And then there's me. To be totally candid, in the privacy of these pages, I'ra still a little dreamy over Jeremy (although I will admit this to no one!), and I suppose I've gotten even worse since being away from him. You know what they say about absence and the heart… I suppose it's true. And it's a bit ironic since I'd been feeling a little like that about Cesar while we were on the road. But now that I see him every day, my heart has calmed down. A good thing too, as it turns out, since he's still “kissing dating good-bye.”
Actually, I admire how he's sticking to his commitment, l'or him it seems to work. And I'm not entirely sure that I shouldn't adopt the same philosophy. Although I want my convictions to come from God, not just my interest in some passing fad. ibr the moment, itfs rather a nonissue for me. Well, until I think about Jeremy, that is. Oh, be still, my fickle heart!
But back to the dance thing. It was amazing how quickly word got out about our joint stag date, and now several others, including Cesar, have asked if they can join in. So it looks as if there's a whole bunch of us going stag, but together. And I think it'll be fun. We just plan to hang out, eat junk food, and have a good time. Okay, I must admit to being a little disappointed when Tiffany announced that she wanted to join us too. How could I say no? I mean, what would Jesus do? Still, I feel like it'll take some of the fun out, and I know that's wrong. I know I need to love her, but the truth is: I just wish she'd find another stinking friend!
Sometimes I think that Tiffany Knight must be “my cross to bear.” And I imagine myself dragging this opinionated, Tommy Hilfiger wearing, preppy girl throughout my life like a big old cross. Then I think that God must be sitting up there just laughing, thinking how much fun it is to mess with me like this. Naturally, He's only doing it for my own good—although it beats me how hanging with Tiffany can do me much good when it actually makes me want to cuss sometimes. (Something I thought I had conquered long ago.)
Still, I do think I've been doing a little better at loving her. Well, mostly. To be completely honest, I've found her to be especially aggravating lately since she keeps insisting that she's a Christian just because she's been going to her parents' church again. But when I asked her if she'd really given her heart to God, she got the blankest expression, like she didn't have a clue as to what I meant. Oh, well. Maybe in time.
On another note, we've been having lots of great band practices lately. Ibrtunately, Laura is still allowed to practice with us, although her mother has made it perfectly clear that she's having second and third and fourth thoughts about letting Laura go back on tour after our break. I try not to think about that too much. Instead, I just pray and pray and pray. Laura thinks it will all work out in the end. Her faith has really grown lately.
Still, I try to think positively, and I've been introducing some new songs these last couple of weeks. Some of them sound pretty cool. The encouraging thing is that all three of us are 100 percent committed to our music right now. And we all know that most of our spare time should go into some pretty serious practices, especially since we remain under contract.
Just the same, we try to carve out time for our “high school experience” too. Willy has really encouraged us in this area.
'You'll have more to sing about and minister from if you're living a life like the kids who listen to you perform,” he told us just last week. “If you allow yourselves to become hermits and do nothing but music, you might lose your edge in really touching hearts.”
I think that must be true. So we've made it a priority to go to ball games and dances and youth group and regular stuff. Just being your typical high school kids—whatever that is. And it's actually been pretty fun. It's surprising how much more you appreciate these everyday activities when you've been away for a while.
GOOD LIFE
life's about taking a chance
try to sing and learn to dance
laugh it up with happy friends
when you bicker make amends
thank the Lord for each new day
see what sparkles on the way
celebrate—it's great to live
feel the joy when you can give
help someone who's feeling down
don't be afraid to play the clown
find new ways to show real love
so your friends will look above
to the One who loves us so
live and laugh and love and grow
cm
Twenty-Six
Sunday, January 16
We had a blast at the dance. Even having Tiffany along wasn't so bad, although her dress was a little over the top. At least for our motley group. Allie and Laura and I wore retro outfits that we've used for concerts, lio big deal. And Karissa sort of followed suit, although her look was more on the dark side with her black fishnets and thigh-high boots. But Tiffany wore a dress that looked like something from the red carpet at the Academy Awards. I was surprised she hadn't gotten herself a wrist corsage to complete the look. But just the same, we tried to be kind. Well, except for Karissa.
“What's with you, Tiff?” Karissa used her derogatory tone. “Looks like you wanna be prom queen or something.”
“My mom picked it out,” said Tiffany quickly.
“It's pretty,” I tried, although I'm sure I sounded lame.
“Pretty weird,” Karissa said with a quick roll of her eyes.
But it wasn't long before we forgot about clothes and just enjoyed laughing and talking and dancing with everyone in our group. We even had a group photo taken that I plan to hang in our tour bus when we hit the road again. That is, we hit the road. On our way home from the dance, Laura told me that her mom plans to call Omega next week and discuss “Laura's contractual obligations.”
“I didn't want to tell you until after the dance,” she said as I dropped her off at home.
'Thanks,”I said halfheartedly.
“What does that mean?” asked Allie, the only other one left in the van by then. “Is your mom really pulling the plug?”
“I don't know. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she just closes up. Even my dad is frustrated.”
“I don't see why parents should have such a big say in this,” said Allie. “I mean, it's our lives and we're the ones doing the work.”
'But we're not adults,” I reminded her. “Besides, remember what Pastor Tony said about how God puts leaders in our lives so that He can guide us through them?”
“But it's confusing,” said Laura. “Like who am I supposed to listen to when my parents don't agree on this? My dad's not totally okay with me going back on tour, but he's mostly supportive. Then at the same time, my mom's mostly opposed.”
“That's tough,” I told her. “My parents were kind of divided last spring. My mom thought Omega would take unfair advantage of us, while my dad just thought it was a great opportunity. But she's pretty much come around.”
“Guess I should be glad that my dad's so checked out,” said Allie. “Sometimes it's easier having just one parent.”
“Well, we'll just have to really pray for your mom,” I told Laura.
“Would it help for Willy to be involved in that conversation?” asked Allie hopefully. “He^ a good mediator.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Laura opened the door. “I'll give him a call and let him know what's up.”
So we've all been praying for Laura's mom the last couple days. And we'll keep on praying throughout the week. I just wish there was something more we could do to convince her that Laura will be okay now. Of course, even as I write this, I realize that I might be praying selfishly. I mean, how can I guarantee that Laura won't have a problem as a result of our touring? Only God knows that for sure. So I must pray for His will—not mine. That's not going to be easy to do.
YOUR WILL
i admit i want things my way
and i think i know what's right
but My vision can get blurry
and ray daytime could be night
i don't always know Your will, Lo
rd,
or the way You'd have me go
. i get tricked and i can stumble
many times i just don't know
so before i throw a tantrum
kick and scream, demand my way
i must come and bow before You
wait and listen as i pray
You alone know how to lead me
You alone know what is best
Your will alone is what i long for
it's in Your will that i can rest
amen
Tuesday, February 1
(WILD AND AMAZING TIKES)
It seems like Laura's mora has jerked us around, back and forth, for nearly two weeks now. I feel like a Ping-Pong ball or maybe it's a yo-yo with all the ups and downs. Laura's mora did call Omega, as threatened. But according to Laura, the conversation seemed to go surprisingly well. And Mrs. Mitchell seemed completely reassured that everything was going to be okay and Laura would be allowed to tour again. I'ra sure we all breathed a collective sigh of relief as we thanked God for answering our prayers.
Then just a few days later, Laura's sister Christine was hospitalized for a metharaphetamine overdose. Naturally, this sent Mrs. Mitchell into a complete tailspin. And who could really blame her? They thought Christine was going to die, and everyone was extremely upset. We had our whole church praying for her around the clock, and I barely slept the first couple of nights, I was praying so hard. But it was during this time that Laura's mom changed her mind. She decided that Laura would most definitely not be going back on the concert tour. She even called Omega and told them the sad news. It was a pretty dark hour for all of us. But at the time we were so focused on Christine and praying for her recovery that thoughts of Redemption and touring were pretty removed from our minds.
But finally after five long days, Christine miraculously pulled through and the doctors expect her to make it. Even more amazing was the change of her heart. Laura said that the whole thing was like a spiritual awakening for her sister. And Christine said she had seen heaven and come back for a second chance. Naturally, we're all crediting God and thanking Him for this incredible miracle. God is so amazing!
Of course, the Mitchells gladly welcomed their prodigal daughter back into their home to recuperate. Laura spent a lot of time sharing and praying with her older sister. She even invited Christine to a couple of our practices, and we all thought she was doing great. It was during this time that Krs. Mitchell changed her mind again, saying that Laura could tour after all.
Then just a few days ago, Christine went missing, and the Mitchells totally freaked. Everyone looked all over town for her, but no one could find her. Naturally, Laura's mom had second thoughts about letting Laura go on tour again. But in defense of Krs. Mitchell, she did apologize to all three of us yesterday when she invited us over to talk.
“I'm sure you girls must think I'm crazy,” she said as she was literally wringing her hands. “But I feel it's a parent's responsibility to protect her children.”
I nodded. “I can understand that.”
“Thanks, Chloe. And your dad has told me a little about your situation with your older brother, so I'm sure you can understand how pdifficult this is.”
“Yeah. Believe it or not, I really worry about Caleb too. But I'm trying to spend more of my energy praying for him now. Going to those Al-Anon classes has helped me to see there's nothing I can do to stop him from using. I can only pray for him and love him. But he's the one who has to want to change.”
Mrs. Mitchell seemed to consider this. “Yes, I'm sure you're right. But it's so hard to just stand by and watch your own children throwing their lives away.”
Laura sat up straighter. “Mom, I know I did something really, really stupid while we were touring last fall. But you know that I don't want to live like that. I hate the way I felt while I was taking those stupid pills, and I graduate from my rehab next week. I honestly don't think I'll ever make that mistake again.”
“But how can you know?” said Mrs. Mitchell. “Look at your sister.”
“I'm not my sister,” Laura said with clenched fists. “I hate what Christine is doing to her life. Just watching her is enough to make me never want to mess with anything like that again. Can't you see that?”
“I can see that right now,” said her mother. “But what about when you're on the road? Days and weeks go by and I don't see you. How am I supposed to—?” She started to cry now.
“But we see her, Mrs. Mitchell,” I said. “And now that we know what happened and since Allie and I have been involved in Al-Anon, I think we know what to look for.”
“That's true,” agreed Allie. “And my mom and Willy and even Rosy know what's going on too. They'll all be watching more carefully.”
Laura nodded eagerly. “It's true, Mom. Even if I wanted to—and I don't—I couldn't get away with anything like that again.”
Mrs. Mitchell wiped her eyes. “I'm sure what you're saying makes sense' baby. And maybe I'll see things differently once we find out what's going on with Christine. In the meantime, I guess you'll just have to be patient with me.”
Now I stood up and walked over to where Mrs. Mitchell was sitting on the couch. And in a bold move that still surprises me, I asked if we could pray for her.
She blinked, then smiled. “Well, of course, if you really want to.”
And all three of us stood up and put our hands on Mrs. Mitchell's shoulders, just the same as we've done when we've prayed for each other over a particularly challenging burden. Then we prayed that God would comfort her and give her peace and help her to trust Him with the outcome of not only Christine's, but also James's and Laura's lives.
“And please, God,” continued Laura. “Help my mother to see that I am not like my sister, that my choices are based on my commitment to You, and that is a commitment I have vowed to keep.”
We all said amen, and Laura's mother wiped her eyes again. She didn't make any promises. And I suspect it's just as well since I don't think she knows exactly how she feels about all this yet. I do know that we're all praying for Christine.
And I must admit that all Christine has been through—and put us through—is a reminder that my own brother could be in just as much trouble too. I don't understand why people would willingly get themselves into something like this. Then I remember what happened with Laura, and I realize that drugs can be very sneaky. I suspect that Satan uses every trick in the book to get people hooked. And then I just feel madl
KICK HIM, GOD
zap him, pound him, beat him down
nail the devil, make him drown
in his lies and in his hate
make him taste his fiery fate
kick him hard and grind him fast
give him pain and make it last
tie his hands and bind his feet
hold his behind to the heat
he's a thief and cheating liar
throw him in the pit of fire
that is what he has in store
silence him forevermore
cm
Sunday, February 6
(ENCOURAGING WORDS)
Christine finally returned home yesterday. “Totally burnt and wasted,” according to Laura. She also said that her sister broke down and cried, confessing to her parents that she'd “fallen off the bandwagon” when she stopped by to “say hey” to a couple of her drug friends. Big surprise there. Of course, Laura also said that this wasn't terribly unusual with hard drug addicts.
“Still, it's sad,” I said over the phone this afternoon.
“But without serious rehabilitation, she'll never be able to stay clean for long,” said Laura. “At least that's what I've learned in my rehab class.” She laughed, but there were tones of sadness in it. “Itfs so ironic that I'm the one in rehab.”
“Did you tell Christine she needs rehab?”
“I've told both her and my parents. And I even offered to take her in and sign up. I'd even go to the classes with her if it would help.”
“What'd she say?”
“At first she didn't think she needed it. But this time Christine said she thinks she might be ready for this.”
“Really? Well, that's good.”
“Yeah. But I tried to make it really clear to my parents that it would be up to Christine to make her recovery work. I mean, I can take her to meetings and everything, and we can all encourage her, but she's got to want it for herself. I sure don't want my parents blaming me if it doesn't work out.”
“Yeah, but they wouldn't do that.”
“Probably not. But you know how my morn's been so wishy-washy about me going back on tour lately. I just wanted to lay all my cards on the table.”
I thought for a moment. I wanted to say some-. thing encouraging, but I knew I needed to get it right. “You know, Laura,” I began slowly. “You've been handling everything incredibly well. I'm proud of you.”
“Huh?”
“I mean about the pills and everything. I just think you must be making God feel proud too.”
There was a brief pause, then in a quiet voice she said, “You really think so?”
“Yeah! I do. I think you're pretty amazing.”
She sighed. “Thanks, Ghloe. You know sometimes, like in the middle of the night, I still beat myself up over that whole thing. I think how incredibly stupid I was, and like why did I do something so senseless, and if only I could do it all over again. You know, creepy stuff like that.”
“You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Laura. I mean, I realize it was a pretty big mistake and everything, but God has really used it in your life and for others too. And I happen to think you're a much better person now than you were before.”
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