by J Bree
I stop and sit on the closed toilet seat. Which one? Fuck. I think about Ash’s face when we did CPR on that kid last year. I think about Blaise’s staunch defense when Devon cornered me in the girls locker room. I think about Harley’s eyes when he watched me break Harlow’s nose. My body is taken over by a shiver.
“I don’t know. I like them all.”
Avery pauses then a slow smile spreads across her face as she scoots my shoes towards me. She basically dressing me, helping me through my breakdown. “I can work with that. I did tell those guys the only way they would ever have a relationship that worked is if were with the same girl.”
A hot wave of lust throbs through my body even as I gasp and sputter at her. “The same girl? You think they’ll all want to date me together? Avery!”
She cackles and shoves open the bathroom door. I hesitantly peek out to make sure the room is in fact empty.
“They love each other too much to truly let this come between them. But I also think they all might like you too much to let you go. I’ve never seen them fight over a girl before and the bickering that happens when you’re not around is getting extreme.”
I blanch. How would that even work? I’m a virgin and not exactly ready for a gang bang! Holy fucking shit. Avery pulls out her phone and starts tapping out a text. I wring my hands for a minute until she notices and gives me a smirk.
“I can see you melting down over this. Don’t panic. I’m just saying Harley has never wanted to date someone. Ever. Blaise burned the dating bridge years ago after something happened. Ash… doesn’t ever let people in. That’s the real reason he pushed back about us being friends and now he can’t stand the idea of going home at the end of the week and not seeing you for summer break. He’s already bugging me about finding a way to escape from Father and stay with you and Harley in the Bay. Just trust that we can work something out that makes everyone happy.”
“What about you? Wouldn’t it be weird to have all of us together like that?” I tuck my arm into hers as we start down the hall towards breakfast.
“Not really. It actually makes my life easier. I trust you. I trust you with my brother. I trust you with Harley and Blaise. I’m not worried about you stabbing us all in the back. This is the best idea I’ve ever had.”
We arrive at the dining hall to find it very nearly empty. With the stress of exams at an all time high most students just didn’t care about coming down and eating a formal breakfast so the boys were only joined by a small handful of freshmen, so terrified of them that they’re sitting at the opposite end of the table. My stomach roils at the sight of them.
“Breathe kid.” Avery says with a smile as she squeezes my arm that’s tucked in close to her own.
I don’t look over at the table because I’m barely keeping my aching leg in line as it is, I can’t afford to go weak at the knees. Avery grabs a tray but I doubt I’ll be able to eat while I’m thinking about my potential polyandrous relationship. Or the ramifications of said relationship if the Jackal finds out. Sweet lord. I grab a glass of juice and an apple and ignore Avery’s sharp look.
“You’re skin and bones as it is. I’m getting you some french toast.”
I do love the french toast they serve here. I give her a tiny nod and she directs me to the table. I can feel all three of the boys watching us and I want to scream. Avery must feel my arm tense and she drops her tray with more force than necessary and their attention snaps away from me. She sits and arches an eyebrow at them while she sets out our food.
“Don’t start. Lips can’t eat when she’s stressed.”
Great. Now I feel pathetic. I cringe and nudge the plate away from me.
“If Harley is bothering you-“ Avery cuts Blaise off.
“I said, don’t start.” she hisses. I glance up just in time to see Harley elbow Blaise in the stomach while Ash watches me intently.
“I’m never going to eat again. Goodbye boobs, it was nice having you.” I mutter and Avery cackles.
“That will shut them up! The boobs are in danger.”
Harley snorts and shoves the french toast back at me. “Save the boobs, Mounty.”
I flush and start eating while they all laugh around me. I refuse to look up from my plate. By not meeting any of their eyes my stomach settles enough that I can begin to eat.
“So! Plans for summer break?” Avery says brightly and is met with a chorus of groans.
“I’m getting dragged to New York by my father to see what’s new with the Kora branch there. I’m looking forward to exactly none of it and I’m pissed off I won’t be touring.” says Blaise and he pours me another glass of juice. I manage to thank him without stuttering and I’m so damn proud of myself.
Harley scratches the back of his head and chips in, “Two weeks on the coast to see my mom. Then Mount’s Bay.” He says it like a promise. The other two give him a look and I glance away from them all.
“We’ll be going to Amsterdam to celebrate Joey’s graduation. He chose the city and Father agreed because he’ll want to spend some time in the red light district I imagine. Hopefully he catches something terminal. Or at the very least something that makes his dick rot and fall off. Lips?” says Ash.
I snort at his optimism. I push my now empty plate aside and wipe my mouth with one of the linen napkins Hannaford supplies, like this is a fancy restaurant not a high school dining hall. Harley is watching me with his usual intensity but now I see it for what it is. He likes me. Sweet lord.
“I have a couple of jobs lined up. Oh, and some Club events to go to.” I say mildly. Avery watches me with interest but she doesn’t question me. I know she’s waiting to see just how much I’m willing to say in front of the boys. “I have some…plans in the pipeline that I’m working on. Lots of groundwork and carefully thought out moves.”
Avery hums and pulls out her phone like I’ve reminded her of her own plans. I’m hit in the chest at how much I’m going to miss talking to her over the break. Texting just isn’t the same and I’ve gotten used to bouncing ideas off of her. It sucks.
Ash clears his throat and he asks, tentatively, “You’re going back to the Jackal, then?”
All or nothing. If I’m not honest with them about this then I can’t date… any of them. They have to know the real risks. I glance around but we’re still alone. “No, I’m not going back to him. Do you guys know what the Club is? Who the Twelve are?”
Only Blaise looks unsure. “They’re like gang leaders, right?”
I wince. Not a good start. “Not quite. Some are, the Jackal included. He deals drugs, runs fire arms, dabbles in extortion when the payoff is high enough. But really, each member of the Twelve have their own set of skills and they build on that.” They all nod along and I give myself one last inhale before I blurt it out.
“I was thirteen when the Hawk died and a spot opened up in the Twelve. They ran the Game, which should really have it’s name changed to ‘brutal torture sessions’. The Jackal sponsored me. I went up against thirty men and I won.”
Avery’s hand slips into mine and she squeezes, lending her support even though she doesn’t look up from her phone. I try not to hold my breath as I wait. It takes a second and then they all speak at once.
“You won?”
“Thirty men?”
“What the fuck?!”
Avery scoffs at them all and looks up from the screen. “All hail the Wolf of Mounts Bay.”
“The Wolf?!” sputters Harley. Oh, crap. He’s heard about me. His eyes roam all over my face and my arms then he ducks down and looks under the table at my legs. Avery kicks him in the shin sharply. “We’re wearing skirts, idiot!”
He doesn’t look fazed as he faces me again, my cheeks on fire, and says, “You took out one of my distant cousins in the Game. His dad was fucking livid and went after you with a blowtorch.”
Avery’s hand does a sort of spasm in mine. She’s seen that particular scar a few times though I’ve never told her how I got it. It’s the on
e I had to show Darcy to prove Lance was lying about fucking me.
“Yeah. Sorry about that.”
Harley stares at me for another second and then tips his head back to roar with laughter. “I can’t believe we were all worried about Joey killing you. If only he knew everything you’ve done. Why didn’t you just sneak into his room and slit his throat while he slept?”
I want the ground to open up and swallow me. He knows. He knows exactly what skill set I have that is so highly sought after. I feel dizzy. Maybe I’m not ready for the two separate lives I live to merge. Fuck.
“Shut up, asshole, you’re freaking her out.” growls Blaise. He growls it, just like he growls into his microphone on the stage but I’m too anxious to enjoy the sound of it. I fix my eyes on my cutlery, still sticky with the syrup from my breakfast, until the pounding in my ears stops.
I take a deep breath before I look back up at them. I know I’m going to see disgust and fear and even hatred on their faces. How could anyone hear about what I’ve done without thinking about just how dirty my hands are? All this time the guys had all been talking about how much of a sociopath Joey is but the truth is…
The truth is my hands are bloodier than his.
Harley looks gutted, all the amusement wiped clean from his face. Blaise looks pissed. Ash is, well, he’s got his cold detached mask fixed carefully over his features.
“I’m at Hannaford to get as far away from that life as I can. I wasn’t a willing participant. I had two choices: play the Game or die at the Jackals hands. Everything I’ve done has been to keep myself alive.”
“I didn’t mean-“ Harley says but Avery cuts him off.
“Lips, you should head to class. I’ll meet you there, I need to have a chat with the guys.”
I nod and stoop down to grab my bag. I can hear them start to bicker and pointedly don’t look back as I hobble out of the dining hall.
I was so close to having something I really want and once again my past has ruined it for me.
Chapter Thirty-One
My leg gives out halfway to my first class and I’m forced to grit my teeth and hobble back to my room. When the pain of my legs hits I can always feel exactly where the pins are holding the bones together. It’s like they’re pulsing under my skin and muscles, and I get queasy if I think about it too much. I shoot Avery a quick text to let her know where I am then climb back into the shower to try and ease some of the pain in my aching bones with the scalding water.
It takes me ten minutes to get dry and dressed while hopping on one leg and I’m in so much pain I finally cave and take some of the pain medication Avery found for me.
As predicted, the second they kick in I’m high as a kite.
The benefits of having a low drug tolerance is I am no longer worried about the guys reaction over breakfast. My brain is soup and I’m giggling over nothing for hours, rolling around of my bed and just cackling to myself. I can kind of see why my mom was so hell bent in staying in this state of euphoria. The sheets feel amazing on my bare skin.
I hear a knock at the door sometime later but I can’t make my legs work to get up and answer it. I’m not sure I even manage to call out but I hear the person stomp away and leave me to my delirium.
Then there’s the sound of keys and I know only Avery has those so I leave my eyes shut and keep stroking the soft sheets on my bed. Avery bought me these sheets. She’s so nice. I think about telling her that.
“You’re not thinking anything, you’re speaking. How fucking high are you?”
My eyes pop open. That’s not Avery’s voice.
“No shit. She’s still got exams so I came up to check that you’re ok. She told me to force the pills down your throat but it looks like you’ve got that under control.”
Nope. I squeeze my eyes shut again. I cannot have Blaise in this room while I’m off my tits. Bad idea. I can’t have him around until I’m back… on my tits. Or whatever the opposite of this is.
“Stop saying tits. Look, I can’t leave you here like this. Fuck knows what you could end up doing to yourself. Stop stroking the sheets, it’s… kinda hot and I’m feeling like a perv watching you. Just get in the bed. In, Lips. Get in bed. Fucking hell, here.”
I feel his hands touching me as he guides me under the sheets and I shiver. I clamp my mouth shut, I even slap a hand over it for good measure, and then, lord help me, I feel his breath on the nape of my neck as he huffs out a laugh. I feel the bed dip as the blankets are pulled up around my chin.
I open my eyes and find Blaise sitting with his back against my headboard, his legs stretched out and pressed against me, with his phone out and a smirk on his face. He’s on top on the blankets so I’m trapped. He’s not wearing his uniform, he has an old Vanth shirt on that I would steal from him in a heartbeat and some sweatpants that look like regular ones but probably cost more than a months rent in LA. He hits the dial button and then he’s talking too loud and way too smug.
“Have you ever seen Lips high before? It’s adorable…she’s fine but I’m not leaving her… she’s in bed…I’ve finished my exams, I’ll email the rest of my classes for the day and tell them I have a migraine or whatever… I swear to you, she’s fine, she’s just off her tits. Her words, not mine… ok, bye.”
He tosses his phone onto my nightstand and then shuffles down until his head is on my pillow and he turns to lay on his side, facing me. When I turn my head to look at him we’re so close that the back of my hand, still clamped tightly over my mouth, brushes against his lips. I feel him smile and I snatch my hand away quickly.
I will not leave this room with my dignity intact.
“What’s wrong, little Nightingale?” Blaise murmurs and his hand brushes my hair away from my face. I think my cheeks would be on fire if I wasn’t so out of it. My eyes roam over his face in a way I’ve never let myself before. I take in his jawline, the dusting of light freckles over his nose I’ve never noticed before, the eery clear depths of his eyes.
“This is going to go very badly and then you’re never going to speak to me again. After all my work this year to get you guys to trust me and now I’ve fucked it.” It takes a ton of focus to get the words out and my voice is still all weird and floaty. Floaty is a strange word.
“Right, it is a strange word but let’s stay on topic.” Shit, I’m saying stuff without realizing it again. “Yes, you are. You haven’t fucked anything. Harley wasn’t pissed this morning, he was impressed. Then he was awkward and embarrassed because he upset you.”
Huh.
I try to file that away in my brain for later but I think I’ve lost the filing cabinet. I think the office is closed for maintenance. I hope they repaint.
“Fuck, we need to get you stoned. I need to see you on THC.”
Nope. Whiskey or nothing. Vodka in emergencies. Possibly tequila but sometimes I get mouthy and fight…-y on tequila.
“Duly noted. Your phone keeps buzzing. Want me to get it?”
I nod and then when Blaise leans away from me I take a second to try and breathe while he’s out of my space. When he comes back I still feel like there’s not enough oxygen in my blood. Or my damn brain.
He hands me my phone but I can’t get my eyes to focus, they just dance away from the screen and back onto the little dip in the middle of Blaise’s clavicle. It’s a nice dip.
“Here. It’s from Matteo, who’s that? He says he can’t wait to see you tomorrow. He calls you Starbright, what the hell does that mean?”
I struggle to sit up out of my cocoon and Blaise has to prop me up. I think whatever my face is doing worries him enough to help me out. I grab his biceps and give him a little shake. “Don’t ever tell anyone. That’s the Jackal. He’s bad. You can’t tell anyone his name. He wants me to go to see him but I’m going to put him off. I don’t like him and I definitely don’t want to fuck him.”
I’m shockingly coherent for a second. Blaise nods and runs his hand up and down my spine, soothing me like I’m a skittish to
ddler. Well, I guess I am at the moment. Sweet lord, I am never taking any medication from Avery again. I take a deep breath and focus myself for another moment.
“Most importantly, don’t ever tell anyone my middle name is Starbright.”
I watch the acrobatics his eyebrows and mouth go through as he struggles to stop himself from laughing at me. I’m too fucked to appreciate it fully. When his stunning green eyes finally meet my own he speaks with such sincerity that I know he means every word.
“I will take your secret to the grave, Mounty.”
I wake up slowly, hazy and disorientated.
The room is dark, illuminated only by the dancing colored lights from the TV. I’m not lying straight on the bed how I fell asleep, my back is curved and my pillow is pressed into my spine. There’s a weight over my hips holding me still. I wriggle a little and I hear a groan behind me.
“For the love of god, Mounty, don’t move like that. Avery has already threatened to castrate me twice tonight.” whispers Harley and I struggle to sit up with a gasp.
My lower half is draped over his lap, legs bare and my ass barely covered in my teeny pajama shorts. My upper half, jesus fucking christ, is tucked in Blaise’s lap. He grins down at me and I notice his hands are tangled in my hair, like he’s been playing with it while I slept.
I scoot off of them both and my ass lands between them.
“What the-“
“Chill. You were thrashing about in your sleep and it took all three of us to settle you back down.” Avery chips in from the kitchen where she’s brewing her usual cup of camomile tea. She’s wiping down every surface as she goes with a calm hand and that relaxes something in my chest.
I refuse to look at either of the guys as I wriggle back to sit between them against the headboard. Blaise huffs a laugh at me and I blush. “You must be feeling better, there’s color on your cheeks again.”
The flush on my cheeks gets worse and I clear my throat. “Thank you for checking on me. And letting me word vomit for hours on end. Please leave me to die of shame with what little dignity I have left.”