Deep Blue Eternity

by Natasha Boyd

  Big Jake shook his head and looked out to the water. “Nope.”

  A thought occurred to me. “But you know, don’t you?”

  Big Jake shrugged. “I weren’t there. But wit’ currents like that…” He winked and gave me a pat on the back with his large hand.

  I stepped forward with the impact, smiling and shaking my head.

  “Anyhows,” he went on, “seems like that boo hag done gone left de island.”

  The boat appeared in the distance, and my insides decided to go to the county fair. It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. Actually, scratch that. Not knowing if she was going to live had been worse.

  The boat finally neared the jetty. Pete looked up expectantly, mooring line in hand. Bethany was gathering her stuff and hefting a black bag over her shoulder. But my feet were rooted to the spot. Jake stepped forward to help.

  My eyes were pinned to the pale waif with the pixie hair, who I could barely see in contrast with the short swathe of bright pink wrapped around her. I’d been in her hospital room every day she’d been there, willing her to be okay, watching her bruises fade to yellow, and wishing I could have those pale blue eyes looking at me again.

  Now they were.

  Did hearts stop beating? Mine did.

  Big Jake offered her a hand, and she looked away from me to take it and greet him with a smile. Bethany was walking toward me.

  “Beth,” I managed and cleared my throat.

  She slowed. “Hey, Tommy.”

  “I, uh.” I nodded back toward the boat. “Thank you.”

  She nodded, a sigh on her lips. “You’re welcome. I’m still mad at you. But…” she looked to the sky, then back at me. “But, nothing. I’m still mad at you. I did it for her.”

  “That’s why I’m thanking you.” I smiled and took her arm, pulling her in for a hug. “And I’m sorry.” She was stiff for a moment, then gave me a quick squeeze and stepped away, heading up to the restaurant.

  Pete and Jake walked up, and Pete stopped to shake my hand. “You ready to be my best man?”

  I nodded. “Still a misguided honor. Just give me a few, yeah?”

  “Ten minutes and we gotta be standing up front like good little soldiers.”

  “Ten minutes. Got it.”

  And then it was just Liv and me. Her pale, slender body—made more so by days of no eating—only added an otherworldly element to her ethereal beauty as she stood in front of me.

  Her eyes had a small crease between them. “You shaved,” she said, her normally melodious voice scratchy and thin. Her hollow cheeks filled with a splotch of color on each side.

  I brought my hand up to my face like a reflex and smoothed over my jaw. It still felt weird.

  “You cut your hair,” I said. “It looks really… pretty.” Gorgeous? Sexy? Stunning?

  “I’m glad you didn’t cut yours. I like it longer.”

  “And my shaved face? Like it or hate it?”

  She swallowed, her cheeks getting pinker. “You look different,” she evaded.

  “Good different?” I pressed, enjoying her discomfort.

  “Uh, yeah, it’s um…” Her eyes strayed from mine and ran down my nose, to my mouth, then along my cheekbone and up over my forehead and back to my mouth.

  “It’s um?” I asked, reminding her. Of what exactly? And in truth, I would have been hard pressed to say anything with more substance.

  “Uh, it’s, you look… good.” Her eyes dropped, and her toes turned in. “Are you okay? Did it all go according to plan? I heard Tyler was arrested.”

  “No, Liv. It didn’t go according to plan. If it had, you wouldn’t have been in the hospital. There’s a long list of things I need to apologize for, and I can’t seem to stop adding to it.”

  She shook her head.

  “It’s true,” I said. “I don’t seem to be very good for you. I wish I was,” I admitted on a whim. She didn’t seem to notice, thank goodness. “I’m sorry, Liv. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  She kept shaking her head and her eyes welled. “You’re wrong. I survived because of you.”

  “You survived because of you.” And divine intervention of some kind.

  “I guess we’ll agree to disagree then.”

  “Don’t we always?” I turned, indicating our path up toward the festivities, careful not to touch her, instead of gathering her against my chest as I wanted to. “Let’s get up there.”

  “What happened with Tyler’s arrest? I wanted to ask Pete, but…” She took my arm, her words trailing off as if she seemed surprised by her own action.

  The feel of her small hand around my bicep made me close my eyes for a second. “Coast guard arrived before Tyler even got there, and Pete was smoking his head off.” I looked at her askance.

  “Smoking the pot?” Liv asked, her expression disbelieving.

  I laughed. “Yeah. First they arrested him. But then Gator, the harbor master at Bull River Marina, showed up and set them straight.” Liv’s eyes were wide, staring at me as we walked up the jetty.

  “Although, apparently Pete got belligerent and almost got himself shot by a rookie who was slow on the uptake.” I smirked. “Anyway, Tyler saw the Coast Guard, and turned his boat around. But we’d planted Graham Family Farms stickers inside all the packages, so they picked him up later that afternoon.”

  Her brow furrowed. “You’re telling me as if you weren’t there.”

  “I was coming back. To the cottage.” I stopped and turned to her, taking a deep breath and wincing before I delivered the coming blow. “Tyler told me he sent Cal after you.”

  Her breath exhaled in a rush, her pale face going whiter as she withdrew her arm from me. She swallowed and looked away quickly, but not before I saw her eyes glassing over with tears of surprise and betrayal.

  My hands and body itched and ached to draw her against me, and my throat was tight with the urge to say something to mitigate the pain my words had caused. But there was no way to sugar-coat that. Tyler had known what he was doing. Instead, I stood still as stone watching her cycle through the emotions of knowing someone she knew had deliberately set out to hurt her. Worse than hurt her. Someone she had trusted at one time. Someone she had allowed herself to spend time with. To… I swallowed a surge of acidic jealousy… kiss.

  God, it was a miracle she trusted anyone.

  Maybe she didn’t. How could she? She hadn’t chosen her family and what her uncle had done to her. But she had chosen to spend time with Tyler and put herself in that situation. I could see the self-blame fighting for a foothold.

  “It’s not your fault,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there faster—”

  “Well, it’s hardly your fault,” she choked out.

  “But, I did know what Cal Richter was capable of,” I admitted painfully. “I should never have left you.”

  There were people milling around under the trees, some sitting on a loose arrangement of chairs adorned with large white bows under one of the big live oaks dripping in Spanish moss. The ceremony would be starting soon. The breeze bore the scent of steaming oysters and cornbread.

  Liv turned back to face me. Her eyes were deep and endless as they looked into mine. “I’m happy he’s dead. I hope he got ripped apart by sharks in the dark, cold, depths of the ocean.” Her body shuddered.

  I waited as she seemed to be struggling to find more words. “I… just don’t understand why…” Why me? She seemed to be asking. Why do these monsters find me?

  My hand reached forward of its own volition.

  Liv shrank back, a tiny movement, and I let my hand drop before reaching her.

  Clearing my throat over the hurt her small movement away from me caused inside my ribs, I nodded toward the restaurant. “Marjoe is in her office, I think. Why don’t you go and say hi, and I’ll find my spot next to Pete.”

  She nodded and turned toward the restaurant.

  I watched her go, taking a moment to compose myself, and wondered how I would ever be a
ble to say goodbye.

  THE CEREMONY TOOK place as the sun sank in the sky, casting a golden blessing across the assembled guests. Big Jake walked Marjoe down the aisle. She was dressed in a simple long white sundress and her hair was tied up with fresh daisies.

  “Marge,” Pete began, when it was time for his vows.

  I gritted my teeth until they were almost ground to dust as I watched Pete look into Marge’s eyes and prepare to pledge his lasting days to her, knowing how few those days were.

  “Today, we are married in front of all who are dear to us in this beautiful ceremony. But I’ve been married to you since the moment I met you. You have owned me body and soul, and I wouldn’t trade a second of that time with you to gain more.” Pete paused and Marge gave him a tearful smile, and a small nod.

  He swallowed. “It was the gift I was given, and I accept it gladly and with a full heart. I never thought I was deservin’. But the good Lord thought different. To know such love, even for a short time, is more than any man could ever hope for.”

  My eyes strayed to the left and found Liv with tears streaming down her face and making no attempt to wipe them away. As if she could sense me looking at her, her eyes found mine, and I held them.

  Finally the vows were done and the preacher told Marjoe and Pete they could kiss. And kiss they did. Hard. Everyone whooped and cheered despite their tears.

  Marjoe turned around. “Y’all stop cryin’ before you float away. Let’s celebrate!”

  The band started up. I shook Pete’s hand.

  “I hope you got my message,” he said. “Life’s too short, you know?”

  I clapped him on the shoulder and took a moment to get my words out. “You get your happy ending,” I said, voice rough. “There’s no one I know who deserves it more.”

  Feeling a subtle energy on my left side, I turned to find Liv close. “Congratulations, Pete,” she murmured.

  “Thank you, Olivia.” Pete looked at her, and then at me. “Sometimes God strikes us with darkness in order to show us the light.” He slapped a hand on my shoulder. “I know you don’t want to hear this from an old man, but don’t squander your chance for happiness.” He looked from one to the other of us. “Now, go dance and eat cake.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said and backed away, reaching for Olivia’s hand without thinking. It was warm and soft, delicate and small in mine. It made me want more. I immediately let go and offered her my arm again. Safer.

  “I’m so sad I didn’t get to make the wedding cake,” she commented as she slid her small hand into the crook, her body four aching inches away from my side. “Marjoe did ask. I feel selfish for being in the hospital so long. I probably could have come back sooner.”

  “Could you?” I asked.

  She cast her eyes up to me. “I was awake a lot,” she admitted. “But I had a lot to process.”

  We moved away from the crowd and the frantic and jolly folk music. Lights that had been strung in the trees twinkled in the fading light across the water.

  So she must have seen me there at the hospital. I’d definitely fallen asleep a few times when I hadn’t meant to.

  “Why did you never speak to me?” she asked. “Marjoe talked all the time. For a while, I thought something had happened to you.” She stopped walking and squeezed my arm, her warmth seeping through my sleeve as she seemed to struggle with her words. “Thinking you weren’t there made me want to wake up even less.”

  “I was there.” My insides were totally messed up. Swirling and diving. “Liv—” I stopped. Why are you still putting so much faith in me?

  “What, Tom?”

  Whit, I expected her to say Whit. “Uh, I fixed the window at the cottage. And Big Jake and I finally painted the shutters. Oh, and the phone, I fixed the phone. Or had it fixed, anyway.” Her cheeks had paled as everything I said equated to terrifying memories. Shit. “But if you don’t want to—” I cut myself off as her shaking hand came up to her chest. I took it and pressed it against my ribs. “I’m sorry.”

  She looked up at me and flattened her palm on my shirt.

  My heart pounded under it.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay. The cottage… it seems different now.”

  “I understand.”

  “It’s just I realized it was never home to me.” Her hand pressed harder against my chest. “You were. Are.”

  Unable to articulate a response, I looked down at her. Her pale blue eyes were luminous with the last rays of the setting sun, her cropped golden hair like a halo. She really was an angel. So damn beautiful, she was almost hard to look at. The angel I wrote about. The girl who couldn’t get into heaven because of some stupid oversight. The girl who’d been made to believe in all her flaws. And was I the guy who would let her believe all the shit, so he could keep her for himself? Or would I help her see all the good stuff? When she finally realized how incredible she was, there would be no room for me. I didn’t want to be around when that happened.

  She swallowed nervously. “And I know you’re leaving. But you really needed to know that. Come on, let’s dance.”

  I MOSTLY WATCHED and chatted with the other guests and downed a few beers. One eye was always on Olivia as she learned to do a “something” and a two-step and then a shag. But that wasn’t easily taught, apparently. “Hey, I need a partner.” She came over and grabbed my hand. “Can we shag?”

  I laughed and she immediately turned pink.

  She leaned in close. “You know, don’t you?”

  “Know what?” I asked innocently.

  “Shagging means fucking in some countries, doesn’t it?” she whispered. “Pete was telling everyone earlier.”

  “Means what?” I asked again, because good God I had to hear her say that again. Not that I hadn’t heard her curse before. But saying it in reference to the act was down right carnal. Blood may have relocated a tiny amount into a lower part of my body.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Shagging means what?”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. I grinned and took another sip of beer. It was loosening me up. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Bad, definitely bad.

  She didn’t take the bait and let me off the hook for dancing.

  The evening grew late, and I could tell it was getting to her. Her face became drawn and tired.

  “Where were you going to sleep tonight?” I asked.

  “I was supposed to stay with Bethany, but it looks like she’s having too much fun to leave anytime soon. I… I don’t know.”

  Shit. “I’m happy to go to the cottage with you—”

  “No.” Her voice wobbled. “I mean, I don’t want to stay there on my own, I’m not even sure I’m ready to see it. Not at night anyway. I’ll just wait until Bethany’s ready to go. I’m fine, really. You don’t need to worry about me.”

  My chest ached with her words. I wanted to worry about her. I wanted her to want me to. “I wasn’t going to let you stay there alone, Liv.”

  I thought back to that first day at the hospital when I’d screamed at one of the intensive care intake nurses, asking if Liv had been touched, if Cal Richter had raped her. She’d asked me who I was.

  Brother-in-law, I’d said after a moment’s hesitation, and it sounded so wrong. So… off-base from the way I felt. I’m her only family, I’d added lamely.

  All my hard won decisions over the last few days to remain aloof seemed to be crumbling. The truth was a tough thing to face. I didn’t think I would be able to let her go. I wanted to crawl kicking and screaming back through time and get back to the coexistence we’d had. “I have my boat docked nearby. I was going to sleep on it. You can too.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think them through.

  She looked up at me, and I could see the indecision and confusion warring with the tiredness.

  “Let’s just go and sleep, Liv. We’ll visit the cottage together tomorrow.” Please say yes.

  “Okay.” She nodded.

  Relief flooded my system.
>
  LIV TILTED HER face up. “Wow, look at the stars!” Without the lights from Mama’s around us, the sky was powdered with galaxies.

  I climbed aboard and held out my hand, waiting. The boat rocked gently, the breeze soft and cool. “To quote Pete,” I murmured, looking up, “we’d never see the stars if there was no darkness.”

  She slid her small hand into mine. “So this is her, huh? Your boat, your pride and joy? Where you slept when you left the cottage?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I shrugged as Liv climbed on, her light frame hardly rocking the boat. I showed her down into the tiny cabin. Now that I was sleeping on the boat every night, the berth was permanently made up. I didn’t feel like stowing bedding everyday.

  We had to sit as it was impossible to stand. With her so close, the space was immediately intimate. I fumbled with the small cabin light and flicked it on.

  “Do you, um, have a shirt or something I could borrow?” she asked.

  “Do you mind wearing the one I have on? I don’t have any clean stuff with me at the moment. Marge let me do a load of laundry earlier today, and I forgot to go get it.”

  She nodded, her bottom lip sliding between her teeth. Her eyes watched me as I pulled the shirt off and handed it to her. Then she presented me with her back. “This dress had to be pinned to make it fit. Would you mind undoing it?”

  My pulse spiked, and my throat grew tight. “Sure.” My fingers touched her skin above the dress line, and I swallowed as I felt her still.

  I got hard. I’d been halfway there all evening. Shit. I lifted my hand away. And then my good sense completely deserted me, and I found my finger returning to the spot at the back of her neck, under her hairline, the top of her spine, and running down her smooth skin.

  A soft sigh escaped her, and her head dropped forward.

  I reached the top of the dress and remembered what I’d been asked to do. My hands were fucking shaking. What was wrong with me? What was I doing? Fumbling with the pins that were folding the dress over itself, I managed to get them loose and not prick her or myself. The dress gaped, and I could see inside, the bumps down her spine. I wanted to pull the fabric away and keep running my fingers down her back until I reached the swell of her hips. Then slide my hands around her waist.