by J Bree
“Not happy to be home?”
I scoff at him. “Cut me some slack. I just found out Doc’s grandkid is going to be brutally murdered just because she can’t remember to take a damn pill.” I groan and hang my head. It’s an utter waste and a fucking tragedy and I can’t do a thing about it.
“This Matteo will kill her instead of just getting rid of the baby?”
He'd kill her just for the fun of listening to her beg for mercy. “He doesn’t exactly value life, in any form.”
Ash nods and looks back out over the city. “I’ll pay. Get her out and I’ll pay for the costs.”
I stare at him in shock. He gives me a sidelong look and takes Blaise’s blunt from the ashtray. He offers it to me but I wave him away. “I’m not a fan of domestic violence or women being killed. Besides, you just saved Joey. I owe you.”
I take another swing, long enough that I can feel the heat of the liquor pooling in my stomach nicely. I’d like to get drunk. I’d like to get absolutely fucked up but now’s not the time. “Thanks. I’ll reach out to her.”
I hand him back the bottle and he shrugs, drinking straight from it then his tongue darts out to swipe across his lips. My stomach heats for an entirely different reason, he’s just licked the taste of me off of his lips. I wonder if he remembers the taste of me as clearly as I remember the taste of him. Doubtful.
I stand up and as I step back through the door I turn to look at him. “You don’t owe me. I did it for Avery and if you’d just stop hating me, I’d do it for you, too.”
His eyes don’t waiver from the lights of the city but he nods at me.
I don’t know if we’ve made any progress but I go to sleep easier that night.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I find myself, terrifyingly, only one week ahead in my studies.
We’re down to the last month of the school year and yet with all of the tutoring, singing practice, babysitting, scheming, self-defense lessons, and family dinners I’m now behind. Well, ok, not behind but if I get the flu now I’m fucked academically. Avery rolls her eyes at me and tells me she would never let me lose my scholarship or my place at Hannaford which is reassuring but it doesn’t stop me from turning into a crazed insomniac hell bent on finishing every assignment I have left in three days or less.
I take refuge in the library, texting everyone to tell them I’m skipping dinner, and I slip Blaise’s iPod into my ears to block out what little noise there is. I plow through all of my history, literature, biology, and math like my life depends on it. I wince at my now stone cold coffee, completely forgotten about and now I’m mourning its loss.
When I stop to glance at the clock and stretch my arms and fingers out I find it’s almost nine pm and the library is empty. I only have a few minutes before I’ll be kicked out and the curfew is only thirty minutes after that. Not that the curfew means anything to me, teachers now turn and run if they see me in the same way they do if they see Avery. It’s hilarious.
I’m shoving my textbooks into my bag and yawning when the earphones are yanked out of my ears with enough force that the iPod goes flying. I clench my fists but I recognize the perfume. Annabelle freaking Summers.
“Does Blaise know you’ve stolen his music? He’ll drop you if he finds out you’ve got this, you dumb Mounty slut.” She hisses and I stand up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. When I bend to pick the iPod up she snatches it up first.
“Hand it over or I’ll break every finger on your hand. One warning, that’s all you’re getting.” I say, holding up a finger and giving her a menacing look. She’s sneering back at me and looking nothing like the stunning girl I first met last year, draped around Blaise and giggling prettily. I do a full assessment of her while her lip curls at my slow perusal. Nothing seems out of place except her roots are showing, a cardinal sin amongst the affluent, bratty girls here. Ah, her nails aren’t done either. Her eyelashes are thinner, lighter, and her eyebrows look good but not perfect.
Her parents have cut her off. Whether they’ve run out of fund themselves or she’s pissed them off, I don’t know but I also don’t care. I think she’d fuck me for money at this point, the desperation is seeping from her pores.
I hold out my hand for the iPod and raise an eyebrow at her.
“I’m not fucking giving it back to you. He doesn’t even let Ash touch it! I’ll be walking it back up to his room and telling him-“
“That you’ve stolen my iPod from my friend? That you’re a jealous, desperate mess and instead of doing your own work you want to trap me and leach off of me? That you’re hung up on Harley and hoping you’ll be able to get him back into your bed once you’ve secured eighteen years of child support from me?”
Annabelle lip drops and her eyes are peeled and wild as she whirls to find Blaise glaring at her, dressed in his sweatpants and an old band tee. He doesn’t pause in his scathing rant.
“How about you tell me all about how you manipulated your way into my room to steal my fathers letters and post them for the whole fucking world to see? Or how you’re still posting daily about Rory trying to rape Avery? How about you tell me and the Mounty about how you helped that sick freak Lance steal her underwear and you tried to break into her room to let him mess with her shit?”
“Blaise, I-“
“Hand Lips my iPod. I gave it to her.” She smacks it into my hand and steps toward him, tears streaming down her face and I decide to get the sweet fresh hell out of the library and away from the drama. I’m allergic to this shit and yet I keep finding myself in the middle of it. Blaise slings an arm around my waist as I try to move past him.
“I’m here to walk you back to your room, don’t run off without me.” He murmurs into my hair as he drapes himself over me. I will not blush. I will not crumble, I’m not some desperate groupie. If I keep telling myself this maybe it’ll miraculously come true.
“You know she spent the night with Harley while you were at Avery’s recital. You blame me for loving all three of you but it’s ok for her play you all off on each other.” Annabelle wails at us.
I tense up but when I try to shift away Blaise just holds me closer. I swear I can feel the ridges of his abs where I’m pressed against him. Sweet lord.
“Nice try, Summers, but we all know what’s going on. Harley has not been discreet and, like you said, I don’t give my music away to anyone. C’mon, Mounty. Avery will have my balls if I don’t get you back soon.”
Annabelle calls out to him but he ignores her, grabbing the iPod from me and handing me one of the earphones. When the music starts I don’t know if he’s picked the song, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, or if he hit shuffle but it’s an old favorite of mine and my chest always aches when I hear it.
When the song ends he plays it again and I smile down at our feet, mine still covered by the uncomfortable kitten heels girls are required to wear and his only covered by the skulls he has tattooed on him. The bright yellow carnations trapped in the teeth of the skull seem to glow against the shades of black and grey depicting the bone. The same skulls were on his first EP and I loved the artwork so much. The ink only makes me grin harder.
“Don’t ask about the tattoos, it’ll only push me to drink.” He groans and wiggles his toes as we arrive to the door.
I shrug. “I’ll take a stab at it and say your dad. Yellow carnations aren’t exactly the norm to find on album covers so I looked them up. Disappointment and rejection. Didn’t make sense to me back then but now I know what a dick your dad is I get it.”
I fish out my keys but Blaise grabs my hands and leans down until our noses brush one another. I stop breathing.
“Stop me now, Mounty, or I’m going to kiss you. No pity, no ulterior motives, just a kiss because I can’t stop myself.”
My brain just ceases to exist and I tilt my head up to meet his lips halfway. This kiss is nothing like the last one, no hesitance in either of us, and when I suck his bottom lip between my teeth he grunts and slams me into the wall next to my
door, his hand cradling the back of my head, preventing the concussion I’m positive that move would’ve given me. Thank fuck Hannaford is built out of solid stone and Avery can’t hear us thumping around out here as I drag him closer, hands fisted in his shirt, and groaning into his mouth. He parts my legs with his knee and presses against me until I see fucking stars. I’m so fucking wet that I’m sure he can feel it and I’m desperate for him to touch me.
He breaks away and I take a second to let go of his shirt.
I clear my throat. “I can’t.”
He nods and presses his forehead against mine. I feel his answers brush across my lips. “I know. I’m being a selfish dick. Just do me a favor and don’t tell Avery?”
I nod. I don’t need to tell him that I’m not talking about the Jackal’s threats. I’m talking about my stupid heart that I need to protect as fiercely as he protects his because when I had nothing at all in this world I still had myself. I can’t afford to give pieces of me away to spoiled rich boys looking for distraction.
I can’t think about Blaise or the kiss.
I can’t think about anything except the massive workload I have in all of my classes and the concert I’ll be singing at that’s creeping up on me. When summer break starts I’ll take a few weeks to figure out what the actual fuck is going on with Harley, Ash, and Blaise so I can start my junior year without boy drama.
I tell myself this over and over again to get through my classes and it works. I’m sitting in math when my phone vibrates in my pocket and I secret it out to see what Avery needs. My stomach drops.
It’s done. I’ll collect my diamond when you get home.
I try to shake off the unease that settles deep in my gut but it takes root. He’s getting more and more short with me. I’ve pissed Matteo off and now he’s addressing me only as the Jackal. Old fears creep up my spine and bury themselves into my brain like shards of glass. I remind myself that this is necessary, that separating myself from the Jackal is the first step to finding freedom and safety, but it’s like losing my security blanket at the same time as ridding myself of the monster under the bed. He’s evil, he’s twisted and psychotic, and he’s the only family I have left. He’s cared for me since I was nine years old. He’s abused me, broken me, snapped bones and destroyed me. He’s had my back in every single situation I’ve been in as the Wolf. I can’t think of Matteo without thinking about the Jackal.
I sigh and then startle when I feel a hand tuck into mine. The teacher is still droning on and on about the interpretation of exponential models. Harley hasn’t looked away once, his pen moving rapidly as he takes notes, and yet he’s noticed I’m freaking the hell out. He’s holding my hand, rubbing his thumb over my skin gently and threading his fingers through mine. I squeeze gently and he squeezes back before I move my hand and get back to taking my own notes. Fuck, maybe I am as bad as Annabelle say. Kissing Blaise one night then swooning over Harley holding my hand the next.
When the class finishes, I clear my throat and say, “We need to eat all of our meals in the dining hall together today. All of us. I’ve…had something taken care of and we need to be there to see it.”
Harley just nods and grabs his phone out. When my phone pings I know he’s told the others to join us.
I don’t know how to act now that he’s casually, discreetly, touching me. When we head to the dining hall he moves me to walk in front of him, so I don’t get bowled over by the stream of students bustling around us, and rests his hand on my lower back. The heat of his palm burns through my blazer and shirt, and it feels like a brand.
He grabs us both lunch and then scares off the juniors in our seats with a single look. Before I take my seat I look up and down the table to find that Joey isn’t here yet. Good. I want Avery to see his reaction.
Ash arrives next and he leaves a seat between us for Avery. He quirks an eyebrow at Harley who only shrugs in response. I dig into my food so I won’t be forced to speak to them. Avery and Blaise come in together, laughing and joking, and when they sit with us Avery murmurs quietly into my ear, “Today?”
I nod and she seems to pull herself to sit straighter and more regally. Ash watches us both but doesn’t comment. We’re nearly finished when the door flings open with such force that it bounces off the wall.
I don’t look up. I know who it is and what’s eating his ass.
Avery’s leg tenses against mine and she hisses, “Fuck, here he comes. He looks fucking murderous, Lips. He looks like Father does right before he backhands me, fuck.”
Swearing is never a good sign from Avery. Her eyes are wide and I can see the tremble in her fingers as she picks up her knife and fork from where she’s dropped them. I try to set a good example and I start in on my own plate of pasta, steady and sure. They taste like ash on my tongue but I need to look convincing for her.
“Remember what I said. He's effectively neutered. Don't engage with him.”
Harley and Blaise share a look. Ash gives me a hard look of his own and hisses under his breath at me. “What the fuck does that even mean?”
He’s panicking. I feel bad that I didn’t give him more warning and I don't have time to answer him now. Joey slams his palms onto the table in front of me so hard the china and silverware rattles dangerously. Silence falls over the dining hall. Some of the freshmen around us begin to collect their things and leave, eager to get away from Joey’s wrathful presence. There isn’t a person in the school who doesn’t know what he’s capable of.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Acid drips from his words but I'm not afraid of this asshole, I’ve survived worse than him. I am worse than him in all the ways that count and now I have him on a very short leash. I slowly put down my knife and fork and then I cross my arms over my chest. When I meet his eyes I can see the manic in them. His tight control has slipped and now the drug addict is clearly visible for the world to see.
“Let me tell you how this is going to go from here onwards, Joseph. You will not speak to me, your siblings, your cousin, or Morrison. You will not speak about us. You won't plot, or scheme, or belittle. You will not raise a hand. You’re going to pretend we don't exist. If you come across one of us in the halls you will avert your gaze and walk the fuck away. Am I clear?”
Joey’s breath is heaving out of his chest like he's running a marathon and his eyes are wild and darting around the room. Withdrawals are a bitch. I’ve watched my mom go through this a hundred times so I know just how much his skin is crawling. I know just how frayed his nerves are. Fuck him. I hope it burns.
“The Jackal sends his regards.” I say and I make sure my tone is even, low, placid. Then I pick my fork back up and dig back into my breakfast.
The room is holding its breath.
Joey roars and turns on his heel. He shoves a couple of juniors on his way out and whispers start up all around us.
“What the fuck just happened?” Blaise says, and I look up to see all three boys gaping at me. Avery looks smug as fuck but I know she's dying to spill to them how I did it. I give them the watered down version.
“Joey likes three things. I couldn't touch his money, that will take more time than we have. I couldn't kill him without risking Ash. That left his addiction.”
“Holy shit. You cut him off. You cut him off?!” Blaise yells.
“There isn’t a dealer in the state that will sell to him now.”
Ash and Harley share a look while Blaise gapes at me.
“How the fuck does a Mounty have that much pull?”
I smirk at them but I can see Harley’s mind working. He’s too smart. He’s book smart and street smart, common sense and imaginative thinking all in one devastating package. “Fuck. You used a favor.”
I nod slowly, staring straight into his eyes and ignoring the looks around us. He lets out the breath he was holding and rubs his neck.
I pitch my voice low so no one around us can hear. “I used one to save you. One to get Senior out of the way until graduation. Now I
've used another to cut Joey off. I don't regret it and I'd do it again. We’re all getting out of this alive, even if I have to call in every favor I have. That's why I have them.”
Avery's hand slips into mine. Ash is blinking at me like I've sprouted fucking wings and Blaise is frowning at us.
I tuck back into my food, ignoring them until they’re forced to find something else to talk about.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The last week of classes before exams is so hectic I forget about Joey completely.
My bad leg has a flare up from how had I push myself and the lack of sleep I get. Every morning I wake up with it feeling worse than before. I see the nurse but she refuses to give me anything stronger than aspirin for it.
My tutoring sessions with Blaise become a free-for-all with everyone showing up and Avery ordering take-out so we don’t have to stop to cook.
Harley insists on walking me back to the room every night and sitting next to me as we study, even though Ash is technically my tutoring student and Harley is on par with me. When I question him he looks at me like I’m mentally compromised so I drop it and give in without any further questioning.
I focus myself entirely on my exams because if I think about my choir performance I lose my stomach contents, which Blaise learns the hard way by asking me which song I’ve picked only to have me spew in the bathroom sink. Avery throws a textbook at his head and cusses him out. No one talks about choir after that.
I practice with Avery and she tells me over and over again how good I am. I know that should be enough to calm my insane nerves but I go to sleep each night with a sense of dread.
I’m picking swimming next year.
I wake up on the morning of our Choir performances with dread lying heavy in my gut. The same amount of dread I imagine a person on death row would feel the morning of their execution. Avery nearly strains her eyes she rolls them that hard at me when I tell her.