Road Trip

by Melody Carlson

  none the same

  each unique

  and different face

  each one goes a different pace God has made us

  to go far

  in our own way

  who we are

  cm

  Thursday, September 9

  (DRIVING THROUGH N0 MAN'S LAND)

  It's pretty bleak and barren out here in western Nevada. I think they used to test nuclear bombs somewhere around here, back in the dark ages, or maybe it was the fifties. And as opposed as I am to weapons of any kind, particularly nuclear, I could almost understand how those scientists mightfve assumed that there was nothing they could hurt out here in the middle of nowhere. It is so desolate.

  And yet the more I look out upon it, the more I'm starting to appreciate it—the rock formations, cactuses, and warm desert colors. I guess it's starting to grow on me. The scenery is sort of hauntingly lonely, and it makes me wonder how I would feel if I were out here all by myself. Just God and me, hanging out in the desert together.

  Naturally, these are the kinds of thoughts I keep to myself. I don't think either Allie or Laura would understand completely. I know they think I'm a little extreme sometimes. But maybe Willy would since he's had some interesting experiences during his somewhat unconventional life. And perhaps Rosy would too, being a lady truck driver and all. I imagine her as something of a free spirit.

  Well, Laura's sleeping pill seemed to work just fine last night. In fact, she was so knocked out this morning that Rosy took off driving down the highway even before Laura woke up. We decided not to disturb her since she's been so exhausted lately. Elise said it'll probably take her a few days to catch up on her z's.

  It didn't help matters that we were out rather late last night. I think we're all fairly worn out. Our concert was at a big church in Reno, and we'd agreed to meet with the kids in the youth group and answer questions afterward. I think we all lost track of the time because it was nearly midnight when the youth pastor told us we'd have to call it quits. But it was fun seeing the excitement of this youth group.

  They're launching a “Reach Out to Reno” campaign for the fall. Their goal is to touch every high school kid with the gospel by Christmas. It's a pretty huge undertaking, but they seem to be up for it. We promised to pray for them as well as have Willy look into the possibility of returning here for another concert at the end of the year. I'm not sure how that will go since it seems our schedule is already pretty much booked up. At least that's what Willy said.

  “You girls are almost finished with your break-in tour,” he told us at lunchtime today.

  I pointed to a zit that has just emerged on my forehead. “You mean our breakout tour.”

  “Gross,” said Laura. “I'm trying to eat here.”

  Allie poked me in the arm. “Told you not to scarf down those chili fries last night.”

  “Anyway…” I could tell Willy was trying to get us back on track. “A couple more gigs and we're heading to Los Angeles.”

  I watched Allie's eyes grow big at the sound of that. We all know that LA is supposed to be the big turning point in our career, the place where we go from county fair fledglings to legitimate concert musicians.

  “So when do we get to meet them, Willy?” Allie drummed her fingers on the table. “When's the big day?”

  Willy attempted to look confused. “Who?”

  “You know who.” Allie tossed her straw at him. “Iron Cross. The Baxter Boys. Jeremy and Isaiah, for Pete's sake.”

  “Oh, them.” Willy nodded as he stroked his chin. “Well, you girls are scheduled to open for them on September 24.”

  “Wow, that's only a couple of weeks off,” said Allie. “You really think we're ready for the big time, Willy?”

  “The powers that be at Omega Records seem to think so. And they've scheduled about five days before the concert for you girls to practice up. Eric Green will be flying out in the middle of the week to determine whether or not you're ready for this.”

  “What if we're not?” Laura still looked slightly groggy, but at least she wasn't too cranky.

  “We will be,” I assured them. “We'll start practicing our vocals more on the road. And we'll spend more time warming up before our concerts. I suppose we've gotten a little lazy.”

  “Lazy?” echoed Laura. “I feel like I've never worked harder in my life.”

  “Okay, maybe 'lazy' isn't the right word. But I think we can use the next couple of weeks to really improve. I know I don't want to embarrass Iron Cross with a mediocre performance.”

  Allie nodded. “I'm game.”

  Laura nodded too, but her enthusiasm level seemed lower than usual. Hopefully she'll get better with a few more good nights of sleep.

  So we spent the rest of the afternoon working on vocals and memorizing lyrics and daydreaming about the night when we'll actually open for Iron Gross. It still feels too good to be true.

  FLYING HIGH

  head in the clouds

  feet on the ground

  sometimes i feel

  like i'm spinning around

  my heart is so happy

  i'm flying so high

  i wanna stay grounded

  and whiz through the sky

  hold on to me, Jesus,

  help me to stand

  and follow Your lead

  as i take Your hand

  amen

  Five

  Monday, September 13

  (LEAVING LAS VEGAS)

  Now, I don't like to sound like a country bumpkin, but Las Vegas is one freaky place. It's as if everything there either sparkles or blinks or shines. Talk about flashy. And although it's not my cup of tea, I must admit that it was somewhat fascinating.

  We did two church concerts over the weekend. Yes, there are churches in Las Vegas, as well as plenty of Christians too. Okay, the churches are a whole lot different than what I'm used to back home, and I have to remind myself not to judge them. Or any of the people we come across, for that matter. After all, I should know as well as anyone how it feels to be judged by appearances. And I must give these churches some credit for allowing us to perform, since we must look pretty strange to them.

  Anyway, our music seemed well received and, if I do say so myself, I think we're improving. Willy said so too. But I'm still concerned about something. Or rather someone. It's Laura. She just doesn't seem to be herself lately. I'm not sure if the sleeping pills are dragging her down or whether she's moping about Ryan or if she's just totally wiped out by our tour.

  I talked to Willy about it this morning.

  “You gotta understand that it takes some people longer to adjust to all these changes of life on the road,” he told me as I rode the first leg of our trip with him, supposedly to get some help on the arrangement for a new song.

  “But how long?”I asked with all the patience of a jackrabbit.

  “Hard to say.” He turned up the air-conditioning. “It's different for everyone. And Laura's a very serious and sensitive girl. Besides that, I think she's used to her routines.”

  “But we have routines.”

  He laughed. “They may seem like routines to people like you and me, Ghloe. We're both pretty free spirited and like flying by the seat of our pants. But it's harder on Laura.”

  “I've really been praying for her, Willy.”

  “I know. We all are.” He nodded. “Don't worry; I'm sure she'll get better with time.”

  “How much time?” I'm wondering. We've been on the road for over a month. I'd think she'd have adjusted by now. I don't know what we'd do if Laura was unable to tour and perform. It's scary to even think about. With only three members in a band, it can sound pretty lame when one is missing or even just slacking off. Without Laura, I feel fairly certain that Omega would cancel our contract, not to mention our tour. At the same time, I'm telling myself not to freak about this, but to do like the Bible says and just pray. Still, it's a pretty big concern.

  I had an e-mail from Cesar today. Of
course, I didrft tell Laura this. Uo need to make her feel worse about Ryan's lack of communication. Actually, Cesar has been faithful to e-mail me almost daily, but we don't always get to stop somewhere to check it.

  Willy said he's going to figure out a way for us to go on-line while we're on the road. Naturally, he says this is so we can keep up with our school-work. But we think it'll be nice to keep up with our friends and family.

  Anyway, Cesar was talking about the beginning of school and how boring it was there without us (that was kind of good to hear). He also mentioned how Tiffany Knight was bragging to everyone how she and I are such good friends now, and I must admit that she e-mails me a lot. But I think it's pretty funny considering how she used to try to beat me up on a fairly regular basis, back before I became “famous.” Oh, well.

  I also had an e-mail from Caitlin. Her sophomore year of college has started, and she's rooming with Liz Banks again. Good old Caitlin, hanging in there with a girl who couldn't be any more opposite to her Pollyanna personality. But she said that Liz has been changing a lot, and Caitlin thinks they have the potential to be almost as good of friends as she's been with Beanie Jacobs. Wow, that would be something.

  Better not let Beanie in on this little news flash. I can't believe how much she helped us to get our traveling wardrobes together for this trip, Naturally, we paid her. She said we didn't need to, but we insisted. Ve really wish we could bring her with us to help us get ready before every concert, although it is pretty cool that she got accepted into design school this year. Maybe when she graduates she can come and work for us.

  Anyway, hearing how everyone back home is doing, I get the feeling that life goes on…whether you're part of it or not. And it's kind of weird to feel removed like that. Although life has been going on for us too—at a pretty fast pace. Did I really think my old world would simply stand still because I'm not in it? How childish is that? But I guess I feel as though we're living in a whole different universe right now. Nothing is the same. And all my old friends and family seem so far away, so out there and removed. It feels pretty weird and slightly scary.

  Yet at the same time I'm really okay with it. I guess it's just the price you pay to follow your dreams. Things change. Still, I tell myself that I will make a better effort to stay in touch with everyone, go the extra mile if I need to. Because, really, I don't want to lose them. I've heard so many stories about rock stars and actors and how they get all rich and famous and eventually lose touch with their old friends. I never want to be like that.

  DON'T WANNA CHANGE

  don't wanna change

  or rearrange

  or be estranged

  or get deranged

  don't wanna lose

  or hafta choose

  or be cut loose

  or just refuse

  don't wanna take

  or be a fake

  on the make

  what's at stake?

  don't wanna try

  and wonder why

  friendships die

  then sadly cry

  don't wanna blame

  it all on fame

  we're all the same

  just kinda lame

  don't wanna stay

  the same old way

  every day

  so i pray

  i wanna be

  God in me

  help me see

  i'm set free

  cm

  Six

  Saturday, September 18

  (DOING DISNEYLAND)

  Okay, Las Vegas was sorta strange, but LA is a real trip. It's like a world unto itself. How can I even describe it? Yellow murky skies hang overhead, although I've heard people say itfs not always like this. It's very hot and dry, and palm trees seem to grow everywhere. Lots of cars and bumper-to-bumper traffic that rushes along until it comes to a complete halt. You'd think the freeways would be piled high with wrecks, though I've yet to see one.

  But it's the people who get my attention. Everyone down here just seems to have this attitude going on. Okay, not everyone. But a lot of folks go around acting like they're really important or have important business to attend to with their fancy cars and suits and cell phones. It's hard to explain, but I do find it rather intriguing. And once again, I'm trying not to judge. But it's okay to observe. I like observing.

  Speaking of observations, I'm still worried about Laura. I think those sleeping pills are grogging her out. It's like she's losing her edge or something. It's even starting to show in her music. Ifot that she's making bad mistakes or anything obvious, but she's just not herself. It's like she's turning into this zombie. Willy even mentioned something to her yesterday afternoon.

  “You feeling okay, Laura?” he asked as we packed up after our concert in Anaheim. We'd done another church thing, and while it had gone relatively well, it felt as if something was missing onstage. At least it did to me, but apparently Willy had noticed it too.

  She just shrugged and zipped up her bass case. “I guess so.”

  “You getting enough sleep these days?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I think-”

  “Hey, are we still going to Disneyland today?” interrupted Allie.

  “Not you,” teased Willy. “I heard they don't let blond drummer girls in there anymore.”

  Allie punched him and they started teasing each other, and Laura's lack of energy was brushed under the rug again. But she did seem to perk up in Disneyland. We joked around and laughed a lot while we waited in long lines for rides—no celebrity treatment there. Although Allie did make a couple of lame attempts for special treatment, but no one was falling for it.

  We stayed until the fireworks show, but by then poor little Davie was really dragging. I can't say that Disneyland was the greatest thing I've ever experienced, but it was fun in a kiddish way. The whole place sorta reminded me of this gigantic movie set—totally unreal. But then that's Disneyland for you.

  LAYERS OF REALITY

  what is real?

  what is not?

  do you know

  what you've got?

  will it stay?

  will it last?

  will it fade?

  shrinking fast

  will it keep

  you safe from harm?

  is it real

  or just a charm?

  trust the One

  you cannot see

  His real truth

  will set you free

  cm

  Wednesday, September 22

  (HANGIN' AT THE HOTEL)

  We've done nothing but practice-practice-practice the last three days. Oh, yeah, that and schoolwork. There seems to be no getting out of schoolwork. Elise is our taskmaster where the books are concerned. And she's relentless.

  I think Willy is worried about us. Kostly Laura. It's almost like she's not really here. I'm not sure what's up with her, but she's scaring me. She did admit that she's sad about Ryan. She still gets tired a lot, but at least she's been sleeping soundly every night.

  The real problem is that Eric Green will be here tomorrow. He's coming to make sure that we're ready to open the concert for Iron Gross. Willy said that after Eric listens to us, we get to have dinner with the guys from the band. So naturally I'm feeling pretty nervous. But not as nervous as Allie. She's wound so tight that I'm expecting her to totally lose it by the time she lays eyes on those “beautiful Baxter boys” as she likes to call them. I'm sure she's already in love with Jeremy.

  And then we have our laid-back Laura. It's as if she's walking around in this foggy cloud, just plodding along. I hope she can get it into gear by the time Eric stops by to listen to us tomorrow. This afternoon, while we were taking a short break by the hotel pool, I asked her if she thought she could pull this thing off.

  “What do you mean?” she looked at me as if she had no idea what I was talking about.

  “I mean, you.”I tried to choose ray words carefully since there's no point in getting her upset. “You've been in such a fun
k lately.”

  Laura looked down at the towel in her lap and shook her head. “I don't know what's wrong with me, Ghloe.”

  “None of us do.”

  “Willy asked me if I needed to see a doctor today.”

  I turned and peered at her. “Are you sick?” She looked healthy to me.

  “I don't feel sick. Just sort of down and tired. I do miss Ryan, but I'm trying to move on. And I'm still a little homesick, I guess, but I've been feeling better about that lately. It's been relaxing staying in one place for a while.”

  “Yeah, this is a nice hotel. But I'm actually starting to miss the old bus.”

  She sighed. “You're so well suited for this kind of thing, Ghloe.”

  “And you're not?”

  “I don't know.”

  “Are you sorry you signed on to do the tour?” row this was the question that's been nagging me for weeks, but I've been afraid to ask.

  “No. I love being part of the band. But lately I feel so guilty because it seems like I'm dragging you guys down.”.

  “Have you been praying about this, Laura?”.

  “Yeah. And it helps, but it's just so…” She shrugged. “0h, I don't know.”

  I didn't know what to say then. It was almost time for us to be getting back for our final practice session. “Well, can't you just try harder, Laura?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  And I think she did manage to crank it up a notch during our next practice. When we finished I felt slightly encouraged. And Allie looked relieved.

  “Good job, girls,” Willy said as he started unplugging our equipment. It's really been great being able to use the same room to practice in all week. No setup or teardown.

  I put my guitar in the case. “You think we'll make the grade?”

  “I'm sure Eric will be pleased,” he said with a somewhat reassuring smile. I wasn't entirely convinced, but I'm trying to think positively.

  I'm hoping that we're getting back into our groove now. Hopefully Eric won't be sorry that Omega signed us. We'll see tomorrow.

  NO REGRET

  do your best

  give your all