Deep Blue Eternity

by Natasha Boyd

  I read on, until I was sure he was asleep again. I read through the sea witch telling the mermaid how stupid she was, that it would only bring misery. The mermaid traded her voice and accepted that every step she took would be like a sword to her soul. She became human and was cast up on his shore where he took her in, his little foundling. “…Day by day the prince grew fonder and fonder of her; but he loved her as he would have loved a good child, and had no thought of making her his queen.”

  Okay, I was depressing myself. Why did I read this one? Out of all of them? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  “Go on,” Tom said.

  I jerked in surprise that he was awake.

  He had dropped his head sideways and was staring at me. “Please.”

  Clearing my throat, I cringed internally as I continued. “…‘I saw her only twice,’ the prince said. ‘But she is the only one I can love in this world; and you look like her. You almost make her picture disappear from my soul.’

  “…Never had she danced so beautifully; the sharp knives cut her feet, but she did not feel it, for the pain in her heart was far greater.”

  They’d been read and heard a thousand times, but reading one of these fairy tales out loud was so much harder. Acutely aware of his eyes on me, I tried to remain stoic.

  “…She cast herself upon the waves and felt her body changing into foam…” I was near the end, thank God. “Mermaids have no immortal soul and can never have one, unless they can win the love of a human being.” I took a deep breath. “She saw the prince and princess searching for her. They looked toward the ocean in sadness, as if they knew she had thrown herself into the sea… and the mermaid was borne into the pink sky of dawn to become a daughter of the air. There she could earn her soul to ascend to God’s kingdom.”

  I knew I had tears on my cheeks. It was so humiliating.

  “Fuck, that was depressing,” Tom said, his head not moving from where it lay pitched back on the couch tilted toward me. Laughing and sniffing through my tears, I set the book down. “I know. I told you they weren’t happy fairy tales. Whoever came up with the phrase fairy-tale ending was extremely misinformed.”

  “Right back,” he suddenly announced, standing up. From the sound of it, he went to the bathroom and then his room. He stopped by the fridge and brought back two beers along with some tissues and some papers. He set everything down, then picked up a bottle and, after twisting off the cap, handed it to me.

  “Underage drinking?” I asked.

  He smirked and handed me the tissues too. “You look like you need it.”

  I proceeded to blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and take a long pull of beer. What the hell, right? I clearly was past trying to win his affection by hiding my human foibles. He’d already had to walk me to the bathroom to pee, for God’s sake.

  “Okay, you ready?” he asked.

  “Hit me,” I said. Drinking my beer, I listened to his tale about Aislyn. Some parts I’d already read and some I hadn’t. I was mesmerized by the sound of his voice and the words he used, and knew I had to come clean about snooping in his room.

  And then I fell asleep.

  When I woke up, I was instantly afraid and piecing together my surroundings. Another dream. Someone had come into the cottage. It wasn’t Mike, but it was. Abby was yelling at me trying to tell me something. Wait, I was still on the couch, it was dark, but the fire had burned low, its glow still casting about the room. We’d started reading when it was light so we hadn’t turned on lamps. Tom? It was my next thought as I frantically puzzled everything together. Where was he? Then I felt the slow, deep breath on my nape. I turned, shifting my body under his heavy arm and upsetting his position. “Hmmmm,” he groaned as I faced him.

  “Tom,” I whispered quietly in case he was just dozing.

  His eyes blinked open slowly. “Liv?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered, now regretting waking him up when I could have had him hold me all night.

  His eyes focused on mine, then slid down my face to my mouth. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

  “I had a dream. I’m sorry I woke you. I, I don’t want you to move. This feels… this feels really good. Safe,” I added for clarification. “Comforting.”

  Tom’s eyes closed briefly and he dragged me closer, his arm tightening around me until his forehead was against mine and I could feel his breath on my mouth. “Good.” His whispered words tickled my lips. “That’s good.”

  My stomach tumbled over. I inhaled his air. Warmth from his body spread down throughout mine, a hot pulse liquefied deep inside my belly. The feel of his mouth only millimeters away, breathing with me, made my mouth water and my heart beat on the outside of my skin. I could close the distance by just twitching. My tongue instinctively wet my lips. If it had touched him, it was so light I didn’t feel it, but he inhaled, and a small sound emanated from him. Please, my mind screamed.

  “What time is it?” he whispered.

  “I don’t know.”

  I would never close the distance. I couldn’t. It had to be him. And I wasn’t even sure he was fully awake to know how close we were. I opened my eyes.

  He was awake. Definitely awake. He was watching me, eyes glittering almost black in the dim glow. Our mouths practically touching. He never moved. And neither did I. And we breathed each other in.

  I WOKE ALONE and chilly on the couch. Snuggling farther beneath the quilt, I touched my fingers to my lips. There was something between us. I wasn’t imagining it, was I? But I couldn’t afford to be wrong. And even if I was right, and there was, he was fighting it. I didn’t know why. Was it Bethany? Or was it that, although he was attracted to me, he didn’t want to be. Did he see me as too young for him? Too damaged? Too Abby’s-little-sister-ish? Maybe it was just a weak moment and a warm body. Perhaps he didn’t feel a thing.

  The latter was confirmed when I got up twenty minutes later and found a note on the kitchen table with the money I’d left the evening before. I’m sorry about how inappropriate I was last night. Tired and too many beers. Tom. P.S. You left too much money.

  “Fuckhead,” I shouted. The cat came scampering into the kitchen. Huh. A cat that knows its name. How novel. “I didn’t mean you,” I told it, grumpily.

  I decided to be equally as thoughtless. See how he liked it. I pulled out my phone.

  You definitely droned on last night, I fell fast asleep.

  No. Why did I do that? The thought I’d hurt his feelings, attacked something so personal to him, made me squirm. How did I take it back? Pretend I was joking, maybe?

  Sorry. I never claimed to be any good.

  Dammit.

  I was joking. I enjoyed it very much, I must have been super tired too. Where are you?

  I went to get my boat and bring it to the island, so I can start using it more.

  Oh, cool. By the way, I think Zaek is an ass.

  What? Why?

  Because he doesn’t realize he loves Aislyn. He’s going to ruin her if he keeps her, or break his own heart when he realizes what he’s done.

  And what has he done?

  He hasn’t yet, but he’ll make Aislyn fall in love him and believe all the bad stuff about herself so she can be in Hell with him. When he realizes he loves her and could never condemn her to that, it’ll be too late.

  Are you psychic? And here I thought I had an original story.

  You do have an original story. It’s effing brilliant. And heartbreaking.

  Yes, heartbreaking. Yes, it is.

  How did you get all that out of what I read last night? You slept through most of it.

  Confession. I may have seen some pages in the trash and been curious. I’m sorry.

  I mashed my lips together as I waited for a response to my admission.

  Ha, had a feeling you might have. No worries.

  My lips opened to release my held breath. I typed in: I wanted you to kiss me last night. My finger hovered over the send button. Three dots came up to show that Tom was typing, so I waited.


  Again, I am so sorry about last night.

  It really shouldn’t hurt so bad, it wasn’t like he hadn’t just said the same thing in a note. But it did. His words slugged a punch to my chest.

  “I’m not,” I said out loud into the quiet cottage and put my phone down on the table.

  It was stuffy today. There was a heavy and oppressive feeling in the atmosphere. A high-pressure front, I’d heard people talking about it, would be followed up by a spring rain storm. Although from some of the reports rolling in from Alabama and Georgia, it was quite a violent storm. Regardless, it was hot.

  I rummaged around in the clothes left by Abby over the summers and finally found a simple sundress, white with faded pink flowers. Pink. But it would have to do. At least it looked like it would keep me cool as the humidity grew throughout the day, especially if I got really busy at work. I showered and put it on.

  Trying not to think about Tom and what had almost happened last night was exhausting. What if I’d just leaned forward and made contact? Not kissed him exactly, just pressed my lips against his. Would he have kissed me then? Or would it have shocked him into pulling away completely? Perhaps I should just be happy with the moment of intimacy I’d gotten. But the more I thought about it, the more annoyed I became. He was right to apologize. How dare he do that to me? Surely he had to know I was attracted to him, otherwise why would I have stayed like that with us almost kissing?

  He just didn’t want to be attracted to me. Maybe if I started developing an interest in someone else, he would acknowledge it. Or that would make him move more comfortably into Bethany’s arms. God, I was giving myself a headache thinking about it.

  I finished getting ready and then headed to work.

  It was busy for a weekday. Bethany and I were slammed, but she bounced around on cloud nine like… well, like she’d just been laid.

  A few schools must have been on spring break because there were lots of boats in the Intracoastal Waterway and many of them pulled in for lunch and or drinks. A preppy-looking group came in, and one of them, a cute clean-cut guy with khaki shorts and a blue polo kept trying to catch my eye. His friends were egging him on, and when I saw him flush red with embarrassment, my scared-o-meter seemed to die out and I relaxed. So much so that a few hours later, when he stopped me on their way back to their boat, I didn’t avoid him like I knew I would have on any other day before this one. Perhaps I should start being more sociable.

  “Hi, I’m Jason,” he said and held out his hand. He had blue eyes and disheveled brown hair.

  I switched my tray to my left side and shook his firm hand. “Olivia,” I said.

  “So, I know this is a long shot, as I can’t imagine that you don’t have a boyfriend, but uh, um…” His cheeks grew red as he spoke, and it was so cute, I had to smile. “Wow, uh, yeah, so can I get your number?”

  His friends were in the background high-fiving and being goofballs.

  “Is this for a dare?” I asked.

  “No! No, I mean they didn’t think I’d do it. I, uh, well, normally don’t do this kind of thing, ask for a girls’ number. Especially, uh, since I don’t know you.”

  He was so red in the face, I had to put him out of his misery. “Well, I don’t normally give mine out to boys I don’t know. But sure,” I added hastily as his face began to fall. I had to look up my own number so I went to grab my phone from where I’d stashed it in the cart. I came back and scribbled the number down on my order pad and pulled off the sheet. He took it and folded it carefully, putting it in his shorts pocket. “Thanks.”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll call you.” He backed up with an awkward wave and then joined his friends who, from the looks of it, were going to give him hell. I wasn’t sure I’d answer his call if he ever went through with it, but for some reason I felt like I’d just crossed some kind of threshold, a rite of passage. Something. It was hard to imagine, I would guess, that I’d never been asked on a date before. Of course, if you compared me to other girls my age, there were a lot of things I’d done they wouldn’t dream of doing.

  Bethany came out grinning. “I saw that.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  “Saw what?”

  “You getting hit on by that cutie. And no wonder, you look great, by the way.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled, glancing down at my dress. “Have you seen Tom today?”

  I don’t know why I asked. I shouldn’t have. She giggled. “Yep. This morning, before he left to go get his boat.” She winked and headed inside.

  Had he really almost kissed me last night and gotten out of bed this morning to go have sex with Bethany? Not that I knew for sure, but Bethany’s perky attitude said so.

  I grabbed my phone.

  I’m thinking of dating.

  A few minutes later, my phone dinged.

  Okaaay?

  I pursed my lips, wondering if I should tell him about the guy asking me out and see if he got jealous. No, juvenile. Another message popped up.

  Who?

  Well, now I had to come up with something. I settled on a good old-fashioned prank.

  I dunno, I’m getting bored. Tyler isn’t sooo bad if I can make sure he’s not with his friends.

  Are you fucking kidding me right now?

  I thought about a comeback, but felt bad for messing with him. I ended up typing in: Yes, of course, I’m kidding! Sorry! Just seeing if you had an opinion, LOL, and hitting ‘send’ just as another message popped up.

  If you want to fuck Tyler and be that stupid, go right ahead. I’m not your parent or your keeper and have no interest in being either.

  My chest caved as my breath literally punched out of it.

  I was stunned.

  Gutted.

  Immediately another text came up.

  Sorry.

  Fuck you.

  The phone rang. I turned it off and walked it back over to the cart, tossing it into the cup holder, my hands shaking. Thunder rumbled in the distance, even though the sky was still blue.

  Customers began to clear out after the first signs of the coming storm. I was relieved. My head was no longer in the game. I felt sick with hurt, like my one lifeline had been yanked away and I was drifting. It was nauseatingly close to how I’d felt before coming here. Before being on this island had changed everything. Before Tom changed everything. To feel it again after such peace and security was like being hit by a semi.

  I barely held myself together to finish out the afternoon and hardly said a word to anyone. The clouds rolled in and the wind began tossing things around, some plastic chairs and an umbrella. We got everything inside and Marjoe and Big Jake pulled down the big hurricane shutters that rolled over the doors and windows.

  Despite my hurt, and my anger, I hoped Tom wasn’t out on the water. Please let him have gotten back safely. I looked at my phone. Twenty-seven missed calls.

  The first splash of rain came down as I headed home in the cart. And then it came down in sheets. I could barely see as I drove, the tires hitting newly formed puddles and ruts. Luckily the top of the cart mostly protected me from hazards above, but the wind meant the rain was coming at me sideways, and in seconds I was drenched, the steering wheel slipping in my hand. A massive splintering crack sounded behind me, followed by a large boom. Glancing back, I saw a huge limb had come down right where I’d been seconds ago.

  Gripping the wheel with white knuckles, my body and shoulders rigid with tension and nerves, I finally approached the turn off to our small lane. The mud was thick, and the tires spun for a moment then gave as they found purchase on the rocks and shells sprinkled in. I slid and lurched toward the cottage, the rain so heavy and the sky so dark it felt like it was almost night. I pulled as close to the cottage as I could get, it was better on foot from here.

  The warm glow of lights was a welcome sight.

  I leapt out into the storm and jogged toward the porch, the full impact of barely being missed by the huge branch finally penetrating my mind. I was shaki
ng with shock rather than cold.

  The front door opened and Tom, his hair and clothes soaked, came out. He must have just beaten me here. I was so relieved to see he was safe, I didn’t register that he was coming toward me.

  “WHY DO YOU do it? Why do you provoke me and make me act like this?” he roared the words, his voice fractured as he came toward me over the muddy ground.

  He really wanted to do this? Really? “Because I want you to feel!” I screamed over the wind and the rain. I was tired of fighting and hiding behind jokes and provocations. “I want you to feel something for me. God, even if it’s irritation, anger, disappointment. Just feel something for God’s sake! Stop just tolerating me, I can’t bear it.” I choked out the last part, my hot tears suffocating my words and colliding with the chilled rain streaking over me.

  He lashed out, grabbing my arms and hauling me forward. I slammed against him. It punched the air out of me. His body was vibrating with tension, and his face twisted as our bodies hit.

  “I do feel. Goddammit.” His voice was hoarse. “I fucking feel you. I feel for you. I feel everything I shouldn’t fucking feel.”

  Thunder boomed, rocking the earth. Underscoring his words. He looked stripped bare at his admission, his chest heaving against me. His eyes fell to my mouth.

  And then his face came down. Or I pulled him. But our mouths crashed together, lips hard and bruising, and still it wasn’t enough. I opened to him, but his hot tongue was already plunging inside, consuming me, burning me from within, scorching a path straight down through my center. I could have died with the pleasure of it, with the taste of him. Lustful hunger, sweet and sharp, deep and greedy, exploded inside me. God, his taste… rainwater, mint, a deep, dark smoky scotch I wanted to drown in.

  His hair was a wet mess under my grasping fingers as I clutched his head to keep him from leaving me, from ever stopping. Days, weeks, months of needing coalesced together as we drank from each other.

  He pressed closer, his hands molding me to him, twisting in my hair, down my back, running over me desperately, pulling me closer, pressing his need and his want into me. Hard. The word reverberated in my head. So hard. For me. The answering ache between my legs made me shudder. I had never wanted like this. No, needed.