Cowboy Daddy

by Stephanie Brother

  In the worst timing possible, the toddler started to cry.

  I winced, wanting to rush over to where he’d just been sleeping a moment ago, in his crib. But, the sound would only get louder, and I was still with Jason on the phone. I had kept my secret for so long, and whenever I thought about telling him, it was face to face. Either way, this was the worst timing ever.

  “Rachel?” he asked hesitantly. “What is that I hear right now…?”

  “I’m sorry, Jason,” I said instead of answering. “Something important has come up. I’ll talk to you later.”

  The words were said hurriedly before he could ask anything, and I cut the call after that. Because I didn’t want to give him a chance to question me, and because I walked over to my son’s crib to pick him up.

  “There, there, honey,” I murmured, holding him to my chest and rocking him gently.

  He’d missed me. As soon as I picked him up, his loud cries softened to tiny sniffles. I just didn’t like hearing my toddler so upset.

  “It’s just going to be you and me today,” I told him. “So there’s that at least, right?”

  His response was to yawn at me. He was falling asleep again, and I knew in not too long, he’d be up again so I could feed him.

  Out of nowhere, there was a knock on my door. It was so unexpected that I couldn’t help jumping. The sound wasn’t too loud to startle the toddler, though.

  “Now who could that be?” I asked out loud, shifting the toddler into my arms as I went for the door.

  I felt a tentative spark of hope when I thought it could be Mary. It hadn't been too long yet. If she’d changed her mind about staying to help, I could still make it to the farm with plenty of time to do something useful.

  But then, I opened the door, and the last person I expected to see was right there. Jason’s eyes fell on his son and I lost all thoughts, thinking that I didn’t want them to meet this way. How I had it planned out in my head was totally different to the way it was working out.

  We were both frozen in place, me gaping up at Jason, him looking at my son with unreadable eyes. When those eyes eventually turned to me, my first instinct was to recoil.

  “Rachel? Is he yours?”

  Jack said, “Mommy.” He was so confused and I felt guilty for putting him through this, I felt as if I was going to lose my mind and I knew that as Jason was about to blow up. I had to do something and fast. I gasped. “Jason, please just listen to me—”

  “Three years,” he bit out through gritted teeth. “A little over that, but still! Fuck it, Rachel. Why were you even at the ranch that day I got back if you have a child with you? What, did you want to brag about it? That it didn’t take you that long to move on as I’d thought?”

  I flattened my lips, unable to say anything against his accusations. Because I found myself wanting to give him excuses, and why did I have to do that? In the first place, he was the one to walk away. And he no longer trusted me with all the accusations he was throwing at me without even hearing me out first.

  “You know what?” he said with a sneer. “I changed my mind about asking you to stay. You obviously have ‘things’ to take care of, right?”

  He gave me a mocking smile, then turned around and walked away.

  I wasn’t sure how long I just stood there at my door, even after he’d been long out of my sight when I felt the tears start to trickle down my face. Once they started, they wouldn’t stop coming. It was all I could do not to make any noise to startle the kid.

  Chapter Nine

  Jason

  Things were slightly hectic without Rachel there. The order we’d been building was slightly off. I knew it, but I was too stubborn to admit it and kept trying to make things work.

  There was some paperwork I just had to get done before I could make my rounds in the fields, and even then, I had to have my phone on for emergencies, instead of leaving her to focus on it.

  I didn’t want to think about it, though, how her absence was affecting the ranch and me. Because all I kept going back to, was how Rachel had a toddler, and I’d had no idea about it. I hadn't gotten a close look at the boy. He was young, and she couldn’t have found someone so quickly after I’d left. Which meant, the child could have been conceived, while she was still with me.

  Dammit, Rachel…how could you do this to me?

  The feeling of betrayal was heavy on my chest.

  Besides, I was getting the hang of it, and I was pretty sure the ranch could survive without her there for a bit. For a while.

  “Hey, boss!”

  I glanced up as one of the hands jogged over to me. I didn’t know much about him, but I’d worked with him for a few days, and I remembered him from before I’d left. I’d seen him around town at least, though I hadn't known he was working at the ranch.

  “What’s up, Brent?” I asked, bracing myself for something else that went wrong. “Did something else happen?”

  He looked surprised. “What? No. I just wanted to ask you about something; there’s nothing wrong. Not really, anyway.”

  I sighed in relief at that, just a little bit. My mind was already torn in several different directions; it would be bad if there were more for me to worry about.

  “So?” I prompted. “What did you want to tell me?”

  He shrugged. “I just noticed Rachel hasn’t turned up; I wanted to know if you’d heard something about it?”

  I shook my head. “Good,” I bit out, turning away, feeling irritated.

  Why did he have to come up to me and bring up her name, when I’d been trying so hard to put it out of my mind for the past several hours?

  “What do you mean?”

  I looked over at Brent, arching an eyebrow. He was frowning at me, looking confused.

  “Huh?”

  “I mean about Rachel. Do you know something about what happened? Because I don’t have her phone number, and I can't cut work to go over to her place…”

  “Rachel is doing just fine,” I said, voice thick with sarcasm. “She’s perfect, in fact. Probably spending time with her little family right now.”

  I could tell Brent was only growing more confused. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean. What are you even talking about?”

  I scowled at the other man. I didn’t want to say the words, but he was forcing me to.

  “I’m saying,” I gritted out. “She had another man beside me while we were dating. Somehow, I was the jerk, but she was two-timing me.”

  He blinked. “What the fuck would make you say that?”

  “I just saw her with a toddler that I knew nothing about. What else could explain that?”

  Brent just stared at me for a moment; then he burst out laughing. I didn’t understand or appreciate it, and I showed him just how much by glaring at him, hard. He waved a hand at me.

  “I’m sorry, but fuck, Jason…are you blind or what? Don’t make things too complicated, all right? There was no other man. The kid is yours! You just didn’t know about him.”

  Brent gave me a pat on the back, then walked away, still chuckling. I was left gaping at his back, feeling like a total idiot.

  Well, shit. I’m still the jerk, then; an even bigger one.

  I had to go back to Rachel’s. Fuck, I’d been an ass to her, when she’d tried to explain things to me. But, I hadn't wanted to hear it, because I’d been mad.

  Why the fuck was I so mad when I was the one who ended our relationship in the first place?

  Whether or not Rachel had moved on shouldn’t have mattered to me. Less than a month ago, I hadn't even wanted to see her. But I could feel the growing urgency in my chest as I walked back to the house in a rush to pick up my car keys.

  Then, my phone rang.

  “Hello?” I said impatiently, not stopping my strides.

  “I’m calling to remind you we have the probate reading in half an hour. Will you be attending?”

  Shit. That had to be the lawyer. I’d forgotten all about it. I still wanted to go an
d look for Rachel, but…this was something just as important. I sighed and cut the call without replying, but when I got in the car and drove, I knew I wasn’t heading to Rachel’s place just yet.

  The reading was to be at the lawyer’s office. I’d been there once already, so it was no trouble finding my way there. I was impatient throughout the whole reading until I heard the lawyer say that everything had been left to me. It was only then that I looked up and realized my brother wasn’t there. I felt like cursing, and I gave him a call afterward. I had to call twice before he picked up.

  “Hey, Noah,” I said hesitantly, wondering about how to break the news to him.

  It turned out, I didn’t need to.

  “I know the reading was today,” he said brusquely. “The lawyer called, but I didn’t think I needed to be there. It’s all yours anyway, right?”

  I sighed. “I’ll split everything with you if you want,” I offered. “It’s not fair that I…”

  “It’s fine,” he said, speaking to me. “Don’t bother, Jason. Goodbye.”

  I couldn’t help but think just how final that goodbye had sounded.

  Chapter Ten

  Rachel

  There was no word from Jason for a few days. It was to be expected, after his little stop at my place, but why did it hurt me so much? Because he’d misunderstood something? And he’d walked away without letting me explain, while I let him walk away without speaking up a bit more firmly. I’d done it just fine on the ranch. But, I hadn't been vulnerable there. That had been him.

  It wasn’t quite that the tables had turned, but more than they were back to rights, and I hated it that way.

  You were going to tell him anyway, I thought to myself. At some point.

  That didn’t make me feel any better, though.

  I kept wondering if he needed help, but I didn’t have the courage to go and look for him to ask. Just like it had always been between us. Jason walked, and I was more often than not too afraid to reach for his back, and he left.

  I wondered if that would ever change about us.

  When another surprise knock came to my door, I was more prepared. Still, it was a surprise to open the door and see Jason standing right there. I would have thought he’d remain pissed at me since it had taken him this long. The last time he got pissed at me, he was gone long enough for me to have my son and spend a little time with him, before going back to work. Nathan knew all about him, my boy. He’d helped me out when I had no idea what I was going to do on my own with a child. He’d met him a few times. I knew it was partly because of the both of us that he’d called Jason back home so insistently. He’d wanted Jason to do right by the two of us, even though I’d said over and over that I didn’t have a problem with it.

  Now here Jason was, and I couldn’t help but be glad to see him. Still, I acted reserved.

  “Hello, Jason.”

  The bags were back under his eyes, even though it hadn't been that long. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked like a defeated man. Nothing like the Jason I remembered.

  “Hi, Rachel,” he said, sounding drained.

  “Would you like to come in?” I offered, stepping aside.

  He didn’t hesitate, walking past me and to the living room, where he dropped onto the couch.

  “I’m sorry for intruding,” he murmured.

  I chuckled a little. “Jason, apologizing? Isn’t that a new one,” I muttered to myself.

  He heard me, by the way he winced and looked up at me, all apologetic even as he still looked more exhausted.

  “It was my mistake, of course, I have to apologize. Especially when I told you off for butting into my shit. I was out of line last time. I’m sorry, Rachel.”

  His saying the words once was surprising enough, he even repeated it. Jason wasn’t the kind of guy that apologized for who he was, or how he did things. It was truly strange to hear.

  “It’s fine,” I murmured, fidgeting in place, wondering if I should sit down or offer him something. I couldn’t decide. Then I changed the topic quickly. “How’s the ranch been doing?” I asked.

  He laughed grimly. “What do you think? You can just see me and tell, can't you? I’m a mess, Rachel. I thought I was picking things up, but that was a lie. It was more like I was helping out and you were running the whole ranch.”

  I wanted to refuse and say it wasn’t true. But he must have come here for something.

  “What did you need?” I asked, though I already knew.

  He gave me a tired smirk. “Help, Rachel,” he said bluntly. “Yours. I’m willing to offer some in return if I can. With the child, maybe?” he offered hesitantly, wincing.

  More things I hadn't expected. Jason is the first to ask for help, instead of just accepting it. And Jack…

  “You don’t have to push yourself, Jason,” I told him.

  He just shrugged. “I don’t see it as pushing myself. I know…we don’t have the best past. A lot of it—well, all of it, was my fault. I wanted to…try and forget. Start over. By helping each other out. If you need to, I can keep paying you for the work.”

  I shot my eyebrows up. “You’ve been paying me to work?”

  He chuckled. “Well. I know you haven’t received anything yet, but yes. You can think of this as a job if you need to.”

  A job… I needed one. It was just hard to find. Nathan had given me plenty of that while I was in between jobs, I could help out on the ranch in exchange. It didn’t mean anything.

  Besides, I needed the cash. Nathan had left me some money, more than what I’d worked for, but it wouldn’t hurt to save it up. And I wasn’t used to staying idle, either, just being at home with a toddler full-time.

  “I would love to,” I said honestly, feeling my body relax as I gave him a grin. I moved to one of the chairs across from him and sat down, my arms around myself. “I have to admit, though, it’s a surprise that you’re coming around this fast.”

  Jason gave a twisted smile. “I’m not all that reliable, huh?”

  “No, no,” I said quickly. “Just…decisive. Turning back on your decisions isn’t always easy for you, no matter what it’s about.”

  He hummed. He pushed himself off the couch, stretching out his arms.

  “Why don’t we head over to the ranch now?” he said. “I’ll drive you. I think everyone is starting to miss you.” He hesitated a bit, before adding, “The child can come to.”

  Jason was suddenly so accommodating that I didn’t know whether to be suspicious of it or not. I went to my son after packing a quick bag for him.

  “Hey, there, Jack,” I murmured as I picked him up and rocked him a little. “Do you think Daddy knows the truth about you? Huh?”

  Could that be why he changed his mind so quickly?

  Chapter Eleven

  Jason

  Rachel and I were back to working on the farm together; there were just a few differences. For one, she stayed over with her son. The ranch hands had been happy to see her back, as well as the other workers in the house. It hadn't been a lie when I said she was missed.

  I had missed her, too. I was just too much of a coward to tell her outright.

  With her there with me, everything was back in order and according to plan. It was strange, sometimes when I heard the toddler cry, or I saw him with her, and I’d think that he was my son.

  This must be what Grandpa meant about me taking responsibility, I thought. I’d had other things on my mind at the time. I felt another fresh wave of guilt, as I realized just how stupid I’d been.

  After finishing up some work in the fields, I made some lunch for just Rachel and I. The other hands and employees could find their food. I couldn’t hear the boy crying and guessed Rachel had already set him down in one of the bedrooms. She’d been insistent on the one right next to her own, and I’d understood she didn’t want the toddler too far, so I had no problem agreeing. It was also near the office, so it worked out.

  I went there then, and I found her on her own. She wa
s bent over some papers, work that I was technically supposed to be doing. After a moment, I knocked on the doorjamb, and she looked up.

  “Oh, Jason,” she said, smiling. “Can I do something for you?”

  “I was wondering if you could join me for lunch.”

  She looked surprised, then pleased. “I didn’t realize it was that late already. Just give me one sec?”

  She looked back down at the papers she’d been looking through, noted some things down quickly, then got up and rounded the desk.

  “Can I ask what we’re having?” she asked, curious. “Or is it a surprise?”

  “Not a surprise per se,” I said slowly as we walked out of the office. “But I’m hoping they’re all still your favorites.”

  There was a look of absolute delight on her face, and I couldn’t help feeling a little proud that I was the one to put it there.

  I led the way back downstairs and to the kitchen, over to the dining table already set with food. I’d set only two spots, so she would know no one else would be joining us. I watched her closely, but she didn’t seem to mind.

  Good. The last thing I wanted was for her to hate me, after all.

  “You didn’t have to do all this,” she said as she sat, though her smile was wider and she was looking at the food like she couldn’t wait to try it all. “You could have left the cook handle it. And don’t even try to deny that you didn’t cook all this, because I remember your cooking just fine, Jason.”

  I felt something right relax in my chest, and I rubbed a hand over it. I hadn't even realized I was anxious this whole time, and I smiled easily at her, feeling happy because she looked happy.

  Why did I ever let her go? I thought to myself once again. Because now that we were doing this, I could remember just how much better things used to be between Rachel and me, before it all went wrong to the point I just had to walk away.

  “Eat,” I prompted, serving my plate and digging in.

  I watched as she took a bite, and hummed, her eyes lighting up. She gave me a thumbs up instead of saying it out loud, though I could already tell by the way she was taking in spoon after spoon, barely taking time to chew before eating a little more. She must not have had breakfast because she looked really hungry.