by Shandi Boyes
The Reality
of Life
© Shandi Boyes 2016
Contents
Dedicated to:
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Dedicated to:
To all the fans of book one
I love you all…
No part of this eBook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.
This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Prologue
Noah
The instant my truck’s tires start to lift away from the pavement, I finally feel free. It feels like I am flying, soaring freely through the air. Just like an angel would, just like Emily would fly every day in heaven. I don’t even attempt to shelter my body from the impact that is inevitably going to happen. I just close my eyes and surrender, deciding that I no longer have the strength to fight. I think about Emily, her beautiful light brown eyes, her smile and her beautiful face. It is time to finally go home, to go back to Emily, the only place I have ever belonged. The instant my truck collides with the large tree trunk, I feel the direct impact of the steering wheel shattering my ribs, my lungs instantly start to fight for air after they have been punctured by my splinted bones. I relinquish the feeling of pain, feeling pain is the only thing that makes me know that I am alive. I can feel a sudden rush of warmth sliding down my face, causing part of my vision to become clouded by a sheet of red. I lift my hand and I can feel a large wound that has split down my forehead caused by me head-butting the dashboard during impact.
I can hear Jacob calling out my name in the distance before he starts banging on the window trying to pry the driver’s side door open, his force of his knuckles eventually shattering the glass.
“Noah, just hold on, help is coming. I need you to fight Noah. You have to fight” Jacob screams. How much longer do I have to wait, I have waited long enough. I think the time is finally coming.
I want to tell Jacob it is ok, I am at peace, I need him to let me go, I can’t fight anymore. I am too tired and it hurts too much. But when I try and tell Jacob that I am ok, the only sounds that comes out is a gargling noise from me choking on my own blood, as my lungs start to fill with my own fluids.
Jacob grips my hand tight in his, his eyes pleading for me to fight. But I smile at him as I slowly feel the blackness starting to roll in. This is peace, I am finally at peace.
“Charging, fully charged, stand back, clear” I hear being shouted in the distance, before a surge of electricity courses through my withered and broken body.
Her beautiful face starts to flash before my eyes, all images of her smiling and laughing in the two years that I had known her.
I need to shield my eyes, it’s so bright and white. I can hear her beautiful singsong voice; it sounds like angels are singing. I have missed her laugh and her smile every fucking day.
“Emily” I whisper, thinking that I can see her walking out of the hospital room.
“Fight Noah, fight” I hear someone yelling, I turn around and can see my broken body lying on the hospital bed. They are working hard to save me. But I want them to let me go, it’s time for me to go.
I want to find Emily, where did she go? Her vanilla scent engulfs my nostrils the instant I enter the long white hallway. I can hear her beautiful voice sounding down the hall, I follow where the noise is coming from and that is where I find her, standing at the end of the hall.
She is as beautiful as I remember, her long dark locks hanging freely down her back. I knew she would be waiting for me; I just wish I hadn’t made her wait so long.
I am finally home; this is where I have always wanted to be.
Chapter 1
Fuck, the water streaming out of the shower head is freezing cold, instantly waking me up from my sleeping state. I try to barge past Jacob, but he stays standing still like a solid brick wall, blocking my exit out of the shower. I don’t know why Jacob is being such a fucking prick. But when I try to throw a punch at him I notice that I am extremely weak. I can barely lift my arm and Jacob doesn’t even flinch from my attempt to attack him.
“Your need to sober up Noah” Jacob states roughly.
I look up into his eyes and when I see the remorse and guilt that has settled behind them, my memories start crashing back full force. All I can see is her beautiful face and smile. Oh Emily, why did they have to take Emily? I fall down onto my knees as the feeling of sorrow and despair takes over my body. I howl and cry uncontrollably under the now warm water, as Jacob must have turned the faucet towards the hot. The memories that I was trying to keep buried by drinking heavily have resurfaced. Emily is gone.
My sobs only start to lessen as the hot water runs out and returns to its original freezing temperature. I look out of the shower stall to see that Jacob is sitting down, leaning against the tiled wall, watching me intently.
“Did you want some water Noah?” Jacob offers sincerely.
I shake my head no; my head is pounding acutely, but it is nothing compared to the feeling of the deep pit that has settled in the middle of my chest.
“Why Emily, Jacob?” I question, as my heart cracks more.
I don’t understand why they had to take Emily, why couldn’t they have taken me instead?
“I don’t know mate” Jacob replies sincerely as he stands up from the cold tiled floor. He fills a glass full of water and opens the bathroom cabinet to remove the Advil bottle.
“This will help with your head Noah” he advises while he hands me the glass of water and three small white tablets.
I don’t want to take the tablets, but with the pleading look that Jacob is giving me, I quickly swallow them down with a large gulp of water before handing the glass back.
As I stand up in the shower I slightly stumble as I am still drunk from the copious amount of alcohol I had consumed last night. I am still wearing a pair of black jeans that are now soaked through. I slowly attempt to pull them off as Jacob walks out of the bathroom, giving me some privacy. Jacob hasn’t stopped being my shadow since Ryan had told me that Emily was gone. I walk over to the bathroom cabinet and look at the reflection staring back at me. I have dark rings circling my eyes, my lack of shaving has caused a heavy lining of stubble along my jaw and my face looks gaunt and white against the blackness of my soulless eyes.
“Do you remember where we are going today?” Jacobs asks anxiously from the doorway of the bathroom.
Emily had died four days ago and ever since then I haven’t stop drinking. But, I know today is the day we lay my beautiful Emily to rest. I slowly nod my head yes, before turning my gaze back to my reflection to run my hand down the side of my jawline. I look repulsive, Emily had never seen me like this. She deserved so much better than me. I pull open the bathroom cabinet and remove the shaving cream and a razor in an attempt to clean myself up for Emily. The silver blade of the razor sparkles in the bathroom light causing me to run my thumb over the silver edge to ensure it is sharp, accidently nicking my finger causing small droplets of blood to drop into the white porcelain sink.
“Noah” Jacob whispers harshly in warning.
Jacob knows me so well; at times it is like he can read my thoughts. I would be lying to say I had not considered suicide, as that was my immediate thought when Ryan told me my beautiful Emily was gone….
After the devastation had ripped through my body over the shattered remains of the guitar Emily had brought me for my birthday, Jacob took me back to the hotel. The instant we walked into the room, Jacob went over to the liquor cabinet and poured me a large nip of scotch. All I could see was Emily’s beautiful face everywhere I looked, so I swallowed the entire nip of scotch in one hit and went straight back to the liquor cabinet to pour another. I needed to try and stop the pain that was burning my soul from the inside out.
It was only once I had finished a fifth of scotch that I went stumbling into the bathroom to take a leak. I could barely stand up, let alone take aim, that I ended up pissing all over the floor and myself. I stumbled around the small hotel bathroom as I kicked off my boots and was attempting to take off my jeans, when the image of Emily removing my jeans the last night I had seen her flashed before my eyes.
We had just finished eating the pizza Crystal had brought for us, Emily had gone into the bathroom to clean the residue of grease off her hands. She was only wearing the shirt I had worn earlier and I couldn’t help but stare at her delectable ass as she made her way to the bathroom. Emily always made my sexual appetite rampant, that I decided to follow her. She was standing in front of the small white vanity, washing her hands and when she looked into the mirror hanging above the vanity, her eyes caught my gaze that was full of lust. She turned off the faucet before she slowly spun around to face me, smiling brightly, as she bit down on her bottom lip. Her beautiful dark locks were still tousled from our early antics, but she looked incredibly gorgeous. I strolled slowly towards her, never losing eye contact before gently grabbing the back of her neck, pulling her delicate lips towards mine to suck and nibble on.
Emily pulled back from our embrace and while looking into my eyes, she undid the button of my jeans and slowly slid down the zipper. She kissed a trail all the way down my chest, until she stopped just above the rim of my satin boxer shorts. I ended up spinning Emily around and I took her from behind, while watching the reflection of her beautiful face in ecstasy in the vanity mirror.
When I looked back at the vanity mirror in the hotel bathroom the night they told me Emily had died, all I could see was the worthless shell of man that had only two weeks ago broken Emily’s heart. All I could feel was pure resentment over wasting the last few months I had left with Emily by being selfish and more concerned about myself than my feelings for her. Why didn’t I keep her as my number one priority?
That night, I lifted my arm and swang hard at the reflection of a pathetic man staring back at me, shattering the glass into large pieces, that fell in the sink and onto the floor surrounding my now bare feet. I had fucking killed Emily; it was me that had caused her all that pain. I was leaning against the vanity, trying to take in some ragged breaths when I noticed a large shard of glass that had broken from the mirror. I wanted to go and be with Emily, I didn’t want to feel the emptiness anymore. So I grabbed the shard of glass and held it tightly in my hand, causing it to dig deep into my palm, as droplets of blood splattered small red streaks into the hotel room’s vanity. I could hear Jacob banging loudly on the door. I knew it wouldn’t take him long to break it down, so I pressed the large shard of glass against my wrist and dug it in deep. I wanted to go and be with my beautiful Emily, I couldn’t survive without her. I didn’t want to live if I had to live without her. Just as the sharp edge of the glass dug into my skin Jacob barged open the door, splintering the doorframe, before he tackled me hard to the ground.
“Let me fucking go Jacob” I screamed, fighting so hard to get out of his grasp. I can’t handle any more pain, why can’t he just let me go?
“No, Noah” Jacob replies hoarsely, as he continues to hold me tight within his grip.
Jacob is a huge fucker, and no matter how much I fought him he wouldn’t let me go. It was only once I was exhausted and could no longer continue to swing my fists at him, that he ended up dragging me out of the bathroom to throw me on the hotel bed. He then started frantically pacing back and forth in front of me.
“Why can’t you just let me fucking go?” I scream.
He doesn’t know how much this hurts, my heart is broken, my soul is shattered beyond repair, I can’t come back from this.
“Because you are my brother Noah” Jacob yells, before he stops pacing and looks directly at me, his blue eyes full of anger and sorrow.
“You can’t leave me; I won’t fucking let you” he yells as the veins on his neck start to bulge.
“I have nothing to live for Jacob, Emily is fucking gone. I can’t handle this miserable life anymore” I reply yelling, as the pit in my chest starts to enlarge. The pain of losing Emily feels like it is crippling me.
“What about me?” Jacob screams, as he pounds his closed fists against his chest.
“What about fucking me? You are my brother Noah, you know what it felt like when Chris left you and now you want to do the same thing to me. I won’t fucking let you leave me like he left you, I won’t fucking let you!” he screams angrily as his eyes start to fill with tears.
I was so angry with Chris when he committed suicide. His death was the reason I wrote the lyrics to the song “Hollow”. When people commit suicide they are not considering the people they will leave behind. What they have to go through, the hurt, the anger and spending years wondering if there was something they could have done better so they would have stayed, so they would have chosen to live. I look up and see that Jacob’s blue eyes are staring at me, begging me to fight and not to give up.
“You have to fight Noah; you have to fight to live, Emily would want you to live” he replies hoarsely as he kneels down on the ground next to the me on the bed.
“Promise me you will try to fight” he states, while seeking out my gaze.
“Promise me and I will promise you will not go through this alone. I will be there for you every fucking day, I will fight alongside you, you will survive this Noah. It will never stop hurting, but you will survive this” Jacob states softly as a single tear drops down his face.
Jacob has been my friend for more than half my life, he has always been there for me, just as I have been there for him.
“I will try” was all I could reply, as I looked directly into the eyes of my best friend that has always been more like a brother to me.
Now four days later, he still watches over me as the memories of the blood trickling in the vanity brings my suicidal thoughts back to the surface.
Chapter 2
“You are not going through this alone Noah” Jacob states firmly, while he slowly removes the razor out of my hand.
“I know” I whisper softly while walking back out into my bedroom.
I know that Jacob and the boys from the band are all here to support me, but it doesn’t make the feeling of devastation lessen. I have reverted back to my normal self defence mechanism that I had used when my brother’s had died. I appear to be functioning, but I don’t live, as I am dead on the inside. My moods can swin
g from being at devastating lows to infuriating anger within a matter of minutes. I don’t know how to control my emotions. Emily was the only one that was able to help comfort the demons I had raging within, and now she is gone. I have to again battle them alone.
Jacob slowly walks out of the bathroom towards me. He knows that I said I would try to fight, but I couldn’t promise him anything. I would never make a promise I couldn’t keep.
“We have to head to the church in around thirty minutes” Jacob advises delicately. I nod my head so that he knows I have heard him, before he walks out of my room, leaving the door wide open.
I don’t know any of the details of Emily’s funeral, I just told them they had to have white lilies on the coffin. They were Emily’s favourite flowers. Emily had told me how much she loved them after they were included in the floral arrangement I had ordered for her as a surprise for her eighteenth birthday. They were also the flowers I had placed in the vase in the hotel room the first time I made love to Emily. It was the first time she had told me she loved me. Her beautiful face was smiling so brightly, with small unshed tears in her eyes when she noticed all the candles I had lit for her. Thinking back on our memories makes me forget she is gone. I grab my phone off the bedside table to send her a message, before it all comes crashing back. She isn’t just at school waiting for me to call her, she is gone, for good and never coming back.