by Shandi Boyes
“Reports can confirm that Noah Taylor’s Fiancé was killed in a tragic accident six weeks ago. We know believe this is why ‘Rise Up’s’ hit song ‘Surrender Me’ was noticeably absent from their recent concert tours along the East Coast. Previous speculation was that the song was removed due to plagiarism concerns. But this morning we have been advised by ‘Rise Up’s’ publisher Delilah Winterbottom that it was removed from the playlist out of respect for Noah’s Fiancé, Emily McIntosh” reports a gossip reporter, before it cuts back to the breakfast show hosts.
“Such tragic news to hear of a death of someone so young” the female hosts states, as I push the standby button on the remote control before throwing it across the room.
“Fucking assholes” I mumble under my breath. In my anger yesterday I had told the check in clerk and the supervisor that my fiancé had died. They must have leaked it to every gossip site the instant I walked out of the hotel lobby.
Only now that Emily is gone she finally gets the recognition of being the love of my life, plastered over every television show and newspaper in the country. My cell phone starts vibrating as it bounces around the bedside table, peering at the screen I see that it is a call from Delilah. I can’t fucking deal with her right now that I let her call go to voicemail, it is only once the phone starts immediately ringing again that I decide to answer it.
“Did you know about the marriage licence?” Delilah yells down the phone the instant I answer her call, not even waiting for my greeting.
“I had just found out about it last night” I reply quietly as I rub my eyes with my spare hand.
“Why would you be so stupid? Applying for a marriage licence when you knew that you had to remain attainable to the fans. They are a public record Noah, anyone who does a quick search of your name will be able to find it now.” She snarls angrily.
“Attainable to the fucking fans! Are you kidding me Delilah? Emily died and all you are worried about is the fucking fans!” I scream angrily, as I throw the covers off my bed and jump out to start pacing back and forth in the large hotel suite. I can feel Jacob’s gaze as he watches me cautiously from the corner of the room.
“Do you know what Delilah, FUCK… YOU!” I yell before throwing my phone hard against the bed, causing it to bounce off and land on the floor.
I continue pacing back and forth, while running my hands over my face, trying to calm myself down, before I hear someone knocking on the door. If that is fucking Delilah I am not going to be held accountable for my actions. I quickly storm over and pull open the hotel door ready to unleash a tirade of verbal abuse on Delilah, before I notice that Cormack is standing behind the door.
“You need to fire Delilah, today!” I yell aggressively, before moving away from the door frame allowing him to walk in.
“Our album has been number fucking one for weeks now. Your record company is making millions out of us. If you don’t fire her, I will fucking quit! I will walk away from it all right now” I state angrily, while looking directly into his remorseful blue eyes.
Chapter 9
I don’t know whether Delilah was fired from the record company or not, but she is no longer in charge of ‘Rise Up’s’ publicity. I want to feel victorious that I had finally stood up to the Ice Queen. But it was something that I should have done months ago and the feeling of victory doesn’t feel as good as I had expected.
The media continually played the story of Emily’s death throughout the day and the band was being inundated with requests for interviews in regards to the tragic circumstances of Emily’s death. I could see fans crying and holding up signs of support for me outside of the breakfast show studio windows. These are the fans that I love, the dedicated ones that have supported us throughout the years, not the ones that live in a fantasy land of lies and deception.
Standing in the left wing just off stage at tonight’s concert at Staples Centre, I notice that the mood seems more subdued than what it has been previously. The roaring chants of the crowd is still noticeably ear piercing. But there seems to be a few more quiet moments, spaced in between each loud shout of the band’s name. I have followed the same routine at each concert and tonight will be no different. I grab a hold of my necklace tightly in my palm while I silently whisper “I love you beautiful” to my angel in heaven.
Once the lights have fully dimmed, I quickly make my way to the taped X in the middle of the stage standing directly in front of the microphone. Tonight’s first song we have prepared to perform is named ‘Tastefully despised”. It has a long solo guitar rift that Nick performs under the spot light before the lyrics slowing start to flow in. It is only once the lights on the stage become more illuminated that I spot several large cardboard messages of support throughout the crowd. Quickly looking between each sign I see messages of support and condolences for Emily.
Several of the cupboard messages have photos of Emily smiling brightly displayed proudly on them. I can feel my eyes stinging from the sudden rush of moisture to them. Nick notices that I missed the introduction of the song, before he eventually stops playing his guitar and walks over to stand next to me. I pull my ear piece out of my ear, the sound of my heart beating is the only audible noise to be heard, as the crowd quietly watches my every move. How can I tell them how much I loved her and miss her every single day? How can any words express what she had meant to me?
“We need to play ‘Surrender Me’” I whisper roughly to Marcus, who has just walked over the stage to stand next to Nick and I.
“Are you sure Noah?” Nick questions me with concern.
I look towards his blue eyes before I start nodding my head. It’s the only song that will ever show how much I truly adored and loved Emily. Marcus and Nick both seem hesitant before returning back to their positions on the stage. When Nick advises Slater of our next song selection, he pulls his eyebrows together with concern. He looks at me requesting my permission to start the song. I take in a long deep breath as I close my eyes in preparation to perform a song I know is going to cut me wide open.
“I dedicate this next song to my beautiful angel in heaven Emily” I whisper in the microphone, before I hear Slater’s drumming beat commence.
I keep my eyes closed during the whole performance, imaging her beautiful face and her dazzling smile. She had always loved this song and I was going to sing it directly to her. Telling her how much I loved her.
I was broken beyond repair, shackled by my miserable existence
Like a prisoner in a cage, I was so disturbed and twisted
You broke all my walls and fought through my resistance
Because you believed my life deserved a better existence.
I surrender myself to you
Please look after my broken heart
I surrender myself to you
and I promise we’ll never part
I surrendered to you my shattered heart
where you mended it back together like it had never been apart
you healed and repaired my blackened soul
when you made me feel like my life was whole
Now I feel like I can live my life without despair
Because I know that you are always going to be there
I promise to cherish and look after you in every way
You are my girl and I will fight for you every day
I surrender myself to you
Please look after my broken heart
I surrender myself to you
and I promise we’ll never part
You are my best friend, my lover
and one day you will be my wife
I promise to cherish and love you
every single day of my life.
I surrender myself to you
Please look after my broken heart
I surrender myself to you
and I promise we’ll never part
Once the song finishes the crashing blow of the promise I had made to Emily in that song hits me full force. I had promised her that we
would never be apart, and I didn’t keep that fucking promise. I look back towards Marcus, Slater and Nick who are all watching me cautiously before I run off to the waste bin located on the side of the stage and empty all of my stomachs contents.
As I lift my head out of the waste bin, wiping the remnants of vomit from my bottom lip, I look up into the troubled and remorseful eyes of Cormack.
“I can’t fucking do this anymore” I slowly breath out, as I lean back against the stage walls.
I knew I shouldn’t have sung that song, but I wanted all the fans to know how much Emily had meant to me, but now it feels like I am being torn in half. They can’t expect me to go back on stage and perform like nothing has happened.
Cormack eyes stay focused on mine before he slowly nods his head in understanding. His eyes giving me permission even though he doesn’t say a word.
I stand up and take in a long deep breath before I start to walk out the side exit. The whole area surrounding the hall is dark and isolated, not even the paparazzi are expecting any of the performers to be exiting the building at this time of night. I spot a taxi dropping of a late concert goer, I quickly run and jump into the taxi as she exits. Her eyes roam over my face and I hear her whisper my name as I slam the taxi’s door closed.
“Where to?” the taxi driver asks, just as I notice Jacob exiting the large double doors. His eyes scanning the surrounding area until he notices me sitting in the back of the taxi.
“To the airport” I reply quickly, throwing money at the taxi driver to encourage him to start moving.
The taxi driver starts to pull away from the curb as Jacob furiously runs towards me, chasing the moving taxi all the way down the street. It is only once the taxi gets enough distance between us that Jacob stops running. He stands in the middle of the busy street; his hands being held over his head as he tries to take in some ragged breaths. Jacob will always be my brother and I love him for that, but my love for Emily is greater and it is time for me to go home.
Chapter 10
It was only once we start making our way out of the city does the black sky start to sparkle with stars. I have made a habit of always staring at the sky the past few weeks. The taxi driver pulls into Los Angeles Domestic Terminal and I hand him a one-hundred-dollar bill. I don’t wait for my change as I start walking towards the entrance. Just as I am about to enter the glass sliding doors at the terminal, my vision is blinded by a large bright light being shone from a video camera.
“Noah, where are you going?” questions a male voice that is hidden behind the camera, blocking my entrance to the terminal.
“Aren’t you performing tonight? Did the concert get cancelled?” he questions, as he moves his camera in closer to my face.
I attempt to push the camera out of my face, causing it to smash directly into the paparazzi’s nose harshly. He pulls the camera down from his face and grabs a handkerchief out of his top pocket to wipe under his nose to make sure it isn’t bleeding. That is when I notice that he is one of the regular guys that have been following me around the past six months.
“I could sue you for that” he yells angrily, before he once again shoves the camera directly into my face while using his body to block my entrance into the airport.
Every time I try to side step him, he would move blocking my path. My annoyance had now started to boil that I grabbed his camera out of his hand and threw it down on the ground hard, watching as pieces of the camera shatter on impact.
“Oh come on Noah, fucken hell, I am just doing my job” he states angrily, as he attempts to bend down to pick up the pieces of his broken camera.
It reminds me of the time Emily and I had been captured by the paparazzi walking out of the café at Bronte’s Peak. Emily had defended them the same way. She said they were only doing their job. I remember laughing at how Emily could see the good in anyone, even the vultures of the paparazzi.
“I’m sorry, I will make sure it gets replaced” I advise while bending down to help him pick up the few remaining pieces of his broken camera.
As he narrows his eyes at me, he snatches a piece of the broken camera out of my hand that I had just collected off the footpath. I walk past him and make my way into the airports double glass doors.
“Tragic accident hey?” he sneers angrily.
I stop frozen in place and turn around to face him, my jaw ticking with anger as I clench my fists tightly. He shrugs his shoulders at me as he has a condescending smirk on his face. He isn’t worth it; I try to convince myself. He may be a pathetic human being, but he isn’t worth my time. I shake my head at him in disgust before I turn and walk through the doors.
“She probably offed herself just to get away from you” he murmurs under his breath.
Then all I feel is pure rage, the anger from everything that has happened over the past six weeks comes rolling in like a fucking freight train. I storm over to him as I rear up my leg, kicking him hard with my black boots. He goes flying backwards, his head making impact with the concrete as he lands heavily. I walk over towards him and grab a fistful of his hair, forcing him to stand back on his feet.
“Say it again, but say it to my face this time you fucking piece of shit!” I scream directly into his face.
Not even flinching or attempting to protect himself, he smiles at me. Loving the fact that he has sparked a reaction out of me. His gaze looks past me and that is when I notice several paparazzi cameras are pointing directly at me.
“Smile for the cameras Noah” he whispers as a small trail of blood dribbles out of the corner of his mouth.
He doesn’t even realise that he is dealing with a guy who has nothing left to lose. I pull back my arm and swing my fist hard against his face. The instant my knuckles connect with his left temple he is knocked out cold. I am then tackled hard to the ground.
“Stay on the ground, if you move I will pepper spray you” states one of the police officers that is holding me down on the ground. His arm forcefully pushing my face into the concrete footpath.
“Put your hands behind your back” states another while removing his cuffs from his belt. He places them around my wrists, locking them tightly into place.
The whole incident is being recorded by several members of the paparazzi and I am sure it is being streamed live around the world. A police officer ends up dragging me back up onto my feet by pulling on the cuffs, before walking me towards his police cruiser.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as I have said them to you?” questions the police officer as he places me in the back of the police cruiser. I nod my head in understanding and wait in the patrol car until they eventually take me to the Los Angeles Police Department for questioning.
“How are you holding up Noah?” Jacobs asks into the visitor’s phone, as he takes a seat behind the thick glass wall between us.
I am currently being held in custody awaiting trial since I was refused bail at my arraignment this morning.
“Can you get me out of here Jacob?” I ask panicked.
Jail is everything I had expected it to be, three concrete walls and a steel cage door. I can’t stay in a place like this, if my memories weren’t haunting enough when I was drunk, imagine how bad they are going to be sober, staring at white walls all day.
“They don’t even let me have shoe laces for fuck sake” I breath heavily into the phone.
By the way Jacob scratches his eyebrow, it suddenly dawns on me that he has had me placed on suicide watch. I am not fucking impressed, but I will deal with Jacob after I get out of here.
“Nick is talking to Jenni’s parents. They are trying to see if they can get a deal if you will agree to plead guilty. But they are saying you are going to end up doing some time Noah. You knocked the guy out cold on live TV and he is suing you for damages” Jacob replies.
<
br /> I don’t care if the guy takes me to the cleaners. I will give him every cent just to get out of this fucking hellhole. I knew it would have taken a lot for Nick to ask Jenni’s parents for help, but I need all the help I can get right now.
Three days later, I am nervously tapping my foot while I wait in the courtroom for the judge to arrive to hand down my sentence. I had accepted a plea that was offered by the district attorney’s office but the judge has the final say on what my punishment will be. I can feel the butterflies starting to flutter in my stomach as the judge walks in to take his seat at the podium. The judge is in his mid-fifties and is of African American descent, I have to do a double take when he walks in as he looks like the world famous actor Morgan Freeman.
“You should consider yourself extremely lucky young man” states the judge as he looks down at me.
“Your will escape a jail conviction this time around but next time you will not be as lucky. I am only giving you this one chance after your lawyer informed me of your unfortunate loss a few months ago” he advises while giving me a stern look.