Reality of Life (Perception Book 2)

by Shandi Boyes

  “She is very beautiful” she declares quietly, before her gaze returns to my face.

  “I’m sorry for the way I judged you earlier Noah. I have only just returned to my position here a few weeks ago after having the last twelve months off. I don’t keep track of the news or media sites so I was unaware of what had happened” she empathizes softly while looking at me. Her guilt and remorse clearly etched in her face.

  I look down at the picture of Emily before running my thumb gently over her face. Dr Miller must have done some research on me the last two hours. I am sure the instant you type my name in the search engine the story on Emily’s tragic death would be the first thing that pops up.

  “I want to commence your counselling again tomorrow morning. Meet me back at room thirty-two at 10am” she advises as she walks towards the hallway.

  “Please don’t be late” she requests firmly.

  Chapter 13

  “Just say anything, anything that makes you feel comfortable” Dr Miller advises, as she pushes her fringe out of her eyes.

  I am currently attending my sixth counselling session on day three of my three-month sentence. Those three days have felt like the longest fucking days of my life. I have two one-hour counselling session per day with Dr Miller and every day she asks me that exact same question. I have spent the last five counselling session in complete silence, while she tries to prompt a response out of me with a range of different questions. When she lowers her hand down from her face, I notice a sparkling engagement and wedding ring on her ring finger. Wanting to avoid any questions about myself, I decide to try and keep the focus on her.

  “How long have you been married?” I ask, causing her to smile. Her gaze turns to look down at her wedding rings.

  “Three years” she replies while smiling. Her eyes sparkling when she smiles, just like Emily’s did.

  “You must have gotten married young?” I question. She nods her head swiftly.

  “Yes we did. I was just shy of turning twenty-five and he was twenty-six” she replies.

  She seems generally happy when she talks about her husband. So my original guess on her age would have been around right, she is twenty-eight years old.

  “But we are supposed to be talking about you Noah, not me” she replies as she spins her diamond solitaire engagement ring around, making sure that it is perfectly aligned in the middle of her finger.

  “Do you want to talk about Emily?” she questions softly, while her eyes dart between mine.

  Just hearing her name causes my heart to start beating faster. I shake my head slowly, causing Dr Millers shoulders to slightly slump. Today was the first time we have managed to say more than a few sentences to each other and I think she thought I might have started opening up to her.

  “It will really help if you talk Noah. It won’t make the pain go away, but it will help you to heal” she states softly.

  “I don’t think I can ever get over the loss of losing Emily”

  “I won’t pretend that it is easy, but your pain will eventually lessen” she replies making me realise I had said the last statement out loud, instead of in my thoughts.

  “Can you tell me how you met Emily?” She questions with a small smile on her face.

  I run my hands down my face recalling the memory of the day I saw her standing against her bedroom door. She was so fucking beautiful.

  “She was one of the girls that the instant you meet them; you know your life would never be the same again” I reply while smiling.

  Emily had imprinted herself on me the instant I had met her. I had to beg Jacob to ask Lola for her number once we left her house that night. Obviously Jacob was just stirring me when he originally refused. As I found out after Emily had died that Jacob and Lola had been conspiring all along for us to meet.

  “I tried hard to stay away from her” I continue as Dr Miller watches me eagerly.

  I even went out on the town with Nick a few weekends to try and forget about her sparkling brown eyes and sexy long tanned legs. But even when I was making out with a girl in my truck her beautiful face would keep interrupting my thoughts. I remember one girl had long brown hair very similar to Emily’s that as she was kissing a trail from my chest to the crutch of my jeans I imagined that she was Emily causing my dick to instantly stiffen. It was only when she lifted her eyes towards me, as she undid the button of my jeans, did I realise that her eyes were blue, causing the excitement I had been feeling to crash and burn like I had hit a brick wall full force. I didn’t realise until I had finally started dating Emily, that no girl would ever be able to compete with her. They couldn’t even come in a close second.

  “Why did you try and stay away?” questions Dr Miller

  “Emily deserved better than to be with someone like me” I reply truthfully, as I take in a long deep breath.

  I knew that I was a broken man and I didn’t want to burden Emily with trying to mend my broken heart and black soul. I had never fully gotten over the loss of Michael, when I had to deal with losing Chris. I still don’t understand to this day what happened with Chris, he seemed to be doing so well. He had been helping me to rebuild my truck and was working as a mechanic at a local garage in town. He had even started dating a girl named Holly. His life seemed to be going along well, and then suddenly he ends up overdosing in his bathtub, on the fourth anniversary of Michael’s death. I look up and notice that Dr Millers eyebrows are pulled together tight in concern.

  “How did you meet your husband?” I ask her.

  I have spoken enough about my life today and I needed to change the line of questions back towards her.

  “Umm…it was at a college party” she chuckles while covering her mouth with her hand as she smiles brightly.

  “We were both freshman and it was just like BOOM here it is, love right then and there!” she states while her cheeks give off a pink hue.

  I have to laugh at her indication of instant love. I had always thought it was one of the most pathetic things I had ever heard of, until I met Emily.

  “I’m not saying it was all roses and sunshine all the time, but we eventually got there” she continues as her smile faintly falters. She then looks down and twirls her engagement ring around her finger.

  “Have you ever been married?” she asks, as her gaze returns from her diamond ring to my eyes.

  “No, Emily and I were engaged but we never got married” I reply sullenly.

  “I’m sorry Noah” she replies with sympathy.

  Our second anniversary was the day before Emily’s twentieth birthday. We had originally planned on getting married that day. But had decided to postpone the wedding so that I would remain attainable to my fans. How fucking stupid was I to agree to go along with that? If I had never agreed we would have still been planning to get married in January, and Emily would not have been killed travelling to surprise me.

  I was in San Diego as part of the tour on the day that should have been Emily’s twentieth birthday. I organised for the florist to take the biggest bouquet of white lilies to her grave site. I know that I should visit her myself but I just can’t do it. I can’t imagine her being buried underneath all that dirt. I ended up calling Emily’s mom Patrice that day, it was the first time I have spoken to her since the funeral. She had left several messages on my phone over the Christmas, New Year period inviting me back to her house, but I never replied. She sounded happy to hear from me and she made me promise that I would keep in contact with her.

  “You are a like a son to me Noah, please don’t cut me out of your life” she begged into the phone.

  I had expected Patrice to blame me for Emily’s death, like my own mother had blamed me for Michael’s. But she had nothing but genuine concern for me in her voice as we spoke. It made me realise how many traits Emily had inherited from her mom. She was hardworking, loveable and always saw the best in people.

  “You have done well today Noah” Dr Miller states, as she looks up at the clock showing that our on
e-hour session today was over.

  The session today prompted me on the promise I had made to Patrice a couple of weeks ago. So after my counselling session with Dr Miller, I ended up using a payphone to call Emily’s mom.

  “Hi Patrice” I greet into the phone.

  “Noah, I have missed you so much” she replies. I can hear her smile through the phone.

  Chapter 14

  “Okay, so today we are going to try something a little different” declares Dr Miller as she walks over and lowers the blind down on the two-way glass.

  “I want you to lay down on the bed” she advises before she switches off the rooms lights, causing the room to be plunged into grey darkness.

  “Are you fucking serious?” I question unbelievably.

  “Language Noah, I will not tell you again” Dr Miller states firmly as her shadowed outline walks towards me.

  Today is day thirty-five of my three-month stay in rehab. Dr Miller, or Rachel as she has advised me to call her, has been trying a range of different techniques in a hope that she can force me to ‘open my lines of communication’. I have been attending the twice daily sessions every day without fail as part of the requirement of my stay. Very rarely do I give her more than a one sentence reply to the questions she asks about Emily. I managed to tell her the story about Michael without even breaking down. She already knew about Chris’s suicide as it was included in my profile that she was given from the State Department. That is one of the reasons I was placed on suicide watch. She has also been reprimanding me every time I swear. Rachel believes that swearing is a sign of disrespect and that I should be more considerate about who I swear in front of. I now try and keep my swearing inside my head, but the occasional one still manages to pop out during our sessions.

  “Sorry” I reply when I notice she still has her eyes narrowed at me as she stands directly in front of me.

  “Lay down” she instructs sternly.

  I let out a harsh quick breath as I lay down on the dark grey suede sofa. It is that short in length my legs have to dangle over the edge. I feel fucking ridiculous, as I turn my gaze to Dr Miller.

  “Now close your eyes and listen closely to me speaking” she advises quietly before sitting in the large armchair directly next to the sofa bed.

  “Just slowly take in some long deep breaths and try and feel yourself relaxing. Relax your toes, relax your legs, relax your chest, and slowly breath in and out as you relax all the muscles in your body” she breaths softly next to me.

  The instant I close my eyes I can see Emily’s beautiful face; she is smiling brightly at me. Today the image doesn’t haunt me the same way it normally does, she seems to be happy and at peace.

  “Emily” I slowly breath out

  “That’s right Noah, keep breathing in and out, in and out. Can you see Emily?” Rachel asks softly.

  I nod my head. She is standing right before me, as beautiful as I remember.

  “Does she seem happy?” Dr Miller asks me softly, as Emily’s face breaks into her breathtakingly beautiful smile.

  “Yes she does” I reply roughly; my eyes sting as small tears form in the corners.

  “Just keep breathing Noah, in and out, slowly breathe in a nice deep breath, hold onto it and then breathe it out” Rachel responds slowly.

  “What do you want to tell Emily Noah?” she asks softly.

  “I’m sorry” I whisper out roughly as I clench my fists together.

  Why did I have to fuck everything up? I wasted so much time being an idiot. Two months that I will never get back with Emily ever again.

  “I’m so sorry for everything that I did, for all the time I wasted” I reply as my resentment starts to rise.

  “Just breathe Noah, keep breathing, in and out, try and stay calm” Rachel continues to whisper softly next to me as she places her hand on my clenched fist.

  “I can’t fucking do this” I state as I quickly sit up from the sofa bed, causing my head to get a rush of dizziness from my sudden movements.

  “It’s ok Noah, try to just continue breathing. You did well, I am really proud of you” advises Dr Miller.

  She walks over and slowly raises the blind, causing the room to be illuminated with artificial light. I sit on the sofa with my head in my hands as Dr Miller walks over and sits quietly in the chair next to me.

  “I fucked everything up” I whisper, waiting to be reprimanded for cussing again. But when I look up at Dr Miller she is just watching me quietly.

  “I let jealousy waste two months of my life with Emily” I state directly into her eyes….

  “Come on Noah, stop being such a pussy and come out with us tonight” teases Slater while laughing.

  “Even Nick is coming with us” he continues as he slaps Nick playfully on the shoulder.

  They seemed to have grown a lot closer the past few months, since Nick has settled down with Jenni. The guys from the band are all going out to a karaoke bar that had just opened a few blocks down from the hotel we are staying at in Los Angeles. I hadn’t had the chance to call Emily tonight and there was no way I was going to miss calling her just to have a few beers. I have called her every night since the day we had met.

  “I have to call Emily” I advise Slater.

  “Pussy whipped” Slater laughs, as he pretends to whip me with an invisible whip.

  Looking around our room, it dawns on me how much money our album must be making for the record label. We went from staying in small double bed two-star motels, to five star hotels that have a full suite, Jacuzzi tub and the one that we are in this week even has a full sized kitchen.

  I give Slater the finger as he walks into the bathroom and I dial in Emily’s cell phone number I have memorised by heart.

  “Hi baby” she smiles brightly into the cell phone.

  I really needed to see her beautiful face today so I decided to facetime her.

  “Hi Beautiful” I greet back noticing that there are a few people milling around in the background.

  Things have started to get extremely hectic for our band the past few months, meaning that I no longer have every weekend off. It killed me not being able to see Emily every weekend, but I made sure we kept in regular contact and we facetimed as often as possible.

  “How has your day been today Noah?” she asks me excitedly.

  She never let the fact that I couldn’t see her every day to dampen any conversations we had.

  “Good baby, really good, I have fucking missed you so much though” I reply truthfully, as her face breaks into her beautiful smile before she replies.

  “I have missed you too baby”

  Then all of a sudden she moves out of the camera frame. I can hear someone loudly declare in the background “Emily, baby I have missed you”.

  I quickly stand up from the sofa, staring at my phone screen while trying to keep my anger under control at the fact that some guy currently has his arms around Emily. My sudden movement off the sofa gains the attention of Marcus, who was standing peering out of the large hotel window.

  “Emily” I state into the phone, noticing that her phone is being held upside down

  “Em.. Fuck” I state more panicked, causing Marcus to move over towards me.

  “Emily” I yell down the phone as Marcus looks down at my screen.

  “Oh Fuck” Marcus breaths out heavily, his face etched with worry.

  “That’s Zander” Marcus states while pointing to a guy that has just walked into frame, grinning directly at the camera.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask angrily.

  Marcus’s eyes dart between mine before he slowly shakes his head.

  “No, I’m not fucking kidding, that is Zander” replies Marcus.

  I try to keep my anger under control, but I can feel my resistance slowly slipping as I clutch tightly onto my phone causing my knuckles to go white, before I hit the end call button.

  “It doesn’t mean anything Noah” Marcus states quickly, trying to calm me down.
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br />   “Then what the fuck does it mean? Why the fuck is he there with her?” I ask Marcus furiously. Marcus shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head.

  Out of all the guys in the fucking world, the guy that took Emily’s virginity is the guy that ends up smirking like an arrogant prick in the background.

  “You ready Marcus?” questions Slater as he walks out of the bathroom towards us.

  “Let’s go” I reply for Marcus.

  While grabbing my leather jacket that is hanging on the dining room chair, I drop my ringing cell phone into the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.

  “Oh pussy whipped Noah is coming out for a drink” Slater laughs as I storm past him, causing his eyebrows to pull together.