“We used to go to church three times a week,” adds Dad as if his memory is suddenly kicking in. “Unfortunately, it wasn't the best church.”
Mom nods. “It was a little, well, I guess you'd say overly fundamental. They were good people, but the rules could be almost overwhelming.”
My dad holds up his finger to make a point. “In fact, one of their rules was that all children must be named from the Bible.”
“Caleb and Josh,”I say since I'm familiar with that part of the Old Testament.
“But we left the church before having Chloe,” says Mom proudly. “Her name was part of our rebellion.”
Josh laughs now. “Sorry, Mom, but there's a Chloe in the Bible too.”
“Really?” She looks disappointed. But I feel pleased and decide I'll have to look it up later.
So on we go for more than an hour, just talking around the table like an almost normal family (although I'm not sure that such a thing really exists). Still, it was kind of fun. Kot to mention eye-opening.
Finally, Mom begs us to lighten up on the “religious conversation” as she calls it. “Remember, it's Christmas Eve,” she says in a cheerful voice. “And the Millers usually open presents on Christmas Eve. Josh, why don't you put on some Christmas music? I've even made some treats and things.”
“Want some help in the kitchen?” I manage to offer as I control myself from saying what's really on my mind. Like, “Yeah, it IS Christmas Eve and when's a better time to talk about Religious things'?” But, somehow, I keep this to myself. Maybe it's a God-thing.
Mom grins. “If the successful rock star isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.”
I force a smile and bite my tongue, amazing myself once again at my restraint and self-control. However, to say I'm getting a little tired of her “rock star” routine would be a huge understatement. But this is Christmas, and I think I can handle it for another day or two.
Then we gather around the tree and prepare to exchange presents, ibrtunately, I had time to pick something up for Caleb today—a dark blue North 1'ace parka, which I have a feeling he could use after seeing his thin denim jacket. But suddenly I feel a little concerned over my somewhat over-the-top gifts. I don't want anyone to feel bad.
“If my gifts seem more extravagant than usual,” I carefully explain, “It's only because the head of Omega was so pleased with our Christmas concert that he gave us bonuses and sent us off to New York City for a shopping spree.”
“Cool,” says Caleb. “I still can't believe how my baby sister has already hit the big time.”
“Yeah,” says Josh. “It kind of makes you feel like a loser.”
“You're NOT a loser,” I say indignantly. “See, this is just the reason I felt like I had to make a disclaimer about ray gifts in the first place.”
“Hey, don't apologize, baby sister,” Josh says with a teasing grin. “I'm way open to getting a cool present from you. Bring it on!”
And so we begin exchanging gifts. Ky dad loves his cashmere sweater and pen set, and Mom surprises me by going on and on about her designer bag and scarf. I'm sure she can't believe her “unfashionable” daughter actually picked them out, but I knew it was her favorite designer. Josh loves his PalmPilot, and even Caleb seems pleased as he immediately tries on his new parka.
And I got some cool gifts too, but the one that means the most to me, the one I will treasure forever, is from Caleb. It's simply a wooden cross, carved out of a single piece of wood, with a leather string that makes it into a necklace. But it is more precious to me that gold and diamonds, and I plan to wear it during concerts.
“Thanks, Caleb,”I tell him as I slip it over ray head. “I really, really love it.”
He smiles. “Cool. Itar some reason I'd started making it a long time ago, then sort of set it aside. But after I saw your concert, I decided to finish it up. I thought you might like it.”
He was right. I do like it. I only hope and pray that the cross will one day mean as rauch to Caleb as it does to me. I know that he and Josh stayed up late tonight talking, I'm sure, about God's plan for salvation. And knowing Josh, Caleb will have heard the entire gospel before he goes to bed tonight. But that's great by me. I may have the gift of songwriting and singing, but Josh is definitely the preacher. Thank God!.
THE MANGER AND THE GROSS
heaven's child
laid to rest
in a trough
God has blessed
a manger rough,
splintered, worn
God made flesh
when Christ is born
the child grows up
becomes a man
teaches, heals
fulfills God's plan
He shows pure love
forgives sin
shows us how
to enter in
but there are those
who doubt His fame
they question Him
they curse His name
on the cross
that God has blessed
He is killed
laid to rest
three days pass
and Jesus lives
love triumphs
He forgives!
cm
Twenty-Three
Saturday, December 25
I got up early this morning, feeling glad to be home and excited about spending more time with Caleb. But my hopes were quickly dashed when I discovered Josh sitting in the kitchen looking glum.
“What's up, Josh?”
He sighed. “Dad and Caleb kind of got into it last night.”
I frowned. “Are they okay now?”
He shrugged. “Caleb took off.”
I slumped into a bar stool and leaned my elbow on the counter. “What happened?” I asked in a flat voice.
“Well, Caleb and I talked until after midnight, and it was going pretty good. I think God is really nailing him, Chloe. He seems as if he's truly considering making a commitment.”
“Cool.” I sat up straighter. “So what went wrong?”
“Apparently Caleb wanted to smoke a joint before bed. ‘To help him relax,’ he said, naturally Dad caught him and they got into it.”
I groaned and let my head fall onto the granite countertop with a slightly painful thud.
Josh patted me on the shoulder. “Hey, don't take it so hard. You know as well as anyone that stuff like this just happens. And God can use it to remind Caleb that he really needs to change.”
“Yeah, from the inside out.” I sat up and rubbed my forehead. “I wish Dad could just love Caleb unconditionally.”
“I think he does,” said Josh. “It's just that he feels responsible for his family, you know? And he doesn't want any of us doing anything stupid or illegal under his roof. It's pretty understandable.”
“I guess. But I'm still bummed. I was looking forward to staying in contact with Caleb.”
“That's no problem. I've got his address and phone number. I told him that you and I will both want to be in touch.”
I brightened. “Really? Did that cheer him up at all?”
Josh nodded. “Yeah, I think it meant a lot to him. I also gave him my old Bible and told him that we'll be praying for him.”
I reached over and hugged Josh. “I love you so much, bro!”
He grinned. “Cool. I want my rich rock star sister to think I'm the greatest.”
I frowned and punched him in the arm. “You know, I'm getting a little sick of that 'rock star' stupidity. You know that I'm still just Chloe, your bratty little sister who used to drive you nuts not so many years ago.”
“0h, yeah, her.”
Suddenly I noticed that Josh was fully dressed and actually looked pretty nice. “What are you all dressed up for? Is there a Christmas service today?”
He shook his head, then glanced at his watch. “Ito. Tve just got a little errand to run this morning. I'll be back in time for Kom's famous brunch though.”
I nodded. “I see. Does this little err
and involve a certain pretty blond friend of mine?”
He grinned. “Maybe.”
“Did you get Caitlin a Christmas present?”
“Maybe.”
“Come on, Josh. Please tell me you didn't do anything like get her a ring. You know how badly that went last year.”
He firmly shook his head. “I definitely didn't get her a ring. Believe me, I learned my lesson. I just got her a friendship gift. No big deal.”
I laughed. “Yeah, no big deal.”
Then he smiled sheepishly. “Hey, Chloe, I can't help how I feel about her. But I'm trusting you to keep your mouth shut, okay? Ifo sense in rocking her boat.”
“Well, tell her hi for me and that I'd like to meet her for coffee and a catch-up chat.”
He stood. “I'm sure she'll want to hear all about the little rock star's latest adventures.” Then he laughed as he dashed out the door before I could properly punch him. Oh, brother!
TWO BROTHERS one in darkness
one in light
one loves daytime
one craves night
two brothers …
one is weak
and one is strong
one is right and one is wrong
two brothers…
hold them, Father,
in Your hand
help them both
to understand
two brothers …
that You forgive
both equally
and You love them
unconditionally
two brothers …
mine
cm
Monday, December 27
(HANGIN' AT THE PARADISO)
Gaitlin and I planned to meet for coffee at the Paradiso this morning. But I want to get there before her so I can check out my old digs without any distraction. And I must admit it is cool being back in our friendly little town. I think I forgot how much I like it here as I ride my bike down Main Street.
So I walk into the coffee shop and just drink in that rich smell of coffee and pastry and sigh. I spy Kike and Jill Trapp behind the counter, but they don't see me until I'm halfway through the nearly empty room.
“Hey, there she is!” Mike springs out from behind the counter and grabs me into a big bear hug. “Our local celebrity!”
“How you doing, Chloe,” calls Jill from her position on the big steamer.
“Okay,” I say as I recover from Mike's exuberance. “At least I was before your husband accosted me.”
“Sorry.” Kike backs off with a big smile. “It's just so great to see you. How long are you gonna be sticking around this time?”
“Long enough for everyone to get totally sick of us. We're going back to school and are supposed to be here until spring break.”
“Cool. Say, Chloe, I don't suppose you remember how I'm the one who first discovered you and all…”
I nod. “0f course I remember. But, man, that seems like such a long time ago now.”
“And sooo…” He adjusts his dark green apron, then gets this funny little grin.
I lift my brows. “And so?” Suddenly I'm thinking how it sometimes feels as if everyone wants a piece of me. But then I remind myself, this is just Kike. He's cool.
“Well, I was thinking, Chloe… Since I kinda helped discover you and all…maybe your band would consider doing a gig here.”
I laugh. “Of course, we'd do a gig here.”
He sighs in mock relief. “When?”
“When do you want?”
“Anytime between now and March. You name the date.”
“How about New Year's Eve?” calls Jill from behind the counter.
“Sure. Well, I'll have to check with Allie and Laura.”
“How's Laura doing anyway?” asks Kike in a quieter voice.
“You saw the Christmas special?”
He nods and I fill him in on the latest.
“Hey, Chloe,” calls Caitlin as she comes in. We hug and get our coffees before we find a corner table.
“You look good,” she says as she takes off her jacket.
“Thanks. So do you.” I take a quick jewelry inventory and control myself from asking her what Josh gave her for Christmas. Then I hand her a small blue box.
“What's this?”.
I grin. “Just something I picked up in New York.” Then I tell her about Omega's shopping spree and how fun it was as she opens the box to discover the charm bracelet with a golden angel charm on it.
“Chloe, this is so sweet.” She puts the bracelet right onto her wrist and holds it up.
“Sorry there's only one charm. But the angel reminded me of you. God kind of used you as my angel, you know.”
She smiles. “And now He's using you for so many people.”
“I figured you could add other charms too, you know, for whatever.” Then I tell her how I got ones just like it for Laura and Allie.
“How are they doing,” she asks with a concerned expression.
“I haven't talked to Allie since we got home. They went to visit her grandma for the holidays. But I spoke to Laura last night, and she's doing okay, all things considered. Her mom's having a hard time though.”
“I've been praying for Laura. I know it can't be easy.” Caitlin takes a sip of her coffee.
“Yeah, her raora's always been a little concerned about the whole rock band thing. Mow she' s saying that Laura may have to quit. But we're all praying that it works out.”
“Does that scare you?” she asks. “I mean, to think the band could actually be hurt by this?”
“Yeah. It's been kind of hanging over our heads off and on during the whole tour.”
“You mean Laura's been using—?”
“No, not so much the drug thing, but just one thing or another keeps hitting us. I think I've finally gotten to the place where I have to keep giving it all back to God. I have to trust Him with our future or else I'll just go crazy.”
“That makes sense. Good for you, Ghloe.”
“Did you hear that Caleb came home for Christmas Eve?”
Caitlin nods. “Josh told me. That's so cool.”
“Well, mostly cool. I was sad that he left so abruptly.”
“Yeah, but God's going to use that whole thing, Chloe. And at least you guys can stay in touch now.”
It takes us about an hour to really catch up, and by then the coffee shop is starting to get busy and we keep getting interrupted by friends. Mostly mine, which seems odd considering I had so few just a year ago. Ah, the price of fame.
“Well,” says Caitlin as we stand up. “I promised Ben that I'd take him to the mall to return some clothes my grandma in California got him. They're about three sizes too small.”
“He must really be growing.”
“Yeah, like a bean stalk.”
“How's he doing?”
She shrugs. “I'm not so sure. He seems different lately. You could be praying for him, Chloe.”
“You bet.”
And so as I pedal my bike home, I pray for Benjamin 0'Conner. I pray that God will get ahold of him and never let him go.
HOLD ON
get him, God,
and hold on tight
hold him fast if he should fight
show him, God,
that You're the One
who made the earth
the stars and sun
get him, God,
and let him know
the way Your love
never lets go
amen
Twenty-Four
Thursday, December 30
(HOMETOWN HAPPENING)
It's all set. Redemption will perform at the Paradiso Cafe on New Year's Eve. Kike had posters up by Tuesday, and he says the word is spreading fast.
“There's going to be standing room only,” he told me on the phone yesterday.
“How about a cover charge?” I suggested. Actually it was something I'd been thinking about since he'd asked.
“What? You girls aren
't getting rich enough on your own?”
I laughed. “That's not it. I just thought maybe we could donate any profit to the homeless shelter in town. Our pastor mentioned that they're having a hard time this year.”
“That's a great idea,” he said. “I might even kick in a little myself. Thanks, Ghloe. We all need a moral compass sometimes.”
I sort of cringed at that. I mean, Kike and Jill aren't Christians and I want to witness to them, but I don't like the idea of them thinking I'm some kind of saint. “Veil, Jesus is ray moral compass,” I told him. “Otherwise, I'm sure I'd be totally lost.”
He laughed, but not in a mean way. “Good point.”
Then I called Laura and told her about the idea to donate the proceeds.
“Hey, maybe Mom will let me play,” she said hopefully.
“Is she still pretty down on you?”
Laura sighed. “You can't really blame her, Chloe. I blew it pretty bad out there.”
“I know. And I'm not blaming her. I just wish she could see how much you've changed—I mean in good ways. I think the whole experience has made you a rauch bigger person. Kore like Jesus.”
“Thanks. But I don't think ray mom sees it quite like that.”
“Yeah, I'm sure she's pretty worried.” Then I told Laura about what happened with Caleb.
“That's too bad.”
“Well, good and bad. We're trying to believe it could be a turning point in his life.”
“Yeah, well, don't hold your breath.”
“Are you speaking as an addict now? Or as old doubtful Laura?”
She laughed then got more serious. “Actually, I'm speaking as a recovering addict with a sister…”
“Oh, yeah. How^ Christine doing? Did she come home for Christmas?”
“She's doing about the same as usual. She wanted to come home for Christmas, but my parents wouldn't let her. As soon as I got home, they insisted I tell them the whole ugly story of where exactly I'd gotten the pills. And when they heard that Christine was involved, they got really furious. I didn't want to rat on her, but I wanted to be honest with them. I need to regain their trust, you know? Still, I feel pretty guilty about Christine. I mean, it's not really her fault.”
“Not totally, but she should take a little of the blame.”
“I guess. Then she called yesterday. And guess what?”
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