She laughed. “Well, I kind of agree with you there.”
“So, hang in there, okay?”
“Thanks, Chloe.”
“And I'll keep praying for Christine.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
And now I'm reminded of how much we need to encourage each other on a regular basis. I sort of forget that Laura is still going through a lot. And I had no idea that she still beats herself up over that stuff. I've decided to make a more conscious effort to encourage both Laura and Allie—as well as anyone else who seems to need it. Yes, even Tiffany Knight. And Pm sure she needs it more than anyone!
LIFTING UP
why put others down?
why add to their sadness
when we can lift them up
share with them some gladness?
why suppress a kind word?
why not lend a hand plant some seeds of hope
and show we understand?
it only takes a moment
to give someone a smile
that they can carry with them
to help them all the while
why not lift a burden
take the load off others?
love makes all the difference
to our sisters and our brothers
cm
Sunday, February 13
(PLANS OF MICE AND GIRLS)
Josh came home unexpectedly this past weekend. Ky parents had planned a Valentine's weekend getaway for the two of them, and although I had assured everyone that I'd be just fine on my own for a couple of days, Josh didn't want me to be home alone. That was sweet of him. His unexpected reward for coming home was that Caitlin had also come home for the weekend. A coincidence? I think not.
Neither of them had any idea that the other one was coming, and then Josh and I went to the Paradiso for breakfast on Saturday and ran into Caitlin and Beanie. A God-thing? Kost definitely. I get such a kick out of watching Josh and Caitlin together. It's so obvious that they love each other. And yet they are so mature and controlled about it. Sometimes I just want to shove the two of them together and say, “Why don't you just get this over with and get married already?” Naturally, I controlled myself.
Although I did manage to snag Beanie to talk about our concert wardrobes. Then she and I called up Allie and Laura and went shopping. Beanie is so creative and free spirited! And by the end of the day, we'd not only had a blast, but we managed to gather up some pretty cool threads for the next road trip.
Okay, we're still not 100 percent sure that Laura's mom is on board, but we're praying hard and thinking positively. And Christine's gone to several meetings with Laura and is actually considering a residential treatment program. Laura even offered to pay for it out of her contract money.
This gave me an idea for Caleb, and I asked Josh what he thought.
“That's really generous of you, Chloe,” he said yesterday. “And I don't see any problem with bringing this up to Caleb, but I don't want you to get your hopes up.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Caleb has to want treatment or it won't work. But do you think we could call him and ask?”
So last night, Josh called Caleb and told him about my offer. I'd decided that I'd rather have it come from Josh than me. I listened to Josh's end of the conversation, but t could tell by his tone that it wasn't going over too well.
“Hey, we just want you to know that we love you, Caleb,” he finally said. “Ito matter what, we love you, bro.”
I was motioning for the phone now.
“Chloe wants to say something.” Josh handed the phone to me.
“That's right, Caleb. I really do love you and care about you a lot. Kore than anything I'd like to see you get healthy.”
“I appreciate that, Chloe. But I'm doing okay. I've just gotten a new job, and I'm feeling like things might be changing for me.”
“Really?” I felt hopeful. “What are you doing?”
He cleared his throat. “Oh, nothing much. But it's a start, you know?”
“Would you think about my offer, Caleb?”
“Sure. I'll think about it.” But I could tell by his tone that he wouldn't.
“And if you change your mind, would you call Josh? He can take care of everything, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. My younger brother and sister want to take care of me.” He laughed. “Guess that shows what a loser I am.”
“You're not a loser, Caleb.” I spoke in a firm voice now. “You are one of the coolest guys I know. I think you could do anything you put your mind to… I mean, if drugs weren't in the picture.”
“You're a smart little girl, Chloe, but you don't know everything yet.”
“I'm not saying I do. But I do know that drugs kill.”
“Man, now you're starting to sound like a public service commercial.”
“Sorry, Caleb, but it's true. Drugs kill. Maybe it just takes a little time for some people, but they kill your soul. Then they kill your mind. And eventually they may kill your body and ultimately your spirit.”
“Well, thanks for the sermon, little sister. I gotta go now.”
“I do love you, Caleb.”
“Yeah, I love you too. But we're just different, you know? Really, really different.” Then he hung up and I began to cry.
“Oh, I totally blew it, Josh. I'm sure Caleb must think I'm horrible now!” I sputtered. “I probably sounded just like Dad.”
Josh came over and hugged me. “You said it just right, Chloe. Every word you said was true. And you said them in love. You couldn't have done any better.”
I wiped my nose on a paper napkin and looked at Josh. “You really think so?”
“Yeah. I think God was speaking right through you. It reminded me of some of your songs. And who knows? Caleb may remember what you said and take those words to heart. All we can do is pray for him now.”
And so, standing in our brightly lit kitchen, Josh and I bowed our heads and prayed for our brother. Prayed that God would break through his drugs and deception and denial and just knock that silly boy to his knees.
GET THROUGH TO HIM
do what it takes
to make him see
how much he needs You
to set him free
knock him flat
and lay him low
until he looks up
until You show
Your love to him
Your mercy and grace
when he looks up
and sees Your face
do what it takes
to make a start
to change his life
and win his heart
amen
Wednesday, February 23
(EVERYDAY LIFE)
It's amazing how quickly the newness of being at school'wore off. At first it was so cool to be back in the old routines and seeing all our friends. ifow after less than two months, it's starting to feel like plain old drudgery again. I'm trying to keep things in perspective—like remembering God has us here for a reason. And I do share what God's doing in my life with everyone. Even Tiffany Knight seems to be paying attention.
Just this week she asked if she could visit our church's youth group. And when I told her when and where it was, she didn't even ask me to pick her up. Not that I wouldn't. But it was a relief not to be asked. I do bring a lot of kids who can't drive to youth group. And I'm cool with that, but I'd just like to see Tiffany come to something like this on -her own. Maybe just to show that she's really into it for herself and not so she can glom on to me. So there are some cool things happening here at Harrison High. But still…
I have to admit that there's a red-hot fire burning in me to get back to the concert tour. I really believe that is what God has made me for, to communicate His message through music, and I can't wait to get going again. I even miss the confines of the old tour bus, the long hours on the road, and passing through strange towns. I'm not even dreading signing autographs so much now. It's a small price to pay for performing.
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Thankfully, Laura's mom seems pretty much on board now. Hopefully, Laura's had a chance to prove that she's the mature and responsible daughter her parents always believed her to be. And she is. Although you can never be totally sure about Krs. Mitchell, since she seems to change from day to day. Just the same, I still believe that of the three of us in Redemption, Laura is by far the most mature and grounded. Well, other than that glitch with the pills—which we all believe won't happen again. And so, in some ways, life has become fairly normal and predictable.
And I'm not complaining about everyday things. I realize thatfs what life is made of, but there are times when God puts desires in our hearts for more. And I believe He wants us to follow those dreams.
EVERYDAY DREAMS
everyday lives doing everyday stuff
wake up, get up, sometimes it's tough
just walking and talking and hanging around
living and breathing with feet on the ground
not that i don't love these everyday things
but something inside me bursts and sings
something inside me longs for much more
to chase and discover what God has in store
everyday people with everyday eyes
can look to the heavens and reach for the skies
everyday people with so much to give
so much to love and so much to live
cm
Thursday, March 3
(I AM SEVENTEEN!)
Woowee—It's my birthday and what a groovy day it's been! Okay, first I must admit to feeling a little bummed for most of the day. It seemed that no one on the planet remembered it was my birthday. Ky parents didn't say a word as they did their morning routine of coffee and juice and toast. And then I got to school and no one mentioned a thing. Wow it's not as though I'd gone around reminding everyone that it was my birthday this week, or even hoping they'd do something really great. But I guess I thought someone (like maybe Allie or Laura) might at least give me a card or a hug or something.
I think I finally gave up all these illusions by lunchtime. I went through the cafeteria line by myself and got a soggy veggie burrito and soda, then sat with Cesar and Karissa. By then I'd accepted the gloomy fact that no one remembered what day it was and simply told myself it was “no biggie,” just get over it.
Fortunately, the day passed relatively quickly, and I went home to get ready for band practice. Willy's been having us rehearse in the church lately since it has more room and better acoustics. But as I stopped by the kitchen for a snack, I noticed a message flashing on our answering machine. Hoping it might be some kind of birthday greeting, I played it back as I snarfed down a banana.
To my surprise it was from Eric Green at Omega announcing that Redemption had made it onto the Christian music bestsellers list for our CD!!! Okay, we were only number eighteen on the list, but still it was something. And apparently Omega was pretty impressed since we've only been out for about six months. And as a result, they have already scheduled our next recording session for this month.
“We want you girls to come out to Nashville a couple weeks before the next leg of your tour is scheduled to begin,” said Eric's smooth southern voice. “That way you can cut your next CD. And by the way, Chloe, Willy suggested I leave this message with you because it's your birthday today. So happy birthday, girl! Looks like you kids are going to be climbing the charts before long. Congratulations!”
Well, I was just a whooping and a hollering (Nashville style) as I grabbed up my guitar and stuff to head for practice. I couldtft wait to see the others and start celebrating.
But when I got to the church, no one was there. Ifow, I sorta started feeling as though Td stepped into the Twilight Zone since I knew it was the right place, right time, and everything. I went around to the church office to find Ginger, the church secretary.
“0h, Chloe,” she said. “Willy had to cancel the practice, and Allie called and left a message for you to meet her at the Paradiso. I guess she needs a ride.”
So I hurried on over to the Paradiso, thinking at least I'd get to share the good news with someone. But when I got there the place was packed out, and I actually had to park a couple blocks away. Pretty odd for a weekday.
Then as soon as I walked in the door, everyone shouted, “Happy birthday!” As it turned out, almost everyone I knew was there, including my parents, and even Josh had made a special trip down. It was totally cool. So I had not only the greatest birthday party ever, but a real celebration over our music as well. What a day!
Monday, March 7
(HANGING IN THE BALANCE)
I know I should be flying high right now, but there's a fly in the ointment (as my Grandma Brown would say). Hopefully, it'll fly away before it's too late for Redemption. But for the time being, meaning today, Krs. Kitchell is still not “100 percent sure” that Laura should continue in the band. Lately she's been fretting over Laura's “slightly deteriorated grades and the disruption of her upcoming graduation plans.”
“I just feel that all this music nonsense is ruining Laura's senior year,” Krs. Kitchell said yesterday as Laura and I hung out in their kitchen, attempting to persuade this woman to understand our perspective.
Of course, I wanted to tell Laura's mother that our music is MOT nonsense, and that God has given us a gift that we are trying to use wisely. But instead, I let Laura plead her case, which she did and rather eloquently too. Still, her mother was not convinced.
“Have you prayed about it, Krs. Kitchell?” I finally asked.
“Of course,” she assured me. “I am seeking God's will for my daughter's future.”
I just nodded, but I wanted to say, “What about your daughter seeking God's will for her own life?”
I mean, how is it that parents can actually seek God's will for their nearly grown children's lives? Isn't that something that every individual must discover for herself? Oh, I know that we need counsel and guidance. But it seems to me that we must ultimately learn to uncover God's will individually. And I think that's what we've been trying to do—all of us—Allie, Laura, and me. Sure, we've made some mistakes along the way. Who hasn't? But I do think we're on track now. And more than ever, I believe God is leading us into something bigger than we can begin to imagine.
Before I left, I almost said to Mrs. Mitchell, ooMaybe there are things more important than planning what dress you're going to wear to your graduation…' It's probably wise that I didn't. And, okay, maybe I'd feel differently if it were my own graduation, but I doubt it. It seems to me that Laura's mom is getting caught up in the little things and not even seeing the bigger picture here. I could tell that Laura was close to tears when I left. She thinks this is all her fault.
O'Don't worry,” I told her. “Remember what God's Word says about it. Let's just keep praying.”
And in an attempt to heed my own advice (actually God's), I prayed as I drove home. I prayed that God's will happens in our lives. And now I'll simply have to trust Him to do it.
TRUSTING PLACE
a place of trust
i choose to live
where it's a must
to forgive
a place of trust
i will remain
despite my fear
despite my pain
a place of trust
where i can rest
rely on Him
who knows me best
a place of trust
the only place
where i can see
my Father's face
cm
Discussion Questions
Ghloe is uncomfortable signing autographs for fans. Why do you think she feels this way? How would it make you feel if you were in her shoes?
Laura has a hard time adjusting to the concert tour. Was there something she might have done early on to avoid some of her later problems?
While on the road, Ghloe begins to feel compassion for the homeless. What do you do if someone sp'anges you? How do you
feel about street people?
Ghloe has mixed feelings for Cesar. Do you think she was right to break things off with him? Why or why not?
How did you feel when you discovered that Laura was sneaking Allie's Ritalin? Did this make you think less of her? i'eel sorry for her? What?
Chloe suspects Laura is taking Allie's pills, but Laura denies it when Chloe confronts her. What should Chloe have done at that point? What would you do if you thought a close friend had a drug problem?
Somehow Chloe always manages to keep her creativity flowing. How do you think she does this? What makes you feel creative?
Chloe begins to experience a crush on Jeremy Baxter. Do you think she should let him know how she feels? Why or why not?
Do you think the band handles it right when Laura confesses her drug problem? Should she have experienced more consequences?
With all the ups and downs that Chloe experiences, what keeps her from falling apart? What keeps you centered when everything's breaking loose in your life?
Diary of a Teenage Girl Series
DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL Caitlin book one
Follow sixteen-year-old Caitlin O'Conner as she makes her way through life— surviving a challenging home life, school pressures, an identity crisis, and the uncertainties of “true love.” You'll cry with Caitlin as she experiences heartache, and cheer for her as she encounters a new reality in her life: God. See how rejection by one group can—incredibly—sometimes lead you to discover who you really are.
IT'S MY LIFE Caitlin book two
Caitlin faces new trials as she strives to maintain the recent commitments she's made to God. Torn between new spiritual directions and loyalty to Beanie, her pregnant best friend, Caitlin searches out her personal values on friendship, dating, life goals, and family.
Road Trip Page 17