table, chin in hand as he continued. “If you decide that you want to keep seeing me, there are – conditions, rules, restrictions. Probably far too many for any sane person to agree to but let’s give it a shot. First rule – the relationship is private. Completely, one hundred percent private. You don’t talk to your family or friends about me, and especially not to anyone at work. You don’t mention my name on social media, don’t post photos of me anywhere. I value my privacy like a fiend, Angel, and if it’s breached I get pissed off. Big time. So that’s rule number one, and probably the most important one. Got it?”

  She nodded solemnly, wondering if her eyes were as wide open as they felt.

  “Okay, next rule. I’m not the sort of guy you’re going to bring home to meet the parents. Or double date with your friends. Holidays, weddings, office Christmas parties – those aren’t part of the deal, either. Don’t ask me, don’t throw hints, and don’t hope that I’ll have a change of heart someday.”

  He took a sip of coffee, ensuring he still had her full attention before continuing. “Next, I’m the one who calls all the shots. When I want to see you, I’ll call or text. I decide the time and place, and it will usually be somewhere I know our privacy will be ensured. I’ll give you a phone number to contact me at but it will be for emergencies only, if you have to cancel a date at the last minute. Otherwise, I call you, not the other way around. No texts, no emails, and especially no dropping by my office. I keep erratic hours at work, have a very strict schedule I stick to, and I definitely don’t appreciate interruptions. But I also won’t be one of those pricks who says they’ll call and then don’t, and I won’t go more than a week without contacting you. But I’ll also expect you to be available when I call, sometimes on very short notice. You getting all this, Angel?”

  She gave a slight inclination of her head, feeling completely incapable of speech, totally flabbergasted at what she was hearing and unable to believe this was really happening right here, right now.

  “Good. Moving on. Because of the need for privacy that I keep harping on, I’ll usually prefer to make the decisions about where to go. But if there’s a particular restaurant or movie you really want to see, ask. I can’t promise I’ll agree but at least I’ll consider it. You’ll get to know my likes and dislikes pretty quickly. Speaking of which.”

  He trailed a forefinger over her lips, which she realized were trembling in reaction.

  “One place where I’m always, always, in charge, Angel, always the one calling the shots, is in bed. That’s non-negotiable. I’ll get to know your body very, very well, probably better than you’ll know it, in fact. I’ll teach you, show you what I like. And I’ll give you the sort of pleasure that you’ve only fantasied about until now, and that you’ll never come close to feeling with anyone else ever again.”

  Nick slid his finger inside her mouth, smiling when she swirled her tongue around it. “That’s nice, Angel. Very nice. In fact, I’d like you to do the same thing to my cock when I slide it inside your mouth. One of the many things I’ll teach you is how to relax your throat enough to take me all the way in.” At her wide-eyed expression of alarm, he smiled. “Trust me, you’ll do it, Angel. Now, what’s next? Ah, yes.”

  He removed his finger. “I understand you have to dress a certain way at the office, adhere to codes and all that crap. And what you wear outside of work when we’re not together, that’s your business, too. But I wasn’t joking before about telling you what to wear. Depending on my particular mood on a given day that could run a pretty wide gamut of different looks. Tonight, for example, I almost chose all white for you, knowing that I’d be in black, a little play on this angel/devil relationship I mentioned on Tuesday. But after I thought about all the things I
needed to say to you, I reconsidered. Because if you were in white right now it would just remind me how damned young you are. And inexperienced. And that was the very last thing I needed to think about tonight.”

  Angela lifted her chin in a meagre attempt at defiance. “I’m not that in-”

  “You are,” he interrupted arrogantly. “I don’t give a crap if you fucked four other guys in college. They were boys, probably morons, with no finesse and definitely no skill. Trust me, I know exactly what type I’m thinking about. Most of the guys I went to college with fit that description.”

  “But not you.”

  His eyes gleamed at her whispered observation. “No, not me. By the time I was seventeen I knew pretty much everything I needed to know about sex. It was just a matter of getting in plenty of practice after that.”

  She squirmed a bit, feeling her bare thighs sticking to the leather seat, and trying very hard not to start mentally calculating just how many women Nick had practiced with over the years.

  “But we’re getting off the subject now, Angel. As I was saying, I’ll want you to wear certain clothes, create a particular image, most if not all of the times we see each other. We’ll go through your wardrobe together, see if you own anything that meets my approval, something I’m doubting will be the case. So you can expect to start receiving lots of packages from me, and get dragged along on some shopping trips.”

  “I can afford -” she began hesitantly.

  “No, you can’t.” he stated bluntly. “Not on the crap salary I know you’re getting paid. That outfit you’re wearing now – not even counting the earrings – would be a couple of months’ worth of paychecks for you. So you’ll accept what I give you, wear what I choose. And none of this garbage about how that makes you a kept woman or some other bullshit. Keep in mind that I’ll be buying you things that will be for my pleasure, and not necessarily yours. It’ll be the same with your hair, makeup, jewelry. After a while you’ll get a better idea of what I like and expect so I might not have to dictate to you all the time.”

  She shook her head, thinking wildly that this was sounding more and more like some crazy, bizarre dream she was going to wake up from at any moment. What other possible explanation could there be for why she was still sitting here listening to this man – this undeniably hot, incredibly powerful, but possibly insane man – listing all of the ways he planned to control her, the unreasonable demands he would make of her, and taking for granted that he had every right to do so.

  “Ah, don’t shake your head that way, Angel,” he chided. “Remember I asked you to reserve judgment until you’d listened to everything I had to say? I’m almost finished now, so indulge me for a few more minutes, hmm? Then you can tell me to go screw myself if that’s what you decide.”

  Angela hesitated before giving a short, sullen nod. He took one of her hands back in his, stroking his thumb over her knuckles soothingly.

  “Your hands are always so warm,” he murmured. “Now, one last thing. I started off this conversation by telling you that I don’t do relationships, or at least not the conventional kind. I don’t believe in marriage or falling in love or even having a long term relationship. I won’t sleep over, and we go to your place or a hotel or sometimes away for the weekend, but never to my house. And when I decide it’s over, Angel, then it’s over. No regrets, no tears or angry scenes, no post-relationship stalking.” He released her hand and lounged back leisurely against the high-backed booth. “Now, are you ready to tell me to shove all this up my ass or do you have any questions?”

  She swallowed with some difficulty. “I think – I need a drink,” she croaked hoarsely.

  “Of course.” He motioned their waiter over and ordered two glasses of port, raising a brow at her inquisitively “That sound okay to you?”

  She nodded, secretly pleased that he’d bothered to ask this time. She forced herself not to glance across the table at Nick, her thoughts tumbling over and around in her head at a dizzying speed, more confused and distraught than she had ever felt before. She didn’t need the added complication of staring into his hypnotic eyes or studying his arrestingly handsome face.

  The waiter arrived with their port and she drank half of hers down in one gulp, ignoring Nick’s frown of disapproval. The silence continued to stretch between them, but she knew he’d said everything he intended to, and that the ball was now squarely in her court.

  “Two questions.” Her voice was less raspy but still whisper soft. She lifted her gaze to his, relieved to notice he was looking at her impassively and not trying to seduce her into agreeing with his eyes and smile.

  He gave a short nod. “Ask as many questions as you like. So long as they concern the – ah, conditions. One other thing I didn’t mention before – no personal questions. If I think you need to know something, or feel like sharing information, then I will. Otherwise, don’t pry.”

  “Yeah, I sort of figured that would be the case,” she replied wearily. “But relax. The two questions do concern the – conditions, as you call them. First, can I assume that this relationship will be – well, that for as long as it lasts there won’t be anyone else? For either of us?”

  Nick took a slow sip of his port. “Do I look like a man who likes to share, Angel? I don’t let anyone sleep over at my house or drive my cars or even borrow a book. So you can be damned sure that I’ll be the only man fucking you while we’re together.”

  Angela bit her bottom lip uncertainly. “I just assumed that. And, well, I couldn’t do something like that anyway – sleep with two different men at the same time. You were the one I was really asking about. I mean, I realize you’ll be calling all the shots but I just – I couldn’t do it if you were with -”

  “Relax, Angela.” His voice was uncharacteristically gentle, his use of her full name letting her know how serious he was. “I’m ten different kinds of a bastard but I’ve never cheated on a woman in my life. For as long as it lasts, you’ll be the only woman in my life. What’s your other question?”

  She fidgeted a bit, not quite sure how to phrase it. “You’ve told me about all your conditions, all your rules, and it’s pretty obvious that this would be a mostly one-sided relationship. So my second question is – what would I get out of this? What in the world would compel me to agree to something this crazy?”

  He picked up her hand again, entwining their fingers as he smiled at her wickedly. “You already know the answer to that question, Angel. You get me. And you’ve already experienced how explosive we are together, how good I can make you feel.” He brought her hand to his lips. “I’ve barely begun to teach you everything I want you to learn, or to show you just what this beautiful, sexy body of yours is capable of feeling. In other words, Angel, what you get out of this is as much mind blowing, earth shattering sex as you can handle. Does that sound like a fair exchange to you?”

  Angela closed her eyes, far too overwhelmed with everything he’d thrown at her tonight to even begin to think clearly. “I don’t know,” she whispered shakily. “I do want to be with you, Nick, you know I do. But I’m not sure I can be who you want me to be.”

  “Angel.” His big, warm hand cupped her cheek tenderly. “Don’t you know? You already are that person. I knew it within the first few minutes of our meeting, knew that your need to be controlled, to have rules imposed on you, was every bit as great as my need to do the controlling. But I don’t expect your answer tonight. I wouldn’t accept it this soon, anyway, no matter what it was. You need time to think everything over, to consider all the conditions, and then decide if you want to give it a shot.”

  “How much time?”

  He shrugged. “What sounds reasonable to you? A few days? A week? More? Less?”

  She slid her hand over his, needing the physical contact badly. “Less. I can let you know by tomorrow.”

  “All right, then. If you’re sure, this is how it will happen. You take tonight and all day tomorrow to consider everything we’ve discussed. In the meanwhile,
I’m going to have another package delivered to you, along with instructions about when and where to meet me. If you decide to accept my offer, you meet me at the designated time and place. And if you don’t show up, that will be your way of telling me to fuck off and we both forget this ever happened and move on. Sound reasonable?”

  “Yes. That’s – I’ll know by then.”

  “Good. I like a decisive woman. Another thing that drew me to you. Now, no more discussion about this tonight. I’m going to settle up the bill and take you back to your place, where I’m going to leave you – alone – to start thinking this over.”

  She stared at him in surprise. “But, aren’t you – I mean, I thought -”

  “No sex. Not tonight. Oh, I had every intention of fucking you senseless again, Angel, especially when I saw how you looked in that dress and those shoes. But I’ve changed my mind. You need to make this decision without any additional influence, so I’m willing to wait. So let’s get you home so you can have plenty of time to sleep on all this.

  But as Nick took care of the bill and then guided her outside to his waiting car, Angela knew she’d get precious little sleep tonight, no matter what her decision wound up being.

  Chapter Six

  She stood on the sidewalk for a full five minutes after the cab let her out, still not sure why she was here and certainly lacking the nerve to walk inside. She ignored the curious, interested stares from the people who passed by, especially the men’s, as she continued to wage a fierce internal struggle with the decision she needed to make within the next few minutes. Because if she did decide to listen to the bold, impulsive side of her nature and go through the door, she didn’t dare be late. And if she chose instead to run for the hills and try to forget any of this had ever happened, thereby giving in to her practical, sensible side, then that also needed to happen very quickly before she saw him and began this mental debate all over again.